Your “What’s On Is What’s On” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • As was noted last night, and expertly analyzed this morning, Aqib Talib & Michael Crabtree were both suspended two games for their fracas on Sunday.
    • pending appeal, of course
  • The Seahawks received a scheduling gift at the expense of the Cowboys, as their Week-14 game in Jacksonville has now been flexed to the 4:25 spot.
    • This moves the Cowboys-Giants game to 1:00, where its awfulness will be hidden amongst a slew of other matches.
      • Expect Jerry Jones to sue the other owners in attempts to remove Goodell from his position because of this slight. #protectthebrand
  • Some dipshit has a report out saying Jason Witten is thinking retirement in order to go coach at Tennessee. Most reputable sites refute the story.
    • He is already surrounded by dysfunction in Dallas, so why go be the one responsible for it in Knoxville?
    • Besides, he’s got three years left on his extension, and there’s no way Tennessee administrators could match the $7.4 million per year Dallas is shelling out.

Finally, since the season is effectively over for some teams, PFT provides a look ahead to the 2018 Draft & drafting order: 

  1. Browns
  2. 49ers
  3. Giants
  4. Broncos
  5. Colts
  6. Bears
  7. Browns (from Texans)
  8. Jets
  9. Dolphins
  10. Buccaneers

On top of that, rumours are that USC QB Sam Darnold is contemplating staying in school another year to avoid being drafted by the Browns.

  • He’s said he hasn’t made a decision, and that he hasn’t disparaged any team, no one would fault him for doing that.
    • Seems more manly than pulling an Elway or Eli.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Kings at Wings – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Blackhawks at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Dallas at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Heat at Cavs – 7:00Pm | Sportsnet1
    • Wizards at Timberwolves – 8:00PM | TSN
    • Nuggets at Jazz – 10:00PM | ESPN
  •  NCAA:
    • Men’s basketball:
      • Baylor at Xavier – 6:30PM | FS1
      • Florida State at Rutgers – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Northwestern at Georgia Tech – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Louisville at Purdue – 8:00PM | ESPN
      • Maine at Georgetown – 8:30PM | FS1
      • Illinois at Wake Forest – 9:00PM | ESPNU
      • Iowa at Virginia Tech – 9:00PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live! – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Spur last night asked why I didn’t list any NBA games shown in America. So, as we slowly embark on the eventual post-season journey of viewing bleakness, it seems like an appropriate time to remind folks how I draw up the viewing schedule.

The simple fact is that I use the national grid from TV Guide to show what’s on, so that way we have something in common to talk about. NBATV & NHLN are not listed on TV Guide’s grid; also, I don’t know who has it in their cable package. As a result, I can’t suppose who has what available, so I just stick to the national broadcasts.

Because there is a significant minority of Commentists who are Canadian, I also use the Canadian broadcast schedules for the two main sports providers, so we snowballs have something to talk aboot as well.

Feel free to ask who might be watching the game broadcast in your area in the comments. I just draw things up the way they make sense to me. CAPISCE?!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Heavy-duty debugging

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I can’t fall asleep and this is stuck in my head so you all get to share in the misery

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, thank God I volunteer at the library before it opens to the public. It turns out I was bending over a bunch all morning in jeans that had a huge tear down the middle, showing off my ass to anyone who happened to be around. I guess no one noticed because no one told me, but I felt like an idiot when I saw the tear later and thought about when and where it could’ve happened.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Birthday airing out of the buttcrack?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It seems that way.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man, I wish I cared about hockey before the playoffs. I give no fucks about that whole slate.

Wakezilla

It’s great in October,but then turns kind of shitty until mid March

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Antonio Brown vs the Green Bay secondary (artist’s conception).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

I’m playing Messiah this week so I have an excuse to post this. And giggle.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

He goes full Joe Cocker at the 3:00 mark. Dude, never go full Joe Cocker.

laserguru

Is anybody else watching The Deuce on HBO?
It took awhile to gain momentum but I’m on episode 7 and it’s got legs.
And tits and..

It’s definitely got the David Simon thing working now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Woooo!!!! I’m ahead of schedule.

ballsofsteelandfury

I was doing that AT 10!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Sheeeeeit. Most living people don’t try.

Senor Weaselo

The kid is thankful for God AND Jesus? That’s some religioning right there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No holy ghost? Fuck you, you’re out of the family.

-P. Rivers

ballsofsteelandfury

Great minds…

ballsofsteelandfury

They never mention the Holy Spirit…

Gratliff

It’s a good thing Iggles are setting the world on fire, because Flyers are a fucking airborne dumpster fire heading into the side of a mountain.

Ron Hextall can be heard screaming from changing room. "That's f—ing embarrassing! Jesus f—ing Christ!" and slammed door.

— Frank Seravalli (@frank_seravalli) November 20, 2014

Don T

I know we just met, but I’m kinda hungry. Got any plans for tonight?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

I was going to make a “Call Me Maybe” joke.
But to do that I’d have to admit to ever having heard the song.

Which I haven’t. Ever. Honest.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

She seems nice.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I got myself a birthday pizza.

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Shogun Marcus

You made it! Congrats! Remember…if you lived on Neptune, it’ll be 164 years until your next arrival anniversary.

Shogun Marcus

Stabby, skinny, probably haz shoulders.
I’m sure there’s a water horse nodding in approval.

nomonkeyfun

I’d like to shawarma all over dat ass.

Wakezilla

I’d make the most out of the 20 hours without electricity with her, if you know what I mean.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Sounding party?

Wakezilla

It wouldn’t be from the sounds of disappointment. She’s the kind of gal that’d have no problems putting her AK 47 to your head until you got it right.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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WCS

Yinz see how James O’Keeffe fucked up this time? Even places like Red State and Daily Caller are sick of his shit.

scotchnaut

“The O stands for Awful!”

nomonkeyfun

Eli Manning, an inspiration to less talented siblings the world over. I for one will miss you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d like to go on record stating I will not be accepting the NYG starting QB job if offered to me and am thus taking myself out of consideration.

Shogun Marcus

Tween the herp, and inevitable derp,
I’m guessing the populace is thankful,
Though I suppose,
Moreso than most,
We’re thankful there was at least a handful.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is that supposed to be some kind of snide remark about my penis size?

Shogun Marcus

O NOES I NO U SEXAY!
/that’ll be 19.99 as per our arrangement…
OH…ALL 9 INCHES?! BEAST!
…4.99/Inch over 3…so…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, that’s more than the rate we agree to.
But for 9, it’s worth it.

I’ll drop the cash in the usual place.

Shogun Marcus

Xmas FOAR ALL!!!

nomonkeyfun

“Abby, Coach McDoodoo says I can’t play the whole game anymore. He says we have to play by little league rules now. Cheesesteak, Odell taught me that one, is going to play with my ball, and so is Spiderguy, Pey-Pey came up with that one.”

“That’s okay, we can spend some more time together in the bedroom. I’ll make sure you get plenty of warm milk before bedtime.”

“But Mom says I shouldn’t look at girl’s jahoobies.”

“Why did I ever marry this putz?”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I don’t know about the NBA, but I would appreciate it if you could list the MeTV schedule a bit more, so I don’t miss any Mannix reruns.

scotchnaut

“Mannix? That’s a deep pull!”

-Jack Lord

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Shogun Marcus

I’ve seen deeper…
Seka

Shogun Marcus

Oh I see…
Snowflakes can fall, but lord forbid we stop those that accept evil.
If you stay quiet, and allow others the same I…
I am not certain who it is that is the devil.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it me?

Shogun Marcus

Probably not. Safe travels.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s just being nice BFC.
I’m quite certain it’s you. You’re terrible.

Romonobyl

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Did you see the size of that chicken?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She didn’t stay on for 8 seconds, but rode it well anyway.

(what are “things said in Vegas this weekend, Alex?”)

Romonobyl

Guys!!!!! GUYS!!!!!!
If you don’t have the Olympics Channel, hack into a stream forthwith!
European curling is on!!!!! Oh shit, it’s the men; the wimmenz were yesterday.
Belay my last…

Shogun Marcus

GOOD GIGGEDETY GOD!

Romonobyl

Yes:

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I find this rather erotic, if I’m being honest. I’m even getting a little hard.

Shit, did I say that out loud?

