Your “PLAYOFFS – WOO!!!!!!!!!!!” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Citing “health issues”, Richie Incognito has decided to retire.
    • “I’m done, I’m done, that’s it,” Incognito told The Buffalo News. “It’s been a long career. My liver and kidneys are shutting down. Nothing I can’t restore with some balance, but the stress is killing me.
    • Shady has feelings on the issue:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BhZd4F1BZ36/

  • Current & former Raiders are also dropping hints about former punter Marquette King.
    • Cordarrelle Patterson said King was “kind of a diva”.
    • Bruce Irvin wants to line up against him first time out. Likely to discuss dining options in Denver.

  • FOX announced that color-rush uniforms will disappear from the 2018 Thursday broadcast schedule.
    • But teams are still free to keep them as an alternate jersey.
  • Aaron Rodgers is on a philanthropic mission with his girlfriend, race car driver Danica Patrick, on behalf of Starkey Hearing Foundation to give hearing aids to people around the world.
    • They are currently in Asia, which is how this photo came to be.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BhYovmxgutz/

Finally, the NFL is releasing the preseason schedule tonight on the NFL Network. I assume they’ll have in-depth analysis sometime around 8:00PM.

  • Fortunately, it has been released online already.
  • Logic dictates the regular-season schedule will be released next week, with the Draft being held two weeks from tomorrow.

Also, my Seahawks seat-allocation appointment is tomorrow, which is another sign they’re about to tell us when the games will be played next season.

  • Currently, I sit in Section 306, at the bottom of the green portion of the section. The seats in front of me are in the next price point, and are $20 per seat more expensive.

  • Should I choose to change location, I have two options beyond my current spot will move from my spot on the 10-yard line:
    • To move lower to the field within the same price point, but closer to the end zone, or
    • To move lower to the field, but increasing my price point.

Practically, if I can’t get at least half-way down, there’s no point in moving. I’m undercover, which is a huge bonus in Seattle, and my knees can still handle the climb.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: playoffs baby! Check out the Eastern Conference preview here.
    • Minnesota Wild at Winnipeg Jets – 7:00PM | CNBC / Sportsnet
    • Philadelphia Flyers at Pittsburgh Penguins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
    • Los Angeles Kings at Vegas Golden Knights – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360
  • NBA:
    • Bucks at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Raptors at Heat – 8:00PM | TSN
    • Jazz at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
    • Lakers at Clippers – 10:30PM | TSN
  • MLB:
    • Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Spur

Minny choked away a lead to the Nuggents.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We call that the Full Latrell

Spur
Don T

I see watchu doing there, Incognito. Liver and kidney damage, no knee or joint or brain stuff… Original tweet: “Only dumbasses get caught for PEDs. Later, bitches ?? #HOF”

herodotus450

This hockey stick of Patrick Laine I call it a broke bodybuilder’s sexuality because it is flexible.

Senor Weaselo

I liked this dirtball game a lot more about 10 minutes ago.

herodotus450

A Minnesota team putting in a strong post season performance? That’s funny, I don’t remember travelling to a difference universe today…
/Oh, they’re playing Winnipeg, that explains it

herodotus450

[grits teeth so hard they fuse together]
I guess pittsburgh is still really good.

Redshirt

That’s going to be my dying words.

scotchnaut

/eating a shit-ton of egg salad

Tomorrow I’ll be looking at opportunities to fart in open spaces and low-key blame it on other folks.

“Oof. It sure seems like Fiona didn’t bother showering today. Wow!”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Fiona?!!

Oh, Scotty’s gonna know

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe. Balls and I might be the only two who get that…but helluva reference my man!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit, now I can’t get that song out of my head.
You jerk.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_AKr1BEajA

Redshirt

HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE GREATEST LIVING CINCINNATIAN!

http://cincinnatizoo.org/the-fiona-show/

Senor Weaselo

Key word, living. #DicksOutForHarambe

Redshirt

Yeah, yeah, we learned our lesson: Next time, we’ll let the gorilla decide if the kid lives or dies.

theeWeeBabySeamus

@Hippo, Pack9 just took one on the road at UNC-W to move to 26-6.
#2 in the country this week, btw.

Spur
Spur

Spurs have come undone.

Spur
Redshirt

Holy shit. The Reds are only down by 1 this time. And its not 1-0; we actually touched Home Plate twice this time!

King Hippo

worry not, the #BFIB are coming into town. We couldn’t hit anybody if we were haunted by the ghost of Ike Turner, baby.

Redshirt

What does BFIB mean?

Also, I was at Opening Day behind home plate. The Reds swung and missed so much, me and everyone else behind home plate were woozy from lack of oxygen due to all air being sucked towards the pitcher.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Big fucking idiot boobies.

litre_cola

Busty Fun Insane Blonde

theeWeeBabySeamus

NOW WE’RE TALKING!!!!!!!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Stop talking about my wife.

theeWeeBabySeamus

See, I know Beastie isn’t directing that at me. If it was, he would have said…

Stop talking TO my wife.

Redshirt

Nice!

