NFL News:
- Either Shady is lying or he’s Wolverine: He says his ankle isn’t as bad as first thought.
- He does admit it’s difficult to cut.
- There is a former Bills RB familiar with cutting difficulty he could ask for advice.
- He does admit it’s difficult to cut.
- Proving the wheels on the bus do go round & round, the Ravens might hire Chuck Pagano to be their defensive coordinator.
- something something urine joke Dean Pees retired.
- DeMarco Murray is officially out for the Titans versus the Chiefs.
- His partial MCL tear is too much to play through.
- Rumours are already starting that Jon Gruden doesn’t want Derek Carr as his QB in Oakland.
- Especially after shit-talking him to his face during a QB Camp interview.
The NFL “Playoff Challenge” is here!
I’ve been invited to participate.
NFL PLAYOFFS ARE HERE, JOIN IN ON THE ACTION!
And just look at the prizes:
In case you missed it,
a GRAND PRIZE of…1 Tom Brady signed helmet!
Geez Rog, I thought you wanted me to watch the games.
Tonight’s sports:
- Hockey:
- NHL:
- Hurricanes at Penguins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- World Juniors:
- Canada vs. Czech Republic – 8:00PM | TSN / NHLN
- NHL:
- Basketball:
- NBA:
- Warriors at Rockets – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- Thunder at Clippers – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- NCAA:
- Houston at Wichita State – 7:00PM | ESPN
- Maryland at Michigan State – 8:00PM | FS1
- Arizona at Utah – 9:00PM | ESPN
- Cincinnati at Temple – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- UCLA at Stanford – 10:00PM | FS1
- NBA:
Seamus has you tomorrow for teh sexy, and Scotchy’s got your hot playoff action this weekend. SEE YOU MONDAY!
Guess the racist acorn doesn’t fall very far from the racist tree.
https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/hurry-up-jew-nfl-heiress-sparks-brawl-and-beats-lawyer-bloody-with-500-glass-purse/
“Hurry up Jew” was what it was called when Sage Rosenfels went no-huddle
No one should give this motherfucker Bannon a penny, so I’m going to promote a certain site just this one time.
h
ttp://libgen.io/
I think the book goes on sale tomorrow? Or Tuesday. Whenever. Use that.
will the book be here?
It should be.
Why not?
Because he understands jokes.
I’m surprised he didn’t just punch him in the nuts.
Little asshole piece o’ shit fuck.
Can/drink check. what you guys got?
im sippin a Narragansett. its ok.
3 parts Bacardi Limon, 1 part Cherry Zero. Couple of ice cubes
Lagunitas Brown Shugga
Schlitz and coke
At Postmark Brewing in Vancouver, drinking & talking to a blonde.
this warriors rockets game is getting good!
Is that because it’s over?
/I’ll be here all week
//Don’t tip your waitresses tipping is just a way for the bourgeoisie keep the rest of us down
yeah, i wish KD and Harden were playing. Interesting to see who would get the final choke.
nut kick hi ya!
This is real. This ACTUALLY exists. This is NOT a spoof.
You have been warned…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9qv8RSreIM
That tie’s not long enough.
So kind of like Kim Jong Un who has his pic in every house, this is a way Cheeto can put himself in his supporters homes.
There’s nothing in the Flag Code about using the flag as clothing if it’s attached to a stuffed bear
Hands (paws?) too big.
*Trophy wife bear shipped separately. Subject to import fees.
check out the facebook page too!
hahahaha…….cuddle with greatness!
I’ll buy one
Jeebus. Not even two hours in, and tonight and I’ve already missed too much on which to catch up (grammar, muthafuckas).
I need to go watch a movie anyway.
Sorry….Not even three hours in.
I should buy a new battery for my watch.
Why doesn’t trevor ariza simply punch Curry in his stupid face? Do it man, it feels good and will solve all your problems.
Also, makes the modern NBA less boring! In one of the few sports without CTE concerns I say PILE ON THE VIOLENCE
Sometimes stray cats fight/fuck in my apartment’s parking lot. Sometimes it’s teenagers. Is it bad that I can’t tell the difference by sound alone?
We need to Spay and Neuter them all, just to be safe.
I plan on retiring in 14 years, then living another 30 – 40 years, so unfortunately it’s the offspring of today’s teenage fuckfests that will be funding whatever Social Security I manage to claim during that time
Musical guest, Teenage Fuckfest!
