NFL News:
- FITTY’S BACK!
- He’s due an $11 million base salary on the final year of his contract, so I’m guessing that helps make the decision.
- Also helping: the future golf career, based on his Pebble Beach Pro-Am victory last weekend.
- I don’t know who’ll be throwing him passes.
- The depth chart currently reads (checks notes) (checks notes again) Drew Stanton, Matt Barkley & Blaine Gabbert.
- Mind you, he’s done so much with so little:
- He’s due an $11 million base salary on the final year of his contract, so I’m guessing that helps make the decision.
(chart courtesy revengeofthebirds.com)
- Sebastian Janikowski is done with the Raiders.
- He hasn’t been cut; the Raiders just won’t re-sign him.
- He was one of three players remaining from the 2000 Draft
- The others: Shane Lechler & Tom Brady.
- Still with the Raiders – Jon Gruden: not a fan of the CBA rules about player contact during the offseason.
“You’re not allowed to be with your players,” he said. “Some genius thought that would be great, that we’re not even allowed to talk to our players. So that’s been a big challenge. You’re not allowed to do anything. You’re not allowed to coach your players. I’ve called several players, introduced myself. I think that’s legal. I’m not having contact with everybody. … We’re not allowed to have any real contact. It’s pretty clear on what the rules are.”
- The Steelers have decided to ditch the bumblebee throwbacks.
- They haven’t officially said what they will wear, but “Mr. Rooney” has apparently decided what they won’t wear.
Today is Flag Day in Canada.
In previous years, I have prepared a concentrated post describing the bureaucratic details that befell my great nation as it attempted to redefine itself for the modern era by devising a new symbol of nationalism. Well, since there is so much excellent content today, there’s no need to be selfish & repost the repost, so I’ll link it here if you want to read it.
The partial quote in the header comes from the current Prime Minister’s father, when he was just a Montreal law professor.
The full reference is:
“Quebec does not give a tinkers dam about the new flag. Its a matter of complete indifference.”
Former Prime Minister John Diefenbaker, a staunch British heritagist, was more bellicose in his condemnation of any proposed changes:
“A flag that does not contain the greatness of your heritage is no flag for a nation.”
Basically, after all the words were said & written, it came down to this:
1867 – 1965 1965 – present
At least people stopped thinking of us as just a former colony.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics:
- NBCSN | 7:00PM – Men’s figure-skating short program
- NBC | 8:00PM – Figure skating (men’s short program), plus medals in women’s snowboard cross, men’s skiing (Super-G) and men’s skeleton.
- CNBC | 10:00PM – Hockey (Men’s Group B): U.S. vs. Slovakia
- CBC | 7:00PM – Figure skating (men’s short program), plus medals in women’s snowboard cross, men’s skiing (Super-G) and men’s 15K cross-country (free).
- TSN | 10:00PM – Hockey (Men’s Group B): U.S. vs. Slovakia
- TSN2 | 12:00AM – Women’s curling: Draw 4
- Sportsnet | 7:00PM – Men’s skeleton (medals)
- NHL:
- Kings at Penguins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Oilers at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
- NBA:
- Lakers at Timberwolves – 9:00PM | TNT
- NCAA:
- Purdue at Wisconsin – 7:00PM | ESPN
- Temple at Wichita State – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Tulsa at Connecticut – 7:00PM | ESPNU
- SEAMUS – DON’T BET THIS GAME!
- Arizona at Arizona State – 9:00PM | ESPN
- Oregon at Southern California – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- Hippo gon’ get burnt!
As with last year, I leave you with the salient words of Eddie Izzard on the concept of colonialism and flags.
INDEED!
Folks!
I thought it was Foles
Bored out of my mind on a Thursday night. Perfect time for some visual kei wackiness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F143kJea2tw
The announcer just described the women’s snowboard cross as “a waxing contest”. This amuses me greatly.
Aerodynamics are important.
Surprisingly strong performance from Team Brazil.
Just watched Rippon skate. So did Mike Pence. The difference is that my penis is not erect and I don’t have three fingers in my butthole.
What I’m saying is, Mike Pence is so far in the closet he can see Aslan.
Evening lizard people. Question of the night: How in the name of fuck do you have 50 SOG and get shut out?
