World Cup 2018 Team Preview – Sweden

Whatever happened to the Swedish Bikini Team?

I mean,  yeah,  they were really American models that were put together for an Old Milwaukee advertising campaign in the early 90s, but still…

The eternal question remains: how hot are real Swedish girls?

Um, yeah… so the answer is VERY.

But this is a World Cup preview.  What about the men?

Also hot

Zlatan Ibrahimovic has defined Swedish football for the last decade. His skills are legendary.

As you can see in the last one,  he now plays for the LA Galaxy in MLS in the US which in international soccer circles has traditionally meant the equivalent of going to a nursing home.

So, Zlatan, with his massive ego is NOT on Sweden’s World Cup team. Who is?

A bunch of guys from various European leagues that play well together.  Plus Gustav Svensson from the Seattle Sounders!

Which is not a bad thing.  In fact,  many older Swedes prefer it that way. Zlatan, while beloved many places,  rubbed the traditional Swedes the wrong way.

The traditional Swedish sports ethic has been of humble men and women that work hard as a team to achieve success (very Scandinavian,  I know).  Not surprisingly,  for all of Zlatan’s talent,  the national team with him never achieved anything and actually missed the last two World Cups.

Without him?

Remember how we were all laughing that Italy didn’t qualify for this World Cup? You know who beat them over two legs to kick them out?

Sweden.

Granted, they only scored one goal over the course of two full games and Italy’s attack was as impotent as (gets put on FBI watchlist), so…

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I have to admit, I LOVE IKEA.  Yes, modular furniture gets me all hot and bothered. Plus, you can’t beat their meatballs…

There are vicious rumours out there that the meatballs actually come from Turkey and that they contain horse.  To that I say, GIVE ME SOME MORE JOHN ELWAY!!!

The other thing that IKEA has going for it is the quality of the female clientele.  Seriously, have you gone into an IKEA lately?  It’s all young and fit females outfitting their tiny dorms/apartments wearing yoga pants or short shorts.  It’s like the furniture version of Whole Foods.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, the World Cup.

***

Another thing that Sweden has going for it is music.  More specifically, dance music.  Starting with ABBA,

on to the Swedish House Mafia

And Avicii (RIP)

And others… For some reason, the Swedes really like to feel the groove.

Which is a good thing.

What?  Oh, yeah. Ok, fiiiine, the World Cup.

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Schedule

18 JUN 2018 – 15:00 Local time, 05:00 Pacific, Nizhny Novgorod Stadium, Nizhny Novgorod

SWEDEN v SOUTH KOREA

23 JUN 2018 – 21:00 Local time, 11:00 Pacific, Fisht Stadium, Sochi

GERMANY v SWEDEN

27 JUN 2018 – 19:00 Local time, 07:00 Pacific, Ekaterinburg Arena, Ekatering

MÉXICO v SWEDEN

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Prognosis

The first game and the last game hold the most promise.  As I mentioned in the México preview, Ze Germans start slow and then react.  After a probable tie with México, they will be out for blood in the second game.  The group qualification, then, will depend on what Sweden can do against México and South Korea.

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Predicción

I say the Mexicans tie Germany in the first game and that sets up the Swedes for a beating in the second game. Sweden can beat the Koreans, but that game has tie written all over it. I had pencilled in a loss to México but the more I think about it, it will probably be a tie. So that makes it 2 ties and 1 loss that likely takes them to third place in the group.

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Editor’s Note: We have a World Cup Pool!! Please click the link below to sign up:

https://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=149105

The pool password is “Balls”

As always,  there will be a fabulous prize given to the winner.  Join today!!

 

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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WakezillaBrick MeathooktheeWeeBabySeamusGame Time DecisionSonOfSpam Recent comment authors
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Wakezilla

It’s amazing how a unified team in lesser footy can carry a team to success. Like these guys played a role in knocking out Netherlands and a direct role in eliminating Italy.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

WTF just happened here?

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Oh yeah, right.
Carry on.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Aside from the guy photobombing, tell me one you wouldn’t.
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Wakezilla

Hnnngh!

litre_cola

Also Swedish,

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dig this band.

litre_cola

In Sweden the brunettes are hotter than the blondes and I am a blonde lover. I was there a week and it was incredible.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Go on…

SonOfSpam

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nomonkeyfun

She may be Norwegian, but close enough. A song title that doesn’t apply to most of the DFO crew, except apparently tWBS.

nomonkeyfun

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scotchnaut

“Does she touch herself? Asking for a friend.”

-The Divinyls

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Uh, Norwegian doesn’t count as Swedish, or else I’d be telling my Norwegian story here, because I didn’t strike out that time (thought it did involve a small amount of crying and apologizing).

SonOfSpam

No one wants to hear about that time you fucked a lutefisk casserole.

(Put your hand down, tWBS.)

Game Time Decision

Mmmmm sounds good. I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.
-A. Reid

theeWeeBabySeamus

Phhhpppttt!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

[Ahem]

Go on….

theeWeeBabySeamus

I do look good naked.
Lemme send you proof…gimme a number.
😛

Don T

Re, others: some guys from Fagersta. You might’ve heard of them, being THE BEST BAND, EVER and stuff…

scotchnaut

The only cure for you thinking The Hives are the best band? Here come The Vaccines!

scotchnaut

In The Multiverse, Sid Bream heard this song (by ACE OF BASE, NO LESS!) as he was crossing third at the bottom of the ninth during the ’92 NCLS-

scotchnaut

[does his other stretches]

scotchnaut

I’d like to correct an egregious oversight as far as bands from Sweden are concerned. If you worked out at my gym in Ottawa 4 days a week, the chances of hearing their greatest hits on repeat was extraordinarily high.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Ooh I love that song!” – Fred Jackson

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, also.

Game Time Decision

this preview is light on the number of Swedish Chef References….

scotchnaut

True Fact:

The Swedish Chef was one of the founding members of The Borg.

Game Time Decision

resistance is futile

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo, time for another strikeout story! I was staying for a night in a backpackers place just south of Durban (I remember going up there for a pool tournament one time but pretty sure this was not that same trip). There was a Swedish woman staying there who described herself as (I am not making this up) “a fairy tale singer and a fairy tale bringer.” I invited her to a private situation with obvious intent (“hey, do you want to go walk down to the beach?” was a standard) and with a mischievous smile she very clearly considered it (much like the time Gordon Gano considered letting me come up onstage to sing with the Violent Femmes) but then regretfully declined, saying that her four year-old son was sleeping so she needed to stay put.