Your “Is It Dessert Time Already?” Sunday Night NFL Open Thread

Whoopty-ding-dang-do! Another Sunday is coming to an end and then it’s back to the soul-crushing grind that begins Monday morning. But wait! Not so fast, residents north of the USA. Monday is a funday holiday for us blessed lot. We shall whisper our obligatory prayers to the Holy Trinity of Bobby Orr, Terry Fox and Celine Dion. We will leave any and all expired food at the end of our driveways as an offering to the roving bands of black bears that protect our neighborhoods. We shall make love doggy-style to our partners so that both of us can watch the CBC News. We shall give a tip of a well-worn baseball cap to the Molson family which has kept us well-hydrated for so many years. We shall quietly harvest the salty and smoky bounty from our most precious resource and best-kept secret, the back bacon tree. We will even allow those dirty Armenians to come up to the surface (only for one day, mind you) from the living hell that is the underground hockey puck mines.

And then we will go about our unassuming business, content that the world has no clue about our odd and oddly comforting rituals. Now one must go… TO THE GAME!!!

KC/Hou: The Chiefs haven’t really been seriously challenged this year and the fifty fantasy bucks I spent on Kareem Hunt looks like a bargain. If Houston is in the lead at the half you can rest assured that Andy Reid will bring out the old tried and true “IT GETS BUTTER, UH, BETTER, BETTER” speech. That one is a keeper!

Show everyone what ya got down below, hombres.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I’m sure I’ll have another productive week at work.

King Hippo

that reminds me, I really need to work on my “before year end suicide plan”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!! Not without me you’re not.
Selfish prick.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Senor Weaselo

He didn’t say it wasn’t going to involve a suicide pact.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Precisely. I have to clean up his mess and he leaves me behind? I’ll kill him.

Wait…I didn’t think this thru…

Gratliff

I’m working a solid 6.5 hours a day, with the understanding that I’m on call the rest of the time, which gets me like maybe 45 minutes worth of work a week

Mr. Ayo

2.81 secs per release? Pitino is impressed.

Doktor Zymm

How goes the footballs? Everest is super pointy. Edmund Hillary can suck it, I got a great view and I didn’t have to train or be cold or anything!

King Hippo

also super pointy

Senor Weaselo

Did they just airdrop you at the peak? Because that would be really fucking cool. And probably lethal.

Doktor Zymm

That sounds like one of those survival reality shows

Unsurprised

They should drop people on K2. That mountain has even more casualties than Everest.

Senor Weaselo

Nobody would pay to be airdropped on the second-highest mountain in the world!

Doktor Zymm

It tries harder because it’s second

King Hippo

The OJ of mountains!!

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

As for football, the good news is that JJ Watt – HE DED

The bad news is that Jerry Jones is still alive.

Doktor Zymm

I like Jerry Jones being alive. It keeps the Cowboys at least to the threshold shitshow level

Unsurprised

Oh, I forgot you’re a [REDACTEDS] fan.

WCS

I find it interesting that Pierce Brosnan said he quit the Bond franchise because he didn’t want to do spy films anymore, and that’s all he’s done since.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

mmm… huuummmmm “quit”…..

Unsurprised

Which is especially weird since they wanted him so badly in the 80s but he couldn’t while starring in Remington Steele. I do think Timothy Dalton was fine as Bond, and even now would make a pretty cool Bond. I’m not exactly thrilled with the character, though, so my opinion is skewed.

Brocky

I know this is way later, but I wanted to throw my two cents in:

I think that dalton’s take on the character (less suave, more ruthless) is actually pretty close to craig’s portrayal, just somehow in a culture full of anti-heros, (rambo, dirty harry) a rebooted bond seemed like rip off.

King Hippo

probably became clear it was that or “do no more films at all” and he likes teh moneys

Mother Puncher

I remember really liking The Matador a decade ago, and bought it a week ago from the dollar bin. I hope is still as good as 19 year old me thought.

Unsurprised

[Ron Howard voice]

It isn’t.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Unsurprised

Nice gourds.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Col. Duke LaCross

She can still get it.

Unsurprised

This is from last night.

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Col. Duke LaCross

Torre-esque bullpen management. I’m having Phil Fucking Coke and Tanyon Fucking Sturtze flashbacks.