Beats me. How does one have 56 mL of penis and get laid? The universe is a mystery, man.
Some guy wrote into the KSK mailbag about how penis size should be measured in volume rather than length – then used 56 mL as a size to brag about.
For reference, 56 mL is approximately equivalent to two 1 oz. shot glasses.
Yep. Remember it well.
So Nikolas Cruz posts a YouTube comment stating “I am going to be a professional school shooter” under the screen name “Nikolas Cruz”. The YouTuber both flags the comment to YouTube AND alerts the FBI. Now the FBI says there’s no way they could’ve located him. Where’s everyone’s bullshit meter on this?
FBI was probably busy investigating the other 4 billion similar comments. Also, WHERE’S MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!
The FBI claims it has no information on the Identity Evropa group, either. It’s probably true in that the FBI has shown zero interest in pursuing white supremacists for the last 25 years.
“This just PROVES that the FBI is working with Shillary and the deep state to take down Trump!”
I don’t think one can be a professional, in that’s you don’t make money per every school you shoot. Actually, by my logic the NRA are professional school shooters, so never mind, I just disproved my point.
Sure you can. I mean, it’s not like they need that lunch money anymore.
Have you been on facebook lately?
Every single gun owner I know poses with their guns, posts crazy shit, and claims they are really to take their country back from the Muslim in Chief (I seriously expected that shit to die down since the election).
The moment that the FBI proactively moves against a gun owner, no matter how fucking unhinged, we get another Ruby Ridge/Waco/ whatever the fuck.
You are not allowed to question the right of a nutbag to collect large amount of firearms. No one is.
These skeleton drivers are certifiably insane.
Leslie jones from SNL has posted some funny video commentary from the olympics…
https://twitter.com/Lesdoggg?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
That’s why he crossed the road.
We finally know.
Mmmmmm … Baked chicken ….
/Drools
“Just to be sure I understand your problem. Your question is why does the software not work when you install it incorrectly and you refuse to read the installation? Is this a correct summation of your issues”
Actual email I sent to an asshole coworker that has been spamming me nonstop because the company made him upgrade to a windows 10 computer and he can’t figure out anything.
He actually replied “Yes and JSD, for the love of Christ stop wasting my fucking time”.
I also found out that the shithead had utorrent installed on his old work computer so in the morning, I, the head of IT, an HR rep, and his manager have to sit him down and explain just how fucking close he is to getting fired right now.
Why not just let him get fired?
Fuck if I know.
This is a guy that is close to retirement, but will not transition into an office role. So he still does field work…but it has to be the most cake jobs….fit into his personal schedule…and expect him to struggle doing even the most simplistic tasks as he refuses to fucking just read and plan ahead.
Engineers are the worst.
Tomorrow is the day we finally modernize our AUP. My body is ready to bring the wrath of god down on the miners.
Eh, what’s so great about attractive people anyway?
Destroying them emotionally seems to be so much more satisfying than ugly people.
I think Mike Tirico is a pretty good broadcaster, but you normally hear his voice and don’t see him. Now that he’s NBC Olympics host, I see him every 30 minutes or so, but I don’t hear him because I have the volume down. You should try it; it’s a completely different Mike Tirico experience. For instance, I’ve noticed that his head is completely streamlined with a very low drag coefficient. I never would have noticed this just by hearing him talk.
I like to make a game of it: what’s the fewest number of syllables I can use to say his name. Then I try to beat that score.
I play that game with Cris Collinsworth broadcasts. So far I’ve got it down to “cunt.”
Also what happened to Bob Costas? Did he sexually harrass a stuffed animal?
Statistically, it was too risky to bring Costas in case he started talking about gun control too soon after a mass— oh.
Well, nowadays it would be during a mass shooting.
Goddamn I use to be in love with Minnie Driver.
/checks pants
Goddamn I’m still in love with Minnie Driver.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elwWHlY4oU8
SUPER-G!!!
Patterson footage blooper reel?
Does she work at the Rhino?
No, Treasures in Vegas. It is right there in the name Balls.
Lol at “she.” I mean, I know he’s still insistent, but…
Also NASCAR is back!! Who’s watching Duel 2?!?
/ crickets
Is it finally Rusty Wallace’s year?
?? to not fuck up a broadcast?
I get this joke.
