“It’s going to be an odd week” Monday evening open thread.

yeah right

yeah right

yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. Loves to cook but doesn’t plate. Loves to drink but hates hangovers. Loves to read. Has no regrets.
yeah right

Hey folks!

Happy Monday evening!

This has potential to be a really strange week.

I’m working Monday and Tuesday, off on Wednesday for the 4th then working Thursday and Friday. Who the fuck schedules a holiday in the middle of the week?

Work will be slow, I think, since the folks who had the fucking foresight either took the 2 days before or the two days after the holiday off.

I however, did not.

Shit!

Here’s some fun 4th of July relevance from a family standpoint. Back during my married years, way the fuck back in time, my wedding anniversary was the 4th of July. My ex and I thought it would be nice to have the anniversary be a day off every year plus, you know, fireworks and shit. It was also really easy to remember the anniversary. Now that I’m a happily single person the day still holds relevance because my youngest granddaughter, littlest right, was born on the 4th of July. She’ll be two this year. So yeah.

Anyway.

NFL News: …

Not a damn thing actually. This is the dead space time of year as we wait for training camps to open.

Can’t wait the 3 plus weeks for training camp action?

Here are the reporting dates and locations for every NFL team.

Just a little over 3 weeks!

Other sports:

MLB: Red Sox at Nationals 4:00 PM Pacific ESPN

Cardinals at Arizona 7:00 PM Pacific MLB Network

Tennis: Wimbledon 1st round action at 4:00 AM Pacific ESPN. Christ that’s awful goddamn early for 1st round action but it’s there if you want it.

Have plans for the 4th?

Enjoyed your Canada Day celebration?

Tell us all about it.

It’s drankin’ time!

Let’s get weird!

yeah right
yeah right
yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. Loves to cook but doesn't plate. Loves to drink but hates hangovers. Loves to read. Has no regrets.
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Brick MeathookALXMACMr. AyoSenor WeaseloMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. Just saw Deadpool 2. Balls, I will agree that it was good, but I would say the first one was better. Maybe it’s just because of the zamboni scene, but DAMMIT I WANT MY FUCKING ZAMBONI.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

I concur:

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

From the great cinema; Mamazon,

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Red week is the best

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

America, baby!

(also, I never noticed that the grill and headlights are just painted on . . . how does he get home at night?)

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who wants to do laundry for me?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

My sink is empty, so sure.

blaxabbath

My roommate at the time, Logan, had watched the wire before me and I remember when logan saw me watching the wire one day and kennard first appeared he was like “you gotta keep your eye on Kennard.” And then he never did anything and I forgot what logan told me until….bam. Then I remembered his words like as that episode finished.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dude, spoiler alert

blaxabbath

The Wire is just like one thing I feel so passionately about.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Spoiler

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Fronkenshteen

With all the taxpayer funding that goes into protecting that little fuckweasel Scott Pruitt, I sort of DEMAND that attempts be regularly made on his life.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

blaxabbath

To quoteish Moose-

I’d like to go hire a bunch of Russians to get accounts and fucking smash that like button!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viagra is a hell of a drug.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Hells jeah!! I’ve been waiting for a new Tool album for years!!!

WCS

PRO-TIP: Falling down a flight of cement stairs will, in fact, be painful, and will leave bruises.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Fell down a flight of stairs….”

Senor Weaselo

“I could’ve told you that!” -7-year old Senor on his way to get ready for karate class

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you are going to invade someone’s personal space; don’t do it half way.

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King Hippo

The Full Larry Craig

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I’ve had that song stuck in my head for the last twenty years.

King Hippo

Nice to see el beisbol is doing flag desecration all week this year!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Do…do we boo them too?

–GOP

King Hippo

nah, their doing it 2 make rich white ppl even richer so YAY!!!

Fronkenshteen

MAKE BASEBALL GREAT AGAIN!!!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I too, fucked up and did not take the back half of the week off. Shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

King Hippo

Good song. Interesting choice with the Trestman facial hair, though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did you hear about when they got spanked?

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Well he’s banging Zach Braffs’ ex model girlfriend so he’s probably in DGAF mode. Or else he’s like Sidney Crosby trying to grow a playoff beard.

Shogun Marcus

Would you like the tale where samurai marcus became a Shogun? 8 feet from his father, 5 feet from his brothers, and an ass slap from four of his friends?

