NFL News:
- Ezekiel Elliott gets to play Sunday against the [Redacteds].
- The NFL was denied an expedited preliminary injunction in advance of the October 30th hearing into their appeal of the injunction related to a different appeal.
- The earliest Zeke can be sidelined is November 5th.
- The NFL was denied an expedited preliminary injunction in advance of the October 30th hearing into their appeal of the injunction related to a different appeal.
Vontaze Burfict will not be suspended for his kick to the helmet Sunday into Steeler’s RB Roosevelt Nix.
- He’ll probably just be fined.
- FYI – whatever happened to KSK Kommenter Vontaze Me Bro? Is he hanging with Otto Man? Wither Sarah Sprague?
- Texans LT Duane Brown has ended his holdout, and expects to play & not be traded.
- He wanted out of the remaining two years of his deal, feeling his efforts were under-appreciated (i.e. – money).
- Key injuries from Sunday:
- Joe Thomas (Browns) – torn triceps. Prognosis: done for year.
- Jay Cutler (Dolphins) – cracked ribs. Prognosis: out indefinitely.
- Matt Slauson (Chargers) – torn biceps. Prognosis: done for year.
Finally, in case you didn’t see it (HA!), lots of people had fun with last night’s Fog Bowl II.
There were the serious,
Fog Bowl 1988
Fog Bowl 2017 pic.twitter.com/iUsAGJK0Ij— Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) October 23, 2017
the serious,
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/922278080974086145
the ridiculous,
I can't be the only one who saw the Patriots assistant buying the fog machine at Party City Friday. Just can't be
— Anthony Gulizia (@AnthonyGulizia) October 23, 2017
and the idiotic.
FOG=3 letters
Take the alphabet and configure the letters to numbers
take F(6)+ O(15)+G(7) =28
Falcons blew a 28-3 lead in #SB51 pic.twitter.com/PBihZ5T08U
— Patriots Militia (@PatsMilitia) October 23, 2017
Sometimes, when he’s bored, Internet Dad will let me clear out the spam filter, because he knows I have no credit cards and thus can’t be swindled into paying for whatever boondoggle is offered our way. (Pfft – “Help Puerto Rico”?) After all, it’s important to keep people like Russians & carpet dealers from interrupting our enjoyment of dick jokes & Moose gifs.
Last night, however, we were almost treated to this in the Open Thread
I had so many questions: (sadly, not 25)
- Who were these girls?
- Where were they incarcerated?
- How desperate are they?
Sadly, what I thought was a clickbait-dream turned out to be nothing more than a spam site offering cheat-codes for a fee. Why, it wasn’t even worth running around the school board filter to try & access. TRY HARDER, COMMIES!
Game preview: Washington at Philadelphia
It seems funny now that this game is, for all intents, probably the deciding game for the NFC East this season. The Ginats have been out of it since Week-3, and the Cowboys are reverting to the 8-8 Jason Garrett mean. If Washington has any hope of making the playoffs as a wild card (at minimum), they need to go into the Eagles house & smash in their teeth like the Eagles did to them Opening Sunday.
Carson Wentz has blossomed into a possible real-deal in his second year under Doug Pederson. The offence has been expanded each week, as Wentz’s skill set shows he’s ready for a broader range of QB options. Receivers like Alshon Jeffrey & Torrey Smith help compensate for the learning curve, and Zach Ertz has become the Eagles’ Travis Kelce as Wentz’s reliable check-down option. The defence is solid yet unremarkable, as they really have yet to be tested; the hardest game they’ve had was against Carolina, and they bounced Newton all over that field.
Meanwhile, future-other-team’s QB Kirk Cousins is both playing for bonuses & auditioning for roles elsewhere, so look for him to sling the ball all over the field, to whomever’s healthy enough to be in the lineup. And speaking of healthy, there’s no Josh Norman for the foreseeable future, so good luck covering the deep route. All they can really hope for is to run the ball & eat the clock, because they will lose an air war with the Eagles.