Just once, I want to meet someone who only watches NASCAR and the NBA. Surely this demographic weirdo exists?
It consists of one man: Brad Daugherty
Sounds like they’d be open to marketing for used anal beads.
time FOAR an e-bay search…
Or MMA and … Scrabble?
Not even to give me sommet to GAMBLOR upon…
Who else is rooting for the wall?
oh, and blax gon’ drank
Here’s a very informative site that I found for Low Commander
https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E6%96%B0%E3%83%BB%E3%83%9C%E3%82%AF%E3%82%89%E3%81%AE%E5%A4%AA%E9%99%BD
[Pulls out Japanese IV textbook]
The game wants to… devour my… face meat? That, doesn’t sound too far off base.
Apparently to enter a cheat code, you must perform Seppuku because you’ve dishonored your family for even thinking about cheating in a video game.
The oldest Fuzz Spohn got accepted into two high schools today. How the fuck you guys doing ?
That sounds liek…high schools one pays fer. Ain’t you FANCY!! 😀
Wait, you have to get accepted into high school in Baltimore? Is the test to stand in front of a shop and not loot it for at least 10 minutes?
Also fail if you a snitch and yell “Omar’s comin”
Well, I forgot to post the gangbang VD card yesterday, but I’ll get over it.
Cornerboy Ridge Secondary?
Gentlemen I have returned
Is your mood “punchy”?
Finally off probation?
With the addition of Phanuef, this Pittsburgh-LA game has become the prime candidate for Game Meteor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBpdL9hSac4
Nothing against Elastagirl, but I’m going just to watch Super-Mr. Mom.
[Feels presence over his shoulder]
Huh? Oh, hey. I’m just trying to find a way to play a game that came out only in Japan over ten years ago on Game Boy Advance and–
[Feels presence fading]
No, wait! It’s from the creator of Metal Gear and is about vampire hunting. The “Boktai” trilogy is actually extremely revolutionary in that the cartridge has a UV solar sensor on the back and reacts to the level of sunlight that you play in. You use the light to charge your gun/powers and damage enemies.
[Presence leans in closer]
I’m trying to find a way to play the 3rd one on my computer, along with a hack that lets you control the sunlight, since obviously my desktop doesn’t have that capabil–
[Is punched in the face repeatedly and has lunch money stolen]
[slowly tucks “Elite Beat Agents” cartridge underneath couch]
Go on…
I never got a DS, but that game and the whole Phoenix Wright series were things I really wanted to play.
I bought the newest DS that came out last yeas, but have only plyaed EBA a couple times. I don’t think it can play GBA games anymore though, gotta get one of these
https://www.retromodding.com/collections/gameboy-advance/products/build-to-order-gameboy-advance?variant=520792801306
Damn, that looks awesome. I still have my original, but the lack of a backlight has been maddening to try and go back to.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeet I priced one out to 300. Maybe just get one of these instead
?v=1456696082
Nothing wrong with that. When I was a kid, I missed out on getting a Super NES because it was my brother’s turn and he wanted a Sega Genesis.
When I was an adult, I bought a Super NES with several games, and discovered that missing piece of my childhood.
$120 bet at +460? chuh chuh
and NO, I ain’t bet Oregon/SC
That’s all I wanted. A sucker’s bet.
DEAR WISCY COACH – All those honky fucks, you don’t have ONE who can dribble and shoot FTs?
Hippo DID Moneyline Wiscy!!
“We have laws in effect. How will more laws help?”
Well that means either the laws are broken and they need fixed, or the laws aren’t and someone, somewhere, needs to be fired.
Yep. If I’m tweaking I’ll just fork the $15 right over without even trying to negotiate it down to $10.
How about that model? “Yes, I played the meth-head about to get butt-fucked for C$15.00 (US$10.00)”
That’s a model? I just assumed it was a candid they pulled off of Dan Schneider’s iPhone.
OOOF! Nice!
At the ad agency flipping through the portfolio; “Honey! Your ‘dead inside’ face is FANTASTIC! This is JUST what we need for our jewelry ads!”
That model’s agent got fired 2.7 seconds after that picture was taken.
100 BUCKS FOR SEX IS NORMAL FOLKS GOD BLESS
$100 for four minutes of work?! That’s outrage—um, I mean $100 for two hours seems reasonable.
