Boy howdy has this been a day. I bid a very warm welcome to the new commenters that have done some quality yakking on this here blog earlier today. Strong start, fellas. Keep up with the funny. Me? I spent the majority of the day ignoring my family’s wants and needs. They’ve come to expect that beginning (continuing?) in the fall just as the leaves turn. We’ve come to a nice arrangement. The games themselves today were equal parts extraordinary physical displays and mind-bending mental errors. Thankfully I’m equally entertained by both. This football fan did not go hungry. Well, the last tilt of the day is before us. Shall we? TO THE GAME!
The Mighty Giants/Dall-ass: Difference-maker Old Dirty Beckham is a game timer but I sure hope he limps on to the field if only to serve as a distraction for the Cowboys D. His presence alone will make things easier for the Giants. If he’s not there using up the double team then Dallas can free up another defender to attack the basically immobile Eli. That wouldn’t be good. DAK!, Dez and Zeke ran roughshod over everyone else in the league but managed to put up only 26 points against the G-men last year. That said, both games were easily winnable last year. Dallas has lost some guys in the secondary while New York has upgraded at rb, te and wr. I hope that’ll be enough to squeeze out what will no doubt be a tight affair. I’ll say 21-17 Giants. Oh, and Eli will definitely throw an interception. Book it.
Damn. I had all kinds of fun today-let’s keep that ball rolling. LET’S DO THIS!!!
Does Witten have the chicken pox? Or is that shingles? Or arm herpes?
I swear my dog just likes to randomly do shit to mess with my head. He just jumped up grabbed the dish towel brought it across the living room, dropped it, then jumped on the couch and laid down.
So, your dog is actually a cat.
Zeke sexually assaults women and fans support it.
It’s not sexual assault, just regular assault. Still totally not cool though.
Accused of assault, accused.
Walks like a duck, talks like a duck, grabs women like he’s the leader of the “free” world…its a sexual assaulting duck.
Yeah but siding against Elliot is equivalent to siding with Roger Goodell; can’t do it.
And it’s not like anyone else in football is innocent/worth acknowledging as anything besides a worthless pile of human garbage who can’t read.
I’m just being a one-note broken record. Some people seem incapable of anything else so I thought let’s try it.
That’s because he stands tall during the national anthem, like a goddamn American!
2nd and 27? NFL BLITZ!
Still not as good as that 3rd-and-93 from last night’s JV ball.
Giants are pretty good at ruining parties.
Stupid Eli
High 3.5!
LMFAO….are you rounding up??????
Bitch Turkey keep he mouth shut nex time, I tell you dat.
That dog is the only family Rodgers talks to…the dog and his life long roommate Russ.
Doing pushups with a toddler on your back is just how fit people simulate being fat.
I DO PUSHUPS WITH A TODDLER ON MY BACK EVERY TIME I DO PUSHUPS AND THAT TODDLER’S NAME IS PIZZA
How’s the game going? Getting distracted mocking idiot racists on Twitter. e.g., 99% of Twitter
leave trump alone he’s been through a lot, apparently, he just realized people hate him.
In my mind canon, that State Farm commercial was like Tallahassee in Zombieland, only instead of kid the dog is really Rodger’s life partner.
Ben McAdoo’s two-minute warning offense is giving his date enough energy to take her learner’s permit test the next morning.
I’m into the good sparkling water. I’m a Pellegrino snob.
Ben McAdoo, when asked if he eats muffins said, “Yeah, but only after Algebra 2 class”
that was a great play call
Alfred Morris is a good guy. I don’t want to see him injured. HOWEVER, he went to the Cowboys, so I don’t want to see him succeed. If he just gets paid a reasonable amount, occasionally goes in and gets some carries with no real hits, and then retires to a happy life of obscurity, I’m good on that.
I’d like to see him become an above-average insurance salesman.
Ben McAdoo’s favorite car: The 1989 Chevy Astro.
He liked the custom “Free Candy & Puppies” painting on the side.
“Let’s not address the domestic violence and just talk about him as a piece of meat. Respectable piece of meat, Al?” “Absolutely.”
Ben McAdoo at age 16 with a wispy mustache was able to successfully sue himself for statutory rape after masturbating.
Six Blitzes? Child, please…
-WW2 Era England
Six Blintzes? Child, please…
-Andy Reid
hehehe
Six blunts? Child, please…
– Josh Gordon
Six Blisters? Child, please…
-Adrian Peterson
Catch a falling star and put him in your pocket, never let him throw a fade…
True on Monday too, if you’re in my zip code
\
Ben McAdoo on OkCupid says his ideal black woman is Rachel Dolezal.
Yeah….that is not how GE works.
There is a reason why in industry, GE is known as “Good Enough”…as in that is their claim every time you have a warranty issue.
Okay, Orville’s over. That may be the only good thing I can say about it.
The Kitty Hawk sessions were touch and go at first.
