INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
We join Request Line in process. The PRODUCER is seated comfortably at the outer console, sipping coffee. He raises a hand and counts down from five before punching a button and pointing at the figure seated inside.
KIRK: [runs hand through hair] You like that? Huh? Ha ha, yeah. You just heard “Object of My Desire” by Starpoint. If you’re just joining us, I’m Kirk Cousins, and this is Request Line.
PRODUCER: Thanks for getting us started there, Kirk. So word is that your services are in high demand this offseason.
KIRK: That’s what my agent tells me.
PRODUCER: They say the Jets are the frontrunner, but I hear talk about the Broncos and even the Vikings as possible destinations as well. That must feel nice.
KIRK: It sure does. It’s a nice feeling to be wanted. I’m trying not to let it get to my head, though. I want to stay focused on my job, be a professional…
He notices the PRODUCER’s making a gesture, and competently punches a button.
KIRK: …and it looks like we’ve got another call. Hey there, you’ve reached Request Line, what’s your desire?
VANESSA HUDGENS: Hi, is this Kirk?
KIRK: Yeah. [frowns] Hey, do you have me on speakerphone?
VANESSA: Is that a problem?
KIRK: It is. Don’t do that.
VANESSA: Of course, I’m so sorry. Hey, I heard you were in town and, um…[twists her hair]…my friends and I were wondering if you had any plans for tonight? We’re headed to this club and we thought maybe you want to, like, go with us…
KIRK: [punches a button to disconnect] Sorry, folks, this is Request Line, not Dateline, got a job to do here. I need song requests…[punches button]
ELI: Hi, is this Kirk? It’s Eli Manning.
KIRK: Oh, hey buddy. What’s shaking?
ELI: I’m calling to invite…um…request that you come hang out on Saturday.
KIRK: Hang out?
ELI: Yeah, you know, play G.I. Joe, whatever.
KIRK: Uh, thanks Eli, but that’s not really something I’m into…
ELI: [nervously] Ha ha, yeah, I was just kidding around. G.I. Joe, ha ha, who does that? Um…the real reason I’m calling is to invite you to my birthday party.
KIRK: [puzzled] Wasn’t your birthday last month?
ELI: [stammers] Um…uh…no, this is a surprise party.
KIRK: A surprise birthday party?
ELI: Yeah.
KIRK: For you.
ELI: Yup.
KIRK: Eleven months in advance of your actual birthday.
ELI: Um…
KIRK: That you already found out about.
ELI: I…uh…I mean…[pretends to hear his mom]…Sorry, my mom is calling me, gotta go!
KIRK: Wait, Eli, have you got a song request?
ELI: [is embarrassed, has hung up] …
KIRK: Looks like we lost him, folks. I guess I’m on my own here. As you recall, the theme today is “Belle of the Ball”. We’re looking for songs about being the most desirable person on the market. I’ll get things moving again with a classic from Billy Squier.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU7vXN-2j3A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEea624OBzM
I thought this was better than posting Jesse’s Girl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR2JtsVumFA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkSmLh2Hbi0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4-2onb62y8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_hDHm9MD0I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1lioyEbVCs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YbqNaXbmTs
How doth thou describe this fair maiden’s beauty?
Esa mami patea como revolver
Hay que guayarla duro con el shockabsorber
Voltio – El Bumper
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Xt9t5V8htlI
oh, and this. Makes me want to slash my wrists, but it’s probably the best love/on a pedastal song ever…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYgo78JfMLU
so much unrequited stalker-y love…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EUT9Bo0IEg
/also nobody EVAR told me ah fuck like a volcano. Sad Hippo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0avVrHRP2DY
Now for a triple about inanimate objects. And another odd mix.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKXayhEWqs0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaEM4JYFPfw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5srtXt0AMY
Someone mentioned “eclectic”?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z5aPaDwAkU
Also, how the hell did neither of these songs end up on the Divine Intervention playlist? For shame, all of us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4-1ASpdT1Y
A song about freezing out the most sought-after girl, “María”, by the originalest of the OG’s: Vico C. Fun Fact! This may have been the first single that popularized the backing track that made Cypress Hill’s career.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MY4gbb4RHSs
What is sadly an appropriate double shot for me, they evoke thoughts of the same person, and like Don T’s are consecutive on an album.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okthJIVbi6g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjy3XbxMW1A
Check it out, bitch: N.E.R.D. – Things Are Getting Better
https://youtube.com/watch?v=KzPLPb8QuuM
The rare consecutive album tracks double shot. Franz Ferdinand
Do You Want To
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1OJRRUnY–A
This Boy
https://youtube.com/watch?v=8ubAm8JFank
Now for a song about love for something other than a person.
She is in love with… no that can’t be right. She isn’t a member of the Fozz clan is she. Well anyway, she loves those bright light more than him, that’s right, it’s Streets of Baltimore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8V4NoboSq6w
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=O-zpOMYRi0w
https://youtube.com/watch?v=4M1Dl6KZVZs&feature=youtu.be
I think this goes with the theme.
This is going to be an eclectic playlist.
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=Tj08Ni3tklw
“Up all night? STOP STEALING MY BIT!”
– Jimmy Johnson
Fun fact: “Up All Night” was how the coroner described having found Michael Hutchence.
Kelis’ Milkshake
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pGL2rytTraA
I think we have a winner!
I’m just gonna leaving this one hanging here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrZZfaDp02o
David Carradine approves.
And here’s the Jets’ pitch to Kirk Cousins:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVa8l3ZPG2Q
(And welcome to the Rams, Marcus Peters! Good news for us 13 fans.)
This song has it all…jazz flute, trumpets, great bass line, screaming babies in Mozart wigs, sunburned drifters with soap sud beards…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6EAJj2OsiQ
Ooh, Jim Tomsula is in it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcJm1pOswfM
CLASSICAL SHOT! And yes, the fact that the symphony about the composer avatar falling in unrequited love, deciding to kill himself woth opium, and then instead going into an opium-induced nightmare is my favorite just might say some things about me.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=npg11G8ZkAY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ue2OA33jZac
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB5EevdTQrQ
brb someone’s cutting onions or something
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuUDRU9-HRk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCsNunGnqE0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iudmMgbAAmI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6oGytt0Hiw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_jWHffIx5E
That meme was so 2017…
Boooooooo
It fits the theme…shut up.
😛
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXWvKDSwvls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtLbE3IUY2U
Double it up with the original:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1ZxN9iQM7OY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkM1pTmlhYI
Probably somebody’s only light, gonna shine tonight (still talking about Kirk Cousins)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk2NHZukTYg
Kinda fits….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ivt_N2Zcts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oofSnsGkops
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCjMZMxNr-0
Creepy, but it fits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs
Fairly obvious choice right here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLcHfGQU3ZY
“Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS8oYNK73Ek
Random Gore Vidal jokes always welcome here.
Your 20th Century toy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EvCL_cSiQU
I mean come on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNgcYGgtf8M
Wait…they won’t like that like YOU LIKE THAT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIIxlgcuQRU
If you want Kirk Cousins, it’s gonna take money…a whole lotta spending money…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xry_ooH9yY0
Look out Rikki, I’m gonna take your wife.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxAiUq8yn34
Kirk Cousins is a surprisingly competent DJ…and Ms Hudgens, desperation is not a good look.
I don’t know, if it were desperation regarding me I’d probably still say she looks good in it.