Your Monday Evening NFL Animal Roundup & Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Sorry, no stink beetles.

NFL News:

  • Zebras!
    • There are seven rookie officials among the 2018 class of 121 total officials.
      • Including promoting Sean Hochuli (son of Ed) and Alex Kemp (son of Stan) to referee.
    • A new rule will prevent grounds crew or other team personnel from helping clear the field for extra points or field goals.
      • This comes out of the Colts-Bills game last December where a time out was used to send people onto the field to clear a kicking spot for Adam Vinatieri.

  • Lions!
    • Ex-Lion Brandon Pettigrew punched a cop in Pittsburgh after refusing to pay a $97 limo bill.
      • He’s been charged with two counts of aggravated assault, theft of services and public drunkenness.
        • The incident was recorded by the officers’ body-worn cameras, and the footage will be available for court.
  • Seahawks/Broncos/Stampeders!
    • Former player Brandon Browner was arrested on felony kidnapping charges, as well as burglary, false imprisonment and violation of a restraining order.
      • He allegedly broke into a ex-girlfriend’s house, detained & threatened her, and stole a Rolex watch he’d allegedly gifted her during their relationship.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Nationals at Pirates – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NBA Summer League Basketball:
    • Hornets vs. Celtics – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Bucks vs. Nuggets – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • From Boston
      • The “go-home” show before a bloodless Extreme Rules this Sunday

Make sure you’re good & rested. FRANCE V BELGIUM IN THE MORNING!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Wakezilla

Katy Perry’s Roar is a pretty good video.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Watching it without sound was the right choice.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks to Shogun Marcus for “making” look this up; learnt something new.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

If you guys haven’t started watching Atlanta yet, you probably should.

(Mind the subtitles. Remember, we ARE based in Puerto Rico.)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I paused watching after the first three episodes so my wife could catch up. In other news, she still hasn’t started The Wire yet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Go to beach”, they said. “It’ll be fun”, they said.
Ryan Struck

Wakezilla

Toderzilla is trying to break me. The straw that broke the camel’s back today was at dinner. She was throwing her food, so I told her that if she threw her food, I’d take it away. She does, so I do. After a minute, I give her back her food and she seems fine. I’m eating something that she doesn’t have and asks for it. I decide to give her a piece because she was good for a minute….which she then looks at me dead straight in the eye, and fucking throws it!

So I take her food away again, and say she won’t eat again tonight, unless she says sorry. She unbuckles her high chair, climbs out of the seat and then walks over to the garbage bin, where she pops open the lid in order to search for food.

Holy fuck. Holy fuck! She’s not even 2 years old.

/Is in a liquor store parking lot to buy more booze

Gratliff

My life for the last 10 years: “What are you eating? What are you eating? What are you eating? Hey, what’s that you’re eating? Can I have some of that? Is it better than what I’m eating? Can I have some of it too?”

It could be filet mignon or chewing gum or my fucking nails. It doesn’t matter, if my jaw moves a fraction of an inch, it’s “DAD WHAT ARE YOU EATING”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“About half a rabbit I killed. Why do you ask?”

-My dog

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

I can’t be the inly to have read “and Alex Kemp (son of Satan) to referee.”

Which is wrong. The son of Satan would be the “burden of proof / catch” replay consultant.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I fucking love Jay Cutler.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He truly is a national treasure.

litre_cola

Does he still have the job offer in the booth this season? I will buy Sunday Ticket just for his coloUr commentary.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Isn’t he colorblind? Or is that just dogs?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn it; I had a gif for that……. but used the dog one instead.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Except for the antivaxxer BS. I blame it on HER.

litre_cola

Oh yeah, he doesn’t care about that. “Whatever you say babe.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[lights cigarette]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[continues video-game]

Gratliff

Rest of the world: “America is a dumpster fire, and it’s working on dumpstest.”
Me: “Oh no. They’re gonna kill HBO.” 🙁
https://gizmodo.com/at-ts-big-plan-for-hbo-is-to-fill-it-with-more-random-t-1827449321

Senor Weaselo

I look forward to the HBO/Hulu/Netflix bidding war for Ow, My Balls!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Huge monopolistic mergers are always great for the people.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

I don’t remember posing for that drawing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That could be about half or more of DFO, except Balls does his laundry a lot more.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This is me in my pad, man:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OOOOPSIE! How did that get posted; not even SF.

