Your “A Small Man Trying To Embiggen Himself” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Crybaby-in-chief President Trump “disinvited” the Eagles from the White House and instead will hold a perfectly cromulent “Celebration of America, which will certainly embiggen the smallest man.
    • Fewer than 10 players were expected to show up, and none of them black.
    • On the heels of the disinvitation, American Pravda FOX News ran pictures of Zack Ertz praying pre-game & pre-anthem and used those to slander the team as a whole.
      • They later apologized for the “error”, and wiped their social media clean.

  • Jets rookie Chris Herndon was charged with DWI after a crash Saturday.
    • He hit a 76-year-old man driving a Toyota FJ-40 Land Cruiser that was transporting a vintage automobile.
    • The roadside breathalyzer confirm he was over the limit, and he was arrested & taken into custody.
    • This was the Jets’ sixth player arrest in the past 13 months, and the third for drunken driving.
      • Linebacker Dylan Donahue has two pending DWI cases.
  • Archie Manning & Oliver Luck – Houston 1982

    Andrew Luck’s dad Oliver, who works for the NCAA and oversaw the organization’s regulatory functions, including eligibility requirements and academic affairs, and the eligibility center, will become the XFL’s new commissioner and CEO.

    • He will have to move from Indianapolis to the XFL / WWE headquarters in Connecticuit.
    • Oliver Luck was a former Houston Oilers QB, a former WVU QB & athletic director, and previously served as the president of NFL Europe
      • He also served as the chief executive officer of the Houston Sports Authority, which helped bring the Texans to Houston as an NFL expansion team in 2002.
  • The Denver Post has a story about the fight over who gets to run the Broncos.
    • It reads like an English claim to succession from the 1400s:
      • A regent was appointed to oversee the franchise until the ownership issue was settled.
      • A child of the first marriage says she’s ready to take control.
      • A child of the second marriage is the preferred candidate, but she is too young at present.

Finally, it happened after I’d put the post to bed, but it’s never too late to remember the greats. RIP Dwight Clark.

  

PFT has a pretty good account of a SF Chronicle story where Dwight Clark, who had a sponsorship deal with Kodak, tried to help Everson Walls get in on the payday for the shot of “The Catch”.

  • Because Walls wasn’t signed on with Kodak, he had to sue to get his money.
    • Thanks to damages laws, he was able to claim more than Clark & Montana combined.

Deadspin has been running their World Cup Previews, and while I held off judgment until now, because I had yet to see a point of comparison, having read their Saudi Arabia one and compared it to mine, I feel absolutely comfortable in saying that DFO rocked the soccer predicción world in every conceivable way.

Well done, lads!


Tonight’s sports:

  • Jeu de hockey
    • 2018 Calder Cup Finals: Marlies vs. Stars – Game 3 – 8:00PM | TSN2
  • MLB:
    • Yankees at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Marlins at Cardinals – 8:00PM | FS1
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

NBA returns tomorrow; the NHL Thursday. AFTER THAT COMES THE DARKNESS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. On the opposite end of the spectrum as tWBS, I have found that the rare times it looks like a girl is getting cozy with me I can and will find a way to impressively fuck it up. I’m like Rumplestiltskin, except backwards as I can spin potential gold into shit.

Wakezilla

Did ya eat a can of beans?

Senor Weaselo

I’ll put it on the list!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Apex predator

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

What can’t Florida Man do?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So much work to do, so little inclination to do it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

If only she had brought his travel duffel bag.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Clip from the preview of the ballsofsteelandfury origin story movie?

ballsofsteelandfury

Wooooooo!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Openly defective is the lover you elected and…
A portrait she was bound to portray.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Homemade bacon/cheddar potato wedges???

HOMEMADE BACON/CHEDDAR POTATO WEDGES!!!!!

(fuck it…heart attack is gonna find me soon either way)

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Life Is Too Short To Die Of Natural Causes
-The TWBS Diet

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!!!! I did grilled salmon last night!!!!!