Shogun Marcus

Lady Shogun is killing all sinuses. She actually wants me to live. This will be a regret.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh heh – this happened organically and was very amusing to me:

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I want a pizza for some reason.

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laserguru

Awards season for movies is right around the corner and I have an early contender: “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” is fucking spectacular. I just saw it.

Incredible performances across the board, notably Francis McDormand, Sam Rockwell and PETER DINKLAGE!

It’s dark as fuck and alternates between moments of insane hilarity and gut wrenching drama.
Woody Harrelson has a great role too.

Do! Go!

A couple of other contenders I’ve been hearing batted around are “The Disaster Artist” yes, it’s the movie about the making of DFO favorite “The Room” and I’ve also heard a lot of buzz about “The Shape of Water” which is Guillermo del Toro’s new movie. The trailer looks amazing.

I love this time of year.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I’m trying to get through “The Disaster Artist” book. For some reason, I keep putting it down.

I love me some Sam Rockwell….though he has been in some stinkers. I saw “Seven Psychopaths” on a plane and hated it.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

We saw it over the weekend and loved it. Reminded me of Fargo in a lot of ways.

Romonobyl

It’s no Gay Cowboys Eating Pudding, but not bad. Needs a little Michael Bay.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This reminds me of the opening scene in the pilot for Six Feet Under

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Appeal for Crabtree and Talib has reduced their suspensions to one game. I can’t argue that for Crabtree, but that piece of shit Talib deserves two.

Shogun Marcus

I do believe i said it would be halved. That’s why they double what they want.

laserguru

It would give him an extra week to play with firearms dangerously.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Shogun Marcus

Champange Jim,
Spur should probably walk into a combine. Smiling.
It’s the only way he justifies the tingle in his dingle when women are smacked.
I Love You Sir. The Idiot Should Think First, Type Later. Or…just Die.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it AFL time yet?

Gratliff

I’m glad that flyers Twitter has turned into Dave Hakstol Death Watch. Love too get a new coach every 2.2 years.

scotchnaut

Terminator 3 is worser than a straight-to-video Blockbuster .99 rental.

Redshirt

It meant well. The actors were trying but it didn’t have the spirit of the first two movies. It was like Police Academy 3, it had a moment or two but didn’t we say all that was needed to be said in the last movie?

This also works with Police Academy 4 and Terminator: Get Out of My Light and Police Academy 5 and Terminator: Rebootin’ Weird

Gratliff

Between that, sin City, and Carnivale, I thought Nick Stahl was going to explode but boy did he ever fall off the face of the Earth. Maybe studied Edward Furlong a little too hard when preparing to play John.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey did you know Nick Stahl is still alive? I didn’t think he was, but apparently he’s still kicking.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t remember hating it, except for a moment at the end when the Terminator was doing a T2 body switch thing and the person she was replacing appeared around a corner to warn the target. Which was ridiculous, because this took place in a highly secured military facility and how the fuck did a couple of kids and their mangled cyborg friend make it past security?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Counterpoint:
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scotchnaut

/sign you’ve failed as a parent

Son: “Seafood sauce is way too spicy!”

Caveat: I’m not a fan of seafood sauce. The fact that the kid thinks it’s too spicy? That ain’t right.

Redshirt

I agree with Son of Scotchnaut, seafood sauce is spicy.

So, yeah, you really screwed up somewhere.

scotchnaut

It’s horseradish and ketchup! It’s one Flacco away from being as turgid flavour-wise as Miracle Whip!

Shogun Marcus

Three. Three away.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“Seafood sauce” is probably made with ketchup and is the shit you’d find at a Red Lobster.

Go to a real crab, shrimp, or oyster shack along the Mid-Atlantic and Southern Seaboard and you’ll be given proper cocktail sauce, which is real horseradish root and Heinz Chili Sauce, preferably served individually and you mix them. Heinz Chili Sauce is a killer ingredient that is becoming less well known due to rise of bullshit stunt sauces.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Uh oh, the hockey game brought out hte boy scouts to show off during the national anthem. You call that a kerchief?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I got called into the HR office this morning.

“JSD…do you know why I called you in?”

“No. Is this about that kid yesterday?”

“Did you get [CEO]’s email?”

