Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!
Jacksonville/New England:
Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.
Injuries:
Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)
Stratergizering:
Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.
Here’s a Problem:
Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.
Old Adage is old:
War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.
Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.
Maybe Gronk needs to stop eating Tide pods
A flag…against the Pats…?
/faints
OMFG, the P*ts can’t even hold!! Most Glorious!!!!
Kill Kill Kill. Dont let up Jags!
I propose that for every Confederate statue that we remove, we erect a new one of Doug Marone or Blake Bortles.
…and two of 4nette
They’ve already erected my penis for the time being.
Possible:
Tom Coughlin:Bill Belicheck::Batman:Joker
The rarest of creatures has made an appearance-the quiet Pats fan.
(whispers) “fack you, yah fackin queeaahh”
Oh, they were plentiful back in the pre-Brady days. Quiet as church mice, those fuckers.
And when Brady retires they’ll go right back to it. Boston fans are the biggest front-runners in the world, and I’m a Yankees fan.
“PITCHAS AND CATCHAS! PITCHAS AND CATCHAS!” they’ll start chanting after the first pats loss in November.
A group of jaguars is call a shadow.
A group of Pats fans is called a klan.
Reminds me of that Texas-USC national championship when they were running endless debates over which theoretical super team could possibly beat USC right before Vince Young sent them home crying.
Best College Football game ever… only could hgave been beaten had Colt not sat out thge rest of the Bama game cause he didn’t want to hurt his draft position.
NFL coaches were not ready for Vince.
the lions hired the man currently getting owned by Bort and Co.
Aww, Matt Patricia, your defense is getting shredded by Blake fucking Bortles. You know why, you rocket scientist motherfucker?
Even without the dough riding on it…
THIS IS FUCKING FUN TO WATCH SO FAR!!!!!!!
This is just orgasmic
Hey keep yourself edging or we may have a Falcons style meltdown
When you get a “Wow” response from Ducky, who had to act against Charlie Fucking Sheen for like eight years.
I can imagine Belichick saying after that touchdown: “Initiate protocol Ref Bullshit Sigma V.”
“I’m going up the A gap. What the fuck you gonna do?”
-Fournette
He literally called out a defender to come take him on, and then knocked his ass over.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chgvGPj9-Rc
/apparently fall ovah backwards helplessly
So when do catchers and pitchers report? Should i ask Rodgers?
DOUG MARRONE, Superb Owl coaching participant
FACK YOU, you can’t stop this
JA-GU-RAS!!!!!!!!!!!
Blammo!!!!!!
Oh god, my dick.
OH MY GOD YOUR DICK AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BOOSH
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God, these fucking sweeps. Stack the goddamn outside some more, you dinks. Stop rushing 6, you’re wasting your goddamn time.
hey Nance, Brady’s hand is getting cold. leave the booth and go down there and sit on it. Romo can handle this.
Hes already got Tom’s Terrific Balls in his mouth, so why not?
FUCK is that Jagura OL good…
It helps when you have a road-grader like Fournette running behind you.
I give him about 4 years before he’s shot to hell.
4 Nette
SEC speed
Step on those Pats necks Jag bros
This is starting to look like one of those multi hour erections the commercials warn against.
Let me just sprinkle some boner killer around the joint: 28-3
SURELY Old Man Coughlin would buzz down and tell ’em to go fer two?
I KNOW WE CAN’T GET EXCITED BECAUSE THEY WILL MURDER OUR HAPPINESS
Counterpoint: BLAKE FUCKING BORTLES
Every party has a pooper, that’s why we invited you. Party Pooper: OSZ.
IT’S NOT POOP! IT’S BLOOD! BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Jacksonville seems far more inclined to run up the middle late. And early. And pretty much any time they can get away with it.
jags know how to run
Why is it that neither Nance nor Romo can pronounce “Jaguars” correctly?
Almost no one does.
It annoys the shit outta me.
Tony Romo shouting random play calls is the best Tony Romo.
Yeah, it was fucking great when he was doing it while under center for Dallas.
HA! Cleve and Det. have the same number of super bowl appearances as Jax and Houston, 0.
This is making me very happy.
I could live with losing a fuckton of moneys and your 2nd half of the prophecy holding sway over mines…so long as Jaguras win.
Even my 91 year-old mother is rooting for the Jags. Pats,you have truly united America.
The Jaguars are looking competent and I don’t….understand. It’s like watching a dog play chess.
It’s almost like there was some kind of prophecy revealed to the Commentist Party around Week 13…
I’ve been unfortunately busy and stupidly missed said prophecy. What was foretold?
Minny/Jaguras, Superb Owl of Destiny
/also Minny will win 27-23 (bet the over)
And Drew will literally levitate.
And so it is written. I believe.
HOW ‘BOUT THAT PATS SECONDARY!? *snorts*
That’s right Blake, keep killing them with the short passes. Pretty soon you’ll take the lid off with your perfect deep ball.
^^^
play action of death.
Bortles is just gonna float/lob every pass and I’m here for it.
Is Blake Bortles A Elite QB??
Christ, the Pats are getting eaten up by these little RB swing routes. Fack.
I’m telling you guys, the matchup favours Jacksonville. Strange, but true.
it is if bort is throwing perfect spirals like that
Nice to see the correct spelling for the soon-to-be London Mowglis
GO NEO-DARREN SPROLES
Stat that I forgot to include in the intro-in AFC Championship games reffed by Blakeman, the Pats are 2-4.
NAWT FAYUUUUHHH!!!
It’s safe to say the Commentist collective (minus about 5) is hard enough to cut steel right now.
I know better than to ever believe the Patriots are beaten until the game is over. These fuckers have a hell of a pact with Satan.
Artist’s re-creation: