Hey, mirth-makers! So good to see you again. I’m hoping that the vast majority of you are enjoying this short work week like I am. That Monday off is always great. And then starting the week on the Tuesday, half-assing it on Wednesday (I work from home that day-it took me a while to figure out how to do it but it was highly recommended by the likes of some of you folks so I had to), putting in quality time today and finishing up tomorrow makes for a delightful way to bring home the artisan bacon. And then what?-watching football all day Saturday and Sunday. Some may care to do other things like be an integral part of their family, volunteer their time, what have you. Whatever. It takes all kinds, amirite? Listen, obligations come in all kinds of shapes, sizes and flavours-we all know this. As for tonight, the Thursday Football Gods have conjured up a lou-lou. Or maybe just a loo? Shall we break it down a wee bit? Sure. Let’s go…. TO THE GAME!
EAGLES/PANTHERS: Look at you, you gorgeous 4-1 squadoos! Very impressive I must say-separating yourself from the dregs of the NFC and everything! We should/might see what the Eagles are really made of tonight. There’s talk among the cynics (primarily godawful Eagles fans) that their record was built on a mound of cupcakes. Looking at their last three wins (over the Cards, Lawnclippers and Giants) there may be some merit to this. My take is that they’re doing something right because they sit third in the league in total offense. They know how to move the ball. Plus they must be motivated to gain even more ground on the 2-2 ‘Dacteds and the [snorts derisively]* 2-3 Cowsquirrels. The Cam is rounding into his previous NFL MVP shape if one were to look at his last two games-he’s tossed for 300+ yards in each and seems to be over the shoulder trouble that contributed to 5 INT’s to this point. His play has to be spectacular because despite young McCaffrey busting his TD cherry last week the ground game was responsible for a whole 28 yards on 28 carries. I don’t math well but that doesn’t seem very good.
Bust that comment section a new a-hole, buckaroos!
*It’s all that I have left. Just give me this!
Ron Darling is terrible.
Bunches of Funchesses!
/burst through the door
WHY ARE YOU ALL WATCHING FOOTBALL WHEN THERE’S BASEBALL ON!?
Bitter Cards fan is bitter.
This man. Boo him.
Next week on HRTN: ICRM is ritualistically sacrificed to BLEERGH.
rules is rules
hey watching baseball too
This is all very good. Thank you.
Shit, I have to admit…yinz might be legitimately good, not just “FOAR the NFC East” good.
Both these guys were nominated for Academy Awards for this but oddly only the dude on the left won even though dude on the right is clearly doing it better.
It’s almost as if teams will have more success on third and long if they run routes past the line to gain rather than five yard dump offs.
WEIRD!!
Tell me more…
Capt. BlueBunny
The defense also knows where the first down marker is and call a play to defend that particular depth of pass, thus the percentage of success drops and the percentage of turn-overs increase. A dump off gives a better open field runner the ball in open undefended space, it is a high percentage completion rate and the runner has a better chance of making the first down than a double covered receiver down field.
Tell me more…
D. Capers
and/or they are trying to bait you into taking the dumpoff, unless you have a really good open field runner, this is probably still not a good option to take
Nope. But it should be the last read.
“trying to bait you into taking the dumpoff,”
Fucking seriously?
Fuck it; throw deep.
This is genuinely arousing.
Does Doug Pederson not have a screen in his fucking playbook?
Tiny Darren took it with him.
Capitals invading the ballpark now
https://video.twimg.com/tweet_video/DL_EzDjUEAE3FHY.mp4
Is it a Washington thing? I mean I said they were the Not Ready for Primetime Players. (Why I took them still, don’t know.)
alls I know is if the Series end up youse and the Small Bears, you better sweep the shitasses.
Riverboat just LOVES being down 5!
Wait can Cam not throw any passes more than 10 yards?
Never mind….
I think we all know that he cannawt. To his team anyway.
Current mood
http://p.fod4.com/p/media/2e156aa42c/0vFCbrVbSkiiddsznptW_Referee%20Pickup%20WWE.gif
“Riverboat” Ron, follows up the FG from the 2 down 8 with punting on 4th and 2 feet down 8.
hey, it can’t be all hot gay sex ,, smgdh
Meanwhile, on DC public transit…
We would have also accepted Sonic.
It’s pretty telling when fucking WalMart behaves more decently than the fucking President.
That’s a rather low bar.
Puerto Rico isn’t separated from the US by an ocean, Walmart.
To be fair, they tend to hire business majors over geography majors.
Puerto Rico being in the Caribbean isn’t exactly Bachelor’s degree in Geography material.
plus it isn’t separated from the US…it is the US (at least kinda sorta)
From kollege.
