Your “Gimmee More” Late Afternoon Football Open Thread

[sucks Dorito dust off fingers, wipes half-eaten wings from front of shirt] Damn that was exciting stuff wasn’t it? So much balling of foots! But wait! Don’t get up. If you stay put on the couch in your torn (“But they’re comfy.”) pyjama bottoms there’s more to come. So don’t act now! TO THE GAMES!

Colts/Rams: Finally out from under the mustache of mediocrity that was HC Jeff Fisher, Jared Goff and his 54% completion rate aim to prove he’s not the bustiest young qb in the league. At least in wr Watkins he’s got himself an above-average guy to throw to. In this here passing league it is folly to skimp on the ball catchers the way that the Rams have for the last few years. Playing against Indy and their completely talent-free secondary was a gift from the scheduling gods. Rb Gurley and his 3.2 yards per carry has some explaining to do as well. Were you aware that he doesn’t have a receiving TD in his career? That’s incredible. As for the Colts qb, the bell Tolziens for thee. (Sometimes I can’t control my inner Berman)

Hawks/Pack: How’s this for a week one tilt? Qb Wilson has struggled against a not very imposing Green Bay secondary. He’s thrown 8 TD’s against 10 interceptions in his last three games against them. The coaching staff has been super impressed with rook rb Chris Carson and are confident that if Rawls and Lacy falter he can step in. Former Jets grumbler Sheldon Richardson looks to wreck another locker room over in Seattle. He joins a squad that had the number one ranked run D last year. So Rodgers is going to have to pass-look for him to pick on rook cb Shaquill Griffin what with Sherman being on the other side. Or perhaps because he’s finally got a tight end that can catch he’ll send some action over Martellus Bennett’s way. Seattle has had trouble defending that position in the past so the Black Unicorn may feast.

Cats/Niners: Reports indicate that the surgically-repaired shoulder of Cam Newton will play but many eyes will be on the dynamic speedster that is Christian McCaffrey. If the coaching staff follows through on what they’ve tinkered with in camp, look for the rook rb to be all over the field, including under center. If he’s successful look for the phrase “WildCaff Offense” to blow up in your face. Oof. Should he be something near what he looks like so far, McCaffrey will at the very least create a little more space for the likes of te Olsen and wr Benjamin and that’s not a bad thing. Them Niners have won six straight opening day affairs and if journeyman qb Brian Hoyer has any say in the matter, the streak ends today. No stranger to streaks himself, Hoyer is 4 for 4 in that he’s started for four different teams over the last four years. He and Mike Glennon should have a chat about being glaringly obvious rentals.

 

Whoop-de-damn-do! Do your thing folks.

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Wakezilla

At least 2 clips by Packers o-line, zero calls

Doktor Zymm

Backpage promotion : You can fuck as many holes as the Packers D has

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Doktor Zymm

SO MANY QUESTION MARKS!

herodotus450

I’m crying

Spur

Rodgers “who the fuck was supposed to be holding #52?!”

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Carroll: “Don’t ask me, I’m having enough trouble holding in this #2”

Wakezilla

These refs have done such a good job, as soon as Garvin it Rodgers, I just assumed he was getting a penalty

Beerguyrob

Last name’s not Brady.

Sharkbait

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Patrick Warburton Tick or GTFO.

Redshirt

So, on Thursday Houston and Cincinnati are playing. Probably in the rainy remains of Hurricane Irma.

The Derps will be plenty.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t understand that commercial. I should drink more so I stop trying.

WCS

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Beerguyrob

Move the Raiders there too.

Unsurprised

Raiders fans in L.A. would actually show up.

technodanvan

I think it’s too late for the Red Cross to do anything for the Rams, but it’s nice to see them care.

Shogun Marcus

You’ve made it longer than us natives.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Pace yourself, it’s only game 1. You get too disgruntled too quickly and you’ll have nowhere to go when McCarthy kicks a field goal from the 1 yard line.

Unsurprised

Hey PirateSloth, it seems that I just missed you at the Brewers Fest in July.

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Beerguyrob

New toupee for Dom Capers. Same defense though.

Doktor Zymm

The teams with the “modern” uniforms, i.e. Seahawks with the neon, and Buccs with the digital clocks, it’s all just a flying leap into the 1980s. Ten years from now we’ll get a team with flannel pants cause they’ll just be getting to grunge.

Unsurprised

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Sharkbait

This demand for seats is why LA needed 2 teams.

King Hippo

and u can see y the Shitty Clippers think they can get $200 minimum per

herodotus450

They should play both games at the same time, then they might get up to 40% capacity

Sharkbait

I like angry Pete Carroll.

Doktor Zymm

He’s only angry because his adult diaper is leaking

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Loose stools can’t melt leaky diapers

Doktor Zymm

I wish I could like that twice

Dick E. Phuck

Todd Gurley is so awesome. Too bad he’s on a team owned by Satan.

Brocky

Shoot packers fans

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WCS

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Sharkbait

WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shogun Marcus

I see your point and it’s merit, but go…

blaxabbath

James from Phoenix: “If Palmer needs this much rest where he can’t play preseason, can’t practice half the time during the week, then we need to get Gabbert in there.” Goes on to talk about how this seems to make the offense seem unprepared.

Hosts are like, “Well, I’m sure we’ll get a lot of calls about this but, you know, Palmer has thrown to these WRs for years. Big picture, we need better play from the whole team. Sure, Palmer didn’t throw well but 55 rushing yards is no good.”

DO YOU THINK PALMER’S SHITTY PASSING IS PART OF THE REASON DETROIT WAS ABLE TO PACK THE BOX TO STUFF THE RUN????

King Hippo

GET ME THE FLOW!!

Doktor Zymm

“We need to get Gabbert in there” is a thing someone said ever!?

