Messi! Cristiano! Etc.! – World Cup Elimination Open Thread

Don T

Don T

Poor choices, mixed results.
¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre!
Titans4Eva
Don T

This World Cup has delivered: dynamite games (62% decided by one goal), no team looks unbeatable, two untraditional juggernauts (Belgium and Croatia), penalties penalties penalties… It should get even better in the knockouts, and what a start: a Messi – Cristiano doubleheader. You could argue about their greatness compared to predecessors, but Lio and CR7 occupy a hallowed place in the history of tax evasion in Spain.  

In the end it’s all about the teams, and the opponents are tough. France is crazy stacked and Uruguay is foie gras—not chopped liver. Form could be a crucial factor, as games now cannot finish in ties. First comes the two extra 15’ periods, then penalty shootout if still tied. It’s an improper way to decide a fútbol game, but it’s dramatic AF. Although I don’t think this could be topped:

FRANCE vs ARGENTINA

9:00 AM Central – Kazan

Don T: I don’t see weakness in France. Those folks have an arrogance that is disgustingly genuine. The team, however, could stand to have more swagger–the constructive kind. Giroud’s got the douche kind covered.

France has yet to play to the level of their players’ talent, which is what is usually said of Argentina. Which is generous: Los Albicelestes are a crap team coached by a loudmouth fraud. But against Nigeria, the Argentinian defense got dependable through new goalkeeper Franco Armani, and more repellent by Javier Mascherano

Via footytube.com / postimage.com

The rumor is that Sampaoli is being kept for appearances’ sake and it is the players who are running the team. There is some credence to that, as Messi was seen speaking to teammates in the tunnel for several seconds. It’s bedlam. But Argentina already hit bottom against Croatia and, to the players’ credit, clawed out. France…  I dunno; I haven’t seen much conviction in their play.

Predicción: France 2 : 2 Argentina–BUT Argentina goes through on PKs.  As the game goes on, France may crack under pressure, again. Just like the Euro 2016 final. Book it.*

* I hope it happens 🙏🏽

Hippo: It is my non-esteemed opinion that France is still France, and that the Peronist Sheep Fuckers are just extremely lucky as fuck to be here.  Les Frogs have too much firepower for the Argies to deal with, and strength in midfield and defence to frustrate Wee Messi.

Predicción: France 3 : 0 Argentina.

Balls: It appears that Messi has finally done what he should have done a long time ago and taken over the management of this team. All the Spanish media outlets are talking about how the lineup for the last game was basically

I’ve mentioned before that I love when individuals and teams go into IDGAF mode. Messi and Argentina seem to be there.

On the other side,  France has been perfectly cromulent, but hasn’t excited me one bit.  It’s still weird that they have essentially decided to have a French Colonial team.  If all these guys played for their home countries in Africa, African fútbol might be in better shape.

Predicción: A 2-1 Argentina win.  Most likely in extra time.

Litre_Cola: First thing is first, I have money on France to win the whole thing but I want Messi vs Ronaldo with all of my heart. Having said that, on paper the French Colonies team is better than the West Falkland Islanders. The Colonists had nothing to do in their last match against the Danes and should come at the Argies with a lot of pace. The trio of Mbappe, Griezmann and Giroud are starting to click whenever they are on the field together and I have found the back four of Argentina a little shaky. Thought was going in to this tourney that they wanted Deschamps to fail so they could appoint newly jobless Zinedine Zidane as their manager. I wonder how far Deschamps will have to go in the tournament to save his job?

I love Messi, he is the best, but finally he has taken over this team. He needs to show that fire and not just be the silent leader. His teammates responded and he needs to continue to be vocal in order for them to progress. I also would like to watch first hand the full demise of Maradona. If they keep pulling games off late there is no way he makes it until the end of the tourney.

Prediction: France 2 Argentina 1  I have been so wrong all tournament long.

Wakezilla: Anyone who is a fan of lesser footy, sports, greatness or the underdog, has to be rooting for an Argentina and Portugal victory today. The potentiality of having two of the greatest lesser footy players of all time playing against each other at the World’s Greatest tournament is something that must happen. It’s never happened before, and it’ll likely never happen again. I don’t even care if the refs blatantly favour Argentina. Messi vs Ronaldo in the quarterfinals has to happen. If the winner of that quarterfinals gets to play Neymar in the semis, I think we can alter the current, darkest timeline to something that could be pure beauty.

For this to happen, Messi is going to have to perform like he did against Ecuador, where he scored a hatrick, resulting in Argentina qualifying for the World Cup. He’s going to need Augero and Higuain to both step up (when they’re on the field), goalkeeper Armani to have the game of his life, and the defense to not look like a dumpster fire.