(internet high five)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Or it might be Best Fans In Baseball. A moniker foar teh Redbirds of St. Loo.

But I like mine better.

Redshirt

But the Bengals doesn’t start play until August. I get a break. I need a break. I can’t watch the Bengals all 12 months. Not. No. I. Please. God. No.

ballsofsteelandfury

Best Fans In Baseball, St Louis Cardinals

Redshirt

Okay. I’ll give them that, but only because it will piss off the Cubs fans.

King Hippo

Best Fans In Baseball (used only self-deprecatingly by me and by most birdos with over room temperature IQs)

scotchnaut

Winnipeg Bananacakes up 1-0!

litre_cola

I just woke up decilitre. Fuck.

scotchnaut

Off to Minny/Winny-she looks like a game.

Gratliff

Apparently the sixers got all the Philly mojo tonight. Bucks shitting the bed something fierce

King Hippo

I just bet on the Small Bears. Only $20, and hopefully a jinx in favour of the Dirt Stillers…but I feel SUCH SHAME.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Deserved shame.

King Hippo

but they nigh instantly scored 4 runs. Woulda been mad if I ain’t bet.

Gratliff

Me two hours ago: Can't wait for this year's playoffs. It's so wide open, just about anybody could win.

Me now: The 30 other teams should all just rebuild until Crosby retires.

— Down Goes Brown (@DownGoesBrown) April 12, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Spur

holy shit, the Pelicans coach was caught on a live mic yelling at his guy “grab the fucking ball, he’s 41!” he was referring to Manu

theeWeeBabySeamus

Currently in Baltimore….The video review that never ends.

Jeebus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least they got it right. Sort of.

King Hippo

there was like a 4-minute video review in #BFIB-land on a 2B v. HR call in the bottom of the 9th. The HR made the score 3-2, so it made absolutely fuckall difference to the possible outcome of the game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This one was a little dying quail right at the line. Toronto dude missed the catch but in so doing bumped it across the line into foul territory. Took ’em a while to figure that out and place the runners.

King Hippo

at least logic behind that needing some time

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I think the delay was mostly trying to decide if the runner on 2nd should have scored. They decided no. But Schoop just knocked him in anyway.

Redshirt

When I overthrow Emperor Trump in World War V and unite the people under my firm but just rule, I will mandate that all review will have a limit of two minutes, at which the video will shut off. If you can’t determine if a call was incorrect or not in two minutes, then it is obviously inconclusive.

Senor Weaselo

World War V? How are we all still alive? And could we not be in that case please?

Redshirt

Yeah that was my bad in World War IV, but luckily I was able to save everyone in the Cloud before the atmosphere was burnt off.

Trump did try to steal the Cloud in World War V, but the Mole People sacrificed their lives so we could upload them back into the reanimated corpses that were restored by the power of the Earth’s core. Also, Trump was banished to the Moon with a lifetime supply of diet food and a TV that shows nothing but The View and MSNBC.

May the sacrifice of the Mole People be remembered forever. Their deaths gave Humanity a second chance.

Spur

Finally they call a foul on AD, guy’s been grabbing everyones nuts.

Mr. Ayo

Must. Resist.

scotchnaut

Huh? Adrian Dantley only played D in his worst nightmares.

King Hippo

ah made a yuuuuuuuuge mistake?

Spur

my gyro has arrived.

scotchnaut

“I pita the fool that don’t like this sandwich.”

-Mr. T

Spur
Senor Weaselo

Have the Ice Iggles started picking fights with impunity yet?

scotchnaut

Raptors up 2 with 5 minutes left in the first.

/scribbles ‘it’s over’ in notebook

King Hippo

u and Spur git a room ,, smgdh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/start broken record

Anyone want to pick me up at the airport tonight?

/End broken record

litre_cola

Hey guys, the Winnipeg game is really good….

King Hippo

I confess that I GAMBLOR’d on Minny. Feel there is too much emotion in that Jet Fuel.

litre_cola

So what did you bet on Cardiff getting auto-promoted?

King Hippo

HA!!!! Wait, they are the sheep shaggers? Or Villa?

Senor Weaselo

They’re Welsh, so they’re the sheep-shaggers.

King Hippo

ah, I see. Villa is Midlands, which is also the sticks/Brexit-land, so it seems like would also possibly apply

litre_cola

We are getting off topic . I hope you lose that bet Hippo.

King Hippo

I’d be fine with it. As you noe, my first Ice Footbaw loyalty is to the Canadian sides, preferably West Canadia.

I covered the bet ($31.75 @ +240) with $20 @ +220 on “Draw” so an Ice Bomber OT win would be perfect.

Gratliff

And this is why I was pissed about flyers moving out of the 4 seed

theeWeeBabySeamus

Geez, Yinzburgh.
comment image

WCS

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Gratliff

Deep into welp territory now

Senor Weaselo

Benches clear over a slide in Yanks-Sox!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“A slide? Wheeeeeeee!”

