Your “Save Room For Biscuits” Monday Night Football & Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.

And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.

There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.


Game preview: Vikings at Bears.

Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…

the Truth Biscuit!

Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.

(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)

The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.

Anyone for a 10-10 tie?

(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • NHL:
    • Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
  • MLB:
    • Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1

Holiday Monday and a short work week?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Wakezilla

I’m 4 episodes into The Good Place. It’s OK. I thought it was supposed to be really funny, but, it’s not. From what I’ve seen so far and from who gave Kristen Bell’s character the note, I have this theory that Ted Danson’s character is the devil’s henchman and he’s just messing with those people and they’re really in the bad place.

I also just finished watching Season 3 of Narcos. It was a 10 episode season for a storyline that was at best, 5-6 episodes. There was no gratuitous nudity and it wasn’t all that violent. Those two wonderful things kept the first 2 seasons passable, in terms of having seasons longer than they should. I mean, Andrea Londo was right there, damnit!

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Yeah, you need to stick with that show.

laserguru

Here’s a fun chemistry question for those of you California locals who parked outside tonight. We have ash blowing over the top of us and a wet marine layer settling in.
What do you get when you combine water and ash?
If you answered lye you get an A+!
And a trip to the body shop!

This shit is nasty.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Finally, we’re getting somewhere.

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laserguru

I got to say.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wait, so Porgs are NOT cannon?

laserguru

I’ve had a discussion with the board members and the higher ups and they asked that you refrain from posting any additional Imagine Dragons videos.

Other than that you’re a righteous dude.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Tough, but fair.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Things. Just. Got. Interesting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Even the umps can’t fuck this call up I guess.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wanna see those replays again. I think AZ just got boned but I was out of the room and only saw one as they were wrapping up the challenge. Sure look like the impact moved his glove. As I understand the rules, even if it did also hit the bat, he should have gotten his base.

Senor Weaselo

Challenge it Joe! Wait, wrong game.

laserguru

God I love this defense so much.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru

Finish the joke, man!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc

Just kidding. Love you Brother Moose!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Dickless, racist losers.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dammit TBS. Why is 2nd base a different color with no baserunner?
Assholes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

How the hell should I know wh……oh never mind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Well do they?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You gotta read the book….sheeeesh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Ask Sean Young.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If the time stamp had seconds, we could tell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It took me way too long to get this.
I’m not nearly drunk enough.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, that was at least more interesting than the Giraffe’s work, so I’ll take it. See you cretins at the next post.

theeWeeBabySeamus

G’nite, sweet prince.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

So hopefully, blax didn’t just jump.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Lucky for him, there aren’t any tall buildings in that state. So unless he’s near the Grand Canyon, I think he’s safe.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s in the upper deck at this game.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Some fat snowbird below will break his fall.

Doktor Zymm

Somewhere along the way I managed to pinch a nerve in my left shoulder. It’s normally not too bad, but carrying a backpack hurts like hell now. Not great for travel.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

What’s that smell? Oh its Scott Van Pelt’s lack of talent, that’s what I smelled.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Fuck yeah kamen rider

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Bears even manage to make a lateral play boring.

King Hippo

that was insufficiently wacky, Foxy

Brocky

I can fucking hear the beatwriters all ready:

1.rookie qb’s first career start

2.zero nfl quallity receivers

3.rest of the team ravaged by injures

4.inept offensive coordinator

none of this shit will matter. nope. chicago is literally the most incompetent franchise ever, and they are literally the worst at everything.

the beat writers will then give a double handy to brady and rodgers simultaneously.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Destroy the NFL

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is it OK if I do him and he does me?

— A. Rodgers

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

I’ve seen actual abortions that weren’t as big of abortions as this game.

King Hippo

the Abortion Tier is WAY worth the extra $5.99/month imo

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This game was a third trimester abortion because it was basically murder

King Hippo

“just toll it down the stairs a few times, that should do the trick!”

King Hippo

No first down, so we’ll still get a Truth Biscuit crazy lateral play.

WCS

Speaking of Snow White…

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synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Rudolph held him. What kind of fucking bizarreo world is this?

Brocky

one where chicago got royally fucked on penalty calls tonight. but that won’t make the papers

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Truth Biscuit or Sex Cannon: which is which?
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WCS

Trick question; Truth Biscuit is one of Sex Cannon’s 94 illegitimate children.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Father and son?

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Sexy Rexy has way better eye brows.

Doktor Zymm

I had the same thought!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

…aaaaaand Brandon Marshall’s out for the year. At this rate, the Giants might sign Kaep to play WR.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe they’ll just merge the Giants and Bears into one team

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still no wideouts

WCS

One the other hand, Other Brandon Marshall is fine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

oops, one safety throws directly to too far

SonOfSpam

Trubiskerception. Shocking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

King Hippo

smelling like OT, I know I want to stay up all goddamned night for this

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Bears are gonna play Prevent and try to win the game in the shoot out.

WCS

Also, the announcers love Chase Utley, maybe more than someone else…

SonOfSpam

Well, he has that certain SOMETHING.

(It’s whiteness. They like his whiteness.)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think the Bears defense is a theoretical construct.

Doktor Zymm

Since no one has ever observed the Bears D, the waveform never collapsed, so it’s still a superimposition of the possibility or impossibility of defense

SonOfSpam

Duh.

Doktor Zymm

Additionally, as we know the exact speed of the Bears Defense (very slow) we can have no idea where they are

WCS

Zach Grienke has thrown 80 pitches in four innings.

Senor Weaselo

“Four innings? Can you do that?” -Red Sox starting pitchers this postseason
/Tee hee

synapticmisfires
synapticmisfires

Benny Cunningham? Fake punt? John Fox is the new Jeff Fisher.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Love the praise from the announcers for the Bears managing to line up correctly before the snap

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

On officiating: “They want to get it right, if at all possible.”

King Hippo

the Bears are now doing their normal Q4

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The altitude sickness has got Dok.

Doktor Zymm

I had some of that in Cusco. Not bad, I just felt about 90 every time I had to go up a flight of stairs or walk really fast.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I feel the same way, but I’m just fat.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Notice that Truth Biscuit looks like Sex Cannon?

Doktor Zymm

I would watch a buddy reality show with Gronk and Truth Biscuit

WCS

The Syphilis Bros.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The theme song is to the tune of NOFX’s The Moron Brothers.

Doktor Zymm

It would be more entertaining than that show about how awful New Jersey is, and that was super popular!