I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!
Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.
Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.
Achilles injury? Uh-oh, I was just hoping for a charlie, um, donkey?
Really would have preferred it to have happened to Tyreek Hill.
I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that blade runner wasn’t that good a film, and it’s only getting a reboot from nostalgia.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/4e/4e46516eeff9c82af86a6e1932c2dc7c15c00dae5b767128380139cc25652f08.jpg
I’ve seen it twice, I just don’t get it.
I won’t claim to have the best taste movies, but sheesh.
I just mentally catorgize it like the Baywatch film: it’s just something from the past that was never that good, but nostalgia means classic!
I’m a fan of it, admittedly, but it was probably the first “cyberpunk” film, and in ’82 it was a real breath of fresh air.
My business partner is fleeing hurricane Irma and every hotel in Georgia is booked. This is a pain in the ass.
Anybody in Gainesville/Valdosta/Jacksonville that can help me out?
Tim Tebow?
Is the partner circumcised?
I’ll check. I know that’s a deal-breaker for Jesbow.
A miracle would be AWESOME. He has his Mom who just had a knee replacement, his baby, and his dog.
Sorry my sis and bro in law haven’t lived in Valdosta in 4 years
That new Star Wars film looks weird
I am fully okay with charlie as a bears fan
The glue sniffing fits.
He fits right in with the limited cognitive capacity of my people.
Eric Berry out. Gee, that wouldn’t change matters much…
We need to do an edition of Better Know the DFO Pantheon for the Turf Monster.
Either that or he has to show up in HRTN
I haven’t seen the Patriots take this much abuse from a khunt since Benedict Arnold’s wife demanded a better lifestyle!
fuck
You been takin’ same cold meds as blax, ain’t ya? Funny bastard.
Kuntar?
“Looks like a good slate on Sunday!”
::skips mentioning the Jets/Bills game::
Hey, you have to love the classic battle of the unnoticeable force and the immaterial object
The only use of that game is for gambling purposes. The Jets are +10. Pretty good bet considering that game is going to end 2-0.
DREAMBOAT SACK FINISH YOUR DRINKS
Finished all mines already. Could finish mah pill bottle, but wud prolly die
Mahomes would have 5 TDs if he got to play.
I first read that as Mahones would have STD’s.
This just doesn’t feel right enjoying this game with out
Hillary ClintonOttoman hereOh, what happened in that election?
A Bill Otto of Missouri lost his election.
Aww…
yeah screw Ann Wagner!
I’m programming a surplus Predator drone to airstrike the next person to say “Hunt for Red September.” When Chris Berman dies tomorrow, you’ll know who to thank.
Very under appreciated book
https://www.amazon.com/Kill-Decision-Daniel-Suarez/dp/0451417704
(withdrawn by author)
Ooh, that’s…damn
It’s actually a pretty big developing story here in CT. Lot of investigation about where and how much she was drinking before the accident. I have a feeling it’s going to get a lot uglier.
I don’t understand. Donald Trump told Belichek that all you have to do is just reach out and grab a Khunt.
The Giants lost their opener after winning a SB, MAY THE PATS BE THE SAME
With all these KHunt jokes, I’m thinking we’re gonna get a lot of Scottish and Irish readers.
Remember KC beating the tar out of NE, insulting NE to win another super bowl?
I hate the fact I remember
Pepperidge Farm remembers
/Trent Green says he’d like a cookie
Collinsworth sounds so disappointed with the TD.
Lice?
I haven’t seen a Khunt stay this composed while taking a beating since Holly Hendrix on HardX.
KHuntdown! Again!
That KHunt has shined brighter than a diamond tonight!
He broke the pylon. According to Stabby a few years ago, TD
Do. Not. Want.
Hell yeah boys!!
Scored that TD by a Khunt hair!
Best pun!
How does a Super Bowl winning team let Alex Fucking Smith put up 350+ yards and 4 touchdowns on them?
IT’S PRETTY GREAT THOUGH
“Why it’s almost as if when the Patriot offense doesn’t score more than 35 points, Matt Patricia seems like a mediocre or even subpar defensive coordinator.”
Michaels and Collinsworth will absolutely not let us forget how mediocre the Chiefs were last year.
wait, were they NOT a playoff team?
http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/ljadndexclqdpyfvwfvs.gif
Oh, I think Andy Reid took a lot from watching the Super Bowl. A tub of wings, some chicken, all the leftover pizza….
NO WING LEFT BEHIND!
Brady’s jersey.
Oh no wait, that was the South American fella.
That crowd shot really shows why we hate the patriots fans so much:
You’re trailing by a literal fucking point in the 4th, and you’re sitting on your hands?
Puns aside, what the fuck are you worried about?
What do you expect from a fan base that has a fucking chip on its shoulder after winning FIVE FUCKING SUPER BOWLS?
WE NEVAH GET ANY BREAKS! NOBAHDY KNOWS OW-AH SUFFAHIN!
How the fuck you boys (and Dok) doin’?
Legally incapable of driving, but totally capable of yelling!
Hunt reminds me of Lynch
I’m sorry, was that a Whitey Bulger joke only about 6 years late?
I want to force feed strawberries to Brady.
One point. These whiny goddamn bitches.
Trent Dilfer had 5 300-yd games? That’s about 4 more than I expected. (One was fluky.)
1000 comments! Well done motherlovers!
grumblegrumbleI’mbusyrightnowgrumbleI’l”love”yourmotherlatergrumble.
Are we closing in on a record? What is the record?
Surfin’ Bird
DAMN YOU GAME I WANT TO SLEEP AND I KNOW YOU WILL ULTIMATELY DISAPPOINT ME
Oh I am so in that same boat. It’s like the Titanic if the Carpathian sank too.
I haven’t seen someone so disappointed by game since they made the mistake of talking to Neil Strauss at a bar.
Are the Patriots going to LOSE? I don’t think I can handle seeing the Chiefs winning yet another damned game they have no business winning.
Yes but Brady will be sad.
Oh what do I care they will lose their first game in the playoffs anyway.
Where’s Martyball when you need him.
Well they’re not going to go 0-16, man.
You know this game’s a work because Hogan can’t get a call.
*Note to self: Idea for punk rock band name: The Known Concussions.
With their limitations at WR maybe the Patriots can bring back Aaron Hernandez, now that’s been declared innocent and all.
Already been picked up off the wire by Oakland.
Or the Bungles.
Honorable Mention: Ravens
He’s been pretty cold as of late.
New England scouts praise his disciplined route running and his “cold, dead hands.”
Although he makes far too many dead ball penalties.
Amendola’s been zonked since the 2nd quarter. I’m surprised he lasted this long tonight.
“‘Partly to honor his friend Julian Edelman’ who died storming Normandy, I guess?”
Scrappy white receivers like to honor scrappy white receivers by staying in the game for every snap.
Because they are scrappy, you see.
Amendola has a concussion in his collar bone
“Delay of Game? I’M BACK, BABY!”
-Andy Reid
Just got here.
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS!
Equal parts antsy and crunk. You?
It’s closing in on midnight East Coast time, and we’re all drunk and sleepy.
WCS is getting drunk, Lil’ WCS is definitely sleepy. Got to keep awake as long as I can, because WCS is gonna be hungover tomorrow.
DRUNK AND SLe….wha?! I’m up, I’m up!
Of course.