The Snowman was a great book. I will NOT see this abortion of a movie.
https://imgflip.com/i/1xiy0r
Physics…it’s FAN-TASTIC!!!!!
Shiiiiiiiiiit
Good use of the days off boys.
https://deadspin.com/winnipeg-jets-players-catch-release-river-monster-1819422683
Fixed the antenna.
The fuck happened??
Hillary lost.
TOO SOON!!!!!!
Don’t tell him about the Titanic.
Terrorists flew airliners into the World Trade Center. Israelis and/or Muslims danced.
Or so the Presbyterians would have you believe
Dick Sargent replaced Dick York.
What kind of college did Dominos owner lady go to where she had money saved up after attending rather than being $200K in debt?
Trump University
University of Phoenix! Apply now they have “assistance”.
Uhhhh…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4973342/Brazilian-family-12-fingers-toes-each.html?ito=social-twitter_mailonline&utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark
Imagine the hand jobs!
THERE WE GO!!
“SIGH” – J.P-P
Bradham is a goddamn monster
Bradham tackled him by the bandana
Surprise, 160-lb panty-head can’t even begin to break a tackle.
h
ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/d6b52e68638deda12a388221f59d1a97/tumblr_os7rm9uFUX1uvcvyto1_400.gif
Luuuuuuuuuuuuke’s done
Entering “Trent Green of linebackers” territory, I’m afraid.
Who?
-Trent Green
That’s funny, cam acting like he can throw.
Someone should tell him he throws like a girl.
booooooo
booooooooooooooooo
Thanks BLEERGH!
http://www.businessinsider.com/polynya-hole-antarctica-sea-ice-2017-10
Mysterious? It’s Wentz’s mom.
BWAHAHAHA
TWO ONE EYES ONE TWO TWO ONE TWO ONE TWO EYES!
Wow I will give Pederson credit on that one.
I wonder if Trump will allow “The Foreigner” to be shown in the USA?
https://twitter.com/seanhannity/status/569725145767661568?lang=en
He didn’t respond to my comment of how this was the biggest snub since AMERICAN Pie didn’t win Best Sex Scene at the MTV Movie Awards.
Wait, penalty on the offense on the PAT and they get to keep the point?
Defense can choose to make them rekick or apply it to the kickoff.
Thanks. I could see accepting that on the old PAT’s, but on the new ones I’d make them kick it again.
Oh. It was on the defense? I guess someone was covering the centre. I figured it was the old not-covering-the-end version.
Tony Romo called him “The Great Zack Ertz.” This Tony Romo guy might be okay.
You’ll all be relieved to know that I think I’ve resolved my fruit fly infestation. I ordered a weapons-grade bug zapper from teh Amazon, every time one of those little fuckers hits the grid there’s a remarkably loud and satisfying pop.
I’m glad they’re finally gone, the loud music and all the shit they were leaving in the their yard was killing my property value.
My kid attempted to make waffles on his own last year and in a panic or stupidity, shoved the waffle iron, still loaded with batter into the back of a cabinet under the sink. The fruit flying was intense.
your restraint is admirable, as you have made it clear your child is still alive
My life
also congrats on your restraint – stopping at one
So no need for, as Hippo put it, “little death ovens” of vinegar and soap?
/just wanted to boost the SEO for “little death ovens”
They helped, but weren’t the final solution.
Fuck, now I’m really going to hell…
Oh, man, I could see actively encouraging the fruit fly population growth to enjoy that effect.
If you happen to be watching, there’s also a neat little flash as the fly’s body is vaporized. Intensely pleasurable.
I am quite happy for you. Is this industrial bug zapper a reliable killer of regular house flies, too? I bought a fly-killa a decade ago, and was NO SMIRE re the results.
This is an absolute implosion.
– Josh Gordon, describing his roommate’s latest vodka shenanigans.
ERTZ DOUGHNUT!!!!
My snarky Zack Ertz breakout season line is looking better every week
And Jonathan Stewart is the Nats of Footbaw
DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRp
Cripes, the Natinals really are the Crapitals of based balls.
YARP
Oh my Nationals.
Do you think if espn was still relevant, and Wilson Contreras hit a walk-off home run in some game, Kenny Mayne would do the highlight on sportscenter and say “Oh, Contraire-es!”?
Or would he go with “Wilson just being Contrary-es with that hit!” ?
He hit it over some fencing they had set up in the outfield.
Yeah that’s more of a Kenny Mayne tone, the Contreras puns probably would’ve been Stuart Scott.
Sweet Sassy Molassy
I would imagine Max Scherzer is Sam Bradford’s favourite baseballist
I once dated a woman with different coloUr eyes. It took a lot of getting used to but she was a weapon in bed so it didn’t bother me.
That’s what you fucks get for not having a superhero kicker