Your “Save Room For Biscuits” Monday Night Football & Evening Open Thread

Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.

And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.

There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.


Game preview: Vikings at Bears.

Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…

the Truth Biscuit!

Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.

(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)

The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.

Anyone for a 10-10 tie?

(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • NHL:
    • Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
  • MLB:
    • Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1

Holiday Monday and a short work week?

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

Aaaaaand Betances walks the leadoff man. Time to start drinking!

Horatio Cornblower

I called that in a text with my son.

“You watch, he’ll put the first two on and be pulled immediately.”

Now my son wants to know what the next winning lottery numbers are, but sadly my only talen is recognizing a shit pitcher when I see one.

Horatio Cornblower

Betances in the 8th?

That’s a bold strategy Joe; let’s see how this works out!

Senor Weaselo

/Hits bull

Yeah, he’ll be just fine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Mitchell is going to Disney world

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If the NFL wants to fight cancer, why don’t they fire Goodell?

Brocky

But goodwill is where I got my sweet Nathan vasher jersey

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fucking autocorrect

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Booo. No touchdowns. Safeties. We want more safeties. Idiots.

Sharkbait

That’s not Diggs.

litre_cola

Need a Howard TD here

Brocky

Lol i completely forgot I had started Rudolph

Sharkbait

Yes, we do.

SonOfSpam

I’m good with “Duck-Duck-Goose” TD celebration.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d prefer duck-duck-gose since I’m almost out of beer

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I liked the Bobsled one the packers did yesterday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-io-VtyBPM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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Senor Weaselo

NAILED IT

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, that might be why she can’t do a flip.

WCS

So, I see I missed absolutely fuck all in the drive home and to the grocery store.

hippofant

And as soon as you come back, Case Keenum throws a TD!

WCS

Guess he was waiting for that coveted Yinzer demographic.

hippofant

AND A FAKE PUNT TOUCHDOWN!

WCS brings all the excitement!

Spur
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Given that we’ve had the emoji movie, what are the odds we’ll eventually see the Reaction Gif Movie?

Senor Weaselo

I’m not gonna say they were already doing it… but yes.

SonOfSpam

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

The Official Movie of the Mooseian Empire.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game is going to end 6-5 and I’m going to have a rage stroke

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I am going to lose every one of my matchups this week as this game is a dud and I am the worst FF player ever.

...

Nice. Three more safeties!

SonOfSpam

Damn, Gruden fucking loves saying “Amukamara”

the Alpha and the Amoeba

You mean you don’t?

SonOfSpam

Well, it IS my daughter’s middle name.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Sharkbait

Make it Diggs you fuckwits

litre_cola

Yes.

synapticmisfires

“The blocking wide receivers”. Fuck this game.

Horatio Cornblower

Severino was fantastic tonight. Now it’s up the bullpen to take it home.

In other words

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...

Good God this game.

synapticmisfires

God has nothing to do with this game.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
the Alpha and the Amoeba

/Did he smile, his work to see?
Did he who made the lamb make thee?/

Brocky

That’s what you think. I’m writing as we speak

synapticmisfires

How does ESPN always manage to find some dumb motherfucker in a Ditka costume to put on TV?

...

Greater Chicago is 10% dumb motherfuckers in Ditka costumes.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

It’s an entire industry in Chicago, like Elvis impersonators in Vegas

Spur

Folks

LemonJello

Heya!
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Spur

Is that Monica Cruz?

hippofant

Kelly Brook.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

My wife & I tried to watch that Rogue One movie a month or so back on Netflix. We got almost an hour into it, gave up & never watched the rest. That is one huge, steamy pile of suck.

SonOfSpam

Sounds like Buddy’s Super Bowl party.

Brocky

My main gripe was the discount jedi.

You’re either a fucking jedi or not. Don’t half ass that shit

Spanky Datass

The end of Rogue One was fucking amazing! But I was 9 when (1977) Star Wars came out so I may have a different view than you.

SonOfSpam

I knelt during the Star Wars trailer to protest the treatment of John Boyega’s character.

Brocky

Banner. I don’t care how fucking nerdy it is

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Sorry, did Disney buy the NFL when we weren’t looking?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s awesome.

Shogun Marcus

Whaddya mean? They did it in plain view.

Brocky

Disney has the ESPN hookup

the Alpha and the Amoeba

From Wikipedia:
“Ownership of ABC, and in effect control of ESPN, was acquired first by Capital Cities Communications in 1985, and then by The Walt Disney Company in 1996. In 2012, ESPN generated more revenue for Disney than any of its other properties combined.”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Suck it, Marvel!”

-ESPN

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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Brocky

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Source?

LemonJello

Hypnotic.

SonOfSpam

Borat really shouldn’t get to plow that.

Brocky

Damn, is that Isla? I thought it was amy Adams

Brocky

And I’m serious when I say I would like a source

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Brick Meathook

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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blaxabbath

Checking in before game time. Just remember, while not all Dodger fans are violent criminals, all violent criminals are Dodger fans.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Give ’em hell, blaxxy.

SonOfSpam

Nah, it’s just that Giants fans can’t take a punch.

Wakezilla

Food for thought : If Egypt men’s national lesser footy team can finally not choke and qualify for the World Cup, there’s hope for the Chefs and Iggles afterall

litre_cola

I support this message.

Gratliff

The Andy Bowl. The universe may end before either team claims the prize.

Shogun Marcus

Nah. Infinite time-outs.

SonOfSpam

Not bad for a bunch of old Gizas.

DontHair

I want one a screen quality home made proton pack but don’t want to spend 1500 bucks for one

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

FUCK YEAH!