While that extensive list has to go right for Argentina to advance, their one saving grace is that France hasn’t exactly looked like a tournament favorite in their first three games. France has looked so uninspired, French media and their fans were starting to call for Deschamps’ head after the second game because France has not even come close to living up to their potential. France drawing Denmark in the third match is only fanning the flames. I’m not entirely sure why France has been so lackadaisical this tournament, but I hope it continues so it gives Argentina a fighting chance to advance.

Predicción: I’m currently of the mantra that if you see it, it will happen. So, I’m going to say Messi scores two and Mascherano scores one, to give Argentina a 3-2 win

PORTUGAL vs URUGUAY

1:00 pm Central – Sochi

Don T: Uruguay enters the knockout stage with only one yellow card (Betancur), and 33 total fouls. 12 of the 16 teams left have more fouls than Uruguay. For those still clinging to that “dirty play” narrative, I finish my Fair Play assessment with this:

Via giphy.com

Portugal started the tournament with that amazing 3-3 against Spain, narrowly beat Morocco, and then barely survived a tense 1-1 against Iran. Not exactly impressive, if you think about it. Uruguay, however, has been improving since the tournament started. La Celeste was a buzzsaw in the last game, finally clicking with its renewed midfield—kids in their early 20s who ran expertly all over the field in the 3-0 win against Russia. But few care about it. It’s all Cristiano Cristiano Cristiano, plus the possible game with Argentina. It’s an actual  Jordan – LeBron game, I GET IT. But treating Uruguay as roadkill… I’ll just say it made my List:

Excerpt from SLIGHTS2018.doc 

Uruguay’s goalie is Fernando Muslera, who prevailed in two penalty shootouts: at the Round of 8 against Ghana in South Africa 2010 and at the 2011 Copa América against Argentina, which was the host. In this World Cup, he has three clean sheets in three games. Total boss.

Suárez already has two goals and Cavani at last got his first. They’re starting to get hot. Captain Diego Godin, whose club is Atlético Madrid, knows Cristiano very well. And Uruguayans play with abandon:

Via youtube.com

As an Uruguay fan, this game does not worry me at all.

Predicción: Uruguay 2 : 1 Portugal

Hippo: This one is a little tougher, as Fighty Bitey really got their merde together late in the Group stage.  They might be a legitimate contender again.  That said, Ronaldo is Ronaldo, absolutely a force of nature right now.  Is very hard to bet against him.

Predicción: Uruguay 2 : 3 Portugal (winner coming in 2nd half of extra time, say 112th minute)

Wakezilla: My god this is going to be a wonderfully physical game. Hopefully Ronaldo didn’t blow his scoring load early in this tournament and still has magic for at least one more game. As long as Ronaldo is clicking and carries Portugal, they have a chance. Thanks to their group being fairly strong, Portugal feels more battle tested than Uruguay. Hopefully that means something, as Uruguay is a tough team.

Uruguay played like most tournament favorites–they did just enough to win. One thing that they have going for them is that they built on each game. What’s scary is that Suarez is starting to heat up. If he continues to get hot, he could terrorize Portugal’s aging defense. Cavani has been pretty quiet this tournament, but based on his skillset, you would think he is due to breakout soon. Hopefully it won’t be until he returns to PSG before he plays well again.

Predicción: When talking about Ronaldo, Uruguay defender Sebastian Coates said: “We will mark him with the same respect we mark everyone, despite him being a superstar. You don’t prepare a match just looking at one player.”

Assuming he’s not full of shit, that just spells disaster. As a result, I’m going to say Ronaldo scores 2, and Portugal defeats Uruguay 2-1 in a good old fashioned brawl.

Balls: This is one hell of an even matchup. Both sides could hurt each other, figuratively and literally.  To execute a historically stereotypical but still accurate assessment,  I’d say this is the matchup of the tough macho guys from South America against the European pretty boys with the skill and flair.

In that scenario,  who wins?

Predicción: Uruguay 2 Portugal 1. Fuck Pepe.

Litre_Cola: Fuck Pepe. I hope Suarez bites his dick off. It will be right after the 1st game that I will know who I want to win. If Messi gets through the French then I will want Portugal to win. We deserve this game. If the French win I will hope Ronaldo misses 2 penalties and Pepe gets hit by a zamboni. I am very excited to watch this fixture their will more diving than a spring break in Acapulco. I guarantee that with these two teams that there will be at least 5 comical dives.

Predicción:  Portugal 2 Uruguay 1 Pepe draws a foul in the box in extra time and Ronaldo cashes it in.

Don T
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Ooo LaLa

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What a shot.

ballsofsteelandfury

– Christy Canyon to Peter North, circa 1985

scotchnaut

Frenchy McFrencherson!!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

There ya go, now it’s even.

litre_cola

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

King Hippo

FUCK YES!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

That should have been a penalty

King Hippo

BLATANT penalty.

litre_cola

This fucking game is going to make me cheer for Portugal the Country. Fucking hell.

litre_cola

Well fuck. That was fortunate.

King Hippo

There Is No Lesser Footy God.

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re just in the wrong side.

King Hippo

No, the Argies are horrible cunts, to a man.

/only really applies to Pogba (re Les Frogs)

ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha! Nice deflection!

Wakezilla

The more I think about it, the more Ronaldo needs to make a guest appearance on Archer as an ex-flame of Lana’s, making Archer jealous. But at the same time, they have to protect him because a super hot female fan is trying to kill him.

This is sort of happening with Ronaldo now

ballsofsteelandfury

Am I the only one here that thinks Argentina will win?

King Hippo

Now that Les Frogs went and fucked up…probably. Unless they re-assert their dominance and score before the 60′ mark. Dissension in the ranks, etc.

Should be up 2-3 goals.

Wakezilla

I’m hoping. Ronaldo vs Messi at the World Cup needs to happen. The darkest timeline we’re in can change, damnit!

King Hippo

No we don’t, and no it can’t. We are fucked, but I would rather see Greizmann and Mbappe than Messi.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

When a friend gives birth, it is imperative to visit the very next day so you can taunt the baby with “what, were you born yesterday” jokes

ballsofsteelandfury

On a related note, an Australian announcer got fired two days ago after he made a comment after a co-host complained about his wife’s gynecological appointment prior to giving birth. The comment: “Well, at least the doc didn’t stick the fingers in and then licked them!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I maintain that Eric Cartman’s line of “I’m just like these aborted fetuses, I wasn’t born yesterday either” is the funniest dead baby joke there will ever be.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Go France!!!!

Wakezilla

Worst. Taek. Ever.

King Hippo

THIS DOG gets it!!

scotchnaut

Good Boy!

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Love how fox learned their lesson and didn’t show a live clip of Maradona

litre_cola

Only if the cocaine was sponsored.

scotchnaut

I’ve never used the phrase ‘speedy Frenchman’ before.

King Hippo

BOOOOOOOOOO

scotchnaut

Somebody’s out a tenner…

King Hippo

Indeed. But thanks to Halmstads BK and IK Brage, up another $850 in Superettan #ACTION!

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Imagine having Dybala, Higuain and Aguero on your bench and being 1- nil down in the round of 16 at the WC. That’s crazy to me.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Never mind I guess Di Maria still has it.

Wakezilla

Good morning. Fuck France.

scotchnaut

But frog’s legs, Wakezilla, frog’s legs!

Redshirt

Et un “Bonjour, baise la France” à toi aussi!

Sharkbait

So basically Argentina needs to clone Messi 10 times

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

I’m sure the combine efforts of Adidas, Barcelona and the Argentine government are well underway in making that happen.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Creating a master race eh? Now that’s an idea I haven’t heard in a looong time.”
-Old Argentine citizen with small mustache

litre_cola

Fantastic work.

Fronkenshteen

“Mbappe” sounds like a forbidden blender setting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The illegitimate love child of a malt and a frappe.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Le brûler Mbappe

scotchnaut

Does cold beer and tornadoes mix well? Let’s find out.

Redshirt

If you go to Oz, side with the Witch. The Wizard’s the real bad guy there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe if you get drunk enough your perception of the room spinning will counteract the room actually spinning.

Redshirt

2016 Redshirt: “Ted Cruz is such a weasel. I’m tempted to support whatever he’s against purely on principle alone!”

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/cruz-dont-vote-for-avowed-nazi-running-as-republican/ar-AAzmsZF?ocid=spartanntp

“This is horrific. An avowed Nazi running for Congress. To the good people of Illinois, you have two reasonable choices: write in another candidate, or vote for the Democrat. This bigoted fool should receive ZERO votes,” Cruz, a Texas Republican, wrote on Twitter.

Well this is awkward.

King Hippo

I guess there is such a thing as saying the quiet part…TOO loud?

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Ted still remains quite about Steve King

King Hippo

uncomfortable feelings – being on the chase against the Frog back 4 plus Kante

herodotus450
herodotus450

Mbappe getting a lot of play early, but will he end up being an annoying one hit wonder?

scotchnaut

We hit the trifecta! Tornado/heat and thunderstorm warning.

litre_cola

Flurries expected this evening?

scotchnaut

Furries should be arriving around eight.

litre_cola

I was hopping for that answer.

