Your Third Round of NFL Action Open Thread

Good golly Miss Molly, the hits, they keep on coming! The western divisions of each conference get a tussle though one might be a wee bit more relevant that t’udder. TO THE GAMES!

 

SF/ARI: Carlos Hyde has a banged up hip but is expected to play. Still, look for rook rb Matt Breida to get at least 10 touches so that he can lighten the load. If the Niners running game falters then all is for naught because the graceless inadequacy of Bobby Hoying mans the qb spot. Cards qb Palmer had himself a game last week by leaning heavily on wr Fitzgerald. The faint hope among Arizony backers is that Carson can keep it going for a period of time.

Phi/LAC: Rb’s Blount and Smallwood (RIP, Tiny Darren) were happy to see the Chiefs KHunt tear the Chargers a new a-hole in the run game to the tune of 172 yards on just 10 carries. LA’s newest embarrassment is allowing an average of 146 yards per game on the ground. The over/under on the game is 43-that’s the line on how many paying customers will bother to show their pieholes at the game.

NYG/TB: These guys have but one win to show between them but share some ugly tendencies. The Giants lost on a 61 yarder as time expired and the Bucs were doubled up by the Vikes 34-17. All Pro cb Jenkins is back among the healthy and may have to take on Mike Evans. Eli Apple matches up better size-wise but not ability-wise. We’ll see. Perhaps Evans can do the G-men another solid like he did last year and drop the ball 4/5 times. I’m not holding my breath for that to happen though.

Oak/Den: Speaking of dropped passes, the league leader is one Amari Cooper with six. There will be an extra burden on him today because it looks as though cohort Crabtree is a no-go. Say a prayer for Broncs’ right tackle Menelik Watson-he’s given up a half-dozen sacks already this year and will be staring at Khalil Mack all game long.

 

Get it done, you rascally rascals.

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Brick Meathook

Did Matthew McConaughey just appear in an ad for Wild Turkey on CBS on a Sunday at 2:00PM?

Romonobyl

He needs a healthy buzz before jumping into that Lincoln.

King Hippo

tis a nice, solid car. America’s treasure will be fine!

King Hippo

Manny be good

King Hippo

Charles still has sommet

blaxabbath

Sorry about my Ellington no-recommendation.

King Hippo

It’s ok, I said PIT over CIN though I guess they did get some sacks

Dick E. Phuck

They needed a tight Khunt that could take a beating.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t we all?
*sigh*

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I only remember him getting like four touches per game when I owned him in fantasy.

King Hippo

I am in a deep bench league and super desperate. He got like 10-12 last week

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

JORDY NELSON: So what are you up to this weekend, Aaron?

AARON RODGERS: Taking my bitch down to Mexico.

RANDALL COBB: [quietly hands $20 to Jordy Nelson]

WCS

Greetings from Magee Woman’s Hospital in the Oakland section of Yinzburgh. Wifey’s in for another test for Lil’er WCS. We’ve done this test three prior, and Lil’er WCS has never passed. Whenever that happened, we had an ultrasound to show she’s okay. Today, they’re not going to do the ultrasound if there’s another failure; they’re going to deliver.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to chug some Wild Turkey and pop about six Xanax.

Also, FUCK THE RATBIRDS. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

The Maestro

Best of luck to the missus and to you!

Senor Weaselo

Best of luck for you guys.

King Hippo

go get your good luck road win baby!!

blaxabbath

Interesting. Keep us posted.

Romonobyl

Let us know and good luck.

Dick E. Phuck

Good luck, hope it all works out.

Smithchez

Go wifey and lil WCS! Shoot that gap (safely for both, of course). Best of luck, man.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Give wifey hugs.
But when this is over and everyone’s fine and has the proper number of fingers and toes, you and I need to have a talk about the FUCK THE RATBIRDS comment.
Dick.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, tell her to aim for the five hole. Murray will never see it coming.

(Sincerely, good luck my friend.)

Sharkbait

Good luck!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Smithchez

You know what? FUCK IT. If me rooting for them is what finally gets them to lose like the losing losers I know they are, so be it. A pessimist is never disappointed.

