Your “We Are All Jags Fans Today” AFC Championship Game Open Thread

Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/New England:

Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.

Injuries:

Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)

Stratergizering:

Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.

Here’s a Problem:

Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.

Old Adage is old:

War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.

Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.

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Gratliff

Break that hand! Break that hand!

Spur

Let’s Go Jean Shorts Nation!

Gratliff

Flyera win in OT and move into a wild card spot! The modern point system is so fucked.

litre_cola

Ferry McFerryface in Sydney thinks Philip Phillips is a bad name.

Gratliff

If there was ever a version of the anthem to kneel for, that was it.

Dick E. Phuck

I am ready for some football:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V2sBURgUBI

Petronel

First thought: Dude deserves a better name than Phillip Phillips. Lazy parents, etc…
Second thought, as he starts playing: ….uh, never mind

rockingdog

I found a funny:

[coffee shop]

VAMPIRE: I’ll have a cup of joe

Gratliff

This motherfucker should be deported for having that name.

litre_cola

Phillip Phillips?????

The Maestro

I guess Terrance Terranceson was busy this afternoon.

The Maestro

I am pooping. From fear, not incontinence, just to clarify.

/The fact we have to clarify on this site speaks VOLUMES of our moral character

Petronel

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Spur

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King Hippo

anybody prop bet? I took Jaguras first score (+135) and Gronk under 75.5 yards (-115). Think he will stay in to block.

litre_cola

Bort over 28.5 rushing yards. Brady under 275.5 passing

rockingdog

Brady gets get under 30 rushing yards.

yeah right

Brady number of digits on throwing hand at end of game o/u 4.5

Spur

Romo! Romo! Romo!

I’m really happy this job worked out for him, He deserved it.

Gratliff

But does he get hurt in the last 2 minutes?

Smithchez

Gentlemen. Shall we football?

King Hippo

WE SHALL!!!

Petronel

God dammit Malkovich, I’ll send you $5 if you just won’t do NFL ads again. (You’re better than this.)

litre_cola

I will kick in 5 too, although it would only be worth 3 dollars in your money.

fleshwound_NPG

holy shit pre-game intros should be illegal now after “that”

rockingdog

Drink check! What you all got?

I’ve got a Lagunitas IPA!

Mr. Ayo

VODKA

litre_cola

2010 Petite Syrah from Alexander Valley in California to try to get rid of my vicious hangover,

Spur

hendricks gin and vodka. still doing no beer.

King Hippo

there is alcoholic pink grapefruit fizzy water in the fridge, but trying to delay that MANLY beverage run. Still pills and coffee

yeah right

Gatorade and dayquil.

Gratliff

MOAR Bettman points in the fucking Metro division. Swear to god.

litre_cola

What the fuck is this?

Spur

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fleshwound_NPG

hard to believe pat summerall and john madden used to do cbs intros for games after watching this “intro”

King Hippo

A real reminder about the nature of GAMBLOR (as I ponder how much I have wagered today):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s88r_q7oufE

fleshwound_NPG

turn on my tv and the first thing i see is PHEEL in a pug dog mask

welcome too games day

King Hippo

I really would like Pheeeeel to join Jim Rome in being ded.

Spur

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enter your best Rodgers joke.

King Hippo

NFLN’s coverage is remarkably insipid, but at least do not include Jim Fucking Rome. Whom I thought/hoped ded.

rockingdog
Spur

Khan can buy and sell your ass Kraft and don’t you forget it.

King Hippo

HAIL GAMBLOR for blessing me with finding a penny on heads this morning.

I picked it up, and cashed my $500 bet on Miami (-1) @ NC State in hoopsball.

NOW, time to keep it rolling. Jaguras ATS + moneyline + a few foolish prop bets, then an ungodly amount of money on SKOL!!

litre_cola

So we are internet friends off this evening. Got it.

King Hippo

the prophecies have unfortunately met their point of inevitable conflict

Spur

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Spur

anyone heard from Viva? I take it he’s too busy stocking up on canned food and TP to ride out the Shithole Shutdown.

Unsurprised

No reason needed.

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rockingdog

SNL last night was……. Meh.
I liked the Doctors Orders skit.

Spur

Brady has leprosy. A punishment from God.