Playing their big hits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tIVVEIdu2g
Still can’t believe we don’t have male birth control pill yet. Once available, ever father will get there boys on the pill.
And all those misogynistic assholes who think women are getting pregnant to trap them into marriage can shut the fuck up once and for all
yep and those pills will be written into a health bill. “Men get free pills”.
If that’s the language they use, I will totally start cross-dressing so I can hit up the buffet of whatever free pills I want, though by that time it’ll probably be heart medication or something equally boring
“What do you mean, people don’t want to have kids?”
-T. Malthus
Not a whole lot on this evening. I already miss bowl season.
Saban just wants to recruit.
Dammit Judy!
Dogs are so fucking stupid. And I love them so.
I have holes in my yard fence just for my pooch.
Yay happy fun time!
It’s all fun and games until someone gets a sharp claw in in the anus.
I wonder how many times someone has said that particular phrase?
I am incapable of having an original thought, so at least once before. Although; throughout history there has been a lot of cats and a lot of anuses so I would imagine that the two have been in contact numerous times.
Seems legit
/cums
– Rex Ryan
Oh hey! I felt my first official earthquake last night! It woke me up, I thought “Oh, I bet this is an earthquake” then it stopped and I went back to sleep. Looked it up in the morning, 4.4 magnitude epicenter north of me in Berkeley.
Between that and all the gloating I get to do about the warm weather here while the rest of the country freezes I feel like a real Californian now!
Pop Quiz: What’s the nearest freeway to your place?
880
WRONG!!!!
It’s “The 880” or GTFO of Commiefornia.
Yeah, I haven’t picked up the excessive use of articles to refer to roads yet. I suspect this is one of the things I will eternally think is stupid and resist saying, like ‘pop’ instead of ‘soda’
At least I’m back in a sane place as far as THAT is concerned. Though I did occasionally compromise by saying “SODEE POP”
It’s called a Coke.
It’s a soft drink
Pop.
Soda [Minnesota accent please]
Draw a horizontal line across a map of California, dividing the state’s population in half: 50% of Californians live north of the line, and 50% live south of the line. Where do you draw that line?
ANSWER: At approximately Wilshire Blvd in Los Angeles. A horizontal line here, extending from the ocean to the Arizona border, divides the population equally.
LA is the second largest population center in the country, so that makes sense actually. My statistical training is super useful for not being surprised about distribution stuff that surprises gen pop 🙂
all you East Coasters will get to read the Fire & Fury book tomorrow. The publisher is a genius.
https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/949023502169907200
That flick looks like its going to be so fucking stupid.
I really wish Hollywood would just stop making movies…
Yeah; I like the gif too.
Folks.
That weather back East looks nasty. Hope the East Coast DFOers stocked up on liquor and weed.
Saturday will be cold as all fuck.
“Weed eh?”
-J. Sessions
Fortunately the secret lizard-people designed weather machine (Washington Monument) pushed the worst of it north of us. But, I am making a booze, beef jerky and toilet paper run tomorrow night.
Just got in. Car said -22 C. And windy. F*** it’s cold out
Buddy went to Pittsburgh to see family for New Year’s.
Saw the Stillers-Browns and froze my balls off (hey, don’t wear moccasins when it’s slushy and shitty). I secured a spot at the men’s room at halftime because the restrooms were heated. We left after the third quarter and went to the casino across the block. I was at a blackjack table when the Browns were making their last drive, and that drop had me frozen looking at the TV. Lost $40, meh.
Brother and friends went out for New Year’s Eve; I stayed home and watched Jackie Brown. They came home at 1 am and knocked over blinds for their back door.
You have moccasins for your balls?
Yes, they’re regular moccasins.
NSF anything.
h
ttps://imagecdn.clips4sale.com/accounts131/3969/clip_images/moccasins.gif
If you’ve got a better way to build up callouses I’d like to hear it
You can’t hear it over the screaming.
Heated by evaporating urine.
Don’t let the blinds see this post… Oh wait, nothing to worry about.
Jaguars fans gonna drink the pool water!
Shady stretched today but did not practice.
OJ sharpened today but did not cut…….. allegedly.
go warriors!
Fun story, in the book they just gang raped that girl instead of making friends with her and bringing her back to Coney Island
That is a great story. JFC. Glad I skipped the book.
FUCK the Warriors
FUCK the Rockets
FUCK Draymond
FUCK THAT PUNK Durant,
FUCK THAT PUNK CP3
FUCK BOTH TEAMS
Yes, but I really enjoyed Chappelle’s joke about Draymond Green.
