Whoopty-ding-dang-do! Another Sunday is coming to an end and then it’s back to the soul-crushing grind that begins Monday morning. But wait! Not so fast, residents north of the USA. Monday is a funday holiday for us blessed lot. We shall whisper our obligatory prayers to the Holy Trinity of Bobby Orr, Terry Fox and Celine Dion. We will leave any and all expired food at the end of our driveways as an offering to the roving bands of black bears that protect our neighborhoods. We shall make love doggy-style to our partners so that both of us can watch the CBC News. We shall give a tip of a well-worn baseball cap to the Molson family which has kept us well-hydrated for so many years. We shall quietly harvest the salty and smoky bounty from our most precious resource and best-kept secret, the back bacon tree. We will even allow those dirty Armenians to come up to the surface (only for one day, mind you) from the living hell that is the underground hockey puck mines.
And then we will go about our unassuming business, content that the world has no clue about our odd and oddly comforting rituals. Now one must go… TO THE GAME!!!
KC/Hou: The Chiefs haven’t really been seriously challenged this year and the fifty fantasy bucks I spent on Kareem Hunt looks like a bargain. If Houston is in the lead at the half you can rest assured that Andy Reid will bring out the old tried and true “IT GETS BUTTER, UH, BETTER, BETTER” speech. That one is a keeper!
Show everyone what ya got down below, hombres.
I’m sure I’ll have another productive week at work.
that reminds me, I really need to work on my “before year end suicide plan”
Hey!!!! Not without me you’re not.
Selfish prick.
He didn’t say it wasn’t going to involve a suicide pact.
Precisely. I have to clean up his mess and he leaves me behind? I’ll kill him.
Wait…I didn’t think this thru…
I’m working a solid 6.5 hours a day, with the understanding that I’m on call the rest of the time, which gets me like maybe 45 minutes worth of work a week
2.81 secs per release? Pitino is impressed.
How goes the footballs? Everest is super pointy. Edmund Hillary can suck it, I got a great view and I didn’t have to train or be cold or anything!
also super pointy
Did they just airdrop you at the peak? Because that would be really fucking cool. And probably lethal.
That sounds like one of those survival reality shows
They should drop people on K2. That mountain has even more casualties than Everest.
Nobody would pay to be airdropped on the second-highest mountain in the world!
It tries harder because it’s second
The OJ of mountains!!
As for football, the good news is that JJ Watt – HE DED
The bad news is that Jerry Jones is still alive.
I like Jerry Jones being alive. It keeps the Cowboys at least to the threshold shitshow level
Oh, I forgot you’re a [REDACTEDS] fan.
I find it interesting that Pierce Brosnan said he quit the Bond franchise because he didn’t want to do spy films anymore, and that’s all he’s done since.
mmm… huuummmmm “quit”…..
Which is especially weird since they wanted him so badly in the 80s but he couldn’t while starring in Remington Steele. I do think Timothy Dalton was fine as Bond, and even now would make a pretty cool Bond. I’m not exactly thrilled with the character, though, so my opinion is skewed.
I know this is way later, but I wanted to throw my two cents in:
I think that dalton’s take on the character (less suave, more ruthless) is actually pretty close to craig’s portrayal, just somehow in a culture full of anti-heros, (rambo, dirty harry) a rebooted bond seemed like rip off.
probably became clear it was that or “do no more films at all” and he likes teh moneys
I remember really liking The Matador a decade ago, and bought it a week ago from the dollar bin. I hope is still as good as 19 year old me thought.
[Ron Howard voice]
It isn’t.
Nice gourds.
She can still get it.
This is from last night.
Torre-esque bullpen management. I’m having Phil Fucking Coke and Tanyon Fucking Sturtze flashbacks.
Hey imaginary defense…could you maybe…play footed ball well? Foar teh ded guy? Gritup? Or gritdown? I dunno, try something?
That’s it for me folks. It was a damn pleasure. Sunday is by far my favourite day of the week.
Behave yourself, Canadia.
See you tomorrow?
Scissors, scissors….WHERE ARE THE GODDAMNED SCISSORS??????
Remember life is not worth living, but if it were, it would be because FOOTBAW was on all day!
It me
It’s a good thing the Texans don’t exist, because if they did I’d have expected West to get tackled.
at least they saved time for MOAR non-existent offensing
Is Alex Smith going to win the MVP?
No.
They can recast it into a golden shovel.
Ha!!!
Birdperson woo! (Sorry all.)
eh, you’se is only the 3rd most hateable side anyway, with SAWX and Small Bears in it
I’m honestly not sure if that’s progress or a step backwards.
We hate Boston now. Take the gift.
Dammit, that’s not Kelce. He’s not even the same color.
MR. DELICIOUS!!!
Intentional ineligible man downfield. Does Andy Reid’s trickery know no bounds?
So…Yankees and SAWX both win today, too. Yeesh.
Yeah I already told you today sucked ass.
“But not in a good way, like analingus” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI
Olivia, is that you?
Deep voice: No baby.
Yay!!!!!
This JJ Watt thing is still hilarious
This is Super Dave Osborne
Is it on flames in a nearby river? As long as the paramedics got out.
Fake account, unfortunately.
Fixed
Is Mike Pence going to continue show up to NFL games, just to abruptly leave. If so he can join the rest the Dolphin’s fan base.
If he never shows up at all he’ll no doubt be mistaken for a Chargers fan.
“You thought this day was going to be about you Peyton?”
-Donald Trump and Mike Pence
Manning might remember that when he wins Corker’s senate seat.
