Your “Save Room For Biscuits” Monday Night Football & Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.

And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.

There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.


Game preview: Vikings at Bears.

Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…

the Truth Biscuit!

Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.

(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)

The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.

Anyone for a 10-10 tie?

(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • NHL:
    • Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
  • MLB:
    • Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1

Holiday Monday and a short work week?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Gratliff
Member

One more cathartic Enzo Amore thing

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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King Hippo
Member

“And don’t you forget it, BITCH!” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI

Shogun Marcus
Member

Yawn. He keeps winning like that, I’ll take his dick.

King Hippo
Member

shit, who wouldn’t? That guy is fucking amazing. I bet he’s a kind and considerate lover, too.

Shogun Marcus
Member

I know where he lives. Throwing distance from both my folks and the in-laws.

jjfozz
Member

Can someone please post instructions on how to successfully post images, because I’m a fucking dillweed

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

I’ll try. http won’t embed, like below:
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/beach-volleyball-bounce-sexy-volleyball-gifs.gif

But if it’s https, it will embed, like so:
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King Hippo
Member

I can only post youtube videos, because I am too old/dumb/stubborn to learn

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Hint: Don’t use Imgur. It does not play well with others.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

If using Giphy, use the embed code.

via GIPHY

Brocky
Member

Gfycat

Gratliff
Member

Avoid imgur, make sure the link is https and not http.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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Gratliff
Member

Goddamn, Enzo’s experienced some fucking vicious botches

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Doktor Zymm
Member

pro ‘wrestling’ mystifies me

Gratliff
Member

It’s all about nerdy bullshit disguised as toxic masculinity and physically impossible body standards

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

It just looks like Buddy after every 1993 Leafs playoff in a dumpster behind Carlton St.

jjfozz
Member

wait, his name is Danielle but it’s pronounced “Da-neel”?

litre_cola
Member

Christine Micheal nods in agreement.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Sam doesn’t look right tonight.

No, Coach, Sam doesn’t look at the same spot with both eyes at once.

King Hippo
Member

not since he fell down that well in ought-two

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

I thought it was the Typhus outbreak of aught-three, or was that the Smallpox scare in oh-seven?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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Shogun Marcus
Member

didja know Spur hates the Aaron Rodgers?

jjfozz
Member

Tis true

Gratliff
Member

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Senor Weaselo
Member

The ropes told him to get big.

jjfozz
Member

Tonight I will sleep with a smile on my face.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

A terrible wrestler trapped in the body of…well, a terrible wrestler.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

“Everyone’s a critic.”

-John Gruden

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I’m watching this game with two women that are only interested in the halftime star wars preview.

Brocky
Member

Women who accept star wars are not to be taken for granted.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Is that the one with Doctor Spock or the one with Bigfoot? I get them mixed up.

King Hippo
Member

thanks for the heads-up, will look for some non-step-sibling porn instead.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Good luck with that.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Not
Even gonna
React to
Dat

jjfozz
Member

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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Doktor Zymm
Member

This is my fav so far

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Holy shit I made Zymm happy, time to drink arsenic.

jjfozz
Member

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

COACH: Sam, we’re gonna need to see more movement from you.

SAM BRADFORD: [sighs, packs up teepee]

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

“I call him the Predator, because I’m just really high right now. I mean, welcome to stonation, amirite? That bowl I smoked before the game fucked my shit up. Is this thing still on? Woo! I am John Fuckin’ Gruden, pal, and you better not forget it! Yowza!!!”

What JG was actually thinking.

Brocky
Member

Needs more curse words.

He curses like a sailor, how he manages to not do it on air is beyond me

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

Fangio has that blue crab talon mouth thing man and a shoulder mounted laser cannon that he fires off in practice for missed tackles and assignments and he once shot off a large Native American mans arms man that’s just wild man wow

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

Akim Hicks is an absolute monster

King Hippo
Member

You have a surprising number of good players as long as the offensive passing game is not considered.

jjfozz
Member

We must eradicate this man from the earth
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Gratliff
Member

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Gratliff
Member

Half-wrestler, half-OBJ photo negative

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

If the Bears can hold Diggs to zero points, I can win my fantasy matchup this week

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

I need 14 points between Diggs and Howard to beat Mrs. Sharkbait. She’s enjoying this game a little too much

litre_cola
Member

Same boat as me my good man.

jjfozz
Member

Goddamn this site is fucking pissing me off tonight. Sometimes the images I post show up, sometimes they don’t. What in the fucking FUUUUUUCK?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

They need to start with https. I find that including a “wordpress” in my image search helps.

