Your “We Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Games” NFL Football Open Thread

Hopefully that Londonderry game was entertaining. There be eight features on tap now and more than a couple seem to have some potential. Let’s have a look. TO THE GAMES!

Cin/Cle: Two O-and-3’s have at it. All the Bengals need to do to put this one away is to get inside the red zone. The Browns D gives up TD’s at an 80% rate when their opponent wanders inside the twenty.

Buf/Atl: The Bills D has acquitted themselves quite well so far this year but the Falcons are something else entirely. Plus they’re at home. Tyrod and the passing game aren’t doing themselves any favours either.

Jax/NYJ: The Jetskis had no trouble last week and now face a young Jags team that is hoping to build on their blowout affair last week. Rb Fournette is running at a mere 3.5 ypc clip after three games but you’d think that by the end of the year he’ll have added at least another three feet to that stat.

Det/Min: The Lions are in possession of an injured list fourteen players long, including de Ansah and lb Davis. Look for Minny to do what they did last week-get rook rb Cook going early so that qb Keenum can work his magic with the likes of Diggs and Thielen.

Car/NE: Cam needs a shoulder to lean/throw on. Did I go against my better judgement and leave Pats wr Hogan and his 2 TD’s on the bench last week? As a matter of fact, I did. So here I go chasing last week’s points…

LAR/Dal: Despite one of the squads hailing from Dallas, I like the look of this game. Both teams are sitting pretty division-wise and this should be a solid test for the young Goffster who has started to justify his draft position.

Pit/Bal: An under-performing and talented O (Steelers) meets up with a (perhaps) over-performing D. Winner gets first place.

Ten/Hou: With so many other interesting tilts being played, why would you bother?

Get going, big fellas.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
596 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Spur

That was a catch in every sense of the word

Dick E. Phuck

That’s a goddamn catch

Romonobyl

Hurts to say it, but that looked like a catch.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yep.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “hurts to say it” I thought you were talking about Davante Adams’ latest attempt to speak.

Dick E. Phuck

I expected the Rams to fuck that up, and it looks like they are.

King Hippo

what a catch! Not giving it to him? BOOOOO

Romonobyl

Didn’t see a fair catch signal, bad idea.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It seems like there should be some external signal that a fair catch has been called (maybe a ref keeps his arm raised) in case the gunners don’t see it.

Redshirt

Agreed. Maybe announced by PA.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Illuminate him with a giant red laser spotlight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[excluding Miami Dolphins games]

herodotus450

What if fair catch was hte default, and you had to signal if you are going to return it.

Spur

Goddamn it, Switzer.

LemonJello

/Ol Dubble J is triggered

King Hippo

don’t expect the U*NC guy to use his brainspace

LemonJello

OK, making the most of my limited fitbaw/dick joking time – Today is the Lady LemonJello’s birthday, this time last year, she was finishing up chemo/radiation and having her uterus evicted, so TangerineJello and I baked her a carrot cake, went and got her favorite donuts this morning and I’ll be taking her out to dinner before heading back up I-95 for work.

She’s napping right now, so I’m flipping between DAK ATTACK v RAMMMMMITT and Ratbirds v Stillers.

HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN’ BOYS?

blaxabbath

Better than your wife’s vag a year ago, that’s for sure…

Romonobyl

Looks like you’re doing it right.

blaxabbath

Fantasy should include a punter.

Redshirt

Cleveland “#ThePauls” Browns have not led at all this season.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It kills me that there are Raiders fans who STILL insist that Hue Jackson is a great coach.

Redshirt

Bengals fans were pissed that they lost Hue Jackson. I wonder how they feel now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably still pissed, considering how their offense has fallen off a cliff.

Redshirt

No. They wanted him to take over as HC, not stay OC.

blaxabbath

Yeah but they did it using Saber-Metrics!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish I hated the Steelers less so I could laugh at the Ravens more.

Dick E. Phuck

He’s got a state-of-the-art communication device: A solo jazz cup with sewing string attached to it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sorry to have yanked the rug out from under you there – reply fail on my part.

Dick E. Phuck

Blake Bortles and miscommunication go together like alcohol and a homeless guy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[taps headset that is not connected to anything]

– Jim Tomsula

King Hippo

#HoboSnot

Senor Weaselo

He knows that’s a rat gnawing on his ear, not a headphone… right?

King Hippo

#ThePauls, makin’ Hippo look bad

/not hard to do BUT STILL

Spur

Why is Zeke taking off his pads?

