Boy howdy has this been a day. I bid a very warm welcome to the new commenters that have done some quality yakking on this here blog earlier today. Strong start, fellas. Keep up with the funny. Me? I spent the majority of the day ignoring my family’s wants and needs. They’ve come to expect that beginning (continuing?) in the fall just as the leaves turn. We’ve come to a nice arrangement. The games themselves today were equal parts extraordinary physical displays and mind-bending mental errors. Thankfully I’m equally entertained by both. This football fan did not go hungry. Well, the last tilt of the day is before us. Shall we? TO THE GAME!
The Mighty Giants/Dall-ass: Difference-maker Old Dirty Beckham is a game timer but I sure hope he limps on to the field if only to serve as a distraction for the Cowboys D. His presence alone will make things easier for the Giants. If he’s not there using up the double team then Dallas can free up another defender to attack the basically immobile Eli. That wouldn’t be good. DAK!, Dez and Zeke ran roughshod over everyone else in the league but managed to put up only 26 points against the G-men last year. That said, both games were easily winnable last year. Dallas has lost some guys in the secondary while New York has upgraded at rb, te and wr. I hope that’ll be enough to squeeze out what will no doubt be a tight affair. I’ll say 21-17 Giants. Oh, and Eli will definitely throw an interception. Book it.
Damn. I had all kinds of fun today-let’s keep that ball rolling. LET’S DO THIS!!!
Enjoy your time off zeke. How’s about you do an un-dallas thing and make good decisions in your downtime? Like no gropy-slappy the wimmen? We know your boss is ok with it, but society isn’t despite what you’ve been told.
Texas sure as fuck is cool with it.
I despise domestic violence, but the woman involved is a bit unhinged, so who knows what happened. Nothing to do with my fandom, I just have issues with guilty until proven innocent.
Zeke keeps this shit up I’d even let him beat the crap outta me!
Janae Rice apologies for this post.
But still supports her man, go figure.
I’ve never seen a -1 before, and I have said some dopey-ass shit here.
I don’t think the current system allows for negative scores, but it used to allow them. Moose used to get negative scores with certain gifs.
Speaking of which, where is Moose?
Ok, maybe that was uncool. Got caught up in the moment.
What would be the penalty if someone were to just blind-side the ever-loving shit out of Zeke while he does that “feed me”/first down bullshit?
I hate that shit.
A vigorous handshake.
It happened to Terrell Owens when he played for San Fransisco, don’t recall the penalty though.
That was the “disrespecting the star” primadonna shitshow, right?
Yep, got his clock cleaned for that one.
to Zeke? The Rog would make a Friday/Chris Tucker “you got knocked tha FUCK OUT” video.
Wouldn’t try that with Christian McCaffrey or other non-glory boys, tho
We would have also accepted “Roger Goodell fines James Harrison $50,000 for that hit.”
Eat those yards Zeke!
You know, sometimes Uncle Ed and I would watch the Giants and he’d say, “That Phil Simms is a real peach I tell you. Lawrence Taylor is so strong he could assfuck me with Lou Gehrig’s Disease!”
“What about Mark Bavaro?”
“I don’t like dagos, Buddy.”
Game is over and FUCK that it’s over. Stupid Giants, how dare you make the last minutes of my football Sunday irrelevant?
I believe Chris Collins thinks that QBs put way more thought on where they throw a ball than they actually do.
also, he really wishes he were a real boy…
Projecting into the future…NOT SAYING ANY OF THIS TOO MUCH INFO
Now Cowboys just need a TD to wrap this up.
By “TD” you mean “not set themselves on fire and score two own goal TDs for Los Gigantes” right?
This is an entirely plausible set of events.
It would make things more interesting if “own goals” counted the same, like in Lesser Footy. Just getting 2 points won’t cut it.
I heartily endorse this rules change. That would be awesome.
We have Manningface!!!!
Well, the dog’s farting, so it’s time for a walk. I’ll see you kids & cats tomorrow night.
Dogfart, isn’t that the name of an interracial porn site? Anyways, good night.
Welp,no reading comics under the covers tonight. It’ll be straight to bed for Eli.
I love this fucking game more than life itself.
If that American Made movie is really based on a true story, then why doesn’t Tommy Cruise have a stable of supple, Polynesian boys at his home in Malibu?
The Ben Mcadoo special?
that HoF jacket looks too big on Jerral. Like he’s an underdressed restaurant patron
Time for a classic Eli pick to end the night.
this drive is when “hurry-up Elisha” should emerge from the cocoon
That comes after he makes it 16-13 on the Dallas 14 with 25 seconds left.
So….can you tell me the powerball numbers?
WINNAR
Damn, your good.
Well, cow is actually the female of the species, the male is the bull. So I call offsetting penalties.
Original name of the team was “the steers” so just be happy y’all ain’t neutered. Though sex without consequences would probably be awesome. -Antonio Cromartie
I mean Cromartie’s good at jamming at the line.
Rae Carruth could offer some advice on that end.
He doesn’t seem like the right caliber
“And yew know what fer that means yew must be, right. Q….BEEEEEEEEEEEP” – Jerral J., Irving, TX
Hmm. I can see why they changed the name. You know the line about steers and queers…and those stars are FABULOUS!
This is one of those times in my life where I say I would rather watch an NBA regular season game.
Hey hey, let’s not say things we can’t take back.
Or May beisbol.
THIS GAME I CALL IT OCTOGENARIAN PORN BECAUSE IT FEATURES A LOT OF BAD JOINTS AND I’D BE EMBARRASSED TO BE CAUGHT WATCHING IT
Would any woman actually wear this shirt?