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Shogun Marcus

You Sir. YOU. For YOU I’m about to start writing again. You’ve given me a purpose. I hope to not disappoint.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wait; I can’t drive this thing!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Seriously though; go create. You probably have an audience here to test out things and techniques, just submit some content.

Shogun Marcus

Ok. So. Sign language. Or rather ASL. That’s murican sign. If I’m honest, and you are patient with yourself, fingerspelling will get you 90% there. In bed, 99. Doubt me? Whilst down there…try your “hand” at her address…your tongue too.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Fight me, bro
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Finally got my mom and my niece settled in tonight. Then it dawned on me…I forgot to ask tonight:

Me: Mom, did you take your evening meds?
Mom: No, I’ll get up and go get them.
Me: No, no…I’ll get ’em you don’t need to do those stairs again. (to niece): Did you take yours?
Niece: Ummmmm….I think soooooo?

Well, not shockingly, they were both wrong. I swear it’s like running an assisted living facility for really old and really young people with dementia around here lately.

Time for tWBS’ medication now…
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Senor Weaselo

Why grab a glass that you’d then have to wash?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn fine point.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Redshirt

Me: “Has the cat had her pill?”
Mom: “I don’t know, give her another one just to be safe.”
Me: “If you don’t know, why should we risk overdosing her? She already hisses and scratches me when I give her a pile. Not my cat, by the way. If I try to give her a second pill, she may go for my throat.”

Senor Weaselo

Goddammit CC, you lost to these guys?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who you calling “you people”?????????????

Senor Weaselo

How is Chance Sisco’s plate music NOT the Thong Song?

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Oh, freedom is a little different than I thought.

Shogun Marcus

Shogun Marcus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT is a pretty good….. IT IS VERY COLD IN THE WATER!!!!

Redshirt

We can only hope when Kavanaugh gets confirmed, he realizes he has a job for life and will be open minded like Kennedy and O’Connor.

Also, in my hypothecial dream world, there is a beer tree on every block, every Congressional Bill must have the approval of 1/5 of the highest Minority Party to both give the minority a voice while respecting the will of the people and every potential Presidental candidate has to take an IQ Test and Intense Mental Heath Evaluation with public results for both before they can offically announce their candidacy.

blaxabbath

2A.

2A all of them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Trump: “Tonight, after a long, long search, I’m selecting a fine, fine person who will be an excellent Supreme Court Justice. I’m nominating myself.”
(voice off camera): “You can’t nominate yourself.”
Trump: “Okay, that Kavanaugh guy, I guess.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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But really other that that, he’s okay.

Gratliff

I mean, it was his fucking platform

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, I think that was his political platform; his fucking platform was to inherit from daddy and avoid losing it by not paying what you owe except to lawyers,

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m about half those things.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have immature and would have failed businessman, but my early twenties post business did fairly well for a lower level dealership.

If we take the reciprical you’d easily make twice the president then.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*pot business.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

So, instead of a MAGA judge, we get a neoliberal guy in from the W. era. Terrific.

SonOfSpam

There are no MAGA judges. Judges need education.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

I’m basically at the point that I don’t think there’s a possibility of the country not being fucked for the next 20-30 years, and my hope beyond that isn’t exactly strong. Not sure what to do about that. May be time to find out what this whole alcohol thing is really about.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yep.

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Shogun Marcus

That shit sign is wrong. Trust me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You mean I can’t trust the internet implicitly? Or that signs might be different for the same or similar thing?? HOLY ……SHIT.

Shogun Marcus

See?

Shogun Marcus

One of us has deaf parents and a younger brother for his entire life. The other is you. Which one is right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So what type of differences are there in languages? I’d assume signing would be affected by culture, but I was just wondering how. Written and spoken are far different, for say Chinese, but I guess signing might be more similar or have more commonalities.

I just posted a god damn gif, I am not expert, or have an opinion either way, the above bullshit is different too, so are signs different depending on context just like spoken words?

