Your “Looks Like You Won’t Have Beerguyrob To Kick Around For A While” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Because, dear Commentists, this is my last Open Thread before we yield the week to the esteemed King Hippo for all things Madness.

Editor’s note: This is to remind you of DFO’s Bracket Challenge!

DFO Bracket Challenge

Group Name:  DFO Brackets

Password:  Dickjoke

Link:  http://games.espn.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/2018/en/group?groupID=2250147

Allow me to share with you the “how to join” tutorial put together by some pigeons discussing whether to eat gum off the street:

It’s just that simple! It’ll be Madness, I tell you.

MADNESS!


NFL News:

  • Free agency negotiations officially started at 4:00ET today.
    • Signings can’t take place until after 4:00ET Wednesday, the official start of the 2018 League year.
    • The scariest factoid – some teams are so desperate to land Kirk Cousins they are considering making their offers “fully guaranteed”.
  • Notable releases today:
    • Actual:
      • Tamba Hali – from the Chiefs
      • Sean Smith – from the Raiders
        • because he’s going to jail for a year for a felony count of “assault with great bodily injury”
          • he tuned up his sister’s ex-boyfriend, to the point where “doctors inserted a metal plate and screws underneath Woods’ right eye. He also underwent reconstructive surgery on his left eye socket to repair five fractures”.
    • Expected:
  • An actual trade – the Bills send T Cordy Glenn & their 21st pick in the first round to Cincinnati for the Bengals 12th pick in the first round.
    • Leading to speculation the Bills might try and move up in the draft to top-5 & take a QB.
  • Richard Sherman said he chose the 49ers out of “vengeance”.
    • Peter King has “inside info” on how the deal with the Niners went down.
      • PK wants you to know that Sherman “spent four hours on Saturday afternoon negotiating his own contract with no agent”. He seems shocked that a neg- … colo- … (black) player might be able to negotiate his own contract after researching every other CB contract in the NFL.
        • Why, it’s almost like Richard Sherman might have a degree from Stanford.

Did someone say, “vengeance”?


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Vegas at Flyers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Blues at Ducks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Spurs at Rockets – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
    • Heat at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • Paralympics:
    • Alpine Skiing; Biathlon; Sled Hockey (U.S. vs. South Korea) – 9:00PM | NBCSN
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • They’re announcing Kid Rock for the WWE “Hall of Fame” tonight.
        • I can’t believe they beat the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on that one.

Like I said, Hippo’s got your evenings covered for the rest of the week. So, I’ve got more time to research alcohols for DFO University. ALES VS. LAGERS – WHO YA GOT?!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Foar Balls’ coworker.
Live foar today, my good man.
(yep, my building is visible from there)
((as is Marina Del Rey….Wooooo!!!!!!)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wouldn’t this be better for balls’s co-worker?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Wakezilla

Working the hip flexor is really important.

theeWeeBabySeamus

rockingdog
rockingdog

Last funny:

Little kid *stubbing toe*: Gosh dang it!

[heaven]
Gosh: Why is it only kids get my name right?
Jeez Louise: Tell me about it.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Roy Williams is Jesus?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, the bad news is that our office can’t do any more lottery pools. The good news is that the reason we can’t is because we just used up our share of luck today. One of our workers is lucky to be alive after he struck a live 750 amp conduit with a jackhammer.

DigAlert is your friend, folks.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

He’s lucky to have a body. 750 amps can vaporize you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait…seriously?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

/Drools

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This teacher seems good and cool. Spoiler for size.

Spoiler

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Is she the hot 26 yr old who banged the 14 yr old?

/unofficially wishes he was the 14 yr old
//OFFICIALLY says that’s terrible

rockingdog
rockingdog
theeWeeBabySeamus

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond….

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a Funny:

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Probably.

Libertarians are just fascists who love weed.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, good. Kill it with fire seems like it’ll be a winning strategy.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Paging Dr. Seamus. Your new intern is here.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I should say nothing here.
But…

Nope…I’m shutting up.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Pussy delivery for Dr. Seamus!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Music to my ears.