I would wear that to the gym
And then donate it to charity when half the rhinestones fell off
So after you wash it one time then.
Talking about the dok hole again?
Is your gym in Ted Bundy’s house?
Fifty shades nitwits.
To be edgy
It took me three minutes just to realize that wasn’t in Spanish.
“Prince charming made me do it”
The fuck does that have to do with S&M
Nothing. That’s rape
NO CATCH FOR YOU COWPERSON!
shouldn’t we be insisting on Cowpersons smgdh??
I sat on my balls the other day at school and that was more exciting than this game.
You’re a lumberjack and you’re okay, you work all night and you FUCK THE COWBOYS ALL DAY
Wow
I would say fuck my life, but my life is pretty ok. So…FUCK THE LIFE OF THE COWBOYS AND ANYONE WHO VAUGELY APPROVES OF THEM YOU SUCK
Oh Zymm.
Tough but fair.
Even me?
I’m pretty sure you aren’t actually as cute as that puppy. Cause that puppy is adorbs.
OK, it’s a fair cop.
To be fair, I already think this with respect to the entire NFC East.
Cole you beautiful fucking bastard you!
Okay, that catch was ridiculous.
That’s some gritty shit right there.
OK, I think I’ve figured it out. The Patriots are good because they are merely competent in a league where most teams are terrible.
This has been true since 2001.
I’m slow you dick
Wow.
This is the Saltine Cracker of football games.
/reduced sodium varietal
Gints fans have a lot to be excited about, like an entire Fall with their Sunday schedules open.
Eli needs to be reinvigorated:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4g9zoX5QbI
THIS GAME, I CALL IT MY LIFE BECAUSE I WANT TO PUNCH MYSELF IN THE DICK JUST TO FEEL SOMETHING
I knew I’d regret buying Mom those pants.
I don’t know what the rest of y’all think, but those are great leggings.
There’s leggings in that photo? Where?
Sean Lee hit him so hard he didn’t realize he got hit
Thanks to CanCon regulations, I have seen enough ads for “Young Sheldon” that I now hope the kid goes to Penn State.
You left off “Penitentiary”.
We have meeting rooms named after towns…we suggested Joliet cause of the penitentiary….and yup, that’s a conference room
I grew up there oddly enough. I even worked in the mall that had the car chase scene in The Blues Brothers.
Was there a lot of space in that mall?
Probably is now.
Honestly, this totally explains how you became a Cowboys fan. I’m sorry about your childhood.
Some wistfulness added to the soul-crushing depression.
I suggested Gary because it’s hard as fuck, and because Olandis Gary was my man crush!
I think I’d better sell off my Yoo-hoo shares, because Eli is just getting warm milk tonight.
The Cowboys are winning and I got a red wine stain on my beautiful, pristine spa robe. Fuck tonight.
Admit it…you stole that robe.
I didn’t! It even has my initials embroidered on it. That’s why it hurts so bad.
It’s my favorite of my 6 robes
Four of which are stolen!
I wish! I’ve been totally shit on my robe stealing game.
Admit it… the hotel you stayed at just happened to embroider the same letters on the robe.
I didn’t know your initials were S.H.A.M.E.L.E.S.S. L.U.S.H!
Initials are DZ? did you just steal dolph ziggler’s robe?
Oh man, just considering it made Zymm 40% less interesting
Maybe Brandon Marshall should have asked Other Brandon Marshall to play the second half.
He has to save his energy. He has a big day of playing linebacker tomorrow night in Denver.
Cordry, why does your truth cut so bad?
As this game is boring as shit, i just spent the last 45 minutes writing about last night at oversharing, if you wanna take a gander
nice job!
In a hot market like DC metro using Navy Federal Credit Union can at times hurt you. Most Credit unions cant close in less than 45 days meaning the person working with a mortgage broker who can close in 3 weeks will be a better option even if they offer a less money.
it’s almost like Elisha is garbage without OBJ to create ridiculous mismatches all over the field
I’ll see American Assassin in hopes that there’s a 20 minute scene where Halle Berry plays with herself.
I’ll wait for the porn parody, American Ass-ass-in
Did anyone watch The Orville? Verdict?
Indecent Exposure
Redshirt did, but, he seems to have left. Or, maybe he’s cutting himself after experiencing the Bungles in person today.
I swore Redshirt was a chick. The avatar thew me.
I need a life.
I had no idea dok was a woman till i started reading HRTN. DOn’t know why, it ust never came up
I watched most of it, its like the show can’t decide if its just going to be a comedy or legitimately try to have some relatively serious action and diplomatic scenes.
Recorded it for The Dame, she wanted to watch it for some reason. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that’s the same guy that does Family Guy, which she hates.
I believe the verdict was it was shitty.
Depends on what you were expecting, It wasnt a wacky comedy.
Meh. It was meh.
Jackrabbit Jenkins? Never ate there.
Hell of a milkshake, however.
People want to do multi-channel attribution. I can say right now, sponsoring the blimp when you’re already a well known brand? ZERO EFFECT
It makes me question their corporate wisdom, because the 100,000 people at the game can’t see it through the roof.
How the hell are the Menendez brothers married?
Crazy letter-writing loners who long to ‘fix’ them.
If I married everyone who proposed to me in a bar that I didn’t actually know, I would be married 5 times. However, this approach actually works, and probably all 5 of those guys are married now. It’s the shotgun approach.
It didn’t work for Aileen Wournos
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT