The Wait is Over: BEL-ENG, World Cup 3rd Place Open Thread

The World Cup third place match is also known as the Losers’ Final. It’s a charmless assessment, but the consensus around the game seems to be “Why even play it”. Sure, the stakes are placing 3rd or 4th, but bitching about playing (or watching) the game has to be First World Problems-ing at its purest.

The third place games do have some cachet; after all, it’s a match between two World Cup semifinalists. The Germans won it in 2006, when it hosted the tournament. I remember reading that such 3rd place put a nice bow on the first guiltless opportunity a unified Germany had to flex its nationalism since the 1940s (an equally banal and morbid proposition, IMHO). The Germans repeated their 3rd placement in South Africa 2010, when it defeated Uruguay in a pretty wide open game. That match remains notable because it earned Thomas Müller the Golden Boot, and every time Luis Suárez touched the ball the crowd booed him loudly—which visibly got under his skin.

Given that the stakes are low, the third place game often lacks the risk-averse play that usually characterizes World Cup knockout matches. The 2002 one was Turkey 3 : 2 South Korea, with the host’s overachieving laid bare in a very entertaining match. In 2014, Brazil played the Netherlands, and the hosts seemed waaaaay eager to erase the 7-1 humiliation against Germany in the semifinal. The result was a clusterfuck: a mistake by captain Thiago Silva earned Netherlands a penalty at the third minute, and Brazil lost 3-0. Brazil playing like headless chickens remains enjoyable, even at the expense of the Oranje getting some satisfaction.

Via zimbio.com

Today’s edition does have some flair, but it’s a grudge match in only the most technical of ways.

Belgium vs England

9:00 AM Central – St. Petersburg

These teams met in the group stage when both had already qualified for the knockouts. The subs played for both countries, and none seemed eager to win. For this game, Roberto Martínez said that Belgium will not play reserves, which bodes well for the quality of play. For my taste, the Wafflen have been the best watch in this tournament, and an extra helping of Hazard, Lukaku and DeBruyne is welcome.

Over on the England side, the game has already delivered: it has closed the Tri Loins fans and media circle of obnoxiousness. They started with FAKE cautious optimism, which turned to bravado, and now stand at the sour grapes of POINTLESS GAME entitlement. O the Englen dominance: the Tri Loins got past Tunisia (2-1), blasted Panamá (?), played to lose vs BEL, lucked against Colombia without James on PKs, and then got the timorous Swedes—a game I had to look up the stat sheet to see if I misremembered the Swedes taking zero shots at goal. (The FIFA app says SWE took seven shots with three on target, one of which was saved). Here’s a summary of such a giant-slaying run by England, and how it was perceived at home:

Via YouTube

England was lucky AF in the draws, achieving nothing! They even got a “tired” Croatia, and the talk was all about ENG having fresher legs and being a street-wise team (because, you see, in Russia 2018 the Young Ones embraced the “cheating” that the rest of the fútbol world engaged in). Of course, the Unlimited Salads played with much more tenacity, and after leveling the game at 1:1, ENG got all panicky. “New” England my ass; that game featured more long balls than a geriatric clinic’s waiting room.

Predición: BEL 3 : 1 England. I hope Lukaku scores a hat trick to take the Golden Boot from Kane.

Hippo: Oh yes, the deliciousness of British tears.  Especially the dickweed right-wing authoritarian varietal.  I surely hope they sit out Jordan Pickford FOAR this Bronze non-medal tilt, as I would indeed like to collect on my Lukaku golden boot #HAILGAMBLOR.  This is essentially like a JV NFL post-season exhibition tilt, a matter of who wants it least.  That will be our good Waffle folk, by a long shot.

Predición: Waffles close it out with a bang, 4-nil.  Big Rom bags the hat trick plus one, just in case the Cuck Liouns decide to throw Fuckface Harry on late.

Balls:  I’ve always enjoyed the third place game for exactly the reasons Don T mentioned.  The pressure is off and teams can play more offensive and attacking fútbol.

That honestly hasn’t been a problem in this World Cup as only a handful of teams have focused on negative tactics. That’s part of the reason I think this is the Best World Cup EVAR!

As far as the game,  it is pretty clear that Belgium want to go out with a bang while England just wants to go home. I’m pretty sure England will field a side with all the players that didn’t get any minutes in the prior games.

Prédiction: That spells Waffles rout. Let’s call it 3-0 with Kane losing the Golden Boot.  As it should be.

Litre_Cola: England lost?

Well I am happy that the English run is over, and I made banner! They had a great run and went further than anyone thought that they would. James Harrison would be proud as Gareth Southgate has already quashed any sort of parade for getting the team to a a semi. This team is young and learned a lot and will be incredibly dangerous in 4 years in Qatar. Not to mention teh mighty Fulham Star Ryan Sessingnon will be ready……

Who will they play is the big question. Southgate has come out and said that he will make small changes but nothing drastic. Trippier is out, and Young and Henderson may take a seat.

If I will remember anything from the English run at the World Cup it is the beer showers at the viewing parties. They were awesome.