WCS

You’re leaving out the fact the salmon was on spaghetti Alfredo, with double the sauce. And add bacon. Triple bacon!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nope.
But damn that does sound good.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I just finished one YUUUGE plate of bacon mac n cheese plus a side of two lovely sausages.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I had a breakfast burrito nearly the size of my forearm and am starting to realize the error of my ways. And yet I still regret nothing.

ballsofsteelandfury

Gimme a sec…

– Low Commander’s asshole

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Best No Doubt song. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

(I knew the lead guitarist in high school, and no, you may not touch me.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rule 34 also applies to the Lego movies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s cute.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I wonder who she is……

theeWeeBabySeamus

You say that as if she’s a real person.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Granted my imagination has made similar delusions.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Local San Diego sports radio will now play Rams games only.

http://sportsradiopd.com/2018/06/the-mighty-1090-teams-up-with-the-l-a-rams/

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Poor Kitty.
I bet she likes anal.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Joke all you like, you fucking nimrods. 27 yr old Cali weed girl still loves me.

I’m counting it as a sumbitching win.

WCS

Oh, I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about us not joking.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Never was worried. Honestly, as long as there’s a gal 24 years younger than me who loves me enough to…well…yeah…

(make your own assumptions)

You fuckers feel free to joke all you want. I’m good over here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At least you take the ribbing well……

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*For her pleasure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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A LOT of jobs were lost when they automated sex toys, people forget that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The guy in that gif is my neighbor. SUPER nice guy and a great neighbor.

Senor Weaselo

It’s important to fluff your Garfield.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I’m tired.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Roasting Chetsnuts by an open fire.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is it Christmas already?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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No but Chet the cat likes his balls warm.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry; that is a role in joke, but damn it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This scifi got blackholes right, Rikki.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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NEVER FORGET!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Don’t lick and drive, kids.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[frowns]

– Andy Reid, behind the wheel of his car, holding two ice cream cones

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

One half of a second later…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoa.

/composes new email

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

WCS

Why hasn’t Goodell mandated renaming concussions? What a national disgrace.

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herodotus450
herodotus450

trump-cussion

theeWeeBabySeamus

Suck it…

” I love you. Thank you for telling me but I’d never hurt you like that”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So smaller strapon this time?

WCS

There’s a weird Seven/Lust joke in there somewhere…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You may all fuck off now.

No Ofence.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. Fuck the right’s bullshit faux patriotism and rampant hypocrisy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We know what they really want.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

[baby crying in the middle of the night]

Wife: I’m so tired, do you mind?

Me: [turns down volume on baby monitor]

Wife: thank you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Apparently, Trump lip-syncs patriotic songs worse than Mort can grab his balls.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Relevant:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s up, shitmonkeys? I’m not a happy camper at the moment.
I just had to write a three page email to a 27 yr old to explain why my recent history with sociopathic women caused me to basically treat her like shit the past three days.

That’s not fun. Trust me. This is NOT a conversation you want to have. Like, seriously.

But….she still loves me. So, all’s well that ends well I guess.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Oh they have pages in email these days?

theeWeeBabySeamus

No. When I printed it out to proofread it it was 3 pages.

Also…shut up.

herodotus450
herodotus450

You print out your own email? You proofread your own email?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Only way I can catch my typos. They slide by me on screen for some reason and…

Wait, I already told you to shut up.

😛

Gratliff

“Paper? Ew. Old and gross.” – What I imagine from a 27 year old

Senor Weaselo

“That never works.” -Senor, who wrote a seven-page hand-written letter to a girl. On three separate occasions. Okay, it might’ve been two and a Facebook message. Okay, it almost worked and parts of it mitigated the damage. But in the long run did it work? No!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, our differences were already settled. But she deserved an explanation further.

Also, you shut up too.

😛

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY FUCK YOU GUYS I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL AND IF I CAN KEEP FROM FUCKING IT UP BY BEING OPEN AND HONEST WITH HER I’M DAMN SURE GONNA SHE’S BEEN HONEST WITH ME AND TODAY SHE TOLD ME SHE STILL LOVES ME SO FUCK OFF YOU ASSHOLES.

ballsofsteelandfury

Pro Tip: Call her and read the email.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t. She’s at work.

We’ll be talking later, though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But trust me, my email was so eloquent I expect the Pulitzer committee to call any second now.

Aaaaany second now…..

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve co-written posts with you…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, so you want to ghost write my next love note to her?

No fucking chance, jerkweed.

