Latest posts by King Hippo (see all)
- Raging Semi Tuesday – Roma at [grumble, grumble] – April 24, 2018
- Gravy Boat Ruins Derby Day (Also Whiny Baby German Elton John) – April 7, 2018
- World Gawne Mad – Finale Edition – April 2, 2018
It was a week that gave us definitive answers on “Are the Jaguras and RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! really for reals?”
Odd Week Jaguras welcomed the sad-sack, imaginary side from Yooooouuuuston, with toe owie Hopkins. They held out Leonard Fournette. Marquise Lee got injured early. Neither mattered in the slightest. 45-7. Yeah, if someone from the junior circuit is to stop Satan’s Sluts from a repeat, it will be Duval’s finest. Fucking strange as that is to come to grips with, it is reality.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT? They came up a FG shy of JAX’ mark, but had 34 to the SeaTruthers’ zip at the half, and it was all over but the bitchiness. Throw in an intentional grounding safety for extra humiliation. Gurley Man had 4 TDs and somehow even more fantasy points than KHunt on Saturday night. MVP? Folk should at least be talking about it.
For once, the hype was not just hype, and Massholes/Yinzers was quite the footy match. We enjoyed another fine existential chapter in WHAT IS A CATCH? and PIT got to eat a little shit maybe as Karma for all the fuckery they pulled in Cincinnati a few weeks ago. Anyway, one hates to see the P*ts benefit, but fuck feeling bad for Yinzburgh. Hopefully, the stars shall align to make the Jaguras our rightful #1 seed. FUCK YOU, it could happen. Also, The Ben is The Biggest Dumb Piece of Shit that ever there was. HARF!
Janeane Garafalo? She pulled out another win, with help from erstwhile buddy Robbie Gould, 25-23 over the suddenly-reeling Titans. Sorry, DonT. It ain’t look good.
Catler in the snow/cold was about what one would expect. 3 picks, 4 fumbles (all of which he managed to recover). Buffalo, being Buffalo, still almost managed to cock it up, or at least blow my cover. Even surrendered an onside kick, but ultimately the 24-16 final held.
Turns out Mistuh Richardson is a racialist. Gee, knock me over with a feather. Anyway, his breeding stock is on the auction block, fresh off a 31-24 win over A.A. Ron’s Pack. Another successful onside kick in this one, but Davante Adams’ replacement (fuck you, Thomas Davis, for that chickenshit hit) fumbled inside of 2 minutes to seal the deal.
The Jets covered in the Superdome, 19-31. The Bryce Petty Jets. Strange year is strange. Alabama has a Demmycratic U.S. Senator, in case you didn’t hear.
Cincinnati? Uh, they did not win one, nor compete in one, for Marvin. He will depart at the end of the year, and nobody could give a tin shit, it would seem. Congrats to Minnesota, your NFC North champions. And to Teddy Bridgewater, for walking under his own power into the huddle again. Nice moment.
I really thought #ThePauls would get their one win today. I am really fucking stupid sometimes. Balmer remains mathematically alive, let us all curse under our breath about that (you are excused, tWBS and fozz).
Redacteds/Birdcano was as dreadful as one might imagine. If’n you like FGs, there were 7 combined. Kapri Bibbs had 1 of the 2 ‘Dacted TDs, and I had no idea the former Donks practice squad darling was still alive. The Flow’s 15 minutes might just about be up.
Elisha threw for over 400 yards today. No shit! And Los Gigantes lost, because that’s just how they roll. Philly continues to fulfill the Litre_Cola prophecy. Foles really is quite competent.
That leaves our wet fart Sunday nightcap of Pokes at Raiders. Dallas squandered a 10-zip halftime margin, and it was 17-all with 9+ minutes to play, seemingly next score wins. Then Dallas scored. The end. (oh yeah, Derek Carr managed to lose in a more misery-inducing way than The Ben did, courtesy of the dreaded pylon stretch WOMP WOMP)