Nicely formatted HATE.
Holy shit switching over to a new state for driver’s license and vehicle registration is over involved and annoying. I totally get why gun owners want to avoid all this administrative crap. All of this paying taxes so the state can hire people to make me fill out endless forms and give them even more money is making me sympathetic to libertarians….the less batshit crazy ones at least
Couldn’t pass the written past?
Haven’t taken the written test yet, just getting all the millions of documents together to prove I exist and live here and own a car
i lived in Cali for 2 years. i found it easier to get a Passport and CW Permit then a CA drivers license.
If I hadn’t already used the “I don’t live here” excuse to get out of jury duty, I would just keep my MD license
They’ll let anyone onto the Riverdale lot…
I did take the sample written tests online. Not bad, just all the normal stuff about not killing pedestrians and signalling turns. I would appreciate it if they made more of an effort to enforce that ‘not killing pedestrians’ part. Is there any part of the country where people don’t drive like crap?
Now Derek Carr is sad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r4MNcOVOQM
Ahhh. That’s much better! Anyone have a story to tell?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fYL_qiDYf0
Okay, I’ll go first-
I swam across the Ottawa River high as hell on acid. Seriously, can’t believe how lucky you guys are to be reading what I just typed.*
*this is code for “I almost died.”
Do they have to be “I almost died” stories?
[rubs his hands by the fire]
Any story will do. Have at it, Senor!
I will go with an acid story.
Buddy of mine and I dropped acid then picked up breakfast shifts at 5 am at a resort hotel. I walked out of the kitchen and a guy in the dining room who was wearing a helmet had my buddy cornered and was showing him his wooden teeth. It was a very strange shift.
I smoked weed with Pacman Jones at a Christmas party.
Fantastic. I would like that. Bulllee dat.
Or do you want more death-adjacent stories?
It was the first thing that dropped into my brain-TELL YOUR STORY!
Swimming story: When I was 12 years old, my dad was stationed at a NATO listening station southwest of Istanbul. The Boy Scout troop at the base once a year had an event where the scouts swam across the Bosporus. They had boats that escorted us so no one drowned or got swept down to the Aegean Sea via the Dardanelles. I am probably the only commentist that has swam from Asia to Europe. But maybe not.
That’s pretty fucking cool!
” I am probably the only commentist that has swam from Asia to Europe. But maybe not.”
This is a good way to find out which DFOer is in a Triad.
I was in the pool one day and heard “Heat of the Moment” and “The Final Countdown” on the radio back to back. Pretty sure that counts.
You win.
Acid, booze, weed, and guns; a few of us were running around the woods getting firewood; I hid and jumped out to scare a fellow tripper, but forgot I had kindling in my hand and scratched the shit out of his face and neck. A little while later we heard bullets whizzing by; it seemed pretty close. Back at camp the guy who was shooting said ‘No way; I was shooting up in the air!” Sure. We had cans of Denty Moore stew to eat; in the morning we woke up with dried stew in our hair and on the outside of the sleeping bags; I do not remember the stew fight.
BOSS TODD broke his pelvis in an “incident” at a bar near Ketchup Stadium last Sunday. He plans to recover by smoking more Marlboros and drinking twice the amount of Rebel Yell in the backseat of the Camaro.
I call bullshit on that story. Ever been in the backseat of an IROC-Z? It’s impossible to do two things at once.
“Cool! A bedpan.”
-Rob receiving the Grand Price
I think we should all whisper a silent prayer for all those vehicles whose engines need to turn over at 4am EST tomorrow morning. It’s absolutely vital that the product/products in their rear storage facilities be delivered in a timely fashion.
/What? Did you think that fruits/vegetables were transported to your grocery store in pristine condition because magic?
Nope. I want the east coast to starve to death.
I was talking specifically about my own immediate concerns business-wise.
Oh. Well, I definitely hope you starve to death.
“If they don’t make it, what will the cows eat!?”
-Andy R.
People
I know we had cremation story time in the other chain, but I’m going to share mine here.