Prediction: Eagles by 10.
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- Washington at Philadelphia – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- en espanol en ESPN2
- Washington at Philadelphia – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- NHL:
- Sharks at Rangers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Raptors at Spurs – 8:30PM | TSN2
- WWE
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- last night’s PPV was a schmozz due to viral meningitis & mumps bringing down a bunch of scheduled wrestlers, so they have to work their replacements into the canon. Or not. Either way, it ought to be a blast figuring out.
- Also, they’d better follow-up on this:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
FOR EVERYONE’S SAKE!
And once again, DirecTV fails to outsmart rain.
That’s almost as funny as SiriusXM not being able to outsmart leaves.
Dude, rain is water falling from the sky, and water heavy
If it were only the smartest (aka heaviest) rains, then I’d say OK.
I mean, would it’ve been any worse with a punt?
If Oxypug becomes an HRTN character, you only have yourself to blame.
Huh. Stupid auto-refresh!
In two weeks that poor pup will start sniffing butts for cash.
His real name is Marley and he is oldman pug. He does like his opiates it seems.
Just took Oxypug out and come back to this. Tis to be expected.
Washington has the ball. The refs work here is done.
ARM PUNT
Like 55 yards, pretty effective
Is Flag Day still a holiday and is it today?
3 straight positive plays, 3 straight bullshit frags
Jesus fuck. Kill the refs.
all the frags!
Fucking bleergh swear to god
The landscape around SLC is really nice, but from my brief experience the city itself seems kinda crap. Some really wretched homeless people, probably because it’s and American religious city and you can’t help poor people because being poor is a judgment of God or some shit
The surrounding mountain ranges are breathtaking, both from the air and the ground.
The city is without soul or direction. So it’s appropriate.
Agreed as I am in Park City this week on vacation. An d it is beautiful here.
If you’re a golfer, try out the municipal track there in town. It’s freaking awesome. The Canyons course is kind of fun, but basically like playing a real-life version of Golden Tee.
As an eighteen-year resident of this city, I’ve gotta say, that’s pretty much spot-on.
Oof, maybe get out of here for college? Until then just tell people to go jump in a lake, secure in the knowledge that there is a handy lake nearby
I moved up here to go to college. I just turned 39.. But my hometown was a REAL shithole so this place is basically Shanghai-La in comparison. So I kinda stuck around.
I don’t make the best decisions in life.
Just a quick, mindless question that is not going to be used against you: what are your feelings on soft drinks and birthdays, and the unfair persecution of Joseph Smith for not sharing his gold tablets? Don’t worry though, no wrong answers.
I’m not one of those Utahns or Utards as I know them as if that’s what you’re asking.
Everyone I know that lives out of state has a way different opinion on Mormons than those of us that live here. In other places, they’re usually fairly sweet people that get along to get along.
Here they’re in charge and they love nothing more than trying to push the rest of us around.
The next time I go to Zion I’ll probably fly through Salt Lake City to gawk at the Big Ol Temple and cross that capital off my list.
Gotcha. You can still do the lake thing. Also, that Red Rock Brewing place I had dinner is pretty good, so not all bad.
Red Rock is great! Squatters is even better. Surprisingly decent microbrew scene here.
Also, was any part of SLC Punk even vaugely accurate?
Eh, getting good drugs here is tougher than it looked.
I loved my time there but I got the same vibe. Real Salt Lake game was fantastic, near European atmosphere.
I bought a hat in Salt Lake City once.
…so is Jordan reed dead or….
But really, who among us…
somebody was watching German Netflix at work today ,, smh
Most Recurring Word On Each Country’s Wikipedia Page
I will not rest until “Ook” is on that map.
I will make a call.
We do love our wars.
Of course Mexico’s is misspelled…
I’m usually at my desk when that happens. I don’t have a lot of work friends anymore.
goddamnit Kirk, that was NOT A PASSING TOUCHED DOWN
smgdh in my day the wimen balanced books ON THEIR HEADS!
