Your “Finally a Good Game!” SNF Open Thread

After the “games” we sat through today, we finally get a decent matchup tonight.  It’s too bad that we have to endure the incoherent ramblings of Cris Collinsworth, but we all have crosses to bear.

In non-football news, UCLA has fired Head Coach Jim Mora Jr. Thus begins another cycle of UCLA sucking balls while USC is good but not quite as good as they should be given the lack of competition.  Seriously, if anyone should go it’s the AD, Dan Guerrero.  The university has never committed to building a football program and has instead rested on the laurels of John Wooden by pretending to be a top basketball school.  How has that worked out?

Seriously, Trump should have let them rot in a Chinese jail.  Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to go to a foreign country and steal shit?  They should have been kicked out of the university for embarrasing themselves and everyone associated with UCLA.  But good old Dan Guerrero was the first one to thank Trump and has let the coach allow the players to “work” their way back onto the team.  To borrow a meme from tWBS:

Let’s move on to something surprisingly good:  THIS GAME!

The red-hot Philadelphia Eagles can give themselves a 4 loss lead with 6 games to play with a win over the Cowboys.  This is Game Two of Ezekiel Elliot’s suspension and no one has effectively come forward to make up for his absence.  If the Cowboys could lose to RAMMIT at home, they can get destroyed by Philly.

Hopefully, the Eagles can get out of this game with no injuries.  As you can see with the Cowboys, teams are way worse when key players are out and that diminishes the appeal of the game, the team, and the league.

BTW, if Jerry Jones can somehow can Goodell’s ass, I will be perfectly happy with the Boys winning the next 6 Super Bowls.  Call me Faust, I don’t care.

Get to it, you heathens!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

You may remember me from such educational videos as “Lead Paint; Tasty But Deadly”!, is my personal favorite.

LemonJello

Minor Dakashima meltdown there. Levels are back in the normal range now, though.

Spur

great……….

WCS

DAK! DAK! DAK!

montythisseemsstrangetome

MC CLOUD!

Gratliff

DAK DAK DAK

litre_cola

DAKception!!!!!

Romonobyl

Shit.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, so St. George Botanivore Gin? DELICIOUS I WOULD KILL A BITCH TO DRINK THIS.

Romonobyl

Can I send you some names? There might be a few dudes in there too, just roll with it.

Doktor Zymm

I’m sorry, but unless they’re preventing me from consuming a very specific gin, I’m afraid I won’t be killing anyone. Even then, there are other good gins…

King Hippo

YOU WERE WITH US THE WHOLE TIME. So….kill who ya gots to kill.

Dunstan

Haven’t tried that one, but I like their Terroir

Doktor Zymm

Also good. I bought a sample pack. The Rye tastes like rakija

Spur

Nice stop.

Horatio Cornblower

I, for one, am enjoying Cris and Al wondering how the crew can not call PI for the Cowboys during a week in which Ol’ JJ is raising all kind of hell with the league.

Yeah, gee, I fucking wonder!!!

Doktor Zymm

I know we talk about NFL players like horses..so is it cool if I call Wentz “long”?

Romonobyl

I got nothing.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Depends on what else you’ll be putting down your throat tonight.

King Hippo

Gin is a very comfortable drunk. I miss it.

Doktor Zymm

Come on over, I’ll mix you something that does not include Dasani Blood Orange

Brick Meathook

I’ve known people who went batshit insane if they drank gin. There’s something in that stuff.

Doktor Zymm

juniper? Cause that’s literally what makes gin, gin.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Carson Wentz for it.

Doktor Zymm

Oh, that it so much better. I likey.

King Hippo

Our kids don’t know why those off us of a certain age spasmed uncomfortably at that LT/Theismann joke

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

His reaction of “Oh shit did I rip his leg off?” right after is seared in my mind forever.

Gratliff

However, Theismann is an annoying pretentious cock.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Who always has to go to the bathroom.

King Hippo

this is true, I would prefer to spend Thanksgiving with the cokehead, statutory rapist instead

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cool. I can bring something if you’d like.

Horatio Cornblower

Coke?

Doktor Zymm

Breaking out the good gin, it’s St George and Pellegrino for now, until I recover

Spur

“what’s a computer?” – good ol pretentious Apple

litre_cola

Terrence Trent D’arby doesn’t have much of a catalogue.

Horatio Cornblower

No, he’s pretty much the definition of “one-and-done”

Spur

I bet he wishes he had another chance

Romonobyl

Neither does Sears…anymore.

Horatio Cornblower

“I reprogrammed the robots to do the inspection; it’s much faster now.”

“That’s great Emily. Oh, hey, by the way, we’re cutting back on staff now that things are moving so efficiently. Here’s your pink slip.”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THIS COWBOYS OFFENSE I CALL THEM EGGS BECAUSE THEY AIN’T SHIT WITHOUT A BEATER

Doktor Zymm

I feel free. I can do anything now that I’m not saddled to that horrible mixer. Do I martini? Or do I gin and not shitty soda? Or something totally different!

Mr. Ayo

Ride that gin train to the floor

Dunstan

Negronis are a good use for gin. Or the old reliable pink gin.

Spur

Throw it to Witten.

Horatio Cornblower

Greetings, reprobates.

Romonobyl

‘Ola!

Spur

evening

LemonJello

Evening.
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montythisseemsstrangetome

I don’t like being called something I have to look up.

...

Fucking Calvinists.

litre_cola
Spur

Dick head Eagle player hitting Dak in the face.

Gratliff

DO IT AGAIN

King Hippo

DAK DAK DAK DAK!!!