Shogun Marcus

Hey imaginary defense…could you maybe…play footed ball well? Foar teh ded guy? Gritup? Or gritdown? I dunno, try something?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Behave yourself, Canadia.

LemonJello

See you tomorrow?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Scissors, scissors….WHERE ARE THE GODDAMNED SCISSORS??????

King Hippo

Remember life is not worth living, but if it were, it would be because FOOTBAW was on all day!

Unsurprised

It me

1997: I am *surfing* the web

2007: I am *browsing* the web

2017: There is no verb for my useless, constant state of being

— frightening lad 5 (@funnylad5) October 6, 2017

make it snow

It’s a good thing the Texans don’t exist, because if they did I’d have expected West to get tackled.

King Hippo

at least they saved time for MOAR non-existent offensing

clint greasewood

Is Alex Smith going to win the MVP?

theeWeeBabySeamus

No.

Unsurprised

They can recast it into a golden shovel.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha!!!

Senor Weaselo

Birdperson woo! (Sorry all.)

King Hippo

eh, you’se is only the 3rd most hateable side anyway, with SAWX and Small Bears in it

Senor Weaselo

I’m honestly not sure if that’s progress or a step backwards.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We hate Boston now. Take the gift.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, that’s not Kelce. He’s not even the same color.

Col. Duke LaCross

MR. DELICIOUS!!!

make it snow

Intentional ineligible man downfield. Does Andy Reid’s trickery know no bounds?

King Hippo

So…Yankees and SAWX both win today, too. Yeesh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah I already told you today sucked ass.

King Hippo

“But not in a good way, like analingus” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI

theeWeeBabySeamus

Olivia, is that you?

Deep voice: No baby.

Yay!!!!!

Unsurprised

This JJ Watt thing is still hilarious

clint greasewood

This is Super Dave Osborne

King Hippo

Is it on flames in a nearby river? As long as the paramedics got out.

WCS

Fake account, unfortunately.

Unsurprised

Fixed

clint greasewood

Is Mike Pence going to continue show up to NFL games, just to abruptly leave. If so he can join the rest the Dolphin’s fan base.

clint greasewood

“You thought this day was going to be about you Peyton?”

-Donald Trump and Mike Pence

Col. Duke LaCross

Manning might remember that when he wins Corker’s senate seat.

blaxabbath

Welp, that’ll dagger my fantasy week.

LemonJello

The correct term is “Ray Lewis” your fantasy week…smh.

Dunstan

Chicago Fire really regretting that there isn’t a “give me your badge and gun” equivalent line for firefighters.

“Give me your helmet and hose” has an entirely different connotation.

herodotus450

“I’m gonna make your fire hydrant explode.”
Well, maybe it could be a different type of show.

Dunstan

“Go on….” — A. Rodgers

King Hippo

“Yeah, SPLOOSH!” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI

Mother Puncher

“Stay off the pole”

WCS

When do we get CHICAGO LANDSCAPING and CHICAGO SANITATION DEPARTMENT?

blaxabbath

Chicago Justice of the Peace!

blaxabbath

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make it snow

AND WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE SNACKS THAT’S THE RESULT YOU’RE GONNA GET DON’T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT ME

Mother Puncher

Dad, stop

King Hippo

Finally imaginary team doing some footbaw things

nomonkeyfun

That run was Flintstonian

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Yabb-dabba-doobie!”

-Fred Flintstoner

King Hippo

OH WOW JJ WATT’S BROTHER IS SAD WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED NBC??

Spur

This JJ Watt snuff film is getting old.

LemonJello

Waiting on the Tom Brady sequel.

Unsurprised

Please, God. I don’t ask for much.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rut Roh….where the hell is ShogunMarcus? While telling my family to fuck off, it seems I’ve made up some ground. WTG Kelce (I’ll never call you zeropointsixzero again…..well, until next week when you fuck me over again).

Shogun Marcus

Yeah I know. Between this and you still got murray tomorrow…bone-ed be me.

Spur

Snowman movie? Great now Eli is never leaving the house this winter.

LemonJello

He tries to avoid it as much as possible ever since Peyton and Cooper triple dog dared him to stick his tongue to a light pole.

nomonkeyfun

Last season was a bitch for Eli.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I wanted to watch Texans get murdered by Chiefs I’d be watching Westworld. I assume that happens at some point.