Dammit, I just accidentally answered a fund raising call from my uni. Who was that limping off the field?
Hope
#58, not sure the name.
Hicks. A good mnemonic device is to consider the [*Redacted] s fanbase.
We can haz no texxbukks?
Has there ever been any discussion about getting injured players off the field via wheelchair? Seems like it would be a lot safer and more efficient.
large pool skimmer net
You might think so, but…
Nah, let’s just get one of their teammates to awkwardly carry them halfway, while providing no guarantee that they are not aggravating the injury all the while.
Who likes that? Does anyone like that?
/raises hand apologetically
2 TDs, Captain Kirk. This must do.
Oh goddammit. I forgot they brought back this bullshit opening.
The worst part is knowing that there are plenty of people in the DC Metro area that fancy themselves cowboys.
Rhinestone or Urban?
midnight
“Roughrider, two-day stubble” – Aaron R., Green Bay, WI
Space
I won’t lie. When I first heard about Chris Long going to Africa many years ago, I was super-skeptical. Glad I was wrong.
I’m still confused by the Bears being 3-4.
wait until it’s 8-8 NFC North Champion Bearistocrats!
/throwing no forward passes in Wild Card weekend win
This would be worth setting back any potential rebuild.
I credit their new “No QB necessary” offense.
Alright. No reason for these burgundy fucks to even sniff teh playoffs. Sweep the leg, Johnny!
COBRA KAI COBRA KAI COBRA KAI
You know that didn’t end well for Johnny, right?
via GIPHY
Once again, the heroes are thwarted by cultural appropriation
The Ref was blind. He kicked Johnny in the forehead!
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/bills-fan-sets-himself-on-fire-after-jumping-onto-burning-table/ar-AAtX4ZB?OCID=ansmsnnews11
Somebody most likely posted this, but damn.
you could have just said “Local Fan” and we would have all guessed “Bills” after Rev’s preview
Pretty sure they just call that a Tuesday in Buffallo.
(replacing two people job update)
“Worked two hours overtime, but 45minutes of it was me having an nice email discussion with someone who feels I should deviate from my establish process and put me in legal risk just to make his life easier.”
I left work an hour and a half early today, but made up with it by taking a 10 minute phone call. I spent an hour of the free time taking a nap.
I actually found and put on the closest thing I have to a Redacteds-coloured shirt (no ofence FOAR saying coloured). That’s how much I want the necessary CousinsPOINTS to get to 6-1.
hey, watch Brandon Perna’s “That’s Good (ok NAWT good) Broncos” recap of yesterday’s poo on the living room carpet, it’s goddamned hilarious
Helpful Hint: drinking a Burgundy wine is also acceptable
I am drinking Blake’s Hard Cider Co.’s “Beard Bender” but one assumes the apples were originally burgundy-ish.
It’s a dry varietal, so I feel fancy drinking mah candy beer.
Very much so.
I’ve got an ASU jersey you can co-opt.
/coed with nice shoulders not included
fucker, got mah hopes up
/kidding, hopes never arise no mo
You re dead to me Hippo.
Didn’t say I wanted them to win
Are they dropping fog into this stadium too?
“They dropped WHAT?”
-Simultaneously A. Rodgers and most of the Russian Bots who voted for trump.
Me: “I’m so old!”
Crowd: “How old are you?”
Me: “When Jaromir Jagr first walked into the bar I was tending, I wasn’t able to give him an alcohol-based beverage.”
/this is a true fact
Also, Czechoslovakia was still a country!
/Not sure if actually true or even relevant to Jagr.
You would be even older if the reason you couldn’t was because of the 18th amendment
Cammy from Street Fighter is also a singer?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63vqob-MljQ
I don’t have fond memories of previous Monday night matchups against the Eagles. I’m gonna drink the bottle of prosecco I have chilling in the hotel mini-fridge during the first half and then go to sleep in a huff at halftime if it’s just too, too awful
My happy place is DeSean taking a reverse 60 yards for a score while Maclin single-handedly blocks two corners from making a tackle. https://youtu.be/vapOhsRGnCM?t=19s
Only if he drops the ball at the one yard line, it rolls into the endzone for a touchback.
Also, fuck Chip Kelly. I hope the next college sex scandal is whatever idiot team takes him’s players running a train on Chip at a kegger.
I have it on good authority that prosecco hangovers are rather…harsh.
Never had that much prosecco before, but if it’s anything like champagne, good luck.
I only rarely get hangovers, and never from any sort of wine, so I’ll be good. 🙂
“Woo hoo, huffin’ time! Whatcha got? Paint thinner? Ready-whip? You know I’m down to party, right?”
– Ryan Leaf
Dear ESPN….I turn to the NFL and sports in general as a distraction.
I don’t want to start the evening with a crushing sad story about a child dying.
THEY’RE POLITICIZING SPORTS!
Probably some kind of partnering agreement with Lifetime Network.
I switched to WWE while I wait which is usually a 30% chance of a Connor’s Cure promo with a sadness that nukes the dying Eagles child’s sadness from orbit. I do not like to smile, apparently.
So the big controversy in Browns fandom is the news that DeShone Kizer was out past curfew before the last game and Hue Jackson found out about it in the post game presser….and pretty much tried to act like he gives a shit anyone but doesn’t.
So now everyone (okay the five of us in all the US that still watch the Browns) are freaking out that Kizer is pulling a Johnny Football and is a drunk loser.
Can we just admit that playing for the Browns makes a person drink?
Just knowing the Browns exists makes people drink.
Did they have the military flyby yet?
Hope they use the nuclear B-52’s!
/doesn’t really hope for that
Vontaze Me Bro had a baby. I’m aware how much that changes things.
Sarah got a new jorb, keeps her pretty busy. She’s a regular on TEH TWITTERZ.
Good for VMB!
thank BLEERGH you didn’t abandon us or FOOTBAW for your stupid kids!
/high five
I just quit caring about my jorb.
That is the way to go, brother. A few years ahead of you in all aspects of life. A word of warning, the crippling neck pain is annoying as fuck.
You people keep me sane.
THIS NFL LINEUP I CALL IT MY THANKSGIVING WEEKEND ASSURANCES TO MY WIFE CAUSE IT IS FULL OF PROMISES BUT AFTER THURSDAY NIGHT IS COMPLETELY USELESS.
This has been a fun diversion today:
Which references:
Her whole cabal are a bunch of Tracy Flick’s. Just go away.
along with the “Bernie or Bust” cabal. Christ on a Bike, I’d rather you all just buy an island and lob grenades at each other away from the rest of us for the remainder of time PLEASE.
I don’t really see the BoB’s around anymore, but the HRC apologists are pretty much everywhere.
I think we all notice most which annoys us the worst. But when I step back, I still see enough who are only to happy for the scab to be pricked. It’s like competing death cults.
At least death cults have an endgame in mind. The BoBs and HRCers only have empty flailing.
you are the very wisest of SeaTruthers
My only reaction to that is it confims my from-the-get-go belief that twitter is a wasteland of human energy that would be better used twiddling thumbs to generate heat for winter.
Sure, but that’s the whole internet, really.
I mean, aside from DFO, of course…!
Of course
Your Honor, I wish to submit Exhibit 447 as to why Hillary lost to Trump.
My favorite was a page which had her canvassing “dangerous blocks” in Texas.
If you guessed that these “dangerous blocks” were portrayed as Mexican neighborhoods*, bingo! You’re a winner!
*In a children’s book, FFS!
Go DC Jackasses beat the Philly Fucks!
No.
Go Spurs Go
Hey! Our former, disposed, primate, festive overlord made the mainstream news!
