A reminder from your friendly neighbourhood Beerguy – US taxes have to be filed by Monday at midnight.
Meanwhile, the Ministry of Education audit that sidelined me for two days last week passed without much of a hitch. The auditors themselves had those genial, shark-toothed smiles that you stay wary of, and I followed the Board’s three key guidelines:
- Stick to the facts.
- Try to reign in the boisterous parts of my personality. (“Try not to be so-much you”.)
It’s like they’ve met me or something.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Jets at Wild – 7:00PM | USA / Sportsnet
- Blue Jackets at Capitals – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360
- Vegas at Kings – 10:30PM | NBCSN / CBC
- NBA:
- Jazz at Thunder – 6:30PM | TNT / TSN
- Timberwolves at Rockets – 9:00PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- Blue Jays at Indians – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Rangers at Astros – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
Just remember – we’re four days from NFL schedule release, and 11 days from the Draft. IT’S SLOWLY HAPPENING PEOPLE!
This last 10 min is gonna be so fucking Washingtoney.
Ovie missing an open net?
He already did! A rebound from his spot in the left circle. I thought he broke his stick. Oops! Caps equalize!
RIP R. Lee. You weren’t the best actor on the planet. And you were kind of a dick, even in real life.
But when it came to portraying an E-5 D.I. on film, there was no one better. Thank you for disturbing me and making me think.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqvCA4c80GQ&t=26s
Charles Barkley is trying to explain basic basketball strategy to Shaq. He’s not having much success.
Its amazing that, at one point, that man attended an actual, non-U*NC college.
Welp, so much for Colon finishing anything other than an 8 course meal.
HE’S GOT THE PUCK IN HIS OWN END
million to one shot, Doc!
Still so happy Flyers got Penguins by virtue of being better than Columbus
Did you say earlier the Saginaw was flowing backwards?
/apologies if you responded earlier
Oh, yes. The storm surge off Lake Huron was actually strong enough to reverse the flow.
perfecto is kaput, no-no still going
One no down
all noes are no
No no-no now?
Louie Louie, album version
“Dacteds will probably go into the Horseshoe on Tuesday and win 5-nil. Then lose the series in 5, like tWBS said.
If there is one thing I hate, it’s an unlocked footlocker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NP8y63Ms4o
a truly delightful film – or films, I should say
Listening to the soundtrack is bizarre. Mentally connecting those songs to the BRUTAL scenes they show up in.
M-I-C! K-E-Y! M-O-U-S-E!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JESUS!!!
I’ve read the theory that the Trump for President campaign was just a giant Russian money laundering ring that wasn’t supposed to win. But they won, and now they’re fucked. Thoughts?
Eh. Trump has talked about running for president for far too long for that theory to hold up.
You think they’ll be able to link trump to organized crime in NY?
I spend little time pondering him to be honest as every “revelation” about him is that he’s a stupid, vulgar, spoiled crook which everyone already knows.
Settle down on Trump. Trump in the WH is aggravating, but nothing we can’t overcome in a few years. Trump gets impeached or arrested and then we’re dealing with Pence, who is even more of a lunatic but vastly more competent.
If you want to stop Trump focus on the mid-terms, get the Dems control of the House and maybe the Senate, ride out the next two years and get someone else on the Oval Office and then we can all start trying to pretend that 2016-2020 never happened.
Assuming, of course, that we’re not all nuked to a crisp* by then.
*I refuse to believe that they gave Trump a nuclear briefcase that’s connected to anything other than a Fisher-Price phone.
They’re fucked?
Well, wheels in motion & all that.
Well none of them expected Trump to win and put their naked crookedness under scrutiny
Nah. Trump’s ego made him run, good old American stupidity got him the win.
MAGA!
Gabe Kapler would definitely pull him now. Way too many pitches.
.
the tubby one el perfecto through 7
Current drink: Water, and a lot of it.
Fucking Mondays.
found a funny:
[the undertaker’s theme plays from the bathroom for the second time]
wife: what’s going on in there?
#LOLCAPS
.
“When I was in prison I used to fuck guys like you” is a line in that movie that someone wrote and then sat back, cracked a beer and said “Nailed it”
They sat back, looked at the finished script, and said “This is it. This is my masterpiece.”
And it was
BEST line in the movie…by far.
Oh, there’s no doubt about it.
Where does that line rank in relation to Keanu Reeves decapitating Dennis Hopper in Speed and saying, “Yeah well I’m taller.”