Wait. I hate the Chiefs. Why would I watch them win? I’m gonna go watch Westworld.

King Hippo

I really, really, really like Evan Rachel Wood

theeWeeBabySeamus

She be all Raleigh native n junk.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s moar the Mexicans.
So just like real life, LOL.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“If only we had walls!”

-Les Nessman

Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks like Houston had two good weeks, we now return to your regularly scheduled clusterfuck.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We all know the Chiefs are gonna have a great regular season and then crash out of the playoffs in a single game. What keeps me up at night is: what if they don’t?

Spur

2nd round game to the Pats or Steelers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Meaning they’ll get the bye? Certainly makes sense at this point in the season.

Shogun Marcus

What’re you…one of THEM?
/puts tinfoil hat on
//and matching underwear
…don’t ask

King Hippo

Who can keep the evil-ass P*ts or boring-ass Chefs out the Superb Owl? The fucking Jaguras? Is this how desperate we AFC folk have become?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Somewhere, Otto’s all

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Unsurprised

I can’t even remember Otto.

King Hippo

I can barely make out his face

/runs sobbing

WCS

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Shogun Marcus

Did he have a motto?

King Hippo

Domo arigoto, Mr Roboto

LemonJello

“Never play the Lotto”
-Otto

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Awww… He was one of KSK’s best & brightest. He was too good for this world.

Spur

Otto and I had fun on the Game of Throne recaps. Those were good times.

Spur

Somewhere, Otto’s signing legislation to ban pants

Unsurprised

The Best Timeline

Unsurprised

Undressed was such a cocktease of a show title.

King Hippo

3rd and 4, you don’t even have your best Khunt out there. You should be punished for that.

Mr. Ayo

I see the ref figured out which side has the camera.

LemonJello

Andy Reid has a giant whiteboard in his office listing all the daily specials at his favorite BBQ joints.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Numbers 1 through 5 are definitely “all you can eat.”

herodotus450

It’s been three days, and I still haven’t found a good Francisco Lindor “truffle” joke. At least I got some fresh bacon out of it though.

make it snow

Ooh.

hippofant

That’s a fucking clever play.

Mr. Ayo

Are they going to have a moment of silence at halftime for JJ?

make it snow

I don’t care how good or bad Blade Runner 2049 actually is, I’m going to get mad if Roger Deakins doesn’t win the cinematography Oscar this year.

Col. Duke LaCross

The set design was pretty fucking impressive as well.

Spur

At this rate JJ Watt is going to be euthanized behind the stadium dumpsters.

King Hippo

I’d pay as much as $12 American dollars to watch that.

LemonJello

I’m surprised he’s not being medevac’d out by the 160th SOAR they way Al and Chris are acting.

clint greasewood

Joel Osteen is going to buy the corpse to add to his mega church.

LemonJello

Texan cheerleaders may as well have used body paint instead of shorts.

/NOT COMPLAINING, just stating an opinion

Example:
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Also:
https://cdn1.lockerdomecdn.com/uploads/dd3442b38898636245615afca4b2476e6ffb7481e8a4e88f934e910d1cfc4165_facebook

King Hippo

and aren’t they supposed to be making us aware of their tits? smh

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Straight Toussaud

Mr. Ayo

He’s gone guys. Just let it go already.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You can’t say you weren’t warned.

Mother Puncher

All Doritos suck

hippofant

What’s wrong with Zesty Cheese Doritos? They’re just saltier regular Doritos to me.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I think Ranch Doritos are hot garbage.

blaxabbath

Kelce like really hates any contact after the play. Chill out, baby.

hippofant
King Hippo

it’s almost like those who dish it out have trouble taking it…

Romonobyl

Ease up on the JJ shit there Cris, a certain Dreamboat might be listening.

King Hippo

you have to keep a gentleman caller guessing, so he stays on his toes

King Hippo

This is really gonna be the #1 seed in the AFC, huh?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

And, yea, he will hold in his tiny hands an entire conference…

Spur

Is it Friday yet?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Sure. Why not?

Romonobyl

Saturday for me!

King Hippo

No skipping Thurs, Iggles/Cam is actually pretty interesting