A friend of mine died young back in the mid-aughts. His mom had him cremated and wanted to spread his ashes with his friends where we all used to hang out. Time comes, she says some words, there’s some crying, and then…no one can get the canister open. It was not coming open for anything. After a few minutes of struggling, the smallest, least-assuming guy in the group pops open a switch blade (!) to try and wedge it in there and pop the top off. Nope, not budging. Most people are still crying but I’m starting to lose it. So then the little guy starts CARVING THE TOP OF THE CANISTER WITH A SWITCH BLADE to try and at least get an opening to pour the ashes out. After some awkward stabbing, he hands the canister to the mom to start pouring out her son’s ashes. Starts to work a little but then jammed. She shakes it like Michael J Fox with a bottle of Heinz 57 but guess what: not everything gets incinerated into ash when a body is cremated. Some of it ends up…chunky. The chunks were blocking the hand-carved opening and required a fresh round of switchblading until finally everything could shake out and we could finish our ad hoc (and kind of illegal) public memorial.
I’m crying now, but for wholly different reasons.
WOW
Spreading ashes is a tragedy waiting to happen if the conditions aren’t perfect. So much easier to just bury the container.
You’re absolutely right.
Wind chills are dropping to -40 Celsius tonight. If you stick your dick out your PJ’s for three minutes on your deck 10 minutes ago, you’ll regret it.
They’re cancelling schools in fucking Michigan due to cold. Shit’s no joke.
It’s not often that school get’s cancelled in Detroit without involving police tape.
Do they even close schools or just redirect foot traffic?
Wouldn’t that just make your dick turn black, which thus makes it bigger?
/Lifehacker
– 40 Celsius? How cold is that in “real” degrees?
Colder than your wife.
/let’s leave it at that
PSA: Spectre and Meltdown are shitting all over modern processing standards. If you have an intel-based computer, go update your shit now, fucker. The internet is on fire. Computers were a mistake. They broke technology.
If you’re using a device with Intel, AMD, or ARM processors made between 1995 and tonight, watch for firmware and hope the wizard system engineers they employ can magic up some shit to fix massive hardware vulnerabilities with straight code.
Well, at least they’re gonna use “straight” code.
What does this mean, exactly?
Right? I’ve no clue. Do I need to buy a new one?
Good thing I held on to my old Packard Bell 8086.
Anybody got an AOL CD they don’t need anymore?
I was looking through a pile of blank 5.25″ floppy disks earlier.
Processor companies have been in a dead sprint trying to make machines superpowered. They pushed speeds 20-30% higher by ignoring little things like security, and the cat is out of the bag now. Meltdown allows applications to access data being used by other applications using the same processor core without any additional permissions. Fixes will hurt multitasking performance. Chrome’s core isolation security fix will increase its already ridiculous memory usage by about 30%. The good thing is it can be patched. The bad is that it’ll create noticeable slowdowns. Fortunately, it only affects machines using Intel-based processors. AMD and ARM aren’t vulnerable to it.
Spectre uses speculative execution (processor making assumptions about which memory locations and such it’ll need to use to push processing speeds) to pull unrelated data to the process. When it is sent to the wrong location, the unrelated data remains readable by the process and data that would normally be encrypted is visible. It’s more random, like Heartbleed was, and very difficult to target, but it’s currently unpatchable and affects every processor since the Pentium II (everything from your Smartphone to your toaster at this point). Literally, CERT’s true fix is throw it out and wait for something that doesn’t have this problem. There’s some crazy geniuses coming up with patches that’ll mitigate it, but it happens at the lowest level of the processor core, so firmware won’t fix it flat out.
Meltdown is far more dangerous right now. Someone could put code in their site to read data being handled in another browser tab. Patching that is a priority.
Super Nerds found out about this a year ago and started doing research projects and white pages. They informed Intel about it, and lo and behold, CEO guy just sold off $20 million of his stock a month later, for totally unrelated reasons, he assures us.
Silver lining? Goodbye Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Fear not for social media. Normals will sell their children before sacrificing a minute of sweet memeing.
/ checks home computer
// AMD
WhooHoo!
Same here, I prefer to fight the power.
Usually the only processor I will buy. Intel charged way too much back in the day and still does.
Welp, only one thing left to do, I guess.
https://i.chzbgr.com/full/4877872896/h21B30726/
“There is a former Bills RB familiar with cutting difficulty he could ask for advice.”
Jesus, that’s good. With how I’m faring with this cold, Shady can send him my way cause death don’t seem so bad right now
My friends will never admit it, but our hockey pool is significantly better when I’m in first place because I’m such a shit talker. And I can do it without personal attacks too, which is impressive.
There’s a delicate art to shit-talking that only a minority of people understand. I’ve got a close buddy that isn’t fazed by anything I say to him during our live fantasy draft but implodes when I do the exact same thing on-line.
/maybe it’s just him