Your “Dammit, What Was I Thinking?” Monday Night Football Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Jay Cutler has been placed in concussion protocol.
    • They weren’t sure if anything was wrong until the doctor asked where he was and Cutty replied, “at your office, to get my kids vaccinated”.
    • Might as well just give the Pats the division at this point.
  • The rumours are coming down, via Sporting News, that the upcoming ESPN layoffs could add up to between 80-100 people.
    • “ESPN is dealing with three simple math problems. They have fewer subscribers than they planned for. They have higher costs than they planned for. They lower ratings than they hoped for,” said one source.
  • The Bears have cut Connor Barth and signed Cairo Santos.
    • That’ll show anyone else who questions Foxy’s leadership that 10-32 is a serious record to a serious man.
  • EVERYTHING’S FINE! – Broncos edition:
    • Mike McCoy is the first one to pay for the losing streak.
      • Because the offensive coordinator was clearly responsible for signing Brock Osweiler & Trevor Siemian.
    • John Elway says the Broncos have gotten “a little bit soft”.
      • Some players are perturbed

  • Stealing from Crimebeat! – Packers edition
    • Only coming out now because of the court date last week, injured Packers RB Aaron Jones was stopped on October 1 for a litany of charges.
      • According to records obtained by ESPN, operating a vehicle with a controlled substance in his system, speeding (24 mph over the posted speed limit of 55) and operating a vehicle without a valid license.
        • “controlled substance” = the Mary Jane
    • The League will step in once the legal process has concluded.

Finally, the Georgia Dome was imploded today.

It was adjacent to the new stadium, also has a roof that didn’t open, and has Donald Trump wondering why the building to the south of it in this picture wasn’t also taken down as “collateral damage”.

#FAKENEWS


Didja miss me?

Before you shatter my ego, let me just say this. I was supposed to be away two weeks because of:

  • Vacation; and really just my wife’s need to take a trip to keep her airline status; and
  • Because I was supposed to be away this week due to another colonoscopy.

But, after the trip got wrapped up, the procedure was cancelled late last week. So, I asked the DFO executrixes if I could resume my duties until I’m rebooked & have to go back into the hospital. They gave me a resounding “ehh…sure?”, so here I am.

There will be a “Boots on the Ground” from the trip, hopefully tomorrow. I’ve been rebooked for December 8th, so I’ll be here up until the 6th. Mazel Tov!


Game preview: Falcons at Seahawks

Had everything gone right with my procedure, I would have had today & tomorrow off “sick” so I could have attended this game in person. However, given the crappy weather & snow above 1500 feet, I’m actually glad I’m not driving south today to go watch this thing.

I guess it’s good they imploded the Georgia Dome while Atlanta is in Seattle, so Pete Carroll can forgo any defensive game planning to instead grill Arthur Blank & Dan Quinn about who else was involved in bringing down the dome.

The point spread is still three points & favours the Seahawks, but that seems kind of flexible. The Hawks are down to backups & recent signees at most of the defensive positions, and still have no running game to speak of. There’s going to be more Legion of Boom members in streets on the sidelines than playing in the game. Dwight Freeney might’ve preferred to have stayed retired. Seattle’s game preview on their website reads like a cult leader trying to deny anything’s wrong. If the Charmslinger survives the game upright, that might be the sole victory Pete Carroll takes from the contest.

Meanwhile, the Atlanta defense is coming off beating the Cowboys hard; it’s never good when the broadcast compares the number of sacks Dak takes to rookie Troy Aikman, although I’m sure he’s glad for the refresher since he doesn’t remember that year. The Falcons offense is alright at best, and Julio Jones should be able to exploit whatever converted lacrosse players the Seahawks will have playing safety. If the Falcons O-line can keep Matt Ryan from being beat into becoming the checkdown-king, he should get over 300 yards. The key tonight will be Devonta Freeman; if he has over 30 yards by the end of the first quarter, it’s going to be a long night for the 12s because having to focus on stopping the run will expose Seattle’s zone defence to Atlanta’s air attack.

