I’m only human. Well, that’s the excuse I use when I screw up. Not really though but I use that to explain why I almost always cheer for that team that comes out of nowhere and against expectations, plays well or has some sort of uphill battle. Yeah, I’ve cheered for Gonzaga. I’ve cheered for Boise State. Hell, in the early 80’s I cheered for Duke. Look, I hated UNC and Dean Smith that much. The Rams got off to a very quick start this year and I waited for their house to cave in as I knew it inevitably would. Not so fast, dicknugget! They turned out to be an 11-5 team after all. So now I’m all for ’em until they lose and next year I’ll move on to another team that can make me feel as though I can feel. Enough of that let’s head off…TO THE GAME!
Falcons/Rams:
Atlanta seems a wee bit scary to me. After they stumbled here and there they finished up the season at 6-2 with the only losses being against Minny and New Orleans. The O isn’t what it was last year (but still among the league’s best) but the D became a top 10 unit. They also ended the year as #1 in third-down conversions. That’s gonna come in handy today against a L.A. D-line that makes lesser qb’s stain their jorts. The Rams? They’re fun to watch because of a.) Gurley’s talent and b.) their love of the deep ball. This one is a coin flip to me.
If you’re not a football fan there’s oodles of other stuff going on including-
NHL-
The Kings, Bruins, Leafs, Senators (ugh!) and others are icing it tonight.
College Ball-
Oklahoma, (check out Trae Young) Duke, Villanova, Kentucky, Kansas and Gonzaga are on the hardest of courts.
NBA-
Houston and Cleveland and some others can bore you if that’s your thing.
If you’re not into any of that just post pics of girlies or gifs that make you smile. Don’t worry, the commenters are high but the bar isn’t. Go Get ‘Em!
The Anna Nicole Smith Story, tonight, on TBS.
I actually liked that movie. Too bad Shia went up and lost his damned mind.
Don’t forget the rap at the end!
Don’t break the pasta!
I don’t think you could fuck this song up if you tried.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wanoXM90yHE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3WOGOJknQU
I really want to start a Christian garage band now, we’ll call ourselves The Stable Geniuses.
Mickey Mantle retired at 36, and absolutely wrecked his knee very early in his career.
Played 18 years and hit .298 with 536 HRs and 1509 RBIs. That is insane.
/Sorry, YES is running a special
Yankeeography?
Bingo
This is the weirdest game of roulette I’m ever seen.
Can’t exactly bet on black.
I doubt red is an option, too.
So are the NO SMOKING warnings that necessary? Kind of hard to light up at 3 G’s.
Aww, man, if only it were Thursday I’d suggest a road trip!
/OK, the first one didn’t take, but on Thursdays you get house wine! At a strip bar!
I’ll take “Things Ben Rothlisberger Has Definitely Said At Or Near Closing Time” for $400, Alex.
No curling? Fucking racist man…
Cheer up, Dick. Someone will always need you, for at least a few minutes every other week or so.
Oh well…on to watching Kenny Omega vs Chris Jericho.
They are showing it on AXSTV channel I think..
It was a lot of fun. I watched it live at 5 am on a Thursday because I’m an insane person.
It Super Bow LII pronounced like ‘lee’ or like ‘lie’ ?
I think it’s Super Bowl “when a guy takes part, ok, it’s just locker room stuff; but if the woman has a nipple exposed: banned for life.” So “lie” works for brevity.
Cold tittays 4 TWBS!
“Does he get to kiss them?” -Truth Biscuit
I certainly hope so.
Stop promoting necrophilia.
I hate all of you.
I have pants on.
You can all kiss tWBS’ ass.
I will try to take pictures without bouncers beating me up.
But I still hate you all.
North Korea’s nuclear capabilities thus far.
Did Cris just essentially say “NFC South PAAAAWWWLLLLL!”?
Meanwhile, the Ice Donks are hilariously destroying the Ice Vikes
I love how Cris, presented with indisputable evidence that the refs brutally fucked over LA, still makes excuses for them.
“You wonder if they’re just letting them play, if they just don’t want to decide the game, or if they just missed it.”