LMFAO

theeWeeBabySeamus

Earlier, someone mentioned I should be offering to lick my Canadia girlie in the ear.
This came to mind…sorry. I’m a sick fucker….

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

PIGEON?!?

Wait, that checks out.

SonOfSpam

Tonight has been the kind of night where I act all responsible so I decide just now to reward myself with a cheap can of light beer, Which is kept in the garage. And the garage door was open. And I’m kind of a butterfingers. Bye bye beer, rolling down the driveway. Safe travels.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Chase it.

SonOfSpam

Think I didn’t?

It just perfectly summed up Monday.

theeWeeBabySeamus

ONE OF US!!!

Welcome to da clubhouse. The beers iz over there.. Chick across the street iz hot.

SonOfSpam

Cool, so we gonna talk about gettin laid while not actually doing any of that?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Dude. Some of us *Ahem* couldn’t even get laid in Seamus’s erotic fanfic.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh really???????

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Perhaps I missed it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not yet you haven’t.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did a kid steal it (In which case, good for him/her) or did an animal (In which case, good for him or her), or did you just lose it to the vast beyond of infinity?

SonOfSpam

No, I got it back. Because I am an alcoholic with severely misplaced priorities.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did you have to beat up a kid, animal, or the infinite beyond?

Did you get to?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

WCS

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I seriously do not understand my family…at all. I don’t know how it is possible, but my sister violating my trust and trying to ruin my parents’ vacation has turned into me being THE bad guy.

My mother was blubbering that I have abandoned her and my father because I won’t quit my job, sell my house, and move back to Baltimore….or something. I couldn’t really make it all out.

I really don’t get how my sister pulls this off. She does this like once every four months…its like she gets bored so she just creates a shitstorm of family drama. For reasons I cannot fathom, no one in the family seems to see the obvious, but when I point it out, I am somehow an even bigger asshole.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I don’t know, dude. I only have one relative who’s not an asshole in my life. I technically have others besides my brother, but I never liked them, talked to them much, or give a fuck about them (or them about us). So … Beats me. Have you considered contract murder?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I am contemplating telling my mother that my sister is my medical contact and then just watch the sparks fly…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

DO IT!

WCS

Some people are just born shitstains. I’m genuinely sorry this has to happen.

Is there some way, down the road, when the dust settles, you can talk to your mom about this, and try to show your side of the situation?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I’m going to do my usual of just ghosting everyone until things chill. I just don’t understand how my sister and parents have this energy to be perpetually pissed off at each other.

Its the annoying scenario where I am the only rational person, so naturally everyone is trying to get me on their side, along with me being everyone’s relief valve.

I suspect this is all do to something I said to my sister. Like she asked for advice, but was seeking validation, and she didn’t like what I said…so time to just start a bunch of shit!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Catching up to this, and all I can say to you, my Imaginary Internet Friend is this:
“Eject, Eject, Eject!”
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Look out for yourself!

blaxabbath

Only someone still in Baltimore can not understand why you won’t go back to Baltimore.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I especially enjoy our state’s majestic cloud whales.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Although today has literally been a tire fire.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s a new Big East?

Why?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Xavier is a fraud team that never even should’ve made the tournament, right? Asking foar a frind.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

My undergrad alma mater is in the same conference and I still think it’s all a sham. Xavier. A10. The NCA— Well, the NCAA is a sham for a lot of reasons.

Horatio Cornblower

The Good Doctor would be a lot funnier if every case was lupus.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So basically the complete opposite of House?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hate that series because in the series finale it should’ve been lupus.

SonOfSpam

Shouldn’t every case be just a slightly lesser case of autism?

“You…have…autism.”
“Yeah I know, doctor freak.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’ve been binging Counterpart. I had to watch porn just to come down from the mindfuck, but it’s really good.

blaxabbath

Was reading a piece saying the union steelworkers are key to the PA-18 race tomorrow. I imagine lamb winning and trump blaming unions (including teachers) on the loss and using that as his excuse to roll back the tariffs. Then he’ll tweet, “pa18 voted for lamb. Guess they didn’t like my tariffs. Glad to roll those back and hope this reminds all other counties in US to remember who their friends are.”