When I was a little kid me mum gave me the Gemini G.I.Joe set. I made it so he could shoot a variety of weapons from the space capsule, which was not accurate, but cool at the time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I had the Submarine which really (allegedly) would submerse on its own if you used the little squeezy thing just right. The key word being allegedly….fucking thing never worked right.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

My loyalties were to Big Jim, damn you all!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You just never got the G.I. Joe with fury head like that shown, but sold separately.

Brick Meathook

The G.I. Joe pictured in the mummy kit is the newer model. He also came with the kung-fu grip.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Later converted to Masturbating Grip (TM).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The SCUBA set was kinda cool too.

Brick Meathook

I was quite a good model builder but we would always blow up our models with firecrackers after they were finished. We blew up a 12″ original G.I. Joe in his space capsule, and I mean we blowed that up real good. I guess it would be worth hundreds of dollars now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I spent to much time building models and too much allowance on G.I. Joe and other military stuff, guess I was cheap. I did help the neighbor kids burn their plastic men. We were not allowed or had available very many fire works until later.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That’s gotta be a child mummy.

synapticmisfires

He lowered his fucking head you dumb meathead. I’d like to see Gruden hit like that.

Sharkbait

Wheaton ded.

Gratliff

Not young Wesley!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He had the Oedipus going on…….

I may be thinking of something different.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Switch to alfalfa ……

Duchess

So… am I missing a kick ads defensive battle or an insanely derptastic offenses?

King Hippo

Mostly derp. But the defensing is pretty good.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Although you have to admit that it’s easier to defense derp.

Senor Weaselo

You know the answer.

deviantBastard

Neither. It’s quite the pitching duel.

jjfozz

I can’t remember the last time I saw an Indian get mauled this bad by a pack of bears.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I should have sent you the footage of Rushdie getting gangbanged at Manchester Pride ’91!

jjfozz

That is fucking hilarious. Can we be best friends for life?

King Hippo

Clinging to 10.65 point lead in $$ league (fading Minny D, only in this position thanks to 4 combined garbage time TDs by Watson/Hopkins combo), have Thielen v. DonT’s Howard in DFO ball, down 1.38.

SonOfSpam

Tell me more!!!

/mashes bon mot button

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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FOILED AGAIN!!

King Hippo

WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY KENNETH!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[looks at banner image]

Wait, wut?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/3620cd439c52a796ad1b8cb09caa19c5/tumblr_oxgtvqdxF01tr6ni8o1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Agreed. I thought that was just hurtful and tasteless. And I would have said so, too, if I hadn’t been distracted by Mitch-memes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But if taken is a sexual way….. oh, sorry.

Sharkbait

1 Diggsdown please.

jjfozz

Oh good, Lena Dunham is back in the news. I would rather fuck a rock ape than spend one minute in the presence of that overhyped, undertalented seacow

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Her show is called girls because she’s size of two of them

Horatio Cornblower

My wife walked into the room, saw that the Yankees 5-0 lead was now 6-3, said “Oh boy” and walked out quicker than Abe Simpson leaving that whorehouse.

King Hippo

c’mon, it’s not like you can’t trust your bullpen or anything…

Horatio Cornblower

Betances will be the closer tonight. Everyone else is burnt. That is a terrifying prospect.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

HEY OF COURSE THE BEARS ARE UP 2-0! YOU KNOW THAT REMINDS BUDDY OF… the fragility of life. Especially when you live in an NFC North city where simple exposure in January can kill you. Detroit can’t even pay pensions, let alone have multiple fire trucks. 2-0, the haves and the have-nots.

King Hippo

Unpredictable Buddy is goddamned hilarious

jjfozz
Brocky

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synapticmisfires

I really want this game to end 2-0.

King Hippo

Yes, this would have been divine.

Doktor Zymm

Fun fact, i’ve been to two different monkey temples on this trip so far!

litre_cola

Didja go to the one in Ubud?

Senor Weaselo

Did you put the monkey together and not take an hour? It’s only three pieces.
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Brocky

The head is on backwards

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sounds like Trump going to Baptist Churches

SonOfSpam

Good god, that’s wonderful.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sure, let’s take Murray out and THEN start running the fuck outta the ball. Thanks Minny.

Shogun Marcus

Huzzah!

theeWeeBabySeamus

It would actually be hilarious if it ended now. You’d have me by 0.20

Shogun Marcus

Even better than .6!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That carry put me over the top. Sorry my friend.

Shogun Marcus

Meh. This has always been foar teh giggles. Bravo to you! The actual team i care about won, so a good weekend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never mind I guess.

Sharkbait

I hear you. Ol’ Lazy Eye is only throwing catchable balls to Thelan.

King Hippo
Doktor Zymm

I’m kinda digging this football in the early morning thing, though it would be much better if I could actually watch the games. Bodes well for west coast viewing when I get back though

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I love that ESPN has the win probability as Min 62.7%. Dok, please explain

Doktor Zymm

They learned how decimal places work! Good for them!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Dewey had a system, but that was for measuring meth.

synapticmisfires

Probably just because they get the ball first in the 3rd quarter and the Bears lead by less than a FG.

King Hippo

Better team, 10 points away from FG range (take the lead), get ball to start 2nd half

King Hippo

10 YARDS

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Doktor Zymm: Vell, you zee, zince I am leaving Chicago ze odds of any team benefiting from meine prezence ist significantly lower. Thus, ze Bears are now ze hopeless team ve always knew zey vould vone day become.

jjfozz

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LemonJello

Huzzah!
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Gratliff

One more cathartic Enzo Amore thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f-gdt9p-k0