Request Line: Belle of the Ball

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

We join Request Line in process.  The PRODUCER is seated comfortably at the outer console, sipping coffee.  He raises a hand and counts down from five before punching a button and pointing at the figure seated inside.

KIRK: [runs hand through hair] You like that? Huh?  Ha ha, yeah.  You just heard “Object of My Desire” by Starpoint.  If you’re just joining us, I’m Kirk Cousins, and this is Request Line.

PRODUCER: Thanks for getting us started there, Kirk.  So word is that your services are in high demand this offseason.

KIRK: That’s what my agent tells me.

PRODUCER: They say the Jets are the frontrunner, but I hear talk about the Broncos and even the Vikings as possible destinations as well.  That must feel nice.

KIRK: It sure does.  It’s a nice feeling to be wanted.  I’m trying not to let it get to my head, though. I want to stay focused on my job, be a professional…

He notices the PRODUCER’s making a gesture, and competently punches a button.

KIRK: …and it looks like we’ve got another call.  Hey there, you’ve reached Request Line, what’s your desire?

VANESSA HUDGENS: Hi, is this Kirk?

KIRK: Yeah.  [frowns] Hey, do you have me on speakerphone?

VANESSA: Is that a problem?

KIRK: It is.  Don’t do that.

VANESSA: Of course, I’m so sorry.  Hey, I heard you were in town and, um…[twists her hair]…my friends and I were wondering if you had any plans for tonight? We’re headed to this club and we thought maybe you want to, like, go with us…

KIRK: [punches a button to disconnect] Sorry, folks, this is Request Line, not Dateline, got a job to do here.  I need song requests…[punches button]

ELI: Hi, is this Kirk? It’s Eli Manning.

KIRK: Oh, hey buddy.  What’s shaking?

ELI: I’m calling to invite…um…request that you come hang out on Saturday.

KIRK: Hang out?

ELI: Yeah, you know, play G.I. Joe, whatever.

KIRK: Uh, thanks Eli, but that’s not really something I’m into…

ELI: [nervously] Ha ha, yeah, I was just kidding around.  G.I. Joe, ha ha, who does that?  Um…the real reason I’m calling is to invite you to my birthday party.

KIRK: [puzzled] Wasn’t your birthday last month?

ELI: [stammers] Um…uh…no, this is a surprise party.

KIRK: A surprise birthday party?

ELI: Yeah.

KIRK: For you.

ELI: Yup.

KIRK: Eleven months in advance of your actual birthday.

ELI: Um…

KIRK: That you already found out about.

ELI: I…uh…I mean…[pretends to hear his mom]…Sorry, my mom is calling me, gotta go!

KIRK: Wait, Eli, have you got a song request?

ELI: [is embarrassed, has hung up] …

KIRK: Looks like we lost him, folks.  I guess I’m on my own here.  As you recall, the theme today is “Belle of the Ball”.  We’re looking for songs about being the most desirable person on the market.  I’ll get things moving again with a classic from Billy Squier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU7vXN-2j3A

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Subscribe
Notify of
93 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
ArmedandHammered

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEea624OBzM

I thought this was better than posting Jesse’s Girl.

Senor Weaselo
Don T

How doth thou describe this fair maiden’s beauty?

Esa mami patea como revolver
Hay que guayarla duro con el shockabsorber

Voltio – El Bumper
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Xt9t5V8htlI

King Hippo

oh, and this. Makes me want to slash my wrists, but it’s probably the best love/on a pedastal song ever…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYgo78JfMLU

King Hippo

so much unrequited stalker-y love…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EUT9Bo0IEg

King Hippo

/also nobody EVAR told me ah fuck like a volcano. Sad Hippo.

nomonkeyfun

Now for a triple about inanimate objects. And another odd mix.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKXayhEWqs0

Don T

A song about freezing out the most sought-after girl, “María”, by the originalest of the OG’s: Vico C. Fun Fact! This may have been the first single that popularized the backing track that made Cypress Hill’s career.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MY4gbb4RHSs

nomonkeyfun

What is sadly an appropriate double shot for me, they evoke thoughts of the same person, and like Don T’s are consecutive on an album.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okthJIVbi6g

Don T

Check it out, bitch: N.E.R.D. – Things Are Getting Better
https://youtube.com/watch?v=KzPLPb8QuuM

Don T

The rare consecutive album tracks double shot. Franz Ferdinand

Do You Want To
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1OJRRUnY–A

Don T
nomonkeyfun

Now for a song about love for something other than a person.
She is in love with… no that can’t be right. She isn’t a member of the Fozz clan is she. Well anyway, she loves those bright light more than him, that’s right, it’s Streets of Baltimore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V4NoboSq6w

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think this goes with the theme.

This is going to be an eclectic playlist.

https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=Tj08Ni3tklw

Wakezilla
Senor Weaselo

I think we have a winner!

nomonkeyfun

I’m just gonna leaving this one hanging here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrZZfaDp02o

SonOfSpam

David Carradine approves.

SonOfSpam

And here’s the Jets’ pitch to Kirk Cousins:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVa8l3ZPG2Q

SonOfSpam

(And welcome to the Rams, Marcus Peters! Good news for us 13 fans.)

SonOfSpam

This song has it all…jazz flute, trumpets, great bass line, screaming babies in Mozart wigs, sunburned drifters with soap sud beards…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6EAJj2OsiQ

yeah right
Senor Weaselo

CLASSICAL SHOT! And yes, the fact that the symphony about the composer avatar falling in unrequited love, deciding to kill himself woth opium, and then instead going into an opium-induced nightmare is my favorite just might say some things about me.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=npg11G8ZkAY

SonOfSpam

comment image

SonOfSpam

brb someone’s cutting onions or something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuUDRU9-HRk

Brick Meathook
yeah right
yeah right
Senor Weaselo

That meme was so 2017…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Boooooooo

theeWeeBabySeamus

It fits the theme…shut up.
😛

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Double it up with the original:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1ZxN9iQM7OY

SonOfSpam

Probably somebody’s only light, gonna shine tonight (still talking about Kirk Cousins)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk2NHZukTYg

theeWeeBabySeamus
nomonkeyfun
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Fairly obvious choice right here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLcHfGQU3ZY

SonOfSpam

Random Gore Vidal jokes always welcome here.

Beerguyrob
SonOfSpam

Wait…they won’t like that like YOU LIKE THAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIIxlgcuQRU

nomonkeyfun

Look out Rikki, I’m gonna take your wife.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxAiUq8yn34

SonOfSpam

Kirk Cousins is a surprisingly competent DJ…and Ms Hudgens, desperation is not a good look.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know, if it were desperation regarding me I’d probably still say she looks good in it.