No Cris, you fucking hayseed idiot; I don’t wonder that at all. I can see the replay and there’s more contact there than there is between Big Ben and a drunk co-ed in a filthy stall in a dive bar in Georgia. The NFL officials, once again, have totally fucked up in a crucial situation and, if you had any balls other than those of the QBs for either team that are currently rolling around in your slack-jawed mouth, you’d call them on it.
Other than that…
Atlanta holding harder than someone with $11 Bitcoins
She shouldn’t talk with her mouth full. (Definitely NSFW)
h
ttps://gfycat.com/badfairblackrussianterrier
Jeebus it’s cold out.
Hippo I swear on my life and everything holy…if I show up over there and you don’t….
It’s cold out. I hate you. And I hate balls.
You both can suck it.
What’d I do?
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID!!!!!!!!!!
Fucking Rams.
I lose money and I have to go freeze my ass off.
I better get laid FFS!!!!!
Fuck and you.
Shrivel?
Mocked his Dingle?
It’s 3 here. I just pee’d outside and I’m pretty sure my vasectomy is now redundant.
Aw yeah. The 14 people in St. Louis who still cheer for hte Rams are gonna be salty as fuck this offseason.
Next on “Ow, My Balls!”
The taintbreak of not stretching first.
I’m going to open my own bar, name it the Pit of Misery, and never sell Budweiser products.
There’s already 12 in Cleveland.
Don’t you mean 16?
They’d have one for every busted QB, but that would be hundreds. They’d crowd themselves out.
If you only sold Bud Lite it would qualify.
I’ll be there, when’s the open?
If you wanted for it to truly be a Pit of Misery, you would sell only Budweiser products.
You had me at “bar”
Well, shit.
Good season tho.
I love this.
Atlanta at Iggles. Looks like Philly gets to lose another NFC title game.
Bill Parcells would never throw the slant, for obvious reasons.
But you could always throw one against him, early on, as a sort of sneak attack.
a real kamikaze move
We need to zip this comment up.
Don’t hate me because I have all my windows open letting fresh, cool air in.
Oh, the air here is cool all right…
You mean tabs?
Buddy I can let in much cooler air that you can!
/throws open windows
//pipes freeze and burst
That’s a good call, I should go watch the last minute of this game out on the patio (so happy I get to be the asshole in the warm place now)
I’m going out. And this will time perfectly with the intermission during The Godfather Part 2, which I’ve been watching on Netflix. Stay out of too much trouble. Be back by midnight EST (Fuck. It’s late out there for this stupid game).
Please avoid GF Part 3. It’s gawdawful terrible.
There is no Godfather 3. None. Never happened. You cannot convince me otherwise, and I’ve seen a “movie” that claimed to be it.
Horatio tried to leave the theater several times…but his wife kept dragging him back in!
I went with an Italian friend of mine who considers the Godfather movies gospel.
I drove his car home while he sat and fumed.
Probably mad cause you left the gun in the car but took the cannoli out
It was that bad.
It’s probably the worst movie I’ve paid to see.
Guess you didn’t see Speed 2 in the theater then.
I saw that for free, at home, and I still felt ripped off.
NOPE
RAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT
Shit, gonna get overturned.
Fire and Fury
A fast-paced and fascinating tale of the first time I peed after catching the clap.
Or, maybe after banging in a field of poison ivy.
Or one of those fishes that swims up your dick
The first and only reason to never visit western Africa. Fuuuuuuuccccckkkkkk that.
Oh that’s far from the only reason.
Actually, they aren’t as far away as Africa.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru
Nice drive by LA but I think it’s going to be too little too late.
When you need two TDs with 6 to go, the safest course is a grinding, 15 play west coast offensive drive.
“Yep”
– Andy Reid
Are you not familiar with ATL?
Test results didn’t look good.
He’ll be dead, Jim.
But I didn’t even eat the salmon mousse!
mummmm hummmm.
Wait, we have Sammy Watkins?
(That was sarcastic. But hey, we have Sammy Watkins, so fucking use him occasionally.)