I’ve got pulled pork marinating in the fridge, which is going into the oven the second I get home from school, so I predict the only true winner tonight will be my taste buds.


Tonight’s sports:

  • Monday Night Football:
    • Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NHL:
    • Columbus at Buffalo – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Ducks at Sharks – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
  •  NBA:
    • Thunder at Pelicans – 8:00PM | TSN2
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s Basketball:
      • Texas A&M at Oklahoma State – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Hampton at Xavier – 8:30PM | FS1
      • Baylor at Wisconsin – 9:30PM | ESPN2
      • Michigan at LSU – 11:00PM | ESPNU
      • U*NC at Stanford – 11:30PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the post-Survivor Series show – getting things set up for the Rumble

It’s good to be back in the saddle. AT LEAST I CAN STILL SIT! FOR NOW!!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Charm + Fumble = Chumble!

litre_cola

HOLY SHIT. Bet365 pays out on your NFL bet if you play the money line and your team goes ahead by 14 at anytime! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still not worth it to bet on the Bears

King Hippo

SERIOUSLY??

litre_cola

My weekend is now complete! Best one of the year. I AM ACTUALLY UP MONEY NOW for the whole year. It is a shame in order to get your payout you usually have to castrate a unicorn.

rockingdog

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Got some decent weed and am now snacking on Starburst & watching NFL.
Yea!

litre_cola

That is good hustle. Fuck the pink Starburst forever.

Spur

The Marketing American Dream Fossilized
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo-X3YdA3mA

rockingdog

Bloomberg has been doing a good analysis of the commercial loans/debt that is connected to these dead malls.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Usually when Georgia Dome gets blown up it’s because someone saw their friend beyond Big Ben’s security team.

scotchnaut

Maybe it’s the alcoholism or being all alone in the house while everyone else is at a birthday party, but this game is quite entertaining!

King Hippo

alcoholism makes EVERYTHING better!

theeWeeBabySeamus

As does being alone.

LemonJello

Being alone is pretty nice, too.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Speaking of Star Wars, though, this is kinda fun:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BauqXKewFXs

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I kinda want this game to come down to a Blair Walsh field goal attempt, because we all know how that will end.

litre_cola

As a degenerate, I would like this miss.

King Hippo

As a late-to-party degenerate, only if ATL up 2 or 3

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My response to that eTrade ad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j9x_vPefn8

rockingdog

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scotchnaut

STAR WARS SUCKS BALLS!

/there. It needed to be said

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I still have fond memories of seeing it as a 12 year-old. But, boy, it looks a bit dated now…

Brick Meathook

Is that the one with Bigfoot? I get them all confused.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

No, that was The Six-Million Dollar Man.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Without Star Wars there would be no Spaceballs, so I have to disagree with your assessment.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

A perverse part of me still wishes they’d cast Kurt Russell and William Katt, though.

Spur

No Star Wars means no Indy or Willow. We need reboot Willow with the guy from Game of Thrones. Baby Goose can be Madmartigan.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Graham drains one from teh six point line?
(sorry, bad bakxsetballing joke)
((he used to play bakxsetball…’member???))

litre_cola

When fish fly.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if there is any interesting trivia about Jimmy Graham the announcers would care to share with us.

rockingdog

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WCS

I seem to recall that he played water polo in middle school…

WCS

Howdy. I decided to pick a fight with my digestive tract by having Taco Bell for dinner, and Elijah Craig bourbon for desert.

deviantBastard

I fail to see the problem with either decision.

Shogun Marcus

Should we alert authorities? Because you’re apt to commit a porcelain felony.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Try actual food next time.

WCS

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Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Too much Taco Bell, not enough bourbon.
Yes, I know I don’t know how much of either you’ve had.

The answer is still the same.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Fuck these guys that lead with their heads.

scotchnaut

Helmet to helmet. Jesus!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Brocky

I’m stealing this

rockingdog

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Gratliff

So it’s just Iggles-Keenums going forward, I guess

King Hippo

don’t forget Odd Week Jaguras, damnit!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Quit trying to make Odd Week Jaguras Super Bowl Champion happen!