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The American Dream is alive and well:
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Redshirt

(arriving home after a long, stressful day of work)

Mom: “Redshirt, I cut all the grapes.”
Me: “Where did you cut them?”
Mom: “The base.”
Me: “How are you going to get them down?”
Mom: “I’m going to pull them down.”
Me: “You can’t do that. They’re 15 feet in the air, 20+ feet long and wrapped around Wisteria.”
Mom: “Okay. I just let them sit and die.”
Me: “But you’ll have dry wood in the hot summer. Its a fire hazard.”
Mom: “How should we get it down?”

And that’s how I spent two hours in 90° weather on top a 10 year of pergola cutting dead grapevine without cutting live wisteria or breaking 10 year old sunbeaten lattice 15 feet in the air with only my fat ass keeping me from falling to my death.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You know, skinny people have some things going for them, but the ass really comes in handy more times than it doesn’t.

Shogun Marcus

Hell-oha. It seems I’m a junkie that can’t shake a monkey. As a result, I’m now an Employee Consultant. In Social Work terms, I make employers think why not while making employees think fuck YES! Teaching is a love, but fucking helping others makes me tingle in a way that leads to multiple orgasms for those on the other end.

Gratliff

It’s all fun and games until you can’t get hard without a hand written thank you card

King Hippo

– everyone over 50 in Canadia

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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“I used to take a tampon, soak it in grain alcohol, and stick it up my rectum. That got me high, Richard, but not half as high as the drug you just gave me. You know what that drug’s called?”

“No.”

“A second chance.”

Redshirt

Sincerity Mode: Nicely done. That’s an excellent mindset.

Smart Ass Mode: So, if I read this right, you help them and then you have sex with them? Nice!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

have sex before you help them

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That way, they can’t back out of it, and you don’t have to help them, you’re just “obligated.”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

they have to want to be helped

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I think we just wrote the beginning of a DFO Insider conversation between Rikki and DTZM about a new aspiring actress.

Shogun Marcus

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

STILL funny.

King Hippo

because it’s true. Bob Belcher may be the closest teevee approximation there is of me (remember how into pills he is).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You missed the conv; WCS’ family got offended/ pissed when he posted.

SonOfSpam

Trae Young was 4-20 tonight, which seems promising since the Hawks traded away Doncic for him.

On the other hand, 4-20 means weed.

blaxabbath

Oh yeah – I need to go 420.

litre_cola

IF THIS KID WOULD EVER GO TO FUCKING SLEEP

blaxabbath

Drugs

SonOfSpam

Yeah we really got a two birds, one stone(r) situation here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thank you, no. I’m straight.

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LemonJello
LemonJello

A bedtime story?
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litre_cola

We own that book.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Son, bricks are how you make it happen

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

On the other other hand, 20-4 means Mark Sanchez is suddenly rather interested.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

When John Tavares talks, he looks like the segment on Conan where they have someone else’s mouth talking out of a celebrity’s head.

herodotus450
herodotus450

And when Trump talks these days, he sounds like he’s saying a line from that segment on Conan where they have someone else’s mouth talking out of a celebrity’s head.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I never knew he killed two people.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

litre_cola

When the hell did the Dirt SeaHeaux get good?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

They’re frauds. It won’t last.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

They’re 26-11 in 1-run games; having a lot of things go right this season.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Steph Curry
Klay Thompson
Draymond Green
Kevin Durant
DeMarcus Cousins

I mean come on.

blaxabbath

And Coach Steve Keeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

SonOfSpam

Yeah, but we gotz LEBRON N LONZO!

blaxabbath

And Coach LaVar Baaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllll!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

“I know, right?” – David Duke

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Ah fourth of July…were Americans celebrate their freedom by trigger military vets who struggle with PTSD…

blaxabbath

America doesn’t care about the troops.

Now, can we get back to football and Dick jokes?

SonOfSpam

That’s not true! We boo the black guys who kneel – what more do the fucking ingrate troops want???

Gratliff

Very psyched for the flood of attire featuring Confederate flags and half assed references to the knights Templar that will be on display this week

Gratliff

They don’t even do them on the 4th here because they don’t want to split the crowd with nearby cities. Instead they do a massive 3-night fireworks festival either before or after the 4th complete with carnivals if there were any doubts they actually give a shit.

SonOfSpam

BOOGIE TO THE FUCKING WARRIORS ON A ONE-YEAR DEAL

LO FUCKING L

rockingdog
rockingdog

No more Javale McGee?
Boogie should do!

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Am I the only one that just went to ESPN to see if this was actually true? WTF??

litre_cola

I also had to check.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

“I went up to Jackie O, and I wanted to break the ice. So I said, ‘Do you remember where you were when you heard JFK was shot?'” – Gilbert Gottfried

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Do you love America as much as this guy? Do you?
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LemonJello
LemonJello

But do the same thing as an enhanced interrogation technique and you’re a “war criminal” and “part of the Trump cabinet”…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Hi I’m Buddy Cole and the only way I would have children is if one crawled out of my hamper with Champion socks attached to them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What I am trying to figure out is how Marc Trestman’s hamper got into your house.