Wait…this is streaming on Exploitation TV? Aw, decisions, decisions…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=111&v=VaUlQ1XSKkQ
I love these game shows where one spouse is tearfully explaining to the other spouse that, even though they’ve made $60,000 dropping brightly colored balls down a big wall, he or she is gonna fucking go for it, because I just love you that much!
Horatio: Hey, babe, I just made $60,000 doing the dumbest shit you can think of. After taxes that’s probably $35-$40K. We’re done here right?
Mrs. Horatio: You’re fucking-a right we are!
And it’s this sort of common sense that ensures you will never be picked for one of these shows
Exactly.
Speaking of NBC, The Good Place is finally back and it’s still really good.
Yer forkin’ right!
In a roundabout way, this site wouldn’t exist if not for Michael Schur.
BRING BACK MATT!
AND TELL US HOW TO GET HER TO SAY YES TO ANAL!
Long-distance anal!
Teledildonics. Wave of the future, Dude.
I still jerk off manually, man.
The old FJM archives are outstanding.
I miss that site so much. They were fantastic.
And I made the mistake of looking him up on wikipedia and finding out that he’s only a year older than me and went to high school in the town next door next to mine. Makes me feel pretty inadequate.
Shit.
I only saw the first season. Loved it, but waiting for Netflix to catch up. Given how the 1st season ended does the inevitable repetition hold up?
Second season is even funnier.
Good to know.
What they do works.
They dispense with repetitions (they do more than one reboot) during the first episode, and then it goes on from there into the arc that’s been running throughout the second season.
I heard that NBC tried to make Univision pay for the production of their new game show.
FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME NBC THE WALL IS JUST FUCKIN PLINKO ON PRIMETIME
Super Plinko! SUPER PLINKOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It’s really sad when my students don’t get my Price is Right references. FUCK THE COMMON CORE, MORE CLIFF HANGERS!
I blame Drew Carey.
He owns part of the Seattle Sounders. Truly, he is a monster.
Plinko always deserved its own spinoff tho.
Perhaps I misunderstand. What here is a lollipop?
A high-arc throw. Baseball term.
AH, that explains it.
A bludgeon.
Phillip Rivers enjoyed watching that pass so much, there’s gonna be some unprotected missionary shame sex tonight resulting in another pregnancy oh yeah.
There’s no doubt in my mind that Mrs. River’s bedroom, (and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that they have separate bedrooms), is the true Pit of Misery.
She uses a dilly-dilly frequently.
I imagine he shuts his eyes so hard while fucking, and puts his hand over her eyes, because she says she won’t look, but Eve said she wouldn’t touch, and we all k now how that worked out.
She’s not already pregnant?
Why do you not go for 2 there?
That would be the smart call, and Atlanta gonna Atlanta.
Unfortunately, RAMMMMMIT ain’t ready for prime time. MAYBE.
/Dan Quinn removes mask
Not even going for 2, ultimate “we know you can’t do anything”
OK Hippo, what time.
Where am I meeting you?
I am just going to put on jeans and go to the Capital Cabaret, as Balls dicatated, will be there by 12
I’ll find you.
Please still have pants on when I do.
smgdh
ballgame.
Rivers is impressed with that floater.
It belongs in a museum. Or a toilet.
That was the fadiest fade that ever faded
Son of Bum fucked up big time
ALL THINGS ARE FUCKING SHIT
/puts on pants
//prepares to drive
I don’t see why those two things are related.
I’m guessing they insist on the men wearing pants at Capital Cabaret.
I certainly hope they make and exception for kilts.
Outside of certain alcohol-fueled festivals (either ethnic or just booze-focused), every man I’ve seen in a kilt would have more dignity walking around with his junk swinging free.
While I certainly am not rooting for you to lose money I cannot, in good conscience, root for anything good to happen to Stan Kroenke.
THIS
Welp Rams
Swim Phillips > Wade Phillips
SO GODDAMNED ANGRY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzzffLkzNKY
HOLY SHIT THE CONCEPT PICTURE OF THE NEW STADIUM LOOKS LIKE A POINTY SPERM
SPERMADOME!
THUNDERSPERM. TWO MEN ENTER, WELL … YOU KNOW THE REST.
“Yes I do…”
– Aaron Rodgers
100 Million Enter, 1 Leaves