So that AFLX Adelaide Grand Final was… something
Right? I saw the first game live. I’m still not sure what I think of it.
I am watching right now. It is odd.
Oh, fuck you, Ted Cruz!
— Everyone, ever
Except Heidi, most of the time
“Sorry, hon, God doesn’t want me to today.”
In my mind-canon, the competent GOP President is arranging a meeting in the White House between the Head of the NRA and the Congressional Majority and Minority Leaders so we can find a solution that improves the situation and everyone can live with.
That’s cool. In mine I’m Lee Majors and I’m having a three-way with Heather Locklear and Christie Brinkley.
This Tampa Bay-Detroit game I call it topical because the guys from Florida are getting out shot.
Is anyone surprised to learn that Jon Gruden thinks he should be able to control every aspect of his players’ lives during the off season as well as the regular season?
Between the asshole fans, the shit that is now considered to be sports journalism, the contracts that aren’t worth fuck all, the physical toll, and the fact your brain turns to mush within 10 years of playing, why the fuck would anyone even consider playing in the NFL if they any other opportunity?
(sees GOP response to FL School Shooting)
(runs to Democratic camp at full sprint)
(suddenly pulled back by foot)
(see chain attached to Anti-Abortion anchor and Anti-Entitlements anchor)
“Oh, yeah. That’s why I’m still a Republican.”
(walks back to GOP camp)
(swears to self)
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/02/gop-base-poverty-snap-social-security/516861/
Can’t lift people out of poverty…who would we look to in order to feel better about ourselves?
Maybe worth reevaluating the priorities when you see who else you’re hanging with at camp.
You know after 30 years, I’m starting to figure that out.
The nfl could learn a lot from hockey: stick some cute girls behind the coach so when whatever braindead fuckwit producer who’s in charge goes to that shot, at least we’ve got something nice to look at.
/Peter King weeps into his Allagash White at this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw2sex1mJNI
We were supposed to stop thinking about you as a former colony?
If only we’d defunded nObamacare years ago no one would even know what mental illness is, and therefore it couldn’t be the cause of any shootings thanks obama.
You have to wonder, given the popular notion about people filing lawsuits against anyone and everyone, why hasn’t anyone sued a gun manufacturer yet for these shootings?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protection_of_Lawful_Commerce_in_Arms_Act
Passed in 2005? I was expecting 1805.
The last 25 years has been the NRA using every cent of influence they have rewriting the laws from the municipal level up to prevent even the most blatantly obvious gun restriction from passing. The first line of Genesis was changed to “GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE” in the Jesus Loves Guns Act of 2002.
Also known as the “Child Safety Lock Act of 2005” ?
/kills self with easily obtained firearm
Too many politicians getting paid millions by the NRA. I think Rubio alone, gets 3.5 million
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5a84ee69e4b0058d5565cbac
Richard Bartel? I’m pretty sure they mixed up “QBs who threw a TD to Fitty” with “Forgotten members of parliament”
Here’s my hot taek about the shooting: People should really apply pressure on the GOP/NRA to put in gun control laws. Then, in a behind the scenes deal–also known in the GOP circles as a rent-a-boy– make a deal with the NRA that they won’t go after their shitty guns in return for them lobbying hard for medicare. That way, shooting victims don’t have to pay for getting shot and more importantly, people won’t die of the flu or diabetes because they can’t afford to go to the doctors.
I call this the (master) Bait and Switch.
[clutches pearls]
IT’S TOO SOON!!!!!!!
/it was a necklace, but those weren’t real pearls…
The dangers of being a GOP rentboy right there
I cannot wait until 4:30 when the construction workers outside leave for the day and I can take a nap. I’m either on the downslope approaching the end of whatever illness I have or I’m being played like Señor’s violin.
And if I may offer up a more relevant Izzard piece from TWENTY FUCKING YEARS AGO OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS NEARLY OVER AND I CAN SEE DEATH PEEKING THROUGH MY SIDE WINDOWS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsN0FCXw914
“It’s a Matter of Complete Indifference” — also the RNC’s stance on mass shootings
And non-billionaires, no-whites, non-heterosexuals, non-men …
Fitzgerald is my favorite receiver in the league and I’ve been hoping for his retirement for the last 5 years because he murks the shit out of the Eagles every time.