😀

ballsofsteelandfury

It would definitely have more anal…

theeWeeBabySeamus

smgdh

😀

Brocky

You really backed into that one huh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Honestly….and this is oversharing territory…

The first time I knew this girl liked liked me?

We’re grinding weed to roll a blunt. 3rd night we’re together. She’s grinding, I’m just kinda there. I walk up behind her to see how things are going and she backed that tight little ass up against me and…well…continued grinding.

Sooooo….tell me again why I should give up?

theeWeeBabySeamus

EXACTLY STFU YOU ASSHOLES.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think you want the asshole to open, not shut….. pucker even.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Knowing where she works, I’ve produced the following artist’s conception of that conversation:

TWBS: [long diatribe about his feelings]

GIRL: Huh?

TWBS: [repeats self with a few minor changes]

GIRL: Hey. Yeah. So…my hands are like…so huge, man. They can touch anything except themselves…oh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehe. That’s funny. But also, screw you.
😛

BrettFavresColonoscopy

3 page is expensive when you’re paying by the minute

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

BANNER TIME>

herodotus450
herodotus450
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

Gratliff

It is my experience that once you’re at the “try being open and honest”, you done fucked up too much to save it and I have probably 100 pages worth of letters to prove it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time will tell.

Gratliff

This makes me feel much better about the extremely sane and rational and in no way endlessly frustrating and confusing 3 years that I’ve been living with my ex-wife.

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit!

I can’t fathom that.

Gratliff

It was for the boy once his issues got worse and it’s better than when we were married, but it’s fun when we occasionally forget that we hate each other after getting close again and get to review the laundry list of my early fuck ups every 3 months. Her six figure income makes it easier to manage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Bigger lie: Zack Ertz prayer kneeling propaganda or claiming that these are the diehard Eagles fans that were coming to the White House ceremony?

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Brocky

Not enough birds of war. Not true eagles fans

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Brocky

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ballsofsteelandfury

Mods?

🤣😂😅

Brocky
herodotus450
herodotus450

Raiders Chiefs fans, eh?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Thought Grbac played for the Raidas, but I guess that was Rich Gannon. Throw Jeff Garcia in there and you got a stew of medium quarterbacks going.

Brocky

Who said it was a quarterback?

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litre_cola

This darkness you describe sounds quite lovely.

Gratliff

I don’t know if I should be angry or elated at Mazda using Motorhead’s cover of Sympathy for the Devil

herodotus450
herodotus450

Will the Jets owner also pay for all the kneeling costs of their DWI victims?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude
JustStopDude

There is one pleasant side affect of fearing losing your job and your home…I’m down to about 210 pounds from the stress.

My immediate boss asked if I wanted to sit in a meeting with his boss to ask about the financial health of the company. I said it wasn’t a good idea.

“Why JSD?”

“I will end up throwing a punch”

I’m not exactly sold that the company can completely go under. Plus since I am the training department, my budget is already zero….so its not like corporate can gut me. But it is depressing to see all my friends from work jump ship.

As a pleasant surprise, I got contact by a company about an hour away for a job. The problem is when I looked it up, there is no way in hell I would meet their qualifications. I figured I would at least give it a shot for an interview.

Besides…I can always fall back to handies behind the Sheetz. That got my college paid for.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, give it a shot. A lot of times those “quaiifications” are just a wish list that they have to scale way the hell back when they realize anyone who meets them is already happily employed for far more than they’re offering.

ballsofsteelandfury

This. Specially if they reached out to you. They’re interested, so they’ll make it work if you nail the interview.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Oh yeah I am still reaching for the brass ring…its just that HR people are typically terrible at screening people.

So like this company makes robots and very small, precision industrial motors. The job is to design those motors.

I install medium voltage motors. Yeah they are both motors…but its like comparing a golf cart with an F1 race care.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

To be honest…just getting a contact within 24 hours of activating my LinkedIn account…with an actual company that does industrial work, puts me at ease.

I’m going to get through this. I just need to relax. Accept what I can’t change, work on what I can change.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Got any change, man?” – Todd Marinovich

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I haven’t seen someone so orange and so overwhelmed by a burning sensation since…you know, I probably shouldn’t talk about my patients.”

– Dr. Harold Bornstein