NFL News:
- Jay Cutler has been placed in concussion protocol.
- They weren’t sure if anything was wrong until the doctor asked where he was and Cutty replied, “at your office, to get my kids vaccinated”.
- Might as well just give the Pats the division at this point.
- The rumours are coming down, via Sporting News, that the upcoming ESPN layoffs could add up to between 80-100 people.
- “ESPN is dealing with three simple math problems. They have fewer subscribers than they planned for. They have higher costs than they planned for. They lower ratings than they hoped for,” said one source.
- The Bears have cut Connor Barth and signed Cairo Santos.
- That’ll show anyone else who questions Foxy’s leadership that 10-32 is a serious record to a serious man.
- EVERYTHING’S FINE! – Broncos edition:
- Mike McCoy is the first one to pay for the losing streak.
- Because the offensive coordinator was clearly responsible for signing Brock Osweiler & Trevor Siemian.
- John Elway says the Broncos have gotten “a little bit soft”.
- Some players are perturbed
- Mike McCoy is the first one to pay for the losing streak.
A devastated CJ Anderson on his fumble in the fourth:
"This shit hurts man"#Broncos #BroncosCountry@@CBSDenver pic.twitter.com/qgcIMhNAvM
— RG 📷 (@RyanGreeneDNVR) November 20, 2017
- Stealing from Crimebeat! – Packers edition
- Only coming out now because of the court date last week, injured Packers RB Aaron Jones was stopped on October 1 for a litany of charges.
- According to records obtained by ESPN, operating a vehicle with a controlled substance in his system, speeding (24 mph over the posted speed limit of 55) and operating a vehicle without a valid license.
- “controlled substance” = the Mary Jane
- According to records obtained by ESPN, operating a vehicle with a controlled substance in his system, speeding (24 mph over the posted speed limit of 55) and operating a vehicle without a valid license.
- The League will step in once the legal process has concluded.
- Only coming out now because of the court date last week, injured Packers RB Aaron Jones was stopped on October 1 for a litany of charges.
Finally, the Georgia Dome was imploded today.
It was adjacent to the new stadium, also has a roof that didn’t open, and has Donald Trump wondering why the building to the south of it in this picture wasn’t also taken down as “collateral damage”.
#FAKENEWS
Didja miss me?
Before you shatter my ego, let me just say this. I was supposed to be away two weeks because of:
- Vacation; and really just my wife’s need to take a trip to keep her airline status; and
- Because I was supposed to be away this week due to another colonoscopy.
But, after the trip got wrapped up, the procedure was cancelled late last week. So, I asked the DFO executrixes if I could resume my duties until I’m rebooked & have to go back into the hospital. They gave me a resounding “ehh…sure?”, so here I am.
There will be a “Boots on the Ground” from the trip, hopefully tomorrow. I’ve been rebooked for December 8th, so I’ll be here up until the 6th. Mazel Tov!
Game preview: Falcons at Seahawks
Had everything gone right with my procedure, I would have had today & tomorrow off “sick” so I could have attended this game in person. However, given the crappy weather & snow above 1500 feet, I’m actually glad I’m not driving south today to go watch this thing.
I guess it’s good they imploded the Georgia Dome while Atlanta is in Seattle, so Pete Carroll can forgo any defensive game planning to instead grill Arthur Blank & Dan Quinn about who else was involved in bringing down the dome.
The point spread is still three points & favours the Seahawks, but that seems kind of flexible. The Hawks are down to backups & recent signees at most of the defensive positions, and still have no running game to speak of. There’s going to be more Legion of Boom members in streets on the sidelines than playing in the game. Dwight Freeney might’ve preferred to have stayed retired. Seattle’s game preview on their website reads like a cult leader trying to deny anything’s wrong. If the Charmslinger survives the game upright, that might be the sole victory Pete Carroll takes from the contest.
Meanwhile, the Atlanta defense is coming off beating the Cowboys hard; it’s never good when the broadcast compares the number of sacks Dak takes to rookie Troy Aikman, although I’m sure he’s glad for the refresher since he doesn’t remember that year. The Falcons offense is alright at best, and Julio Jones should be able to exploit whatever converted lacrosse players the Seahawks will have playing safety. If the Falcons O-line can keep Matt Ryan from being beat into becoming the checkdown-king, he should get over 300 yards. The key tonight will be Devonta Freeman; if he has over 30 yards by the end of the first quarter, it’s going to be a long night for the 12s because having to focus on stopping the run will expose Seattle’s zone defence to Atlanta’s air attack.
I’ve got pulled pork marinating in the fridge, which is going into the oven the second I get home from school, so I predict the only true winner tonight will be my taste buds.