ALL ABOARD THE JOSH MCCOWN TRAIN! We’re winning it all, baby!

King Hippo

THIS is some white hot Jets fanning

...

Long-term exposure to Jets football is very, very dangerous to one’s mental health. It’s basically a carcinogen.

Senor Weaselo

So I guess this means Jets-Pauls has upgraded from Manos: The Hands of Fate to The Castle of Fu Manchu?

Shogun Marcus

I’ve always been partial to Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.

The Maestro

I haven’t seen a Derby that far apart on the field since Secretariat won.

Gratliff

Where the fuck did that come from

Viva La Tabula Raza

Unlike the Patriots, that pitcher of margaritas Did It’s Job and it’s time for a nice little alcohol-induced nap.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s got two thumbs and decided he should bench Cam Newton in favor of Tyrod Taylor this week?

This g–

/DOOR FLIES OPEN
//YAKUZA COMES IN
///YAKUZA CUTS OFF ONE OF MY THUMBS

Awwww

Senor Weaselo

No, they cut off pinkies. So you’re okay!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, the first time anyway.

theeWeeBabySeamus

BFC became Pam Poovey so gradually….
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Anybody else ever notice how severely underinflated the football Rodgers throws to his dog is? Two sets of rules in the NFL!

King Hippo

DONKS WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

“I Posed for the Smut Peddlers” is a great name for a punk band.

Dick E. Phuck

Why are the Giants playing like the Jets are supposed to be playing!!!!????

Gratliff

The NFC East may not be the monster we were all getting hyped for

Horatio Cornblower

Early returns are less than promising,

Sharkbait

IS it 6 yet? I need to GTFO.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And the Yankees win….Theeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh Yankees win.
(fuck you John Sterling)

Senor Weaselo

You mean you don’t like “It is high, it far, it is… caught at the warning track.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I actually like Sterling aside from his need for that I typed above, and his need to describe down to individual fibers what the unis the Yanks are wearing look like.

Ummmmm, John….they’ve got two sets, home and away. Been the same for like a billion years. We know what they look like. Have another drink.

Horatio Cornblower

I like Sterling more than Kay. Sterling’s act is part of the deal and while it can get a bit grating it’s better than Kay’s unwarranted arrogance.

Dick E. Phuck

It really sucks that I have to choose between Sterling and Michael Kay.

Dick E. Phuck

It’s like choosing between having to listen to nails scratching against a chalkboard or a goat screaming for four hours.

Senor Weaselo

I’m okay with Michael Kay because he took the time to talk to Lil’ Senor one time after a game and give me an autograph. I had recently fractured my orbital because I was a dumbass and moved the plate in the batting cage rather than ask the person operating it to move the machine because everything was coming in high and tight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

OT for JAX/NYJ should be handled with rock, paper, scissors.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

But like an actual rock, paper, and scissors

...

But only the safety scissors.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It kinda has been, actually.

Gratliff

So much shenanigans on the double fake ghost reverse end around ipso facto magico screen fucking thing

Romonobyl

I’m glad Zeke got to do his feed me bullshit, because that loss is worthy of a finger down the throat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Eli is going to shit himself this game. Bucs are out for blood.

Gratliff

Gints can’t run for shit. I love it so much.

Senor Weaselo

“Go to your playmakers, is it Allen Hurns, is it Marquise Lee?”

I’m pretty sure it’s not Marquise Lee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

The traditional italian meal of Caesar salad and bull shark testosterone

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trying to figure out how to express my feelings about this Jets-Jags finish without making it into a rape joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Let’s Go Bucs, Bolts and KC!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Coincidence that I just put Marqise Lee on waivers literally 8 minutes ago?
Nope.

Romonobyl

Wade used to coach for Dallas…now he’s with the Rams?!?!?!
CONFLICT OF INTEREST!!! NAWT FAYA…
Oops, channeled my inner Tawmmy there.

Spur

Now the Cowboys schedule gets really hard. FUCK!