King Hippo

they just need another 9/11-ish event so they get 3 odd weeks, then BOOM!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Boom and 9/11 in the same joke inadvertently(?) makes it even better.

King Hippo

WOO bet on ATL!!!

LemonJello

Is “work in progress” the new euphemism for “they’re shitty”?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Technically, I think it’s “they’re shitty and we don’t know when they won’t be, if ever”.

scotchnaut

“Work In Progress” is code for “I’ll Get Back To You When I Feel Like It” in the workplace.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I bet the parents of the Infiniti-driving couple are getting fucking hungry.

LemonJello

Because they’re paying for that Infiniti with their Social Security checks?

Unsurprised

Are they Boomers? Then fuck them.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Probably voted for Trump, too, so yeah.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Finally, the Georgia Dome was imploded today.

I bet there were still 22 year old Cowbell echoes in there. I still sometimes have flashbacks even now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijBcllq7A-8

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sorry, Beasty, but looks like this week your Seahawks are getting Barth’d.

New term for when everyone knows you suck but you keep doing the same shit over and over until someone finally puts you out of your misery. Work in progress.

Col. Duke LaCross

It’s fitting. Did anyone actually think he was gonna make that kick yesterday? I don’t even think Fox thought he would.

scotchnaut

Falcons with the the old “Death by SanuSanu”.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Both starting corners out? I need to seriously reconsider my ban on alcoholism.

LemonJello

Don’t just jump right in, take 12 or so steps and gradually work up to it…

Shogun Marcus

Don’t be a step-skipper! Remember James Spader in Seinfeld?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I remember James Spader from Mannequin. But I never watched Seinfeld

litre_cola

Maybe he should throw it to this Jones guy more.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[dials up a dozen plays targeting Indiana Jones]

– Atlanta’s offensive coordinator

scotchnaut

If Coleman gets another TD, I’m gonna get large in my pants.

Viva La Tabula Raza

In the front of your pants, or the back of your pants? Important to know.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Why not both?

litre_cola

The ole meat grinder.

deviantBastard

Fresh sausage made daily.

scotchnaut

In a perfect world? Both.

LemonJello

Charmslingerception!

Brocky

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Me after Jones missing that catch

LemonJello

So, kick coverage is a no-go tonight?

rockingdog

Seems like it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder how it is that Luke Kuechly doesn’t even break a sweat during his workout for that GEICO ad.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

His last concussion broke his sweat glands

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good. I need DangeRuss to help me hold on to a decent lead against Seattle D, Tyler Lockett, and something called a Hooper

scotchnaut

TEVINDOWN!

scotchnaut

Sanu tries to one hand it like Aron Ralston.

LemonJello

Blair Walsh saves a TD? The power of Mr. Winkles compels him!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Blair Walsh’s ability to prevent people from scoring is so legendary that they hired him to work as a chaperone at a high school dance where Roy Moore was also a chaperone.

LemonJello

Usually it’s his team.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

According to records obtained by ESPN, operating a vehicle with a controlled substance in his system, speeding (24 mph over the posted speed limit of 55)…

“Pussy.”

– Jeanine Pirro

Spur

I’ve been watching these Dead Mall videos. I find them absolutely fascinating. All that dead space should be converted to multi-use.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK-MrUb3eZw

Gratliff

Our school district has a year round school for disabled children that was set up inside an abandoned mall, but that’s a smaller single floor building. I don’t know what you do with those monster multi floor malls. They cost so much just for day-to-day operation.

Brick Meathook

Maybe they can put some different kinds of stores or shops in there.

LemonJello

Is this game gonna be a stand up fight, or another bug-hunt, sir?
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Spur

Evening Folks.