Tonight’s sports:
- Monday Night Football:
- Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- NHL:
- Columbus at Buffalo – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Ducks at Sharks – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Thunder at Pelicans – 8:00PM | TSN2
- NCAA:
- Men’s Basketball:
- Texas A&M at Oklahoma State – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Hampton at Xavier – 8:30PM | FS1
- Baylor at Wisconsin – 9:30PM | ESPN2
- Michigan at LSU – 11:00PM | ESPNU
- U*NC at Stanford – 11:30PM | ESPN2
- Men’s Basketball:
- WWE:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- the post-Survivor Series show – getting things set up for the Rumble
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
It’s good to be back in the saddle. AT LEAST I CAN STILL SIT! FOR NOW!!
Charm + Fumble = Chumble!
HOLY SHIT. Bet365 pays out on your NFL bet if you play the money line and your team goes ahead by 14 at anytime! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Still not worth it to bet on the Bears
SERIOUSLY??
My weekend is now complete! Best one of the year. I AM ACTUALLY UP MONEY NOW for the whole year. It is a shame in order to get your payout you usually have to castrate a unicorn.
Got some decent weed and am now snacking on Starburst & watching NFL.
Yea!
That is good hustle. Fuck the pink Starburst forever.
The Marketing American Dream Fossilized
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo-X3YdA3mA
Bloomberg has been doing a good analysis of the commercial loans/debt that is connected to these dead malls.
Usually when Georgia Dome gets blown up it’s because someone saw their friend beyond Big Ben’s security team.
Maybe it’s the alcoholism or being all alone in the house while everyone else is at a birthday party, but this game is quite entertaining!
alcoholism makes EVERYTHING better!
As does being alone.
Being alone is pretty nice, too.
Speaking of Star Wars, though, this is kinda fun:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BauqXKewFXs
I kinda want this game to come down to a Blair Walsh field goal attempt, because we all know how that will end.
As a degenerate, I would like this miss.
As a late-to-party degenerate, only if ATL up 2 or 3
My response to that eTrade ad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j9x_vPefn8
STAR WARS SUCKS BALLS!
/there. It needed to be said
I still have fond memories of seeing it as a 12 year-old. But, boy, it looks a bit dated now…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDhuvMLCgsY
Is that the one with Bigfoot? I get them all confused.
No, that was The Six-Million Dollar Man.
Without Star Wars there would be no Spaceballs, so I have to disagree with your assessment.
A perverse part of me still wishes they’d cast Kurt Russell and William Katt, though.
No Star Wars means no Indy or Willow. We need reboot Willow with the guy from Game of Thrones. Baby Goose can be Madmartigan.
Graham drains one from teh six point line?
(sorry, bad bakxsetballing joke)
((he used to play bakxsetball…’member???))
When fish fly.
I wonder if there is any interesting trivia about Jimmy Graham the announcers would care to share with us.
I seem to recall that he played water polo in middle school…
Howdy. I decided to pick a fight with my digestive tract by having Taco Bell for dinner, and Elijah Craig bourbon for desert.
I fail to see the problem with either decision.
Should we alert authorities? Because you’re apt to commit a porcelain felony.
Try actual food next time.
?w=450&h=260
Too much Taco Bell, not enough bourbon.
Yes, I know I don’t know how much of either you’ve had.
The answer is still the same.
Fuck these guys that lead with their heads.
Helmet to helmet. Jesus!
I’m stealing this
So it’s just Iggles-Keenums going forward, I guess
don’t forget Odd Week Jaguras, damnit!!
Quit trying to make Odd Week Jaguras Super Bowl Champion happen!
they just need another 9/11-ish event so they get 3 odd weeks, then BOOM!
Boom and 9/11 in the same joke inadvertently(?) makes it even better.
WOO bet on ATL!!!
Is “work in progress” the new euphemism for “they’re shitty”?
Technically, I think it’s “they’re shitty and we don’t know when they won’t be, if ever”.
“Work In Progress” is code for “I’ll Get Back To You When I Feel Like It” in the workplace.
I bet the parents of the Infiniti-driving couple are getting fucking hungry.
Because they’re paying for that Infiniti with their Social Security checks?
Are they Boomers? Then fuck them.
Probably voted for Trump, too, so yeah.
I bet there were still 22 year old Cowbell echoes in there. I still sometimes have flashbacks even now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijBcllq7A-8
Sorry, Beasty, but looks like this week your Seahawks are getting Barth’d.
New term for when everyone knows you suck but you keep doing the same shit over and over until someone finally puts you out of your misery. Work in progress.
It’s fitting. Did anyone actually think he was gonna make that kick yesterday? I don’t even think Fox thought he would.
Falcons with the the old “Death by SanuSanu”.
Both starting corners out? I need to seriously reconsider my ban on alcoholism.
Don’t just jump right in, take 12 or so steps and gradually work up to it…
Don’t be a step-skipper! Remember James Spader in Seinfeld?
I remember James Spader from Mannequin. But I never watched Seinfeld…
Maybe he should throw it to this Jones guy more.
[dials up a dozen plays targeting Indiana Jones]
– Atlanta’s offensive coordinator
If Coleman gets another TD, I’m gonna get large in my pants.
