Any errors in coverage are simply a result of Roger Goodell seeking to ruin my preparation in favour of the Patriots.

Game Previews:

Pittsburgh at Houston – 4:30PM | NBC / NFLN / TSN

The Steelers will have spent the weekend hoping the Bills can pull off some kind of miracle and beat the Patriots in Foxboro, because they know the Jags will likely wreck the 49ers. Pittsburgh really needs this to avoid having to play on Wild Card Weekend, so they will have an air of desperation about them when they take the field. Luckily, THE BEN still has Le’Veon Bell, Martavis Bryant and JuJu Smith-Schuster.

The Texans are playing for pride. I have no idea who their starting quarterback will be, and who he has to throw to. All I know is that Jadeveon Clowney is still really good, and he’ll be looking to pound #7 into the ground, in the vainglorious belief the Texans might rebuild around him and not the oft-broken JJ Watt.

Still, having to road trip to Houston at Christmas?

Oakland at Philadelphia – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN

As with the Steelers, so too with the Raiders.

I covered all of this last week, so no point rehashing the obvious. The Raiders season is over. Sure, there’s an outside chance of them making the playoffs, but I have a better chance of a threeway with Scarlett Johansson & Jennifer Lawrence.

^{I would disappoint them in ways they never imagined.}

I don’t think Jack Del Rio is at risk of losing his job, but some of the Raiders starters are playing for theirs. So expect them to take plenty of chances early, and if the game gets out of hand expect to see all the backups.

For the Eagles, the job is quite simple: PROTECT NICK FOLES! It sounds strange to be concerned about him this late into 2017, but it’s been a strange season, so here we are. Their backup, unless they sign someone over the weekend, is a kid named Nick Sudfeld, who played four years at Indiana & was drafted by the [Redacteds] in 2016; the Eagles got him on waivers in September 2017.

The Eagles also need this game to maintain distance and, if the weekend fell the right way, clinch the #1 seed in the NFC. Expect them to come out strong, and their plan is to beat the Raiders into submission by halftime so they can rest some starters in the second half. Now I wish they still had Mark Sanchez.

Tonight’s sports:

• NFL:
  • Steelers at Texans – 4:20PM | NBC / NFLN / TSN
  • Raiders at Eagles – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
• NBA:
  • Cavs at Warriors – 3:00PM | ABC / Sportsnet
  • Wizards at Celtics – 5:30PM | ABC / TSN2
  • Rockets at Thunder – 8:00PM | ABC / Sportsnet
  • Timberwolves at Lakers – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet
• Beisbol:
  • Springfield of Dreams: The Legend of Homer Simpson – 10:00PM | FS1
• Lucha:
  • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Enjoy your day, and remember – Tryptophan is your friend. TURKEY NAPS MEAN NO HUMAN INTERACTION!