We’re almost there, another Sunday in the books. I hate this as much as you guys do, but the shitty week’s finish line is in sight.
But first we gotta get past this one tonight.
No, those aren’t my words. That’s what I would expect to be overheard in the Gigantes’ locker room right about now. Probably the front office, as well.
But take heart Giants, there’s always a chance to turn it around.
But probably not this week. Sorry guys.
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NYG @ Denver – 8:30pm – NBC
Injuries and record don’t affect Giants’ confidence (Giants.com)
Well, it should.
Already behind the 8 ball with an 0-5 start, the Giants’ injuries on both sides of the ball have piled up. Among others, WRs OBJ, Dwayne Harris, Brandon Marshall and Sterling Shepard….all out. And the bodies they replace them with will be facing the Donks’ top ranked defensive unit. Sad Eli is sad.
They’ve also got plenty of wounded out on the defensive side of the ball. As well as as the suspension of CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie (hide the furniture!!!!).
So I’m happy for the Giants that they are still able to at least lie about being so confident. That’s commitment.
The Donks’ Trevor Siemian hasn’t exactly been tearing it up thru the air so far (though he’s had his moments), but that could change tonight against the Gigantes’ patchwork depth chart. And even if it doesn’t, the Donks still should be able to run the ball, control the clock, and win this one without too much sweat.
But I think Siemian will use this opportunity as a springboard, at least for this week.
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The Line : Donks -13.0, o/u 38
Take the Donks, give the points.
But don’t go anywhere near that o/u. Not this week.
Here’s your scores from earlier today if you missed them.
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Pssssst….There’s Also Baseball Tonight
- Game Two | CHC @ LAD – 7:30pmEDT – TV: TBS (Dodgers 1-0 )
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OK guys….here’s the playcall…
Drink on three….ready…..BREAK!!!!!
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Giants doing a good??
Don’t get used to it.
Bark Oswald is in!
IT’S BROCKING TIME!
Glasses on folks, we are moments away from achieving Full-Eli!
OH GOODIE, here comes Brock Lobster??
How the fuck did the Cowboys lose to this team?
Hippo and Moose right now (artist’s conception):
Picku Sixu
JACKRABBITDOWN!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_XZmcfq5F8
Can’t even exploit Fiona Apple, have a word. THEN THAT
Every tim Apple commits a penalty:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFOzayDpWoI
RUN MONKEYBOY RUN!!
That’s a pretty good Howard Cosell impression.
Oh, wait. Were you doing Rush Limbaugh?
#GEOSTORM is just Mans: The Hands of Fate with an eleventy gillion dollar budget.
So which ones of us are going to riff it?
Wait, that’s not a SciFi channel movie?
Soon my friend.
I wish they would just tie it in to GI Joe. That shit is just the Weather Dominator.
Thinking about losing to the 0-5 Gigantes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_WfLgVeEBw
Who’s going to help Rodgers put his dick in the Glory hole? His sling is going get in the way.
Zekes got free time.
The Ms Sloth is outta town, and I’ve been working for 9 days straight, but now it’s time to treat myself: 3 cheese pork pinwheels, topped with apple mostarda (with black truffle mustard), served over white wine risotto.
Imma be a happy pirate during the second half.
What the fuck was all that bullshit?
Fucking Danger Zone?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSV35A1cQDM
I like #84, he’s absurd but harmless
McKenzie just ran 75 yards for a net of two. SMRT!
/you have no idea how awful his predecessor was
That had to be more than 75 yards.
Wasn’t the whole game supposed to look like this?
Why the fuck do the Giants love draws so much?
It’s the only thing Eli ever got an “A” in.
They can’t read?
That’s a great way of starting this drive.
Bruins waived their backup (third?) goalie last week. He was picked up by Vegas, is starting in a game against Boston, and is shutting them out with 2 minuets left. In conclusion, fuck Boston.
/Also the goalie, Subban, is a Dahkie no ofence no homo.
Subban? PK’s brother? Oh that is fantastic.
Yep, he was their touted goalie of the future until about two weeks ago, it seems.
Is that the first time he took off his mask in front of a home Boston crowd?
Bruins fans react reasonably
The hell did Vegas do with the two other Goalies they got in the draft from the Av’s and the Islanders?
Pickard was put on waivers.
I had the same thought, trying to figure it out now. They drafted 3 I thought, and none of them are currently around?
…
Yeah, Pickard, Fluery, and Berube. Their current goalies are SUbban and Maxime Lagace (NOT Manny Legace)
NBA season starts next this week. With my team not looking so hot get ready for some threadjacking. The NBA is slowing replacing my Sports attention. The League isn’t that evil and the players are somewhat likable. It’s like the NBA wants the games to be fun.
How about them……Dallas Stars?
Just. So. Many. Games. And. So. Few. Potential. Champions.
True they could shorten the season by 10-15 games.
uh….what?
Alright, the Mrs is coming home later and I’ve spent the entire weekend sitting around with my dogs (though I did coat the trim on my Jeep today so that was a thing — we’ll see how it holds up, I only gave em about three coats) so I should clean or whatever.
Also, I think Mike Evans is overrated — at least if he’s gonna stay with TB.
please don’t let Charles score it..
This game isn’t surprising if you remember that the Broncos QB is Trevor Siemian.
The dog is glaring at me. Time to take him for a walk. If you happen to see any stories about “CT man lost in woods near reservoir” you should take that as the cue for someone else to write about the Cowboys and their fucking bye week.