Huh, thought I’d closed all my porn tabs…
Just flipped on the Caps game. Fuck happened to that ref?
Drugs.
Looked like he made a sudden turn/stop and his knee decided that it had had enough.
Back of his skate got clipped by another skate and his leg pirouetted while his knee remained in place.
Bartolo Colon is throwing a no-no through 5.7. Holy merde.
And that’s a very good offense too.
Bartolo truly is The Ageless One.
The announcers said the Astros hadn’t seen “a ton” of Bartolo Colon.
Don’t they see it whenever he takes the mound?
Call me in the 8th.
He has it through 7 so…
Also, Verlander is throwing a one hitter.
Jamie Gertz in ‘Lost Boys’. Oh, you say she’s a vampire? Fuck it, I’ll take my chances; pretty sure I’ll have enough wood to lay out a flock of demons.
The R in R. Lee Ermey stands for RIP.
Gonna Full Metal Jackoff in his honor, regardless of steel shavings in the pubes.
Dammit, really?
GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY OBSTACLE, PYLE!!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ICfpjoevP8
Well at least maybe the Orioles won today….
OH GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!
At least they played.
/Turns on Yankee game
//Mistakes white-out conditions in Detroit for signal interference
///breaks hand smacking TV
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
/I wants my $1000
Now you can buy that blow job you wanted.
Here are the casualties from this evening.
At the bar: 3 Shebeen Baby Seal Dance Party
At the house, (personal consumption varies while pouring various cans into glasses held by 3 people)
2 Treehouse Green
1 Hanging Hills Chester Goddammit
1 Treehouse Hurricane
1 Odd 13 Noob, (which is fucking delicious, and thank you very much BFC)
http://brewtallyinsane.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/13043243_1118229254865682_5406687587394310040_n.jpg
2 Thomas Hooker Ode To Blumpy, (a very good beer and a tribute to a dead cat)
Planning to sleep well tonight.
I don’t throw the term “Hero” around lightly but…
“Hero”, “alcoholic”, whatever.
I mean, tOSU ain’t even guarding Ovie, and the ‘Dacteds still can’t close the deal.
Shut the fuck up, Rick Perry.
it’s also a tomb in that arena
Use of the toilets has declined precipitously this period.
It’s a good thing it’s the Caps year, otherwise their fans might overreact right now.
tWBS reacts reasonably
Sorry, I missed it. There’s a tornado in my ear. But yes, I see the score now.
I’m revising my prediction. Columbus in 5.
Interesting that CenturyLink’s connectivity has actually improved in the tornadoes. Just an observation.
Now I’m going back to the basement for a coupla hours.
There’s nothing like having your brother and father come over and clean out your beer fridge while your father ruthlessly mocks your brother while you clean him out on the pool table.
Also, please send more beer.
This is very true.
OK, looking forward to another solid day at work tomorrow!
Got an early Court appearance against a pro se plaintiff who is batshit nuts.
Mondays, amirite?
Not United.
Your reminder than Ovechkin means “sheep” in Russian.
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, caaaaaaaaaaaaaaan’t bleeeeeeeeeeeet!
Goooooaaaaaallllll!!!!! Caps.
Now I need to go to an interior room in my basement. Holy shit. I’m really not kidding.
Be safe. Also, you can save both Helen Hunt AND Jamie Gertz, so you can get that hot survival threesome action later.
I’m neutral about Helen Hunt, (as I am sure she is about me, at best), but Jamie Gertz is a goddamn all-timer.
Cow!!!!!
Another Cow!!!!!!!!
eh, what are the odds? I’m just annoyed by the blaring sounds that keep coming out of the teevee and my cat is pissed he can’t go outside.
Put $50 on tOSU at +1900 about 1:00 of ice time before their 2nd goal! 😀
GAMBLOR has been very, very nice to Hippo today.
/didn’t get in the “win the 2nd period” $30 bet, though. Was +1500. Que lastima.
Goddammit you stupid sexy tornadoes. You’re screwing up my TV hockey watching.
Oh and also, please don’t kill me.
Hey everyone remember when the Patriots lost the Super Bowl?
That was great.
I do, because I literally watched it again three days ago.
I too save my favorite porn for future viewings.
“Hey… hey, Tom? Re-re-remember when you lost the Super Bowl?”
“I do, Chris.”
“That was three times, right?”
PATRICK SWAYZE FACT: HIS GHOST CAN FUCK GIRLS AND MAKE POTTERY
Greeting from Chicago where *squints at his phone screen* this joke format has gotten as tiresome as the perpetual winter we’re doomed to experience.