/dressed in bunny suit

Redshirt

Scotch, you moved to Ohio? I didn’t realize things were going that bad for you.

scotchnaut

Authorities wouldn’t let me immigrate until I showed them my “Who Farted?” baseball cap.

scotchnaut

Got a tornado warning for my area. So stupid. Tornadoes became extinct in northern Ontario back in ’73.

herodotus450
herodotus450

That’s the year when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away right?

scotchnaut

45’s, LP’s-all gone in a flash.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What a stupid, stupid tackle. Even if he chases that down before the endline there’s no angle for a shot. Just dumb.

King Hippo

why they think the 90% likelihood of a penno is a better odds play is beyond me

King Hippo

Holy fuckballs, Mbappe. NO CHANCE to stop him.

litre_cola

I thought that was going to be a problem for the West Falklands.

King Hippo

they could use the Queen’s protection rite now

litre_cola

She is ill. We will send in Prince Phillip. He never causes issues.

King Hippo

yes, we get it, MOE-ron. It’s the goddamned knockout round.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Ha! It’s still called the 18 yard box. Where’s your precious metric system now, worlds game?

litre_cola

England uses miles still.

When I arrived in Scotland to the hotel I worked at I saw a sign that said 5 to town. It was a nice walk along the coast to see a Germany Scotland game at the pub. It was 5 miles. Long walk. I thought that they were metric too.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Dechamps is the coach for le France? That’s good, so even if they lose he can just say, “No, that was a win.”

herodotus450
herodotus450
scotchnaut

“This is not a joke.”

-Rene Magritte

litre_cola

Didier wins the World Cup he retires.

scotchnaut

Shall we begin? Let’s.

litre_cola

Mrs. Cola walked in to the room just now during Le Marseillaise.
“Fuck, again. Are you kidding me?”

King Hippo

to be followed by “Push back, sheep!”

2nd stanza “No sir, no Nazis here!”

King Hippo

I love an anthem that makes me think of the streets running red with the blood of the rich!

King Hippo

Fox keeps calling the Peronist Sheep Fuckers a hot mess and it is gonna jinx the fuck out of Les Frogs goddamnit

King Hippo

Since I re-established GAMBLOR yesterday (for non-WC action), I have cautiously made $1,000. I did put $10 on the exact Froggie 3-nil scoreline (2000:1), that’s all. Needed to ditch $10 so the digits of my total balance (after a win) wouldn’t add up to 13.

/yes, I am WEIRD

herodotus450
herodotus450

litre_cola

This was in moderation. I am drunk with power now that I can moderate.

First you get the sugar then you get the power then you get the women.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I never knew DFO’s content moderation algorithm was sophisticated enough to analyze video content and flag things containing women holding shaft-like objects.

litre_cola

I have never seen it before. I have gotten emails when I am the author of the post. This was new.
Are they planning on sending me to the Puerto Rican content mines now?????

/been watching the cult series on A&E

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Morning gang!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Buenos dias, amigos!

King Hippo

Si!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Hi!
comment image

King Hippo

putting an MLS match on network TV should count as a charitable contribution

litre_cola

I did that the other day and it was awful.

LemonJello
LemonJello

You spelled “crime against humanity” wrong.

King Hippo

oh snap, a False 9?

/nobody actually noes what a False 9 really is, just that ur formation is WEIRD

Senor Weaselo

I know Ice-9, but I would recommend not bringing it onto the pitch.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s funny cause -9 is the rating I would give ICE on a scale from one to ten.

Senor Weaselo

My joke worked on a second level I didn’t realize it had!

herodotus450
herodotus450

I thought a False 9 was just a lot of makeup no offense

King Hippo

You know, I’ve never heard of any of the Froggie back four…but they’s awfully good.

Senor Weaselo

This week is also the Quidditch World Cup in Florence Italy. The Aussies are the defending champions.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing makes me feel like the Alpha-Betas maybe weren’t such bad guys than the thought of a bunch of nerds playing Quidditch.

King Hippo

yeah, I mean, their intricate plans at least led to proper collegiate sexual assault! smh 😀

King Hippo

Kate Abdo, throwin’ shade!

King Hippo

It grinds mah gears that the Fox announcers all say soccer – FFS, this isn’t 1982. Futbol or Lesser Footy, PLEASE!

Senor Weaselo

Apparently all of Senor’s Saturday students are taking a summer vacation. This is less than ideal for the Senor Weaselo Fund for Paying Off Senor Weaselo’s Student Loans and Other Things. Also for my psyche of worthiness and all that. Not being busy is not fun.

Apart from that how is everyone?

King Hippo

Let me know if you come across anyone looking for fair-condition honky organs! FOAR a friend, obvs.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I guess they are just
comment image
ing

Senor Weaselo

That was so corny and bad.

I love it!

litre_cola

Pro tip. Do NOT wake your wife up to Le Marseillaise at 530 am because your spawn is up. It is not appreciated. Allez les Bleus!!!!

King Hippo

today, we are all French! Vive le Pogba, even!

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