In Spanish, whenever there are two legs in a tie, they all always call the return leg La Vuelta. The first leg is always La Ida.
Now that your Spanish lesson is over,
TO THE GAMES!
***
Roma v Shakhtar Donetsk (1-2 Aggregate)
Balls: The Ukrainians got the win at home but Roma got a vital road goal. I have a feeling that it will decide the tie. It’s too bad because I like rooting for underdogs and the Ukrainians seem to be underdogs in damn near everything. To make it worse, I don’t know anyone outside Rome that likes Roma. Hell, not even all the people in Rome like Roma!
Predizione: Roma somehow find a way to score one goal and the Ukrainians can’t find a way to get the equalizer and the aggregate win. Call it a 1-0 home win and the Ukrainians go back to their ultra hot women to lick their…wounds.
***
Hippo: I have no idea what to expect, but I hate Roma even MOAR than I hate the Russian-controlled parts of Ukraine-not weak. I shall let hate/bias carry the day.
Predizione: Roma has a late goal flagged for offside, the city burns. (0-0 Draw, Shakhtar 2-1 aggregate)
Litre: I am just happy that at least one of these teams will get through to the next round. I kind of like Roma although I visited there when there were no fans allowed at the Stadio Olympico except for those holding a Roman ID. Probably due to the cop getting killed in Sicily the week before.
Predizione: This one seems like it is destined foar kicks. (2-1, Roma, Italians win in kicks)
Don T: Whenever I hear “Roma” in English, I think of:
1. The proper term for the ethnic group;
2. That boring AF Fellini movie that turned me off completely from him; and,
3. Francesco Totti jokes—basically Polish jokes, at Totti’s expense.
Go Shaktar!
Predicción: Roma 1 – 1 Shaktar Donetsk (Shaktar advances 3-2 in aggregate)
Manchester United v Sevilla (0-0 Aggregate)
Balls: Neither team scored in Spain, which really speaks to English impotence in Europe. There is probably a greater metaphor/social commentary about English colonialism and Gibraltar in there somewhere. However, this is a footy preview, so I’ll bypass the extended analysis. Look, everyone knows I’m not a big fan of English teams, especially when they play in European competitions. I did get a hearty laugh out of Tottenham’s embarrasing exit last week even though I TOTALLY CALLED IT!
The key difference, though, is that Juventus is a hell of a good team and Sevilla… is not. They are perfectly cromulent and are actually 5th in La Liga, but they’re 11 points from 4th and 27 points from Barcelona. That’s as good an indication of their level as any. Man U are 2nd to Man City but they are 13 points behind and I absolutely loathe Jose Mourinho so if you think I’m going to say anything nice about them, you must have tapped into Hippo’s drug supply.
Predicción: A dry and boring 1-0 home win and England gets yet another undeserving team in the next round. I really want Sevilla to score 1 goal and take the tie on away goals, but I just don’t think they have it in them. Please prove me wrong!
Hippo: One knows Romelu Lukaku shall score again, all will look done and dusted for Manure into the Round of 8. But somehow, Sevilla will break through in the 80th minute or later. Fuck those motherfuckers, right in the fuckhole(s).
Predicción: Glorious and heartbreaking (1-1 Draw, Sevilla 1-1 aggregate, advances on away goal)
Litre: I love the fact that the first leg was nil nil. The only players that I recognize is Nolito and N’Zonzi so maybe they bang in a road goal and then send the Mancs packing. Hwever we all know what is going to happen here and it will not please those of us around the clubhouse who enjoy teh futbol.
Predicción: It is going tofollow a script like this. Man U scores, Sevilla scores, Man U scores 2 more times. (3-1 Man U, because we can’t have nice things)
Don T: I hate both teams. Hate Mourinho above all. Stupid windbag.
This smells like a slog.
Predicción: ManUre 0 – 0 Sevilla (ManU goes through on PKs) Everything sucks.
Re Roma: CALLED IT!
Re Man U: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
4 minutes. Don’t cock up my better Win money.
Yes – give Hippo his cockbutter!
Oh man, now Man U fans are twice as sad. TRAGIC.
the Brits refer to this as a “dry bumming”
Ew.
TWO, muthacluckas!!!
Damn, always hate to see Man U fans upset.
GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!
seriously, I am beside myself at how Sevilla has managed not to score this half. Bananacakes
going end to end now, these fuckers will die if it goes to extra time
oh, fuck right off, Sevilla.
Halftime entertain:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctEQwQVRt9U
QPR butt-sexin’ Villa. This is good for the Championship rec yard’s White gang, yeah?
Sevilla keeper comes up yuuuuge
Well at least there isnt curling on instead. THIS WAS A PROBLEM THAT USED TO MAKE ME RAGE!!
Canadia get the “Facebook only” bullshit with Roma/Shakhtar, or you get both matches?
On TSN is the roma gamr and on beIn in Manure.
I don’t love the Keenum thing, either. But $84M fully guaranteed to Cousins is nigh suicidal.
Jesus.
So not only a moron but going deaf as well, got it.
Sevilla looks a bit shit so far.
they got better
They did not want to go on the cart.
yay, my reference came through!
I have like $90 each on a Sevilla Draw and Win. I think. Maybe more on the win? Almighty GAMBLOR, I beseech thee to smite the Red Devil arseholes.
oh yeah, $130 free play at like +550. $90 on Draw at +320. $90 on Ukraine Not Weak to Draw at +333.
Found a scary funny?
Christ, that’s disturbing.
A young Horatio Cornblower in the wild?
Theatre of Dreams? BARF
Chefs give Sammy Watkins 3/$48M, b/c they were bound to stop doing smart things eventually.
Brees staying a Saint. Knock me over with a feather.
Ok all seriousness, I am going to push for California to have Daylight Saving Time ALL THE TIME.
We should never go back to Standard Time. Fuck that shit!
on the plus side, only like 40 mins between final whistle and play-in fever!
So, this daylight savings time bullshit is fucking up my game watching plan. I have a meeting at 1 and it will be MORE difficult to watch.
Thanks Obama!
He black power fisted ya back. ah seen him!
Hippo officially has new crush now – Ms. Kaitlan Collins.
Pic or she doesn’t exist.
I dunno how to does that. The pic from her twitter page is what I seen when she asked Der Fuhrer this am if she fired Rex for calling him a moe-ron.
https://twitter.com/kaitlancollins
think she’s a lefty Southern gal, too. Had Nick Saban in her twitter background.
Back to Greater Footy…I feel better about 2/$36M for Keenum to Donks now that I see AZ gave Sam “Degenerative Knee” Bradford Twenty Fucking Million without an option or anything.
You’d think AZ would have some reservations about a blanket deal like that…
So I am watching soccer on Univision, and the play by play, which I understand none of, is being done by this incredible looking brunette. And the way she screams goal makes me hope for her neighbors sake that her bedroom is soundproof.
Kate Abdo on FS1 ain’t bad, neither.
FUN FACT: Vegas learned its lesson from the City match last week. Chelski face longer odds of winning tomorrow (+775) than do Besiktas (+550).
/why, oh why, did I only bet $125 on that match?
I like Shakhtar Donetsk because it sounds like a Klingon having an orgasm.
this is a fine Lesser Footy point