Your “Rams/Vikes And Very Little Else” NFL Football Open Thread

And you were thinking that yesterday’s college lineup was wanting? All I know is that when you need the big boys in the NFL to step up and do the right thing they’ll crawl into a corner and do the wrong thing. I guess this is the football equivalent of the ‘dog days of summer’, only in this circumstance the teams that are one win above or below .500 try to make something of their season. Most never do, of course but watching the process unfold can be a touch exasperating. Ah well, I’m a channel-flipping madman at heart, so off we go. TO THE GAMES!

TB/Mia: Qb Winston has been accused of groping an Uber driver last year. I’d be worried if I was the lady in question-I know for a fact that at one time he had crabs. This was the game that was canceled at the start of the year. No one gave any thought to cancelling it again so here we are.

Ari/Hou: Poor Sean Ryan. “Who the hell is Sean Ryan?”, you say in your squeakiest voice. Well calm down and I’ll tell you. He’s the sorry bastard/Texans qb coach that has been tasked with turning Doc Savage Garden into a competent footballer. It’s not going well. Savage is completing passes at a murky 47% clip and his adjusted yards per pass play is just more than half of Watson’s number. He did find a way to pad the stat sheet last week by turning the ball over 4 times.

KC/NYG: Will Eli fumble the ball yet again? Yes. Will the Giants D give up more than 30 for the third straight week? Yes. Are you taking the over? Yes, yes you are.

Jax/Cle: Them Jags look to be on solid ground as far as getting their seventh win of the season although they may be without their Little Red Fournette. He’ll give his bum ankle a whirl before the game but methinks it would be all kinds of stupid to play him if he’s not 100%. After all, Jacksonville can always lean on qb Bortles and his earthy 51.3 QBR.

Det/Chi: The Lions are tied at 5-4 in the NFC North with the Packers and the Bears are just trying to develop their Truth Biscuit without getting him murderized. That sexy Jordan Howard fantasy pick you made at the start of the season has rewarded you with zilcho TD’s the last five weeks. What were you thinking?

LAR/Min: At the outset of  September not many eyeballs were thinking they’d be glued to this interaction. But here we are-two 7-2 squadoos that dearly want to believe in themselves. You’d think the Ramsters would have piled up the home wins to get where they are but the buggers are undefeated on the road. What a time to be alive.

Bal/GB: Qb Hundley is applying for a new position-that of sixteenthback. He’s more awful than week-old falafel. The Packers haven’t been able to generate more than 17 points under his “leadership”. The Ravens are coming off a bye and should stuff their opponent’s faces right into the frozen tundra.

Was/NO: The workpony of the Dacteds O is wee Chris Thompson. He should do his fair share of whinnying, scampering and snorting while the Saints roll to the W.

Thoughts? Prayers? Directives? Get going!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Kamara wide fucking open in the flat, checks down to TE.
Sure, it worked….but I got dick outta that. Fuck you Brees.

Col. Duke LaCross

Stop bringing the goddamn ball out of the end zone.

litre_cola

Throw to Tyreeek.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see Tarik Cohen was listening to shitty country music this week since he refused to kneel there

rockingdog

he be my TE. Thats what I need!!!! please please please

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ditto

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bears plus 3, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Steve Perry…

Doktor Zymm

Oh, so that’s how the Giants are potentially gonna fuck this up

Shogun Marcus

Those idjits in the stands, I’m a koala in the rain with them (Google it). They’ve little concept of the status quo. Nor do most kommentists. This is what it is. It’s why the high is so nice. Because this is the norm.

Unsurprised

Attending a game is insane.

rockingdog

Rich Old White men party!!!! Whoooooo! hahahaha this is so stupid.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Duh

Wakezilla

Not likely

Unsurprised

We’re fucked because they’re entombing us with their dying asses.

Wakezilla

Jones with cop speed for the punt return touchdown! We got one hell of a game going on in Toronto. 21-18 Roughriders with 3 minutes left

rockingdog

Oh shit. The RB for Huston just scored and got injured on the same play.

Gratliff

The ol’ blown hamstring on a TD gag

Doktor Zymm

Woohoo, I unpacked enough that I can watch football from all sitting places in the room! I haven’t sat on my sofa in over a month and it is COMFY!