LemonJello

He has some personal business to “discuss” with an ex-girlfirend?

Romonobyl

Zeke, you lost me with that cropped T shirt dude….

Spur

I’ve incorporated the look into my office attire.

King Hippo

DAT midriff, tho…

Romonobyl

Body by Jack in the Box.

King Hippo

FozzyDOWN!!

Smithchez

Bortles only overthrew that guy by 15 yards

King Hippo

he misses London, u can tell

Redshirt

Its the receivers fault for not jumping up 12 feet.

LemonJello

Hes really improved his accuracy!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Any ball that comes in at eye level should be caught.”

– Mike Glennon

blaxabbath

He’s always the last guy to leave practice and now it’s paying off!

Romonobyl

Punch it through DAK.

Smithchez

I do love that the “STICK TO SPORTS!” crowd boycotted the NFL….by buying Alejando Villanueva’s jersey in record numbers……from the NFL store.

Redshirt

When your Offensive Line is as effective as a venetian blind…

Romonobyl

He didn’t do the feed me shtick, there’s hope after all. Prob short anyway.

Sharkbait

He did it on his last TD. Even used his towel as a napkin.

Romonobyl

Don’t remind me.

Gratliff

Villanueva’s legend grows

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Allejandro Villanueva disrespected the military by getting that penalty.

Redshirt

Browns are putting things in perspective for Bengals and their fans.

King Hippo

BUF score, for your suicide pools

Sharkbait

Well shit.

Redshirt

Of course.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Would you like to change your name to JuJu Junior? Your friends can call you JuJuJu.”

– JuJu Schuster-Smith, to his son someday

Spur

For old time sake, can we have Double J chew out Wade Phillips?

Redshirt

Bengals C and RG lost track of one person.

Romonobyl

Wasted challenge.

Viva La Tabula Raza

McVay’s been very anxious to bust his challenge cherry, though. He just chose the fat ugly girl.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s what we call a “practice challenge”.

Romonobyl

Sooooo close.

Spur

Damnit I wanted to see the home run!

Spur

The running Hawaiian!

LemonJello

Anybody interested in watching The Gifted/Discount X-Men?

Spur

cancelled after 6 episodes.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, all that yardwork isn’t gonna do itself, so I’m going to do it while wrapped in an American flag and bitching about how uppity Negroes are ruining the NFL and country.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s disrepectful to the military and everything they fought for when you go mow your lawn during the middle of a football game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really despise having to root for Tawmmy to do well.
That is all.

Gratliff

Lord, Browns

King Hippo

#ThePauls

Dick E. Phuck

THIS JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS DEFENSE, I CALL THEM A PUTIN POLITICAL OPPONENT BECAUSE THEY ARE THROWING UP BILAL ALL OVER THE FIELD.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, are Watson-led Texans going to be this good, or are the Titans just that shitty?

King Hippo

I started Goff over Watson, this is the natural result.

Brick Meathook

Ah, the soulless dead eyes of Jared Goff.

Spur

Lord Bailey with the “speed bump” tackle

Sharkbait

Weak OPI call in New England

Horatio Cornblower

My decision to start the Jaguars D against the powerhouse Jets offense….

comment image

Romonobyl

Here’s a sentiment I’m sure a few of you can agree with:
FUCK PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!!

King Hippo

it’s nice that former war criminal torture specialists can find alternate employ, though

Gratliff

The “Hey, can we talk for a sec?” tackling technique is seldom successful

Romonobyl

“I’d like to tell you a little about our Lord and Savior.”

Spur

TD Zeke!!!!!

Dick E. Phuck

You can tell Zeke is a stand-up guy because he has a biblical first name.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yes. All bible-y folks in this country are simply wonderful people.

herodotus450

comment image

Gratliff

Did that piece of shit keep a towel in his collar for that play?

Romonobyl

Pulled it from his waistband .0000004 seconds after the TD.

Gratliff

It’s crazy how such a minuscule time difference affects my levels of rage so dramatically

King Hippo

JUST FOAR YOU

Redshirt

Bengals can’t score like me in high school.
Browns give it up like a whore at Last Call.

Something’s gotta give!

Redshirt

Whore wins!

King Hippo

whore part

Romonobyl

Yeah, that’s dead to me too.

Sharkbait

Oh its revolting. Only thing that could make it worse is if anyone doing it has a fan mouthguard.

Spur

It’s harmless but played out.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m a Cowboys fan and am in favor of a 6 game ban for that shit.