Tuesday Champions League Semifinal Vuelta Open Thread

Real Madrid – Bayern Munich (2-1)

Balls: After last week’s road win, Real are sitting pretty with the tips of their penises firmly wedged in the butthole of the Champions League Final.

HOWEVAH, Bayern will have something to say about that. Last year,  these two teams met and Real also won 1-2 in Munich.  Bayern won the return match 2-1 in Madrid to take the tie to penalties,  where they lost.

Predicción: 

This time,  Bayern goes through.

Litre_Cola: Bleergh whom I worship loves to mess with me.  The Iggles won the Superb Owl and now I can’t have nice things for awhile. Real is going to go through and it will be in an agonizing way. If the cruel temptress has her way it will be Marcelo getting hauled down in the box and Ronaldo banging in a no doubter. I watched the 1st leg and they Germans weren’t themselves. They were not attacking and taking over space, their game was very reminiscent of the French in World War II. They sort of sat back and took the pressure and Real was far too aggressive any time that they didn’t have the ball.

Bayern needs Lewandoski to show up as he hasn’t scored in 4 games in Europe and Real Madrid has beaten them 6 times in a row. That is stunning. 3 years of beatings. No Boateng and no Robben for Munchen that spells trouble. How old is Arjen Robben??? He looks like he is 55, he has been playing forever yet he is still at a top team in the World and hasn’t had to go play in China, Turkey, UAE or MLS  in his old age. Do you know what else is impressive about Robben?

Prediction: Real Madrid loses the game 2-1 and goes through on penalties….again. Or Ronaldo does something insane.

King Hippo: This round has been raw, liquid shit.  I don’t see any reason for this to change today, when we should all be taking to the streets celebrating Solidartity! by slitting a few throats.

Prediction: 1-1 (Real 3-2 on aggregate)

Don T: The first leg was sickening. Bayern couldn’t do shit. Hummels couldn’t connect a fucking pass, Ribéry was an ineffective ball hog, and the whole team looked second rate. And goddammit Robert Lewandowski; Hippo’s “goal shaving” comment was the most reasonable explanation.

Real did not look much better—if not for Marcelo, a favourite in the Coula househould. I like Marcelo: he’s more competitive than dirty, has mad (but not showy) ball skills, and only looks slow. And Marcelo carries himself as an OK guy, often sympathetic while helping up an opponent after kneeing him in the kidney. But I digress…

I’m sick of the team and every one of its obnoxious, front-running fans (my godfather excepted). Its business plan is stack the team with stars, at any cost. Quite understandably, given that Real’s President, Florentino Pérez, is an unabashed capitalist pig.

“Why rig draws when you can buy refs”, reads the caption. Oh what I would give to see the Prez’s reaction to have his white face pasted on that meme, given that “Florentino doesn’t like black players; he’s not racist but he doesn’t like them”. That ?HEET? was from the agent to the immortal Real goalkeeper Iker Casillas, after he was dismissed from the team without the slightest regard for tact—much less gratitude. Methinks those grapes ain’t too sour.

Yeah yeah, Real’s the biggest club in the world. Why wouldn’t it spend prodigally when arrivistes like PSG can outbid anyone? A private enterprise’s quest for profit and recognition is beyond moral questioning.

/taps fingers pensively on table

Fuck Real Madrid forever. And have a glorious May Day, compañeros.

Predicción: What Balls said: mirror score from the first leg, Real 1 – 2 Bayern, but Madriz goes through on penalties.

What I Want: A cracking game, PLEASE. Last year’s home-away series between these teams was some of the best fútbol I’ve seen. The game last week… A sloppy AF affair. I’d be happier if Bayern leaves Madriz trophyless this season, but I’m not too concerned. From what I’ve seen, Liverpool can smoke both of these teams in the final.