And then his legion will be like, “yeah! They didn’t want the president they don’t need him! Time to cut off their funding!”

Ducking strange times..

blaxabbath

Can a local government be held responsible for not enforcing code compliance if they aren’t the inspectors on a building? Like, a third party is the official inspector but the county — knowing they fail to maintain code compliance — still certified that inspection agency so, in my opinion, when that building falls over and the lawyers start taking aim, I’d think the county carries their share bc they did nothing about the third party inspector (and, thus, the shoddy contractor who actually caused the building to fail).

That sound right?

LemonJello
LemonJello

If there’s any way for a government agency (at any level) to shirk it’s duties/responsibilities and shift blame to the citizenry, it will.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The county as part of the state probably still has some sort of sovereign immunity, so they won’t give a shit because they’re probably untouchable.

blaxabbath

ANyone else want to talk about beerguyrob behind his back, now that he’s gone?

LemonJello
LemonJello

/nudges Blax and nods to corner of the DFO Clubhouse
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“He’s got this place wired like Nixon’s White House.”

Gratliff

This country is the best TV show. All it costs us is everything.

.@SheriffClarke is having an affair with a Muslim woman, is getting divorced https://t.co/h89Vi0JbXr pic.twitter.com/fdbBAQPcx5

— The Reagan Battalion (@ReaganBattalion) March 13, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I just got home and it’s god damn dark out. Daylights savings, my ass.

Fun fact: My ass is so blindingly white, it could keep a small Peruvian village well-lit through the night.

SonOfSpam

Can confirm. The rest of him is pretty white too.

Horatio Cornblower

Who wants to do a women’s bracket? I’ll get us started: UCONN 5X and done.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Openly defective, is the lover you elected….
A portrait she was bound to portray.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Aw, Nutsack!

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

The Miz has to be the most successful person to ever appear on an MTV reality show right? I mean usually they just keep showing up to Real World/Road Rules challenges until the combo syphilis/alcohol abuse kills them right?

Gratliff

It’s been fascinating watching him collapse into a heap of garbage after his title run and concussions, fail at the figure 4 for 5 years, and turn it all the way around to being the best thing in the company again. All for a guy who was played by Christian fucking Finnegan on Chappelle’s Show.

King Hippo

Wake County Schools will have 3-hr snow delay tomorrow, after the one goddamned night all week I won’t be up until night 1 am watching hoopsball.

3-hr delays are the tits, though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Same in Orange Co. Unless they pussy out and close.

They prolly will.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

At this point, who the fuck isn’t in the WWE Hall of Fame?

Gratliff

This lil’ fella
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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

That is one big ole ventriloquist doll.

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like Jeff Dunham’s worst nightmare.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I also thought he looked like a Real Doll, but did not even want to think of the implications if they actually made one like that, though they could call it “The Spacey Special”.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

So I guess my college is in the tournament. I found out about this because a coworker, decked out in Virginia gear, came to my desk to talk shit.

I’ve been insanely busy with work and honestly forgot that the brackets were out.

I had to remind Greg he went to Liberty and he is an ass.

Horatio Cornblower

Fuckin’ Greg, man.

blaxabbath

I’d make Greg be human shield in the next active shooter drill

Gratliff

FFS. Vince is putting Kid Rock in. Every year it’s the same shit. WWE signs my favorite talent in the world, then DARES me to watch its bullshit, and I fold because I’m very particular about who I watch pretend fight, TNA has been relegated to C-Span 6, and RoH would make me actually support Sinclair Broadcasting, Dalton Castle or no.

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LemonJello
LemonJello

/Nods politely while wishing I knew what Grat was talking about
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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

It is amazing to me how fucking of a mess TNA became considering the insane talent their roster had.

Someone please explain to me why they went to the trouble of recreating the collapse of WCW?

