Your “Save Room For Biscuits” Monday Night Football & Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.

And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.

There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.


Game preview: Vikings at Bears.

Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…

the Truth Biscuit!

Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.

(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)

The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.

Anyone for a 10-10 tie?

(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • NHL:
    • Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
  • MLB:
    • Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1

Holiday Monday and a short work week?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Brick MeathookMr. AyoWakezillalaserguruUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It occurs to me that the Vikings have been tearing through players like the Vikings who were trying to get back home in the cold open of the American Gods pilot, and the only way they can ever win is to fucking go balls-out and have a war to the death between two sides like they did in the series.

Doktor Zymm

I didn’t know they made a series of that, how close to the book was it?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Pretty close, but heavily stylized in Bryan Fuller’s style. It’s the best series on TV, maybe I’ve ever seen. Plus, it turns out that Emily Browning can act when not in a Zach Snyder movie.

But seriously, Ian McShane is a great Wednesday, Orlando Jones kills it as Mr. Nancy, and Gillian Anderson is wonderful as Mass Media.

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hippofant
hippofant

I love/am confused by seeing players looking up at the scoreboard to see the penalty they just committed, like just to confirm that they had.

Doktor Zymm

It needs to be official before they can mark it off on their penalty bingo cards

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“I looked cool committing that penalty”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

562 comments? This can’t be that good of a game. It’s fucking Truth Biscuit vs. whatever’s left of the Vikings.

King Hippo

it’s the last game before the “Suicide Temptress Desert” of Tuesday-Wednesday.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Remember, this kid can’t read

King Hippo

if you could adjust for that in net YPA, he’d be doing pretty good!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

Doesn’t get old. (The girl, I mean, because the dog killed her)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The best part is that the kid’s eyes telegraph what is about to happen.

Doktor Zymm

Poor eye discipline, smh

Sharkbait

Y U No throw to Diggs?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is he back on the field or are they still tending to his groin on the sideline? Has to be easier than working g with Shiancoe.

Sharkbait

Looked like he was out there.

WCS

Sharkbait

Im still disappointed the Stone Cold Lock Of The Century, Of The Week is no more

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

Air China gave me an Air China sticker to wear on my shirt during check in. This is a new one, no idea what the point is.

LemonJello
LemonJello

To make sure you don’t end up at Pyongyang International Airport?

SonOfSpam

“Crowd fully engaged…”

Aw, they went to Jared.

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

He meant to say “engorged”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, but I told ’em not to come back until they have kids.
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SonOfSpam

Slogan on shirt is missing “To a bull queer for a pack o’ Luckys”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’ve seen heavily-decorated vans with less airbrushing. All aboard the S.S. Date Rape!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Coach Zimmer putting a call in to release Mr. Winkles AND his family into the locker room before the end of this game.

King Hippo

throw to Thielen, shitass

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

No way that pistol was concealed there.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

We need to dig deeper.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I either had a Trent Green or a Strokey Kubes moment. This game is TIED?

Could be a lot of tittays kissed tonight in the Chicago metropolitan area.
/not counting Sanchez cruising high school parking lots

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still debating over text if that was awesome or stupid. Either way, it was entertaining af.

King Hippo

doinking the TD off the safety?? I’d say both, really.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sure that or the reverse counter option 2 pt attempt

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Hoooleee Shit! Maybe all those trash plays were just setting up that 2 pt try. After all, if a competent team did something like that, you’d know it was a trick. But when the Bears do it, it’s like, “oh TE reverse. That sounds about right.”

King Hippo

I could not have been more certain the ball was going to Howard, fo sho

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Exactly.

Green bay has supposedly the best quarterback of all time and get praised for those fake extra points

Doktor Zymm

Two eggs, sunny side up look sorta vaugely like tittays

SonOfSpam

Uh oh, the good Dok is high as fuck again.

Doktor Zymm

Nah, I’m just trying to make the best of an unappetizing breakfast buffet

SonOfSpam

Oh, that’s right, you’re in Somalia or something. Try the wildebeest.

WCS

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Fair.

theeWeeBabySeamus

A link sausage in teh middle would look like….ummmmm….never mind.