Go Spurs Go

litre_cola

Evening commentists. I hope you are all well. I would like to thank Gamblor for the bounty of the weekend and would implore him for a Falcon victory to complete the week.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Eat hot death, LC.

litre_cola

Normally I am with ya, but I got good odds right when Chancellor announced he was out. GAMBLOR RULES MY WORLD.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Makes sense. Although ET being back means a lot more than Kam being gone. The whole D operates around the idea that ET will teleport to the ball instantaneously.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

(Although I do think it’s gonna be tough for SEA to win this one)

LemonJello

Again, I’m not entirely sure that I’m ready for some football…

Gratliff

Watched the first couple episodes of The Punisher today. Fucking love it. Jon Bernthal’s Frank Castle is ridiculously good. It’s crazy how well he expresses rage fueled by trauma.

Shogun Marcus

Hells yes. And anyone who whines about the violence or tone…he’s the Punisher. He’s not the Let’s Consider All Optionsner.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

He’s basically Death Wish: The Comic Book Character.

JustStopDude

Is it like the movies? I really dislike all the Punisher movies because they turn Frank into Rambo. In the comics, especially the MAX series, Frank is a brilliant tactician. Like he takes out slews of bad guys because he plans ahead. It what makes him so dangerous.

Shogun Marcus

He’s good here, but Micro is making him better. Their dynamic here is great as it continues.

Gratliff

I didn’t watch the two new ones, but it’s nothing like the garbage 80’s one at least.

Viva La Tabula Raza

You got some kind of special condition that gets you two days off for a colonoscopy and have to be checked into the hospital? When I had mine I was in and out of the clinic in less than 4 hours, and that was with an endoscopy thrown in. Or is this a feature of North of the Border commie single payer healthcare? I’d have rather had the two days off myself, to be honest.

litre_cola

Yep our healthcare will keep you for observation.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I bet y’all’s hospital food is better up there, too.

litre_cola

Nope, can’t fix that. Had to bring Mrs Cola food while she was there after the baby. I wouldn’t subject that to anyone.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you had to look at Elway’s face that often, you’d go soft, too.

...

How many years will it take from the point it’s obvious Elway sucks at his job to when he’s fired? At least a decade, right?

Unsurprised

Time to make dinner.

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Spur

She got too thin for GLOW.

Unsurprised

Yep.

Unsurprised

Boots for Romonobyl:

Spoiler

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JustStopDude

If anyone is interested in a dog, the savage beast that trapped me in my home is available for adoption…

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I make no promises she won’t murder you in your sleep…

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scotchnaut

In this circumstance “murder” is actually spelled “nuzzle”.

/adopt that fella, Dude.
//DO IT!

JustStopDude

I honestly can’t. I travel way too much for work. Plus the bird hates everything.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That dog will be adopted probably this week.

scotchnaut

Devonta is inactive-ALL HAIL TEVIN COLEMAN!

/yeah I’ve got 15 points to make up tonight-what of it?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Speaking of the Broncos, I found this absolutely hilarious:

Denver reportedly feels Thomas “hasn’t been the same player” since he switched to a vegan diet.

https://247sports.com/nfl/denver-broncos/Bolt/Report-Broncos-looking-to-move-on-from-Demaryius-Thomas-110801952

scotchnaut

“A colonoscopy? Wow! How many planets did you colonize?”

-Emmitt Smith

scotchnaut

Here’s how one makes a pumpkin pie-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpapqEeb36k

deviantBastard

Man, that ain’t how you do it. You go to Costco and pick one up already made. Don’t forget about the whiskey to pair with it.

scotchnaut

Does one pour the whiskey onto the pie and suck it with a straw?

deviantBastard

Hey, however you take it. I’m not one to judge.

scotchnaut

A guy that says, “I’m not one to judge” is judging the fuck out of someone.

scotchnaut

I’d like to clarify-I’m not calling you out, Deviant. I know you’re making a joke. You just repeated a phrase that, when said in everyday interaction, is usually a ‘tell’ for me.

deviantBastard

Naw, no worries. I took no offense by it.

Unsurprised

Of course.

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