Romonobyl

At least there are the Giants.

Viva La Tabula Raza

At least Dallas loss somewhat cushions the blow of Pats loss (for me only, obviously).

Romonobyl

Vice-versa for me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, if everyone hated and loved the same teams this would be some pretty boring shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There are two other regulars who have sold their souls. Both loses make me happy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, I’ve been pulling for the Pats and hating the Cowboys since about 1968 or 69, not much I can do to change at this point. Satan’s got me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good for you.

Horatio Cornblower

So unlike the vast majority of the people leaving Gillette this evening the names Grogan, Cunningham and Hannah actually mean something to you?

/Got hooked on the Staubach-Dorsett-Martin-White Cowboys.

Gratliff

Hoo boy. Tubby cheering as Cowboys lose evokes all sorts of fun memories

Dick E. Phuck

HAHA FUCK YOU COWBOYS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There’s a baby in here that sounds like that dinosaur in Jurassic Park that sprays Wayne Knight’s fat face.

Gratliff

Probably should’ve taken Birds as the eliminator pick

Senor Weaselo

Jets ball, 5:12 left in OT thanks to 10-minute OT rules? Yeah, it’s gonna be a tie.

Shogun Marcus

RAMIT question. Why they change helmet to white but keep gold/tan on unis? Looks like a kid was allowed to self-dress for the first time.

The Maestro

HOT TAEK: I like the white-horned helmets more than the previous ones.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A nod to the old LA era helmets. Agreed.

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Shogun Marcus

I get “why,” but WHY only halfway?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Prolly an officious NFL rule.

hippofant

Because they wanted to sell more helmets but not jerseys, duh.

Gratliff

It reminds me of the Flyers anniversary uniforms from last year when they thought it would be cute to use giant ass gold numbers on an orange-white-black color scheme.

Brocky

I too prefer the whites over the yellows

-Jerry Richardson

Gratliff

Seeing some crowd videos from Clippers-Iggles, and it’s easily 10:1 Eagles-Chargers fans.

Dick E. Phuck

Can Carson Palmer sink even lower? And if what just happened is any indication, I believe the answer to that question is yes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gentlemen. Just got to an airport lounge at LaGuardia. Did the Jets not get the tanking memo?

Mr. Ayo

The issue is they’re trying to lose.

Senor Weaselo

It took them three quarters but I think they figured it out!

blaxabbath

You suck, Carson.

Mr. Ayo

Anyone else guess strip sack when Redzone switched to the Clippers game?

Brocky

It’s been a good day,

I got drunk as fuck last night

Woke up in my designated area.

I wasn’t hungover as fuck

Traffic was not as bad going north as it was going south.

I caught an entei

Listen to ESPN 1000 cover the patriots game because no one else is worth covering apparently.

Patriots lose in heartbreaking fashion

How are you all doing?

Senor Weaselo

…Was the Entei any good? I didn’t get a single good Raikou, and the Entei I caught’s an 82%.

Brocky

87.2

Could be worse, but I’m not going to complain

Shogun Marcus

I’ve missed the noon slate. I see there’s been doings a’transpiring!

hippofant

Dongs?

Senor Weaselo

-A. Rodgers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good.

Horatio Cornblower

Man I didn’t want to say anything to jinx it but watching New England lose, and to a FAHKIN’ DAHKIE(!) no less, just made my week.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Gano delivers the Blow!

And people think radio is dead

Brocky

I am erect at the prospect of new Englanders complaining about the holding call.

There are 32 NFL teams, I accept complaints about officiating from 31 of them

Horatio Cornblower

The bitching on talk radio tomorrow will be glorious. And probably correct, because that seemed like a crap call on a running play, but it’s the Patriots and their bandwagon fans so fuck ’em.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, they have a great point, never having benefited from a missed call before.

Horatio Cornblower

Tuck rule? Isn’t that something about Justin Tuck’s retirement pay-out? Anyway, I’ve never heard that phrase before.
-Any New England fan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!

blaxabbath

#FEEDFITZ

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