I knew going to Church would pay off.

SonOfSpam

Also best place to meet altar boys.

Unsurprised

I wish. This would give me a permanent priapism.

SonOfSpam

only way to cure agoraphobia imo

ThePirateSloth

At 11am, I feel it is NOT too early to be pouring myself some bourbon, of the Basil Hayden’s variety. It pairs great with my Death Star ball of ice.

JustStopDude

Woke up hungover. Went to mailbox to grab mail from yesterday.

I got a $3500 bill from the state of Virginia over my 2014 tax filing. Thanks PWC…(I was overseas that year).

Unsurprised

Wow. Those guys suck.

SonOfSpam

Why would you blame tax problems on Personal Water Craft?

King Hippo

Two words, Dude. Sovereign. Citizen.

Unsurprised

That only works for whitey.

Spur

you need a stockpile of weapons as well.

Spur

move to Texas or Nevada. no state taxes.

Spur
litre_cola

So hungover i want to walk into traffic

Spur

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ThePirateSloth

This gif will come in handy today.

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ballsofsteelandfury

ALWAYS

ThePirateSloth

She is clearly a Jags fan, with them pumps.

SonOfSpam

Today, tomorrow, every day.

herodotus450

Uhhh, I hope it’s not going to be a problem for watching thi game if I already started Jaggin’ Off early…

Gratliff

Pole dancing is different in Philly
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Gratliff

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Unsurprised

Fuck Imgur.

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blaxabbath

I hope the Eagles just totally own the dog face stuff. Like, 5 years from now, I want everyone at their stadium to have on either masks or painted faces (of dogs).

yeah right

Will Cleveland cry copyright infringement?

blaxabbath

I didn’t suggest the Eagles go 1-31 over two years.

blaxabbath

I’ve decided this is chili and cornbread weather.

Game Time Decision

I’ll take any leftovers.

yeah right

Damn that sounds tasty.

Unsurprised

Buddy!

/whips out chili bowl and spoon from behind his back.

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Spur

Folks! Go Jags!

Unsurprised

Go Jags!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So my current fantasy is that Brady will play without a glove and during some play his stitches will rip off and blood will spurt everywhere and then that Harley Davidson guy will say “that’s why they call this thing bloodsport, kid.”

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/9dc6d8a7-6b80-4724-bd43-f04c5a9e9ebe

yeah right

It will be the equivalent of the Curt Schilling bloody sock game with hopefully more gore.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And also the Boston team loses, and the guy that’s bleeding gets gangrene.

Game Time Decision

I’m hopeful it turns out more like the football in this movie.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094764/

Unsurprised

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105322/

Where the evil scanner blows up the QB’s head over TV (which she’s developed the power to do) as he’s about to win the game.

Col. Duke LaCross

It’s sad that I knew what movie this was gonna be before I clicked the link.

Game Time Decision

As long as you have no further questions, no

rockingdog

Pre game drinking anyone?

Senor Weaselo

I wish. My almost-ex got engaged to the guy she picked over me today, so it would be drinking time commence. But I have to play Fiddler.

nomonkeyfun

I think you’ve played enough Fiddler if your almost ex is now engaged.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We no can haz drunk Fiddler?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A22_N7C8CtY

blaxabbath

The Maestro!

herodotus450

Doesn’t that make it illegal If she’s your almost-ex?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This isn’t some kind of cryptic suicide note, where later on we’ll all say “oh, Weaselo was the fiddler, and roof was the roof he jumped off of”, is it? Please reassure me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In all seriousness, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be OK.

Senor Weaselo

I’m not dead, Jim.

blaxabbath

As someone who has loved and lost…

Get rich.

Senor Weaselo

Shit, I’m in the wrong profession.

herodotus450

Watching some socceredball matches and there was not even ONE extended break in the action to study and contemplate and ultimately be confused by the answer to the question, “What is a foul?” GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, COMMUNISTS!
/Re-votes for trump

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh shit! I didn’t realize the games don’t start for another two hours.

nomonkeyfun

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, good idea, cocaine!

rockingdog

Its nice outside now! Im gonna head to the park and throw the ball around!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m going to Ikea with my wife!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoa RTD!! You settle down, now. You crazy bastard!!!!

blaxabbath

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