I was hoping that this Jazz-Thunder game would get interesting. It has not.
Then again Jazz head coach Quin Snyder would make an excellent villain in a Dick Tracy movie.
Starring Hank Gathers as Breathless Mahoney!
/is sorry
Thunder Jazz was a steamy romance novella about the forbidden love of Karl Malone and John Stockton.
“How do you know about Thunder Jazz? Did she talk?”
-Donald T.
This reminds me of those incredibly bizarre skits Jimmy Kimmel did as Karl Malone.
I predict that in two weeks Karl Malone will be summoned to the White House where he’ll be instructed to stop giving Amazon such a good rate on their shipping charges.
In other words, it remained a modern NBA fixture?
If Winnipeg doesn’t met LA in the playoffs, and I am deprived of the chance to make a clumsy Chan ho Park/Parks/Illya Bryzgalov joke, might be time to pack it in. Take a long walk into the woods. DeAngelo my Barksdale. Do as Socrates did. Seppukku.
That would be the conference final then, fine by me!
Behind every great man is a woman Winnipegging him.
Well any time a Jet plays you can make a Cory Lidle joke.
I really enjoy laughing at sports commentators who take such a strong stance on things, then replay immediately proves them wrong, and then they try to make excuses for why being wrong wasn’t their fault rather than just saying “Oooops, I was wrong”.
Not looking like the Bombers night
Minnesota seems to agree, and are committing penalties hither and thither to even the odds.
This game is being reffed completely different from the 1st 2 games.
Is anyone drinking tonight? I am not planning to, but I need someone to try out my Dark & Stormy Daniels cocktail recipe:
One part Jack Daniels
One part sour mix
One part ginger beer
Either: Dash of orange bitters
OR: Garnish with a tiny slice or orange or orange peel.
Still trying to decide on the last two.
Maybe a small wedge of mandarin orange.
Yes, I’m drinking but don’t have the cocktail makings.
Ooh, tiny orange. I like that.
I plan to drink tonight, but I have no Jack Daniels in the house.
If I drink beer then watch porn, does that count?
I fuckin hope it does.
It doesn’t help me make a final decision on the recipe, but that is not *at all* to say you shouldn’t do it.
Well fine dammit. I’ll pick up some Jack Daniels tomorrow.
THEN I’ll watch porn.
Garnish with silver spoon? Or serve in solid gold goblet.
Fray the orange peel to make it look more like Drumph’s “hair”.
Of course.
I made a few tweaks and it’s fantastic!
3 parts vodka
2 parts 7-up
1 part Rockstar
0 parts bitters or garnish or peels
I can not put into words how much I love getting snow days as an adult. Fully paid, and not required to work from home. After years of near death experiences getting to work for shitty private sector jobs, they’re just magical.
“I too enjoy the occasional snow day.”
– Jim Irsay
Caps up early. Columbus has ’em right where they want ’em.
Anyone watching the Ice Vikes Ice Bombers game?
Crickets eh?
It could be worse…
Promo for a show called “Shooter” during this hockeyed game; can only assume that it’s about the villain from Happy Gilmore and his fall from grace and resulting ptsd, schizophrenia, etc.
I’d watch the ever-luvvin shit out of THAT show.
Hot Taek: Skyfall was a great 007 movie.
“Skyfall? Been there. Done it”
-Chicken Little
found a funny:
Just turned wine into barf.
Your move, Jesus.
I may or may not have filed for an extension this year. Pandemonium.
ROADHOUSE IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE THIS IS A FACT
Patrick Swayze was a pretty fucking good actor. The Beast was a fucking awesome show that had he lived, would have gotten better known and I think really would have taken off.
Tornado warning for Lynchburg. Surely Liberty University is safe because of God’s will and their anti-gay stance.
If they occur, will we be live blogging the impeachment hearings or criminal trials of “the president”?
I doubt it. All that champagne spilled on the keyboards? That’s gonna fuck everything up.
Right, “champagne”
Is that code for cheap malt liquor?
That’s a weird euphemism for semen.
I’m your huckleberry.
I’ll take vacation time for that shit.
I’m currently reading a compilation of Hunter Thompson stories from his time at Rolling Stone and he was pissed that he wasn’t on Nixon’s enemies of the White House list.
Thompson said once Watergate started that everybody was piling on Nixon but he wanted people to know he was kicking Nixon BEFORE he was down. Although he did say he had every intention of kicking Nixon after he was down too.