Boy howdy has this been a day. I bid a very warm welcome to the new commenters that have done some quality yakking on this here blog earlier today. Strong start, fellas. Keep up with the funny. Me? I spent the majority of the day ignoring my family’s wants and needs. They’ve come to expect that beginning (continuing?) in the fall just as the leaves turn. We’ve come to a nice arrangement. The games themselves today were equal parts extraordinary physical displays and mind-bending mental errors. Thankfully I’m equally entertained by both. This football fan did not go hungry. Well, the last tilt of the day is before us. Shall we? TO THE GAME!
The Mighty Giants/Dall-ass: Difference-maker Old Dirty Beckham is a game timer but I sure hope he limps on to the field if only to serve as a distraction for the Cowboys D. His presence alone will make things easier for the Giants. If he’s not there using up the double team then Dallas can free up another defender to attack the basically immobile Eli. That wouldn’t be good. DAK!, Dez and Zeke ran roughshod over everyone else in the league but managed to put up only 26 points against the G-men last year. That said, both games were easily winnable last year. Dallas has lost some guys in the secondary while New York has upgraded at rb, te and wr. I hope that’ll be enough to squeeze out what will no doubt be a tight affair. I’ll say 21-17 Giants. Oh, and Eli will definitely throw an interception. Book it.
Damn. I had all kinds of fun today-let’s keep that ball rolling. LET’S DO THIS!!!
In Witten we Trust
“Coach McAdoo, how do you hope to finish tonight?”
“Behind the dumpters and before the school officers catch me, Pam.”
Oh for FUCK’S SAKE
Eli Manning always looks like he has this thought coursing through his head: “Why does Coach McAdoo have posters of Menudo in his office?”
I see it more as “Do I want a GoGurt or Fruit by the Foot with my juicebox?”
it really is a race for the brain “do I go paedo, or do I go mentally challenged?”
Never realized Aria looks like shes picking her nose.
Yeah I had to watch Pretty Little Liars w/ the GF
Zeke during that run
Who’s the blonde?
Ezekiel Elliott is a power rusher, on the field and in depositions.
“Today’s top story, a large, white “unlimited” word slide out-of-control down a hill causing a chain-reaction accident with a school bus, a van full of nuns and a beer truck. The children and nuns have been sent to local hospitals in serious condition. Sadly, all bottles of beer have been declared a total lost.”
That white sign is gonna get photoshopped in about 10 seconds.
Over/Under on how many days before the move I just start drinking straight out of the bottle (either cause all my glasses are packed, or just cause)
5 minutes
Yes.
1st box hits the floor
Also, yes.
Nationwide is making me miss the good old days when FanDuel commercials ruled
Peyton Manning: [Fucks Brad Paisley in the ass]
“Mak-in-Pais-ley-PeyPey’s-Bitch!”
/no ofence
Oh Paisley oh oh Ommmaha!!
/grabs hat and sees self to the door
Jerrah: “In honor of 9/11 we are having twins run down stairs and jump triumphant through a giant metal flaming pentagon!”
Good luck getting any of your grandkids into an Ivy in the future, ref.
It’s like the Hall of Failed Nations up in here
Guh I can’t take this
worldgame anymore, I’m gonna go lie in my sensory deprivation chamber and listen to some NPR-personality-derived podcasts.I always forget that Jerry Jones is married. I think he probably has too, to be fair.
So does he.
He is FUCKIN’ CRAZY! AND JUST FUCKIN’!
The house after the last series of plays:
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/survivor1.gif
Yes what a healthy, totally non-dysfunctional family the Joneses are.
That is a Stepford Wife if I’ve ever seen one.
Nice aluminum paper sculpture, who made that a 5th grader?
It’s a Ben Mcadoo trap.
This has been skinimax level of softcore hurricane porn on MSNBC all weekend this will kill a shit ton of people next time because folks are going to think that Cat 5 Hurricanes mean nothing.
God willing.
I think the wi-fi symbol is appropriate for Megyn Kelly’s program seeing as how she has a problem connecting with people and constantly seems to be out of touch.
And is why I am able to masturbate at odd hours.
I think NBC didn’t realize that Fox News viewers just wanted a blonde lady to tell them that Santa Clause was white and Megyn Kelly just happened to have been in the chair at the time.
Darkwa Duck! (That’s a good thing)
If you’re ever in trouble just call d double u!
Having a stair-climb for 9/11 is like having a walk for gout.
Or a love-in for syphillis.
Just hope no one collapses
I’m amused that Cleveland’s win % never got above 50 even though the game was tied at two points.
These mouthpieces are just unsettling…
Please tell me Berman isnt doing the late game tomorrow.
SAN DIEGOOOOO SUPERCHARGERS
Did they just change the fight song so ‘LA’ somehow has four syllables?
Um, “Los Angeles” does have four syllables.
/wait, were you setting me up?
Still weirdly doesn’t work with the song. I could only get it to work with a two syllable ‘L’ and a two syllable ‘A’
Elllll, Aaaa, Super Chargers
ALEX SPANOS DOUCHERCODGER
WE HAVE A WINNER
I’ve ruined myself to the point where I order malort shots and don’t make a face when I take them.
I would argue that ordering malort shots while alone would qualify as ruined, no matter what your face does
*extreme Moe Szyslak voice*
Looks like suicide again for me.