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Coach Trestman’s hamper? Well, shit.”
-Najeh Davenport

Gratliff

Hi, my name is gratliff, and I’m an idiot who got married once. I shit the bed in the first few years of marriage as a 23 year old with anger issues, quick wit, sharp tongue, and zero boundaries. A few years later, I started to get my shit together, and right around the same time, her dad died followed immediately by her grandmother. So, it so came to a pretty abrupt end after that. Then, I fell into the trap of fixing everything she said I needed to fix and checking in periodically to see if we were good again (we were not). Then our only kid got diagnosed with a bunch of psych disorders and we moved downstate together for better access to help for him, and have lived together ever since, in blissful, loveless, hollow coexistence.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You ok dude?

Gratliff

Just keeping with the theme

Shogun Marcus

i’m with you.

litre_cola

Grat good for standing by your kid. You have to take care of you my internet friend. You deserve more.

Gratliff

It’s better than it sounds, mainly because it’s more amusing if misery is implied. It helped going from the divorced dad apartment with a hard budget to a fancy suburb with a cake job and freedom to spend stupidly. It works shockingly well, especially for the boy.

King Hippo

eh, fuck it. There’s money FOAR GAMBLOR!!

blaxabbath

She hot?

Gratliff

Alas, she’s turned 30

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…in flashes?

SonOfSpam

What happened to the quick wit?

herodotus450
herodotus450

YIKES

Gratliff

She took it in the divorce

SonOfSpam

NOT ALL OF IT MY FRIEND

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Screw PowerPoint, this is how you give a presentation:

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Sure, but can you follow the lesser footy matches in real-time?
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herodotus450
herodotus450

“Next slide.”
[4 teamsters come out and take 15 minutes to change the wall]
“Oh looks like we’re out of time. Who’s up for a 6 martini lunch?”

litre_cola

Ahh the sweet release of divorce. Not currently but 1st Mrs Cola can fuck right off. She lost her foot in a motorcycle accident 2 months after the separation, karma is a bitch.

Senor Weaselo

So you’re saying she was separated from her foot?

litre_cola

Yes. Has 2 kids now, 1 foot. The ass she is still with also has 2 other children. Left his wife while she was pregnant. Nice role model.

SonOfSpam

But then she married Paul McCartney, so…

Shogun Marcus

the first failed lady shogun wanted marriage on 7/11. yeah that worked. “I have to find myself. You should too.” that ended with me in therapy and her finding herself inhaling a guy’s dick. Me and the other wife talked to each other frequently. I think it’s an unspoken freebie for us.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Well that’s what happens when you have a shogun wedding.

Shogun Marcus

she just wanted the stuff by that point. which i think she has mostly. babies were out of conversation. i just proceeded to fall back to manwhore/giggalo status, which worked AMAZINGLY! you been early 30 while the lady is close to 40? GRAB your balls…or don’t. she will. heh…hee…yeah. good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I had these coupons that made it possible for me to get $20 worth of food from Carls Jr for only about $10. The only thing is that when I started eating I realized I only really wanted $10 worth of food.

Senor Weaselo

Could you have gotten it for $5?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I could have gotten the chicken tenders meal for $5 but then I’d have been missing out on the Western Cheeseburger buy one get one free.

LemonJello
LemonJello

$20 of Carls Jr? What is that, one of everything on the menu (also known as an “Andy Reid”)?

herodotus450
herodotus450

As compared to the “too much of one thing,” aka the “Andy Reid’s son.”

blaxabbath

This is gonna tank your deadlift pr

Senor Weaselo

I see the MLB July 4th unis are being worn on July 2nd. It’s probably for the formal declaration, even though the wording wasn’t finalized until the 4th. Right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No I think this year the 4th is the handover of the U.S. government to Putin, so they wanted to get to at least wear them one last time.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I recall reading in some book long ago that there is no concrete evidence that anything special actually happenend on the 4th. No signing or writing or voting or debating, yet Adams and Jefferson both insisted later in life that the 4th was the key date. Probably for Masonic reasons, methinks.

Senor Weaselo

Maybe for their death reasons, so they could be symbolic and all.

herodotus450
herodotus450

ALSO skeptical that any of those dudes died on July 4th, it’s just someone’s idea to create some mythos. I’m a deather, it’s like a birther, but for deaths.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m something similar; we call ourselves Heathers.

litre_cola

Oh hai Heather!