Gratliff

Like with most things, I blame Jeff Jarrett. Now Impact is signing a ton of indie talent I like, but it’s on some shit called POP!, and that’s probably not going to change with Sami Callihan fucking up baseball bat spots and legitimately breaking people’s faces.
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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I’ve never been impressed with Double J or his old man.

Gratliff

Guess it’s time to marathon watch the last 6 months or so of Zero Punctuation. Oh, and look, the most recent one is Metal Gear Survive. I’m sure he’ll enjoy that.

Gratliff

It me. The respond to wrong thread guy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, I have a new artsy Canadia friend. She’s kinda hot. Check that….she’s really fucking hot.
So, I’m soliciting from you assholes, good come on lines which will make her laugh, while not scaring the shit out of her. Yes, I realize I’m asking the wrong group, and anything you say will probably get discarded.

But wow….she’s hot.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She even makes my tingly parts not want to go to Mars.
😛

LemonJello
LemonJello

So, you’ve already rejected just pointing at your crotch, with fingerguns, while thrusting suggestively with your hips and saying, “I’m ready for my close up!” ?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I was kinda saving that one for when I actually meet her.
Which will nevar happen if you guys don’t give me funny but not scary shit to say.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Ol’ Balls Special

ballsofsteelandfury

Works every time!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

“You have something on your ear…let me get that with my tongue”…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. That’s not bad…!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Whaddya say we go into my dark room and see what develops?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Come visit Portland and be a friend to Ol’ Unsurprised.

Senor Weaselo

Just say “You’re fallin’ for me.” It’ll work.
/Disclaimer: It will not work.

scotchnaut

Any guys out there been subject to a tax-collecting audit that focused on inventory?

blaxabbath

City of Tucson came in once and wanted to tax us on our office equipment. The stuff that we’d been taxed on with a sales tax when we purchased it.

That place is every bit as terrible to do business with as advertised.

I just wanted to rip on Tucson there; can’t actually help. Sorry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

IRS once wanted to audit my flea control meds.

Go for it, I said.

They never showed up.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I still can’t believe Rob Halford is gay. I just didn’t see that coming at all.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I hate Daylight Savings Time. I hate it soooooo god damn much. “Let’s steal an hour of your sleep and make it so when everyone wakes up for work, it’s pitch black outside!”

Literally the only thing Arizona has ever gotten right is not observing it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This guy gets it.

Gratliff

It’s 8 pm and it’s light out. And it’s snowing. March is fucking stupid.

blaxabbath

Also not observing MLK day, amirite?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How do our resident Seachickens fans feel about this vengeance?

scotchnaut

For my buddies Hippo and Seamus-before the coke took hold… Good God! this fella was insane.

theeWeeBabySeamus

GODDAMMIT SCOTCHY YOU GON’ MAKE ME TONGUE KISS YOU.

He was Michael Jordan before Michael Jordan was Michael Jordan.

blaxabbath

That is some college ass worship music there

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh holy shit, Science Channel. Elon Musk on my teevee again.

COME ON MAN!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Just picked Michigan State to win it all, so apologies to all you Spartan fans, but no way I’m picking Roy Williams to win it all.

I also bounced Duke in the 2nd round, picked Clemson to go to the Elite Eight because my son’s girlfriend goes there, picked West By God Virginia to go to the Final Four just for WCS, sent NC State farther than I should have for WBS and did a whole bunch of other stupid shit.

What I’m saying is, don’t use my bracket for your own choices.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

And San Diego State to drive up North and whittle Dean’s vertebrate down to an Elite Eight?

King Hippo

I like the Aztecs/Cougs winner to do damage. Shit, if they fall to Michigan, I will like them too.

Name three other hoopsball teams playing better right now. YOU CAN’T!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You poor bastard. We’ll fall to Satan Hall by six.

If not, KU will murderize us by 20.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehe.

Street gum? Always a RESOUNDING YES!!!!!!!!

scotchnaut

You spelled “Blurbglenbro” wrong.