Hey ya’ll. Spent the day at a local Fans of the Bills party, watching the Bills-Jets game. It was strangely entertaining, in a sad sort of way. You will all be happy to know I ate a lot of shit about the KC game.
you laid eyes on what you have to chase down now. I’m sure you’re shaking in your boots.
Well, Tolbert looked frightening in the 1st quarter.
Eli’s got happy feet.
Go on….
— Rex Ryan
When I grew up, and asked my sweetheart what lay ahead, will we have rainbows, day after day? Here’s what my sweetheart said :
So… can anyone explain OBJ’s blonde jellyfish hairdo?
I can’t, but I bet Buddy Cole’s Uncle Ed could … hilariously!
Ben McAdoo looks like a crappy Gomez Addams cosplayer.
Uncle Ed: “Dak man, he’s one of the good ones.”
*room goes silent*
Uncle Ed: “I’m talking about his QBR, not that, you pricks”
*room is relieved*
Uncle Ed: “It’s hard to believe he has a name like Dakota, though. Not a name the negroes usually like.”
*room is pensive and in crisis*
That reminds me when I found out my grandparents were racist. Ah, memories.
Don’t worry. They’re dead now.
Balls, don’t know if you’re reading this, but my mission last night was successful.
Like very successful.
Like the most successful any one of us had been at that particular kind of mission
This just in: Brocky got some last night!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/03/congrats-sex.gif
Either that, or he’s the worst secret agent in EVAR!!!!!!!!
I’ll be on over sharing withbtheb details
….sort of, the mission was getting a friend some action, if you will.
Threeway?
You filthy Ukrainian!
Well than while you in the Helping Mood, why don’t you help a brother Commentist out?
it’ll all be on oversharing in a bit
I didn’t know E-Trade hired the company that does all of those shitty Anheuser-Busch commercials
Jesus, Air Canada and Visa, Brad Marchand is a piece of shit on the ice. Why on earth are you associating yourself with him?
Sort of answered your own question there, eh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXjl0ffNSa4
This could be Kaep’s advertisment
Please hand the ball to Zeke at least once. Jesus Christ.
Hey cool. The Peacock turns all yellow when there’s bleergh. I never noticed that before.
PRAISE BE
Ben Mcadoo looks like a guy who asks someone out on a date, and tells them they’re coming anyway.
Or the guy who’d burn down your house if you took his stapler.
Al Michaels’ voice reminds me of my awesome Uncle Bill, and Chris Collinsworth’s voice reminds me why my Uncle Ed is on all those pesky lists.
Freaking Florida
“Unfortunately we must issue the following warning: DO NOT SHOOT YOUR GUNS AT THE HURRICANE!!!”
https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/BkDWEfmgy7GdL7SRdRZLHA–/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjt3PTY0MDtoPTQwMC4wOTQwMDcwNTA1Mjg4/https://s.yimg.com/uu/api/res/1.2/3wY3VaYnb7u320A4DoPuSg–/aD01MzI7dz04NTE7c209MTthcHBpZD15dGFjaHlvbg–/http://media.zenfs.com/en-GB/homerun/the_telegraph_258/65c87c0c3df4d7a5be1a09315174a900
DAK! seems like he’s still purty good.
http://i40.servimg.com/u/f40/11/80/76/67/30842510.jpg
Better investment for a 17 year old in Dallas : College, or fake tits?
Tits, male or female.
If you throw in a free carton of condoms with trap doors in with the fake tits, then that’s the winner.
Both. Get tits in Mexico, then go dance and put yourself through college.
Litre’s a good NAFTA planner!
Fake Tits will get through at least 2 divorces to some rich oil tycoons
College. Sanchez is in Chicago
Saw an ad on the Brown Line of all places advertising a $3900 boob job.
Not sure I’d pick the dudes advertising on the L to plump up my tits but still cheaper than college.
Florida or Ohio?
I honestly think it was Arizona.
Man this Cowboys-Giants game reminds of that Paula Cole song, “I Wish the NFC East Would Get Fucked with a Hairbrush”
Orville update: Graphics getting better. Jokes still missing.
I’ll take the bullet for the team. I watched the Bad Andy live today. I’m currently dead inside for the next two days.
Skyline port-mortem.
No, not Skyline. I was going to get Gold Star Chili at Halftime, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I would stay. Also, I was afraid I would’ve thrown it on the field.
Throw it meaning vomit or the passes (I’d say the runs, but Andy Dalton looked like shit hey-ooooooo)
So like everything Seth mcfarlane is a part of:
Honestly not that bad, but still not good
No, this isn’t even average.
Uh he fucking hit Eli right in the dome.
That would be an instantly penalty if it was Brady.
Hands to the head gets called usually.
Kellen Winslow, Jr. knows all about getting caught with hands to the head.
Sack!!!!
Hey look, a war criminal.
Hey now…only according to the Hague…