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/look-twitter-hilariously-blames-belichick-for-all-the-fog-in-falcons-patriots-game/
Did CBS Sports quote their own Twitter joke in their article?
Humble origins
Better than the alternative:
https:// www. youtube.com/watch?v=gggQtG8hgKY
(borderline NSFW)
Even though I want to force feed every single Bengals player, coach and employee past-present-and-future Ohio River water until they mutate into Swamp Things, Burfict may have a slight excuse. Bell’s legs were flailing a little bit. Maybe Burfict thought he was being attacked.
Though since he’s lost the Benefit of the Doubt, just roll away and hit him hard during the next play, Vontaze.
Burfict is a serial shithead. One of these days he is going to something really stupid that injures another player and there is going to be a brawl on the field.
He wants to do this kind of shit, he needs to start racing in Nascar. They tolerate that crap.
I’m hoping the next coach can finally put that BS to bed instead of Marvin’s policy of “Let Vontaze Be Vontaze”.
If I was the GM, as soon as Lewis said that after he cost my team a Playoff game and embarrassed me in front of the league, I would’ve had security escort him off the property.
‘next coach” funny. Marvin is going to outlive you.
Matt Brown will never pay two people to do one person’s job.
Burfict of the Doubt would be a great name for a Judge Judy-esque reality show for Vontaze to get into after he retires. Or maybe just on the weeks of his suspensions, past and pending.
Evening. I look forward to Cousins throwing for 450 and 4 tds this evening. I deserve it.
Well, sure you do, but what about us good’uns?
Oh Grat, Iggle fans are getting too big for our own britches as Granpa Cola used to say. Iggles reddit would have us think that the db’s are all world when really the front 7 have been over achieving and masking the deficiencies in the back. Especially without Darby. HOWEVAH I will be screaming at the tv and very happy if they win as the 9ers next week looks good before the by.
So I start the training with the Malaysian fellows. I usually open up with a bit of my background. When I mention where I went to college, one of them pipes up “You’re a terrapin?”
“No…I went to UMBC not college park…so I guess I am a retriever”
“I just ask because I went to Ohio State”
“I didn’t know I was teaching assholes”
The whole room started laughing. I really like these guys.
They probably just thought you were calling them lunch.
Buckeyes are usually low maintenance when football’s not involved. As long as your not from Michigan and you give us smoke breaks and occasional beer, we’re pretty easy going.
Let’s see….
Alexa getting her hair pulled and her ass spanked….by another girl.
Oh, oh, what an outrage. Stop.
Worth mentioning, it was also a ridiculously good match to where grandma (Mickie James, 38) cried talking about it afterwards.
The gall! You were appalled! Appalled, you say!
In comparing him to Kelce, I think it’s important to note that thia Zar Doz guy doesn’t seem to be as much of a loose cannon.
We just walked over to grab some pizza and some beers – pizza Luce it was fucking delicious – but holy bloody fucking hell is it cold out there. It’s only upper 40’s but the wind is howling and it’s ball freezing cold. I checked the weather at home and it’s 94.
Hmm.
Try 106 in DTLA.
“Rangers game start yet?”
*Senor’s phone buzzes, Sharks take a 1-0 lead*
“That would be a yes.”
Thanks to Gronk sucking hind teat, I need 20 CosuinsPOINTS tonite. My scoring system is pretty generous, so 200 yards and 2 TDs should be pretty safe.
Vontaze Me Bro is a woman, actually. Once she spawned she had a lot less time for football – including fantasy football, in which she lost a game to me one time because she had two kickers on her roster, both of whom were on bye that week. I wrote a song about it! (Too Many Kickers).
Sprague…not sure. Probably busy with her Pasadena Tea Society social events.
Sarah is still out there. She’s even threatened to hang out at one of our DFO LA get togethers.
“Ew, gross!”
The alt right
So at this rate, we’re going to be signed to NFL practice squads by Week… 16?
i call long snapper.