–E. Manning

Redshirt

This is like the third benches clearing, and its probably just pushing. Say what you want about Cincinnati, at least we do things right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcQkRI8yKyw

Senor Weaselo

It wasn’t even pushing! And obviously the fight winner of the day is Arenado. Padres pitcher threw his glove at him and missed, ha!

Redshirt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAhzFOBKrE8

Here’s a better one, also some perspective on how slow games used to be. The fight is in 20:15.

Senor Weaselo

My personal favorite is this one, especially because in the span of two pitches Benitez lost the game (IIRC) and the fight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKIHNsf8O_A

King Hippo

I will never, ever forgive that sumbitch Cueto. He really fucked somebody up, concussion-wise, for good.

But otherwise, was an excellent fight. Brandon Phillips and Yadi each played their heel roles in opposing cities magnificently.

Spur

http://www.newsweek.com/trump-so-angry-he-mostly-just-eats-and-watches-tv-881226

i don’t think he has to be angry to do that, it’s normal.

King Hippo

I had no idea I was dealing with so much anger. Huh.

Redshirt

If that’s the case, then where’s my Red Lantern Ring?!

scotchnaut

Can we/this site rid ourselves of the “Aaron Rodgers is gay” meme? It’s tired and (I would hope) beneath us all at this point. Over and above that, making light of gays runs contrary to everything we yak about on a daily basis. Can we please move on from this trite piece of garbage?

Gratliff

I went a whole year without doing one. I believe this is why the eagles won the super bowl.

Spur

hmm…….Cowboys SuperB Owl here we come!

Senor Weaselo

Can we make a joke about the Dalai Lama having no idea who this football player is and why he’s giving him not a lesser footy ball?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How many DFOers will it take?

scotchnaut

I wasn’t side-eyeing you. I just brought up something that has been bothering me and that I don’t want to see going forward.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did someone say side eye?

comment image?itemid=5312326

King Hippo

I thought the joke was Aaron Rodgers is a badass gay man. But yeah, it is a thin ice territory on which to tread. I gets that better now, and try to aim better/less obvious-like.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This topic has been raised and many of us wholly agree with you. Let’s just focus on Aaron Rodgers being abandoned by his family and hamstringing his team by taking up too much of the payroll.

Senor Weaselo

Who did the estranging, him or the family?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It takes two to estrango

Spur

i assumed he ditched his family.

Redshirt

The people who say it are just pissed because he “pitches” the football down their teams throat.

ballsofsteelandfury

Totally agree.

Spur

from the reddit front page
comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Karma works through the liver and kidneys?

King Hippo

the Ice Stillers seem to grasp what this casual observer has notice – nothing means fuckall in Ice Footbaw but the playoffs.

Spur

Go Spurs Go.

I sorta want the Spurs to lose tonight and get the 8th seed. Then they get the play the Rockets 1st round. Harden and D’Antoni are going to shit themselves if that happens tonight.

Spur

Folks

scotchnaut

Movie That You’d Like To See Made:

I’ll go with “My Dinner With Andre The Giant”.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’d really like to finally see Kung Pow 2: Tongue of Fury finally get made, but then again, I don’t see how it could be better than the original.

Oh, and also, I’m 9.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dude Where’s My Carl Yazstremski?

scotchnaut

This. This I like.

Senor Weaselo

comment image

Gratliff

Which foolish youth is going to make the mistake of trying to fight Simmonds?

Redshirt

You probably wondering why my hand’s in a cast. And why there’s a hole in the wall. Well…

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/house-speaker-paul-ryan-wont-seek-re-election-i-like-to-think-ive-done-my-part/ar-AAvL073?ocid=ientp

…the Party of Lincoln and Reagan is over. The Far Right Douchebags won.

Actually, Ryan is smart here. He’s leaving to spend time with the family and he still has the option of returning in ten years which his kids are all grown to pick up the pieces when the Republican Party implodes.

Now, if you need me, I’ll be in the Fine China and Nitro-Glycerin Storage Room with a baseball bat to work out why fate has put me on the side of ass monkeys.

Redshirt

I can almost imagine Abe Lincoln petitioning God to allow him to return from the living to take his party back. And knowing his talking skills, he may convince Him to pull a Lazarus.

Senor Weaselo

Barry Goldwater with a stunning upset in a spinning drum battle against Minotaur!

WCS

3-0 before the midpoint of the second is the worst lead in sports.

Gratliff

The ghost of 2012

rockingdog

found a funny:

STAR WARS TRIVIA: That strap Chewbacca wears across his chest is full of harmonicas.

Spur
Gratliff

I hope Ron is down there putting in Mrazek’s mask

Gratliff

Sweet Jesus fuck

scotchnaut

-Lapsed Catholics, seeing ‘The Light’.

Gratliff

*prolapsed

King Hippo

methinks Litre just likes the Ice Bombers because they share Fulham’s White Power principles.

King Hippo

Why do the Ice Bombers’ fans do that thing with the anthem? HIPPO NO SMIRE

King Hippo

ok, I will accept that

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Wait, Peter North owns a hookey team?

Gratliff

Gonna be clusterfucky again

King Hippo

WOO, yinz made an Ice touched down!!

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