Shogun Marcus

Oh no no no! I’m not about to shame! HELL NO! Let’s go up top.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, too many questions, just curious the differences.

blaxabbath

Probably the one with the family.

Senor Weaselo

Yes but he believes the president shouldn’t be investigated because it’s time-consuming.

Even though he was part of the Starr investigation.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yep.

Gratliff

No one has ever masturbated to the Lewinsky testimony as hard as Brett Kavanaugh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jurisprudence? Jurispunk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He basically is a W. type guy; not what the maga base wants, but bad enough to side with corporations/ executive branch to continue the fucking.

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Gratliff

I actually knew this one! I don’t remember learning it. It’s almost like my raw instincts tell me how to call it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That could easily be the sign for his entire speech.

Senor Weaselo

Or Travis Kelce’s reaction to the refs!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

This one is accurate.

Senor Weaselo

Senor’s first foray into conducting was not an entire shitshow! Except for the bit where I decided what I was going to conduct that day at 8:30 or so, so my phrasing was kinda meh. But not bad for a first time, I think.

SonOfSpam

Did you remember your stick thingy?

Also, I really hope you hummed along with the piece. That really helps the cellos.

Senor Weaselo

I did, because it’s my cellist friend’s. It also means nothing better happen to it, it’s hilarious when she’s mad but not if it’s at me!

SonOfSpam

Blake Bortles brings borrowed batons.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

How to break a guy’s neck:
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Gratliff

Not snark btw, literally broke his neck

Redshirt

I heard they also broke JR too!

Gratliff

I thought it was a scripted thing to get Josh Barnett involved, but apparently, he’s legit ready to fuck up Jay White for doing an unplanned spot that ended up hurting JR

Gratliff

Also, none of the barricades were secured. I don’t know if they did this for the safety of the wrestlers or not, but they smashed into a ton of people because of it. At one point. Cody and Kenny Omega ended up hurting the ring announcer by smashing one of them into his knees.

Redshirt

Good. You hurt JR in a unplanned attack, you deserve to get your ass kicked legit.

Gratliff

If I were Jay, I’d just go ahead and leave the company. When Barnett charged into the ring, all the cool came right out of his walk while he nope’d the fuck away from him. Surprised there hasn’t been a statement of discipline or anything for Barnett. He did literally chase a performer while on live TV.

Senor Weaselo

Ow.

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

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Is it always this quiet?

Redshirt

We have some slow nights. Everyone may still be hungover from the weekend.

Excellent GIF though. That’s one way to summon people to the DFO Clubhouse.

Shogun Marcus

Oh hai!

Redshirt

Trump’s personal driver of 20 years is suing him for unpaid OT.

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tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Did that shirt come with a free bowl of soup?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Monday back at work after a 5 day weekend? Yeah, uh, I’m not happy to see any of you either, but here we are.

scotchnaut

“Back at work after a 5 day weekend? Bastard.”

-Bernie

ballsofsteelandfury

God Bless Jay Cutler.

King Hippo

hey, you marry a smoking cat, you get what you get!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

“The incident was recorded by the officers’ body-worn cameras, and the footage will be available for court.”

I’m sure it’s purely coincidental that the body cam worked when the officer wasn’t at fault.

Redshirt

Simple fix. Have either Internal Affairs or someone from the Gov’t in charge of the body cams. Having a body cam “break” should be treated like “leaving a loaded gun in your unlocked running car”.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

Her: Kayla’s having a baby shower

Me: she slept with a bathroom fixture?

Her: I’m not even gonna—

Me: does she know if it’s a bath or a stall?

scotchnaut

I won’t be able to watch tomorrow’s soccer tilt because I’ll be in a yawn-inducing seminar concerning how to pay the least amount of taxes possible.*

* We voted as a group and I was the only dissenter

scotchnaut

Seriously, if your municipal government doesn’t have the funds to pay for the snowplow drivers to mow down the Frosty Snowmen that plan to take over our local infrastructure because climate change… Well, you get what you deserve.*

*sucking “icepops” until your lips turn blue

Senor Weaselo

No, it’s just that Calvin kid up to something.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Fuck, Jay really is a cat – human hybrid.