Gratliff
Member

Back away from the imgur, sir

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Yep. imgur is shite. And use https:

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Alright, gotta go get some work done. I’ll be back later to gloat at ShogunMarcus….presuming Murray doesn’t blow out his ACL on his next touch.

Shogun Marcus
Member

As my league name implies, just not in my eye.

Senor Weaselo
Member

By “work done,” you mean…

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Yes.
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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

OK, maybe you’ve got the better idea.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Kontent Produkshun.

Doktor Zymm
Member

What are the rules about safetys in OT?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I always thought the OT rules were explained poorly. It’s sudden death UNLESS the first score is a field goal on the first possession of the period.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

If it falls off run out of the room and do the Ickey Shuffle

King Hippo
Member

It counts as a possession, you do not apparently get to onside free kick it to get the ball back (I inquired when rules changed)

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

End the game

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

If you allow one you’re kicked out of the league?

jjfozz
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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King Hippo
Member

Best. One. Yet!

Romonobyl
Member

Just turned the game on, and am not the least bit surprised to see a safety as the only points so far.

King Hippo
Member

you’ve missed some incredible punts and blatant offensive penalties

Brocky
Member

My dad while getting licked by the shih tzu

Dad: what’re you kissing me for?

Me: because you smell like wings

Dad: Awwwww

King Hippo
Member

and then your dad put wing sauce on his butthole, and ruined your childhood??

Brocky
Member

…..you okay there buddy?

litre_cola
Member

I am glad Fozz is filling in for Moose in the titties department.

jjfozz
Member

Gold in them thar hills!
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Doktor Zymm
Member

I’m actually kinda sad I’m missing this sure to be expiring matchup

Romonobyl
Member

Not for long you wouldn’t.

King Hippo
Member

there’s the 10 cent head that comes with the million dollar arm. JEEBUS

/also, punt #4 inside the Vikes’ 45

Romonobyl
Member

Deal.

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That group should want guys to be as drunk as fuck when they show up.
Yeeeeesh.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Eh, none of them look like lesbians anyway, so I should be fine

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Sounds like Buddy playing in a co-ed tackle league!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Butt-chugging it is!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Don’t hog the whole bottle! Pass it this way.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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King Hippo
Member

wow, Jay Leno’s kid sure has the yips, huh?

/also is quite black

Shogun Marcus
Member

YOU’RE SHOCKED? TALK TO MAVIS!

Senor Weaselo
Member

And striking out twice with the bases loaded starts to be worrisome as it is now 5-3 Dirt Giants.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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King Hippo
Member

he prolly did breastfeed until he was 4 ,, ppl forget that

King Hippo
Member

BLEERGH sez HAI

King Hippo
Member

important first down, NOW they can punt and feel good about it

jjfozz
Member

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jjfozz
Member

Here for god’s sake
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

So how long until opposing teams’ cheerleaders wear bikini tops to distract Mitchy-Mitch?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Don’t most of them already? They’d have to go to pasties to make any lasting impression.

jjfozz
Member

Can someone explain the Chicago qB and titties joke? Because I keep on seeing the word titties, but I’m not fucking SEEING ANY TITTIES

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Spells like he went to UNC

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Redshirt
Member

Here. Have two pairs.
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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member
Romonobyl
Member

I doubt young Ted Nugent would really do that.

King Hippo
Member

he made a tweetering over the summer professing his profound love for kissing TITTTAYYYS!!!

/spelling is rough approximation

jjfozz
Member

I fucking love this guy.

Shogun Marcus
Member

You HAVE been gone! He once tweeted that he in fact loved kissin them tittays.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Here, don’t go all purple engorged rage machine on us.
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Romonobyl
Member

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Gratliff
Member

I don’t like the new spin on the Riddler

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’m actually rooting for the Bears in this game just for survival pool purposes.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Last one

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Too bad the Bears don’t have a cheerleading squad on the sidelines.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Last one? MOAR!

King Hippo
Member

we can dance…AND SING!!!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

SAFETY FOR THE SAFETY GODS!

jjfozz
Member

My son is watching Enzo Amore on wrestling. I want to fill a pastry tube with black widow venom and jam that fucking thing right into that idiot’s skull. (Enzo’s, not my son’s.)

Brocky
Member

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Gratliff
Member

He’s universally hated by the lockerroom, he can’t wrestle, and he pissed off Twitter when it found out he doesn’t tip strippers, but he’s lightning on the mic and Vince is going to pay him forever.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

We are all grateful for the clarification.

King Hippo
Member

THIRD punt from inside the Minny 45, in the first QUARTER. Foxy’s so erect he could cut glass.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

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