Unsurprised

Well, it’s not like there’s a Super Bowl-level QB just sitting by the phone.

Doktor Zymm

I may root for a team with a racist name and a huge history of racism, but I’m moving to a place with a team that’s racist way more recently. So yeah, I’ll either become a Raiders fan, or be the only Redacteds fan on the West Coast.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know anything about Doyle, but he just sounds like a member of the Boston Mob

WCS

He’s best buddies with Sully and Mikey.

King Hippo

you ain’t seen nuttin

herodotus450

Doyle Rules!

Beerguyrob

Welp, Avril down;?no more Houses for Haiti.

King Hippo

grumble grumble BOOTSTRAPS

Redshirt

Live Game Report: Cincinnati-Baltimore

Whole. Eee. Shyte.

Half of Dalton’s derps was his fault, but in his defense, his line was not giving him any time so he was in fear for his life. If this line doesn’t improve, he won’t survive the year.

Highlight of Day: Near the end of the Raven’s 3rd Qtr. 9 1/2 minute hike down the field, Dre Kirkpatrick celebrated a deflected pass like he won the Super Bowl. By them the fans have turned against the home crowd big time so people were booing him for celebrating doing his job while his team is down 17-0. When the Bengals stopped the Ravens on 3rd Down, Kirkpatrick made the mistake of turning around and trying to get the fans to cheer loudly. Everyone in Sections 126-130 responded by telling him to shut up and go to the sidelines.

ThePirateSloth

Jon Ryan – MVP of the season. I’m calling it now.

King Hippo

New Year, Same Tomsulas

Brocky

Fuck the packers

Dick E. Phuck

Cooper “Two Girls One” Kupp

Doktor Zymm

Just switched channels, which Ram is dead?

blaxabbath

Second caller is ripping on Richard so now the hosts are all bonding with him because they’re like, “Yeah, we do a great job!” and Bill in Scottsdale is like, “You sure are.”

I can almost see Hillary standing by her Goldman Sachs Radio holding up her arms like, “Come on!”

Doktor Zymm

Scottsdale? Pfft.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard if you spend too much time in Scottsdale you turn into Cindy McCain.

...

Not sure if it’s watching two teams I hate play each other but I’m grumpy now.

Spur

When did Green Bay get cheerleaders?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should call them “cheeseleaders”.

Doktor Zymm

I am on board with this

the Alpha and the Amoeba

The team doesn’t have official cheerleaders, but we occasionally borrow the ones from UW-Green Bay

blaxabbath

First caller to the Cards postgame show is ripping the cards media. He’s sick of broadcasters covering Palmer and trying to make up excuses for CP3, including blaming receivers when Arians said is was on Palmer. He said we should demand new broadcasters who will tell it like it is, calling out the media members by name for their coverage.

He stopped short of #FakeNews but he’s got the hosts pissed. I love Richard from Mesa so much.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus I can see his red MAGA hat from here.

blaxabbath

He has a valid point but, man, it’s the Cards flagship. You think they’ll ever admit that they’re basically just water carriers for the Bidwills?

Doktor Zymm

This is why you shouldn’t name your team after BABY horses. They are not strong yet.

Brocky

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Spur

The Mighty Kuntar

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Huh?”

– Kareem Hunt

Dick E. Phuck

I think I have a stronger arm than Goff. This guy makes Sam Bradford look like Hercules.

Spur

How do I feed the wolf that lives inside me?

Sharkbait

Cocaine?

King Hippo

an answer for all seasons!

Doktor Zymm

Eat a burger?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[nods sagely]

– Rob Ryan

Spur

Oh, Bennett, don’t taunt there. That might be a flag from the Green Bay refs

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen a Bennett regret taunting someone so much since Commando.

https://giphy.com/gifs/arnold-schwarzenegger-commando-vernon-wells-95BxEZeaMmyL6

litre_cola

This made my internetting day

Dick E. Phuck

I’m not gonna shoot you between the eyes. I’m gonna shoot you between the balls!

ThePirateSloth

http://i.imgur.com/d9T1xJm.gif

GET A GOD DAMN FIRST DOWN SEAHAWKS

Doktor Zymm

Forget Hard Knocks, I want to watch an updated Odd Couple where it’s Tom Coughlin and Pete Carroll as roomates.

litre_cola

May I cast Rob Ryan as the kooky neighboUr please?

King Hippo

“I can babysit!” – Marc Trestman

the Alpha and the Amoeba

And Nick Saban is the weird neighbor who keeps dropping by.

Doktor Zymm

Why not both?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yo

litre_cola

HAI

Brocky

Great strategy by green bay: get the right corner ejected, then throw a bunch of passes on that side of the field

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I wish we had that kind of power. It would make things much easier.

make it snow

Donald Trump’s America’s Game of the Week

litre_cola

what happened to your avatar?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A football hit him in the testicles.

Sharkbait

I would pay good money to see that happen to Donald Trump.

make it snow

I have absolutely no idea.

King Hippo

so far, my decision to buy Gurley instead of Howard as my 2nd RB seems wise.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
...

After seeing/hearing the 100th commercial/billboard about the county beverage tax, I hate every single person involved both pro and against it.

litre_cola

RAAAAMMMITTT

King Hippo

RAMIT!! on O, RAMIT!! on D. All day, all night. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAMIT!!!!

litre_cola

Basketball player, basketball player, basketball player.

Hoping he appears.

King Hippo

is Baby Buster reasonably OK now? Or is this just Humps humpin?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In all honesty he looked pretty good against the Raiders in preseason. I know, I know, but Carr was shit as a rookie too and he turned things around.

WCS

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DontHair

Hot ham water is Mike McCarthys safe word in the bedroom

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fatckle for loss!