Spur

a nice drive going. keep it up

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hey Apple, bring the iPod classic back, you fucks.

Thankfully, there’s a dude online who refurbishes them and sends them out better than factory new.

King Hippo

I am hopeful Blackberry lives on this way.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I don’t want internet or apps, I have a stupid phone I use for that. I just want a ton of space with no frills.

King Hippo

similarly, I just want HARD TEXT KEYBOARD TILL I DIE. As long as I can check my sportsball scores and DFO, fuck else I need my phone to do? I hate people.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Your last sentence seems to be about more than phones.

Romonobyl

I’ve always wanted to work for Blackberry’s parent company, that way I could finally brag about getting a RIM job.

King Hippo

unfortunately, you’d probably be the last one, and the creditor calls would be pretty harrowing

Doktor Zymm

FUCK YOU WE LOVED ALFRED MORRIS IN DC I WAS SO PISSED ABOUT THE TRADE BUT STILL WISH HIM WELL I HOPE HE HAS A LOVELY THANKSGIVING

...

/extreme Grandpa Simpson voice

MAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTLLOOOCCCCKKKKK!

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Doktor Zymm

What is the definition of “traditional tv”? also duh

Doktor Zymm

Network?

LemonJello

Network + watched at scheduled time (no DVR, streaming, etc), I think?

Dunstan

No, the graph says it’s including DVR and Video on Demand. I assume they’re just excluding streaming-only services like Netflix, Hulu, YouTube….

Unsurprised

CBS: Television You Die To.

Doktor Zymm

Oh dear god it’s done. If I can force that down my throat, I can do anything. I can’t believe people drink that voluntarily.

WCS

PHRASING

Romonobyl

The first part of that sounded like my wife on our wedding night.

Spur

Dilly Dilly

LemonJello

If I can force that down my throat, I can do anything.

Is that a quote from Linda Lovelace’s how to book?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sounds like Ellen’s diary before coming out

Gratliff

Some vintage Eagles tackling right there

Spur

Jerry’s House was way to small.

King Hippo

oh, hallelujah, JV lines are finally out and they made my shitty wolves 17 point favourites over U*NC. Holy shit, that’s taking money from a baby.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You gotta be shitting me.

King Hippo

get your money in FAST. I felt guilty betting MOAR than $500

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, that will shift more than likely. Holy fuckballz.

King Hippo

no moneyline available as yet. Bet it will be under 14 by tomorrow afternoon. I expected around 10.

Doktor Zymm

TheFUCK with the NFC East Cul De sac?

montythisseemsstrangetome

IT’S ALWAYS APPROPRIATE TO COMPARE ONE PLAYER’S FIRST X GAMES TO ANOTHER PLAYER’S FIRST X GAMES.

LemonJello

They got to fellate Brady during a game he’s not playing in, so it’s a win for the network!

Doktor Zymm

Do you think Eagle tastes like chicken? They’re both birds, but carnivores tend to taste different than herbivores.

Dunstan

Eagles taste more patriotic

herodotus450

Eagles with napalm sauce is the only thing I eat.

King Hippo

eat only with rock and flag!

Romonobyl

Raptors tend to be tough and stringy, they use their muscles more.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d expect it to be a bit “gamey”.

Mr. Ayo

They taste like victory

Doktor Zymm

Assume the Iggles win division, which takes a lot of the urgency out of my Cowboy hate, but….go Iggles I think? Hooray TD?

Gratliff

You tried, Dallas. At least you can say you tried.

...

I know we all like alcohol and whatnot but did you just see that catch?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

This one put me in a deep sleep a couple of Thanksgivings ago.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Oh wow

Doktor Zymm

I CALL THIS DASANI BLOOD ORANGE RANDOM GUY FROM THE BAR DICK CAUSE I’M DREADING TAKING IT INTO MY MOUTH

Romonobyl

Um, dreading still means…nevermind.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

One woman’s dread is another man’s canonization honey!

King Hippo

#Dok4Banner

Gratliff

TROLL BLEERGH

Doktor Zymm

I could just not finish this drink and make a better one. Am I mature enough to tolerate the loss of a small amount of gin in recognition of how much I hate this mixer?

litre_cola

Or just chug it. Waste not want not.

Romonobyl

If you dump it you’ll only regret it later.

Romonobyl

Good way to spend a Saturday. Not me, that’s The Boy enjoying his B-day present. He’d better remember this shit when I’m old and decrepit and in need of a fresh pair of Depends.

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve only skydived over corn fields. What’s the scenery?

Romonobyl

Mustang Island, TX

theeWeeBabySeamus

Depends???? I’d hold out for a kidney if I was you.

Romonobyl

Kidney? No, I’m already getting cross-matched for a lobe of his liver. Remember, I’m a Cowboy’s fan.

blaxabbath

“Thanks for strapping me up against that other mans crotch and maxing us out on adrenaline, pops!”

litre_cola

TD Aglohor would be lucrative.

Doktor Zymm

Verizon guy : We noticed you guys like hipsters, and as far as we can tell the only characteristic hipsters have is being obnoxious and wrong

montythisseemsstrangetome

Also 2-day beards

Spur

Yeah Rodgers gets bored quickly.

...

Some halftime reading about NFL broadcast assignments. Most of y’all probably know this, but it’s interesting nevertheless.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/19/sports/football/why-people-in-mississippi-have-to-watch-the-giants.html

herodotus450

Here’s a “constant” for you, network/nfl assholes: I’m not gonna watch your shit anymore and never will again.

Spur

no shut out!