Welp, that’ll dagger my fantasy week.
The correct term is “Ray Lewis” your fantasy week…smh.
Chicago Fire really regretting that there isn’t a “give me your badge and gun” equivalent line for firefighters.
“Give me your helmet and hose” has an entirely different connotation.
“I’m gonna make your fire hydrant explode.”
Well, maybe it could be a different type of show.
“Go on….” — A. Rodgers
“Yeah, SPLOOSH!” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI
“Stay off the pole”
When do we get CHICAGO LANDSCAPING and CHICAGO SANITATION DEPARTMENT?
Chicago Justice of the Peace!
AND WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE SNACKS THAT’S THE RESULT YOU’RE GONNA GET DON’T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT ME
Someone needs to get up in Foreman’s grill.
Dad, stop
Finally imaginary team doing some footbaw things
That run was Flintstonian
“Yabb-dabba-doobie!”
-Fred Flintstoner
OH WOW JJ WATT’S BROTHER IS SAD WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED NBC??
This JJ Watt snuff film is getting old.
Waiting on the Tom Brady sequel.
Please, God. I don’t ask for much.
Rut Roh….where the hell is ShogunMarcus? While telling my family to fuck off, it seems I’ve made up some ground. WTG Kelce (I’ll never call you zeropointsixzero again…..well, until next week when you fuck me over again).
Yeah I know. Between this and you still got murray tomorrow…bone-ed be me.
Snowman movie? Great now Eli is never leaving the house this winter.
He tries to avoid it as much as possible ever since Peyton and Cooper triple dog dared him to stick his tongue to a light pole.
Last season was a bitch for Eli.
If I wanted to watch Texans get murdered by Chiefs I’d be watching Westworld. I assume that happens at some point.
Wait. I hate the Chiefs. Why would I watch them win? I’m gonna go watch Westworld.
I really, really, really like Evan Rachel Wood
She be all Raleigh native n junk.
It’s moar the Mexicans.
So just like real life, LOL.
“If only we had walls!”
-Les Nessman
Looks like Houston had two good weeks, we now return to your regularly scheduled clusterfuck.
We all know the Chiefs are gonna have a great regular season and then crash out of the playoffs in a single game. What keeps me up at night is: what if they don’t?
2nd round game to the Pats or Steelers.
Meaning they’ll get the bye? Certainly makes sense at this point in the season.
What’re you…one of THEM?
/puts tinfoil hat on
//and matching underwear
…don’t ask
Who can keep the evil-ass P*ts or boring-ass Chefs out the Superb Owl? The fucking Jaguras? Is this how desperate we AFC folk have become?
Somewhere, Otto’s all
I can’t even remember Otto.
I can barely make out his face
/runs sobbing
He loved getting blotto.
Did he have a motto?
Domo arigoto, Mr Roboto
“Never play the Lotto”
-Otto
I believe it was, “Give me all the risotto”.
Awww… He was one of KSK’s best & brightest. He was too good for this world.
Otto and I had fun on the Game of Throne recaps. Those were good times.
Somewhere, Otto’s signing legislation to ban pants
The Best Timeline
Undressed was such a cocktease of a show title.
3rd and 4, you don’t even have your best Khunt out there. You should be punished for that.
Go Charcandrick West, young man.
Kelce. Hunt. Hunt. Kelce. Rinse and repeat.
I see the ref figured out which side has the camera.
Andy Reid has a giant whiteboard in his office listing all the daily specials at his favorite BBQ joints.
Numbers 1 through 5 are definitely “all you can eat.”
It’s been three days, and I still haven’t found a good Francisco Lindor “truffle” joke. At least I got some fresh bacon out of it though.
Ooh.
That’s a fucking clever play.
Are they going to have a moment of silence at halftime for JJ?
These two announcers? No.
I don’t care how good or bad Blade Runner 2049 actually is, I’m going to get mad if Roger Deakins doesn’t win the cinematography Oscar this year.
The set design was pretty fucking impressive as well.
At this rate JJ Watt is going to be euthanized behind the stadium dumpsters.
It’s the only way to be sure.
I’d pay as much as $12 American dollars to watch that.
I’m surprised he’s not being medevac’d out by the 160th SOAR they way Al and Chris are acting.
Joel Osteen is going to buy the corpse to add to his mega church.
Texan cheerleaders may as well have used body paint instead of shorts.
/NOT COMPLAINING, just stating an opinion
Example:
Also:
https://cdn1.lockerdomecdn.com/uploads/dd3442b38898636245615afca4b2476e6ffb7481e8a4e88f934e910d1cfc4165_facebook
and aren’t they supposed to be making us aware of their tits? smh
Straight Toussaud
He’s gone guys. Just let it go already.
Gah! Zesty Doritos suck.
You can’t say you weren’t warned.
All Doritos suck
What’s wrong with Zesty Cheese Doritos? They’re just saltier regular Doritos to me.
I think Ranch Doritos are hot garbage.
Kelce like really hates any contact after the play. Chill out, baby.
http://i.imgur.com/3Fg6xWp.gif
it’s almost like those who dish it out have trouble taking it…
Ease up on the JJ shit there Cris, a certain Dreamboat might be listening.
you have to keep a gentleman caller guessing, so he stays on his toes
This is really gonna be the #1 seed in the AFC, huh?
And, yea, he will hold in his tiny hands an entire conference…
Is it Friday yet?
Sure. Why not?
Saturday for me!
No skipping Thurs, Iggles/Cam is actually pretty interesting