Doktor Zymm

You can also make a sort of bikini out of bacon

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO. I think SOS might be right. You do sound a li’l high.

WCS

That was Peak Vikings.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

This Witten commercial inspires me to hate the Cowboys more.

King Hippo

your moment of Biscuit Truth

Sharkbait

Sigh.

King Hippo

flukeDOWN!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Oh fuck off. If that was brady and gronk the announcers would be knob gobbling

Brocky
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Source from before: Isla Fisher in lingerie in Keeping Up With The Joneses

Brocky

Gracias

WCS

“He’s been known to get off early…”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Haven’t seen a Cohen reverse field like that since they started charging for a schmear.

King Hippo

wait, did Keenum leave too?

SonOfSpam

Yeah, but only cuz he was gonna be late for his shift at CVS.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Never get high on your own supply.

Senor Weaselo

Alice in Miami?

SonOfSpam

Alice Coaches The Offensive Line

Horatio Cornblower

Seems like the new Dolphins O-line coach will fit right in!

Brocky

Oh for fucks sake

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

DFO’s unofficial tagline.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Two more qb injuries? I have Orlovsky and Dan LeFevour in the “QBs hired befor Kaepernick” pool.

SonOfSpam

Why not Trent Green? He’s forgotten more about football than anyone has sailed a Chrysler.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Tim Rattay is still on the board, great value pick
http://www.nfl.com/draft/history/fulldraft?type=position

Romonobyl

Lost interest in this contest, in it’s stead I devoted a portion of my allotted time in this existence towards the searing of the flesh derived from innocent barnyard creatures utilizing my preferred utilities (grill) that were provided by my life partner upon her return to our shared domicile.
In other words…fuck this game, burgers and brats are on!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Branding?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ohz, ded ones.

Romonobyl

Very much died.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

I’m embarrassed to admit I really want to know whats in the bag.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Lube.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

MOTHER …

Brocky

I go out of my way to avoid seeing brady and Rodgers, yet they’re referenced multiple times.

Sharkbait

A Justice League Mercedes ad?

Doktor Zymm

How many safetys did I miss in the time it took me to get to the airport and check in?

SonOfSpam

These teams are exploding like Malaysian jets.

Senor Weaselo

Surprisingly not exploding like Malaysian jets? The Jets.

Yet.

Doktor Zymm

Are there going to be shreds of jerseys washing up in the Maldives?

Shogun Marcus

You have no proof.

SonOfSpam

Look, it was either that or aliens, and I don’t think the aliens thing is more than 38% possible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We’ve replaced Vic Fangio with Bernie Lomax, let’s see if anyone notices

WCS

Suddenly, this is a shoot out…?

SonOfSpam

(Jason Aldean scurries away)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Well, they’re in the right city for it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I will never not be proud of the fact of how easily I can recognize her form.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Disney’s making a Sandusky biopic!?

SonOfSpam

That’s some rhythmic slapping.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Anal Prolapse Mouse would be a great punk band name.

Horatio Cornblower

Gwenyth Paltrow thinks it would be a great name for her next kid.

Duchess

Wow, maybe Gruden might actually say something positive about the Bears…. I don’t know why he hates the Bears so much. Maybe they didn’t give him as much as he wanted when the rumors were swirling?

Redshirt

That was the most nonchalant pass I’ve ever seen.

Sharkbait

Its the Jay Cutler of passes.

Brocky

……..not going for two there is why even the most loyal of fans want fox gone

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yuuuup

Sharkbait

YOU’RE NOT JORDAN HOWARD!

Brocky

Since Sanchez isn’t playing. Whose their emergency qb

WCS

Apparently it’s the punter.

Senor Weaselo

The kissed tittays?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

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WCS

Can we just take a second to recognize the YOUSTON Astros for eliminating the FACKIN’ SAWX today? This fills me with great joy.

YOUAH FACKIN FACKS! WHAHT THE FACK?! WE DESERAHVE A WINNAH FOR FACKS SAKE! WE HAHHVEN’T HAHHD A CHAHMPIONSHIP SINCE THIS FACKIN FEBRUHARY!