Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!
Jacksonville/New England:
Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.
Injuries:
Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)
Stratergizering:
Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.
Here’s a Problem:
Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.
Old Adage is old:
War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.
Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.
Break that hand! Break that hand!
Let’s Go Jean Shorts Nation!
Flyera win in OT and move into a wild card spot! The modern point system is so fucked.
Ferry McFerryface in Sydney thinks Philip Phillips is a bad name.
If there was ever a version of the anthem to kneel for, that was it.
I am ready for some football:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V2sBURgUBI
First thought: Dude deserves a better name than Phillip Phillips. Lazy parents, etc…
Second thought, as he starts playing: ….uh, never mind
I found a funny:
[coffee shop]
VAMPIRE: I’ll have a cup of joe
This motherfucker should be deported for having that name.
Phillip Phillips?????
I guess Terrance Terranceson was busy this afternoon.
I am pooping. From fear, not incontinence, just to clarify.
/The fact we have to clarify on this site speaks VOLUMES of our moral character
anybody prop bet? I took Jaguras first score (+135) and Gronk under 75.5 yards (-115). Think he will stay in to block.
Bort over 28.5 rushing yards. Brady under 275.5 passing
Brady gets get under 30 rushing yards.
Brady number of digits on throwing hand at end of game o/u 4.5
Romo! Romo! Romo!
I’m really happy this job worked out for him, He deserved it.
But does he get hurt in the last 2 minutes?
Gentlemen. Shall we football?
WE SHALL!!!
God dammit Malkovich, I’ll send you $5 if you just won’t do NFL ads again. (You’re better than this.)
I will kick in 5 too, although it would only be worth 3 dollars in your money.
holy shit pre-game intros should be illegal now after “that”
Drink check! What you all got?
I’ve got a Lagunitas IPA!
VODKA
2010 Petite Syrah from Alexander Valley in California to try to get rid of my vicious hangover,
hendricks gin and vodka. still doing no beer.
there is alcoholic pink grapefruit fizzy water in the fridge, but trying to delay that MANLY beverage run. Still pills and coffee
Gatorade and dayquil.
MOAR Bettman points in the fucking Metro division. Swear to god.
What the fuck is this?
hard to believe pat summerall and john madden used to do cbs intros for games after watching this “intro”
A real reminder about the nature of GAMBLOR (as I ponder how much I have wagered today):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s88r_q7oufE
turn on my tv and the first thing i see is PHEEL in a pug dog mask
welcome too games day
I really would like Pheeeeel to join Jim Rome in being ded.
enter your best Rodgers joke.
NFLN’s coverage is remarkably insipid, but at least do not include Jim Fucking Rome. Whom I thought/hoped ded.
Dude has never lost a playoff game!
https://twitter.com/BortlesFacts?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
Khan can buy and sell your ass Kraft and don’t you forget it.
HAIL GAMBLOR for blessing me with finding a penny on heads this morning.
I picked it up, and cashed my $500 bet on Miami (-1) @ NC State in hoopsball.
NOW, time to keep it rolling. Jaguras ATS + moneyline + a few foolish prop bets, then an ungodly amount of money on SKOL!!
So we are internet friends off this evening. Got it.
the prophecies have unfortunately met their point of inevitable conflict
anyone heard from Viva? I take it he’s too busy stocking up on canned food and TP to ride out the Shithole Shutdown.
No reason needed.
SNL last night was……. Meh.
I liked the Doctors Orders skit.
Brady has leprosy. A punishment from God.
I knew going to Church would pay off.
Also best place to meet altar boys.
I wish. This would give me a permanent priapism.
I really, really don’t want to do this but I’m going outside for about ten minutes.
only way to cure agoraphobia imo
“THERE’S GOT TO BE ANOTHER WAY!”
At 11am, I feel it is NOT too early to be pouring myself some bourbon, of the Basil Hayden’s variety. It pairs great with my Death Star ball of ice.
Woke up hungover. Went to mailbox to grab mail from yesterday.
I got a $3500 bill from the state of Virginia over my 2014 tax filing. Thanks PWC…(I was overseas that year).
Wow. Those guys suck.
The good news? Possum is cheap, plentiful and can be cooked any number of ways!
Why would you blame tax problems on Personal Water Craft?
Two words, Dude. Sovereign. Citizen.
That only works for whitey.
you need a stockpile of weapons as well.
move to Texas or Nevada. no state taxes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uYs0gJD-LE
So hungover i want to walk into traffic
This gif will come in handy today.
ALWAYS
She is clearly a Jags fan, with them pumps.
Today, tomorrow, every day.
Uhhh, I hope it’s not going to be a problem for watching thi game if I already started Jaggin’ Off early…
Pole dancing is different in Philly
Fuck Imgur.
I hope the Eagles just totally own the dog face stuff. Like, 5 years from now, I want everyone at their stadium to have on either masks or painted faces (of dogs).
Will Cleveland cry copyright infringement?
I didn’t suggest the Eagles go 1-31 over two years.
You’d think we’d get at least one college ball game on before the game.
/yeah, I know the women are playing
I’ve decided this is chili and cornbread weather.
I’ll take any leftovers.
Damn that sounds tasty.
Buddy!
/whips out chili bowl and spoon from behind his back.
Folks! Go Jags!
Go Jags!
So my current fantasy is that Brady will play without a glove and during some play his stitches will rip off and blood will spurt everywhere and then that Harley Davidson guy will say “that’s why they call this thing bloodsport, kid.”
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/9dc6d8a7-6b80-4724-bd43-f04c5a9e9ebe
It will be the equivalent of the Curt Schilling bloody sock game with hopefully more gore.
And also the Boston team loses, and the guy that’s bleeding gets gangrene.
I’m hopeful it turns out more like the football in this movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094764/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105322/
Where the evil scanner blows up the QB’s head over TV (which she’s developed the power to do) as he’s about to win the game.
It’s sad that I knew what movie this was gonna be before I clicked the link.
As long as you have no further questions, no
Pre game drinking anyone?
[can’t believe I’m saying this]
I’m going to wait a bit longer.
I wish. My almost-ex got engaged to the guy she picked over me today, so it would be drinking time commence. But I have to play Fiddler.
I think you’ve played enough Fiddler if your almost ex is now engaged.
We no can haz drunk Fiddler?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A22_N7C8CtY
The Maestro!
Doesn’t that make it illegal If she’s your almost-ex?
This isn’t some kind of cryptic suicide note, where later on we’ll all say “oh, Weaselo was the fiddler, and roof was the roof he jumped off of”, is it? Please reassure me.
In all seriousness, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be OK.
I’m not dead, Jim.
As someone who has loved and lost…
Get rich.
Shit, I’m in the wrong profession.
Watching some socceredball matches and there was not even ONE extended break in the action to study and contemplate and ultimately be confused by the answer to the question, “What is a foul?” GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, COMMUNISTS!
/Re-votes for trump
I only watch Eliteserien football-I just trumped your Trumpmanship!
/Go Rosenborg!
Oh shit! I didn’t realize the games don’t start for another two hours.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ooh, good idea, cocaine!
Its nice outside now! Im gonna head to the park and throw the ball around!
I’m going to Ikea with my wife!
Whoa RTD!! You settle down, now. You crazy bastard!!!!
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