Gratliff

The hardest thing about my last move was making myself find a decent spot for our sectional and actually put the fucking thing together. I spent like 3 weeks sitting awkwardly on the unattached corner piece

Unsurprised

What the fuck

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litre_cola

See, all along everyone knew he was better than Kaep.

Wakezilla

18-13 Argos. Things getting interesting in the last 4 minutes

Gratliff

Slurs are absolutely about to get the ol’ Brees impossible comeback bullshit

Doktor Zymm

Is it weird that my first thought after that interception was “I wonder how the Giants will fuck this up?”

Doktor Zymm

To be entirely fair, I would have the same thought if it were WAS in the same situation

King Hippo

oh noes, that’s gonna fuck up our chances for the draw!

rockingdog

Whoooo Bears TD!
Lets do this!!!!
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Shogun Marcus

Thanks for watching 1980’s Football Weekend in Wisconsin on espn classic! Drive safe, and if you can’t, pick the one in the middle!

laserguru

Just for the record I would take on all 3 of those saucy gals in the banner pic.
Ah-hummina-hummina

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw, I know this is timely, but for the commentist with rum and no tequila, give this a shot: https://www.goodfood.com.au/recipes/old-cuban-champagne-cocktail-recipe-20161030-gsecb1

King Hippo

hey, it’s still just a 2-score lead in Green B….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

JustStopDude

Not a pick six, but definitely a quality Kizer “what the fuck was that?!?” throw for an interception.

Brick Meathook

Did anyone else just see that “Top Gear” dweeb pushing Emirates Airlines first-class staterooms on Fox? Did I hallucinate that?

rockingdog

yea I think were trippin

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cousins outdueling Breesus is bad for fantasy and real life

Gratliff

Oh Andy

Wakezilla

Cris Carter’s shitstain son gets a touchdown. 18-10 Boatmen in the 4th

theeWeeBabySeamus

There ya go!!! Feed the Kamara!!!!!

Spanky Datass

Six wides and a TE pass: Andy Reid’s stupid-sauce play.

rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ask Eli after he’s done packing.

rockingdog

Oh mannnnnn I really want Red Zone Chris Hansen to start saying “Buckle Up Buckaroos!”

rockingdog

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: four score and seven years ago our forefathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created updog
CROWD: WHAT’S UPDOG
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: omg

Unsurprised

Despair! For when depression alone won’t cut it.™

JustStopDude

https://youtu.be/HYwg8QmNaG8

Jim Cornette on Rand Paul getting beat up…

Unsurprised

“Speaking of people who get their ass kicked on a regular basis …”

Oh, God. More people need to know about his sham “board” certification by his wife because he couldn’t get board certified by the real American ophthamalogy board.

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Gratliff

I was really hoping it was more an Arn Anderson-style spinebuster
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Doktor Zymm

I think I see the problem, Stafford is looking rather trim

BrettFavresColonoscopy

SOMEONE SAY TRIM?

-Big Ben

Shogun Marcus

I like how the balls work in flacco’s hands. -announcer
Yeah…my teams qb is your hang-up.

Wakezilla

Kurp derp.

blaxabbath

Arizona’s strength is its defense.

This is a high school game.

JustStopDude

Kizer is due for a backbreaking pick six…

Unsurprised

Verdun?

Doktor Zymm

Punt punt, bo bunt, bananafana fo funt, my my mo munt, punt

Col. Duke LaCross

And Leonard Floyd’s knee explodes.

Doktor Zymm

I got me a new wireless printer, cause FUCK WIRES and FUCK TREES

theeWeeBabySeamus

I LOVE my wireless printer.
Except every time I have to reboot the wifi modem it gets stupid and has to be reconnected.

Doktor Zymm

I had my old one for over a decade, but it was like USB 1 or some shit and didn’t work with any of my new computers. Wireless seemed like the way to go

Unsurprised

Who the fuck owns a printer in 2017? It’s literally not worth the cost.

Doktor Zymm

I gotta print my Raiders ticket for next week

Unsurprised

Facebook frowns on printing at work?

Doktor Zymm

I haven’t set up printer usage yet, and honestly, it seems kinda like a pain in the ass

Unsurprised

🙁

I use Kinko’s.

rockingdog

YOOOOOO that was a SAVAGE throw by SAVAGE!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Brees almost fucked that one up, but good.

rockingdog

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Dude not cool….