You could start a family restaurant! Or eventually marry Marge! Or…what else did Moe do?
Mostly suicide.
And calling garages “car holes.”
That caught on. You read McMansion Hell?
I believe you introduced me to it.
Today in the stands, the person next to me was a very vocal Baltimore Ravens fan. Instead of berating fans, he would cheer his team and playfully tease us Bengals fans and (when the game was close and before Daltons 2nd pick) the Bengals fans would tease him back. There was no arguments. No hatred. Just Ravens fans and Bengals fans coming together to watch our teams play.
That’s what America really is. Hopefully the other stuff will sink to the bottom of the bowl like other old pieces of shit usually do.
That’s the best of fandom. It really is supposed to be fun, which is why even the Cowboys fans here are on my “do not shoot during the revolution” list.
The politics stuff…when moral issues and civil liberties are on the table….really hard not to hate
No America is Bill from Glen Burnie saying, “My ass smells better than Skyline Chili”
Genuinely good story. Here’s another about what America, or, at least Buffalo, really is:
https://twitter.com/AshweeCarter/status/906932645292015616
It’s nice to see jobs are returning to the Rust Belt.
I saw a man and a woman go into a portapotty In front of hundreds of people after Ohio State-Michigan game in the early ’00s. No one screamed moral authority. No one judged them. Everyone looked around, knew what they were doing and decided if they wanted to have sex in a portapotty, good for them.
Sweet fancy chocolate covered Moses! That may be a personal record for lowest number of f-bombs and imagined forcing drivers off I-95 into flaming wrecks for me.
I am now safely ensconced in FOB LemonJello with an ample supply of beer.
How the fuck we doin’ Imaginary Internet Friends?
I somehow discovered a Time Vortex and saw the 1993 Bengals play. I’m surprised Klingler got out of the game alive.
GREAT!
When I move I’m gonna become roughly 1000% more bougie. Could I go into shock from this? Will I just start calling people filthy? Will I suddenly understand the Kaep blackballing thing?
You’re moving to Mar-A-Lago?
As my Uncle Ed said, “That’s a slippery slope, Buddy.”
I wish he didn’t talk about Hines Ward that way……
“What’s this about blackballing?”
– Kim Kardashian
This made me lol
My new hobby: reading the word “binging” to refer to the search engine, not the behavior. Binging beer over the weekend? Well what did you learn about it?
Goddamn, Orleans Darkwa has such a kickass name. Gotta be top 5 for sure.
That was Ray Nagin’s BDSM name.
oh my god
Either someone is cooking some tasty BBQ, or some people are on fire in a failed mugging. If it’s the second one I’m totally gonna feel awful for how good this smells later
Does it smell like maple syrup?
No, that’s only what happens when you roast us Canadians.
Jason Witten’s a lot like Quentin Crisp, he’s been around forever and grown men want to suck him off on Sunday nights.
Banner this man!
Just got called a “Down For the people” white people as an attempted insult. Seems like a good time to get back to the footballs.
So according to the NFL, sexually assaulting a woman (Elliot) is 20% worse than hitting a player on the field (Burfict) and 6 times worse than getting drunk and telling a cop that he hopes he dies (Pacman). It is also not a bad as physically assaulting a woman (Mixon).
Also, according to the fans, physically assaulting a woman and hitting a player on the field is worse than sexually assaulting a woman.
Sadly, according to the courts, sexually assaulting a woman is considered acceptable and no punishment warranted. I blame Trump for this.
The Drumpf Doctrine: GRAB ‘EM BY THE PUSSY
Society’s low value of women preceded Trump by a lot, but Trump allowed them to walk around openly shitty toward women.
It’s basically back to the 80’s, but without the shoulder pads and if you try that shit with me I will stab you in the balls, then the eyes, then the balls again when you aren’t looking because your eyes are bleeding.
Don’t forget “being generally aware” of a crime that could not be proven, which also brouhg a fine and first round draft pick
What was the point of that graphic? I’m slow.
Trent Richardson, everybody!
“I like ducks”
-Trent Green
I like Silicon Valley but I hate the lead and now I’m just happy I have ATT because of his dumb Verizon commercials.
True Hollywood Story a lot of actors are pissed as shit because they went through auditions for those Verizon commercials looking for a “Thomas Middleditch type” in an effort to get his price down. So basically a bunch of wasted time and $ for a lot of struggling actor types.
Ezekiel Elliott makes women run away faster than my Fleshlight habits.
Nothing smacks reality harder than spending the 30 seconds cleaning out the fleshlight afterwards
It’s good to know that having a busted bionic neck doesn’t stop you from sipping beer
Zeke Elliott knows a thing or two about full frontal assault.
Whoooo! My ESPN streak lives!
*Dallas FG*
Brother in law: Well fuck
Wife: *Double middle finger at the TV*
I picture her putting up the ring and middle finger like it’s some kind of super “fuck you” move
did you just pull a dane cook (stealing jokes)….. from dane cook?
Wow. That’s meta.
How was the Giants not called for being lined up offsides?
The dude’s helmet was far past the line of scrimmage.
Ezekiel Elliott looks like Kanye after a creatine breakdown.
TOO BAD YOUR ASS GOT SAAAAAAAACKED
Guy in bar: “I’m a Lions fan…”
(Me misses middle of conversation)
Guy: “…and that’s the kind of delusion I bring to a relationship.”