Well, they didn’t lose at least.
We’ll come looking…
…for the dog.
I volunteer. It’ll be 10,000 words consisting of “FUCK JERRY AND THE COWBOYS” over and over again.
Hillary killed him.
Holy shit — what if Hillary shot and killed someone in self-defense while out hiking?!
If Eli wins he’s going to Casa Bonita.
He loves him some Casa Bonita.
Pull up a seat, buddy!
Al knows that CU is in Boulder, not Denver, right? Or, is he just wasted. Again.
if he stops being wasted, he’ll prolly die
All right, I’m about to head downstairs. I fully expect to get yelled at by my wife for being too drunk.
There’s another option: keep drinking.
Or head upstairs.
try the dong show option!
[cues up ELO’s “It’s a Living Thing”]
I have to be up at 4am and I’m still drinking!
Dilly Dilly
You can’t wake up hungover or drunk if you never go to sleep.
I actually went from drunk to hung over without sleeping. Do not recommend.
I prefer afternoon drinking and this happens to me TOO MUCH. It’s awful.
To the pit of misery!
RIP Grape-Kun. May you find your Penguin waifu in weeb heaven.
Great throw Eli, hurt MORE of your receivers
Evening commentists. Just tuned in. Is Tebow back?
Warming up on his knees.
Like a good catholic
If he was Catholic I’d have to kill someone.
Hey everybody, Unsurprised is Ian Paisley’s reanimated corpse!
Speaking of “what is dead may never die” …
Practicing his wrist action (for circumcisions and jerking off Republican blowhards).
I need either the Giants to run up the score (lol) or CJ Anderson finding his groove.
Giants always level the playing field with unimaginative play-calling.
The Donks and Gigantes have switched uniforms…let’s see if anyone notices.
/raises hand wearily
I imagine the Browns are Pennywise and the Giants are Georgie, warning them about how they’ll float too.
Only McAdoo’s play calling is way more scarier than any clown/alien/demon
You’re giving Eli nightmares.
Elisha has fallen for this trick two dozen times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5arZGgyGSc
I am so fucking glad I do not gamble anymore or even play fantasy football because this fucking year would have driven me into a bottle by now.
Other than the Browns consistantly train wrecking, I have no idea which teams in the league are good and which are terrible.
None are good and none are terrible. The Patriots are the favorite son and the Steelers are the second-favorite son. Everything else shakes out accordingly.
The Browns ARE TERRIBLE….
I am fairly certain that one of us could make the practice squad for the Cleveland Browns. God knows we collectively get drunk and could draft better than the Browns.
I actually might publish a serious HOT TAKE post next week naming Hue Jackson the worst head coach in NFL history.
A shame more people don’t have the same attitude towards Facebook and Twitter.
I fucking hate needing FB to keep in touch with everyone I know.
Ok, I’ve been drinking. And posing for pictures wearing nothing but a tie and boxers while 20′ in the air. And drinking. And playing horseshoes very well for a white guy from above the Mason-Dixon line. And drinking. But despite all that weirdness I have to ask: what in the blue fuck are the Giants doing leading the Broncos 10-0!?
Building up to a heartbreaking second-half collapse.
Better question: Why were you on a trampoline in boxers and tie?
Yeah, what’s with the boxers?
It was a bucket-loader. I was in the bucket. And you clearly weren’t here earlier when I explained that a friend of ours is turning 50 next week and, for her present, the women, including my wife, got all the guys together for what is undoubtedly the most horrific calendar this side of Eli Roth’s imagination.
When you said “bucket loader” I thought you were talking about Najeh Davenport.
Phil Margera didn’t die, he simply moved to Vegas to be a gigolo.
I already told you, cause I picked the Broncos in my survivor pool and no longer particularly want them to lose.
Touche’
You just know they are calling New York trying to figure out how to rule this properly to maximize the benefit to the Patriots.
Goddammit, i need CJ Anderson to do better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI49aTGvXUQ&ab_channel=Lexxon
The Dame made a giant pot roast with carrots, potatoes and onions.
I married well.
What? Not gigantic?
A Giants pot roast meal has one worthless burnt end and disappoints you with its failings at every component of the meal.
I married a woman who burns canned soup. I had to learn to make the things I like. Very sad.
As a Giants Fan and playing against a guy with the Denver D, i like that TD very much.
Giants fan is an interesting thing to be.
Worthy of a government financed study.
What is dead, may never die. Friend.
So of course I picked Denver in my survivor pool. And now that I no longer want them to lose because I don’t really care anymore (with the Raiders season in the shitter) they will of course play like garbage and lose at home to an 0-5 team.
welcome to The Darkest Timeline, the world really does just continually keep getting worse and worse
In all honesty all I need in order to die happy is for us to discover that intelligent life exists elsewhere.
Not in this lifetime, bub.
Eli…..do good?
Chocolate Yoo-Hoo for everyone!!!!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yoo-Hoo is only for winners, champ.
grumble grumble grumble
Yes, yes, we’ve all seen your Bill Belichick.
Listen if Hippo’s gonna go full Belichick he’s going to have to fuck Betty White, and no one wants to see that.
Especially Betty,
From the Amazon Q&A of Romonobyl’s bug zapper:
Question: ultraviolet light is very bad for the eyes. how does this device handle the eye safety issue?
Answer: Rotate your head so that your eyes are pointed in the other direction.
Yeah, those responses get pretty hilarious.