“My account is set up to automatically send his emails to my junk folder”

“Hahahaha…oh JSD bless your heart you are so funny”

“I’m being serious. I really need to get back to work. Why are you wasting my time?”

“Well as you know, training department is part of HR…”

“That is completely news to me”

“AND…because of that, your participation…or lack there of…in the United Way Campaign counts against us”

“Oh really? I mean I usually just refuse to participate on principle…but now that I know I am affecting you guys…I am REALLY not going to participate”

“JSD! This is a good cause and there is no single reason why you cannot…”

“Goes against my religion”

Angry fat HR lady flumes at me…

Gratliff

This sounds like something from Bastard Operator From Hell. Also, Jesus Fuck, am I tired of United way shit at work. It’s not that they’re all that bad, it’s just that I don’t like being told what I’m supposed to be giving to.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

These big charities are just fucking shakedowns anyway.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I hate UW for a couple of reasons

1) Charity is a private matter. If one is doing it for public recognition, its entirely missing the point.

2) I really detest that people seem to think I am a bad person because I refuse to cut my paycheck to a company that has enough fucking funds to advertise during the fucking Superbowl. I fucking volunteer pretty much every weekend. I donate time and money. Yet dick head Bob from accounting thinks I am an asshole because I refuse to pitch in so everyone gets “jeans Friday”.

3) I am not paying my fucking employer for a tax write off. The whole reason why companies like United Way is because its an easy as shit means to make a nice big ass tax write off…off the back of your peons.

Seriously…fuck the United Way.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The money doesn’t have to go to United Way. My mother was a semi-professional fundraiser for all sorts of charities, and the way she got her department to handily win the contest among all the city departments every year is that she had people funnel their church tithings through UW so that it counted for everyone, didn’t actually affect how much the church received or was taken from their paycheck (pre-tax, too), and didn’t really inconvenience anyone.

That being said, fuck your company’s HR department.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

The three women we got in HR are the stereotypical, fat, hick southern bell that believe everything. All three of them voted for Trump (its prominent on their pick up trucks).

We work for a Japanese conglomerate. These are the kind of people that require the warning on bleach bottles not to drink the contents.

I cannot wait for their heads to collectively explode when they finally put two and two together and figure out that the only guy in HR is gay.

Side note, that guy is actually pretty chill and he is my go to for issues involve payroll and legal shit. The other three are morons.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Not to be a dick, but what your Mom did is exactly what I hate about UW. They basically took a 10-20% cut for what? To give credit to people for giving?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yeah, basically. I don’t mind. I just wasn’t sure that was part of it, but that makes sense. It’s just the way things work from my perspective because that’s all I’ve ever known about how it works. I am pretty suspicious of charities myself because of this, I guess. I don’t know. I just felt like contributing to the conversation.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

And I am being a defensive dick about it…because every fucking year around this time, I get death stares from everyone at work because I refuse on principle not to participate. Its so easy for me to get spun up about this and I hate that I respond like this EVERY FUCKING TIME…

And again, I am not against charity. I am certain I do more than the vast majority of my coworkers combine.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

“Voluntary” donations are this great new thing corporations are doing to exercise damned near feudal control over their workers. These assholes are itching to “voluntarily” put us in fucking Pullman towns.

Redshirt

I mean… Eli Manning got benched. By Geno Smith. Excuse me….

(runs to next door website to laugh ass off)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Better than leaving for a pack of smokes

IronAvenger6491
IronAvenger6491

I can’t believe that this is how Eli Manning dies. Out of all the ways, not like this.

scotchnaut

Eli died doing what he loved-eating chocolate pudding until he was full.

Redshirt

All paths to the playoffs just got closed to the Buckeyes. HARD!

scotchnaut

“Checking In!”

-A Significant Minority

Romonobyl

Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for:

GENO SMITH!!!!!!!!

Sorry Eli, it was fun…

scotchnaut

It was fun winning 2 SB’s by the skin of his teeth.

/not fun? The turnovers. Oh God! The Turnovers!

scotchnaut

/Alternate Take

“Fun? The turnovers. Oh God! The Turnovers!”

-Andy Reid

Redshirt

In 1998, the Cincinnati Bengals signed a free agent QB from New York to replace an average QB.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.