In the front of your pants, or the back of your pants? Important to know.
Why not both?
The ole meat grinder.
Fresh sausage made daily.
In a perfect world? Both.
Charmslingerception!
Me after Jones missing that catch
So, kick coverage is a no-go tonight?
Seems like it.
I wonder how it is that Luke Kuechly doesn’t even break a sweat during his workout for that GEICO ad.
His last concussion broke his sweat glands
Good. I need DangeRuss to help me hold on to a decent lead against Seattle D, Tyler Lockett, and something called a Hooper
TEVINDOWN!
Sanu tries to one hand it like Aron Ralston.
Blair Walsh saves a TD? The power of Mr. Winkles compels him!
Blair Walsh’s ability to prevent people from scoring is so legendary that they hired him to work as a chaperone at a high school dance where Roy Moore was also a chaperone.
Usually it’s his team.
“Pussy.”
– Jeanine Pirro
I’ve been watching these Dead Mall videos. I find them absolutely fascinating. All that dead space should be converted to multi-use.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK-MrUb3eZw
Our school district has a year round school for disabled children that was set up inside an abandoned mall, but that’s a smaller single floor building. I don’t know what you do with those monster multi floor malls. They cost so much just for day-to-day operation.
Maybe they can put some different kinds of stores or shops in there.
Is this game gonna be a stand up fight, or another bug-hunt, sir?
Evening Folks.
Go Spurs Go
Evening commentists. I hope you are all well. I would like to thank Gamblor for the bounty of the weekend and would implore him for a Falcon victory to complete the week.
Eat hot death, LC.
Normally I am with ya, but I got good odds right when Chancellor announced he was out. GAMBLOR RULES MY WORLD.
Makes sense. Although ET being back means a lot more than Kam being gone. The whole D operates around the idea that ET will teleport to the ball instantaneously.
(Although I do think it’s gonna be tough for SEA to win this one)
Again, I’m not entirely sure that I’m ready for some football…
Watched the first couple episodes of The Punisher today. Fucking love it. Jon Bernthal’s Frank Castle is ridiculously good. It’s crazy how well he expresses rage fueled by trauma.
Hells yes. And anyone who whines about the violence or tone…he’s the Punisher. He’s not the Let’s Consider All Optionsner.
He’s basically Death Wish: The Comic Book Character.
Is it like the movies? I really dislike all the Punisher movies because they turn Frank into Rambo. In the comics, especially the MAX series, Frank is a brilliant tactician. Like he takes out slews of bad guys because he plans ahead. It what makes him so dangerous.
He’s good here, but Micro is making him better. Their dynamic here is great as it continues.
I didn’t watch the two new ones, but it’s nothing like the garbage 80’s one at least.
You got some kind of special condition that gets you two days off for a colonoscopy and have to be checked into the hospital? When I had mine I was in and out of the clinic in less than 4 hours, and that was with an endoscopy thrown in. Or is this a feature of North of the Border commie single payer healthcare? I’d have rather had the two days off myself, to be honest.
Yep our healthcare will keep you for observation.
I bet y’all’s hospital food is better up there, too.
Nope, can’t fix that. Had to bring Mrs Cola food while she was there after the baby. I wouldn’t subject that to anyone.
If you had to look at Elway’s face that often, you’d go soft, too.
How many years will it take from the point it’s obvious Elway sucks at his job to when he’s fired? At least a decade, right?
Time to make dinner.
She got too thin for GLOW.
Yep.
Boots for Romonobyl:
If anyone is interested in a dog, the savage beast that trapped me in my home is available for adoption…
I make no promises she won’t murder you in your sleep…
In this circumstance “murder” is actually spelled “nuzzle”.
/adopt that fella, Dude.
//DO IT!
I honestly can’t. I travel way too much for work. Plus the bird hates everything.
That dog will be adopted probably this week.
Devonta is inactive-ALL HAIL TEVIN COLEMAN!
/yeah I’ve got 15 points to make up tonight-what of it?
Speaking of the Broncos, I found this absolutely hilarious:
https://247sports.com/nfl/denver-broncos/Bolt/Report-Broncos-looking-to-move-on-from-Demaryius-Thomas-110801952
“A colonoscopy? Wow! How many planets did you colonize?”
-Emmitt Smith
Here’s how one makes a pumpkin pie-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpapqEeb36k
Man, that ain’t how you do it. You go to Costco and pick one up already made. Don’t forget about the whiskey to pair with it.
Does one pour the whiskey onto the pie and suck it with a straw?
Hey, however you take it. I’m not one to judge.
A guy that says, “I’m not one to judge” is judging the fuck out of someone.
I’d like to clarify-I’m not calling you out, Deviant. I know you’re making a joke. You just repeated a phrase that, when said in everyday interaction, is usually a ‘tell’ for me.
Naw, no worries. I took no offense by it.
Of course.