The Belgians bitched and moaned after their defeat to the French. They complained about how once the French got the goal they played anti-football. Personally I hate that style, but it won the damn game. You don’t like it? Break down the defense and score. Lukaku will be given a rest here and I tried to take a look on some Belgian websites but I do not speak Flemish. They were so fun to watch in this tournament but couldn’t win when they needed it. Euro 2020 is going to be awesome. Do you know what the problem is with Euro 2020? It is all over Europe, how the fuck do you plan a trip to the tourney if you don’t know who is where? Normally in a host country you can stay near the major cities and take public transport on matchday. It is not the case here.

Prediction: England didn’t bitch and moan after they lost, Belgium did. England 2 – 0 Waffles

Wakezilla: Despite what you might hear from sports journalists who watch all of 5 minutes of the World Cup and shit on the third place game– despite never watching one of them in their lives– I’m here to tell you that 3rd place games can be hidden gems.

From 1998-2010, third place games were easily in the top 3-5 for best game played in their respective tournament. While’94 was a blowout, before the game got out of hand, there was intrigue about whether Bulgaria’s Stoichkov could score 7 goals. Also, if you can’t stand Brazil, you probably loved the 2014 3rd place game where Brazilian players cried while playing the Dutch Ovens.

Similarly to Stoichkov, Kane has the chance to break the tournament record by scoring his 7th goal. Assuming he starts, that reason alone is worth tuning in because you know England is going to be giving him the ball every chance they can get to break the record. Moreover, this English squad is young and are likely fired up to claim third place to finish on a high note. That’d be a YUGE accomplishment for them.

Belgium will likely enter the match with more of their subs playing, but with something to prove. For example, current Anderlecht player, Youri Tielemans, is currently on the radar for various EPL teams. I’m sure he’ll start and want to have a game that could earn him millions of dollars. Belgium will be fired up wanting to prove they are the third best country in the world. I could see Big Rom coming in as a sub if the game is still close in the second half. In addition to all of this, don’t forget that most Waffles players play in the EPL. There’s bragging rights on the line here. This game, unlike game 3 of group stage, does matter.

Prediction: I think England will score early and dominate most of the play in the first half, resulting in Belgium getting pissed and subbing in their better players. As a result, Big Rom will sub on and score a goal, and will be threat throughout. He’ll score again late in the match to give the Waffles a 3-2 victory in an entertaining game. And for shits and giggles, lets say Kane scores on a penalty kick.

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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scotchnaut

Yelp gives this Wimbledon women’s final 25 out of 5 stars.

scotchnaut

/starts watching Wimbledon women’s final

“Commercials in the middle of play?” wtf?

ballsofsteelandfury

It would be great if the third place team got a bronze medal like in the Olympics and the fourth place team got nothing. And the fourth place team was forced to watch the medal ceremony at midfield so they would feel bad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, they all get stuffed inside the goal net on the far side of the field, and have to watch from there.

LemonJello

Think I’ll go check out a local brewery this afternoon.

Later, Taters!

ballsofsteelandfury

WAFFLES FOR LUNCH!

ArmedandHammered

I should know this, but who is the announcer that sounds like Joe Buck, but actually knows his stuff and his commentary actually has emotional content ? Basically Joe Bucks good twin.

herodotus450

He’ll have to go by John Doe until we figure out his real name.

scotchnaut

“Ugh! Whatever!”

-Three Added Minutes, doing its Valley Girl imitation

ArmedandHammered

Never having really watched futbol before, I have enjoyed this World Cup, but I don’t think I would have enjoyed it any where as much with out the live threads.

ballsofsteelandfury

Banner!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Agreed – these have been a blast.

scotchnaut

“You’re Belgium.”

-Commentists, getting one last joke in

King Hippo

Uno mas, gots to make it count.

/reminds self to draft after match ends

//really am lazy

ballsofsteelandfury

I already created it.

King Hippo

YES!!!!!!

King Hippo

Maybe Mbappe can still score enough for the Golden Boot?

scotchnaut

“Hey Britain, just lie back and think of…you know.”

-Eden Hazard

/there’s a reference for you!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thank you Belgium!

[immediately changes channel]

ballsofsteelandfury

Wooooo!! No twbs score!

ArmedandHammered

That was a beautiful pass backwards.

scotchnaut

Fack. The England is going to be really good in the Euros and the next World Cup, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sure, but they’ll still be England. And expectations will be sky-high!

bk109

And that will be their que to revert to mean… aka back to mediocre suckage and increasingly whiny guys on Talksport wanting Gareth Southgate’s head on a platter

ballsofsteelandfury

Their attack is as impotent as a Commentist after a night full of beer, wine, liquor, and Whiskey Dick.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You could have just said “a Tuesday night”.

King Hippo

As long as the media don’t pressure them into using someone other than Pickford in goal…yeah

Wakezilla

Euros, yes. Next World Cup? Media will likely corrupt and fuck them

ballsofsteelandfury

Ok, that was a nice sequence

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I tuned into this game because I thought it would be more exciting than watching the women warm up at Wimbledon.

scotchnaut

I have half a notion as to where the thread is headed after full time…

ballsofsteelandfury

Porn preferences?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fullham?

scotchnaut

Here’s where I thought the thread was headed-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAxGTnVNJiE

King Hippo

taking a group video tour of Stamford Bridge, huh?

bk109

Half a notion, but a tub of lotion amirite?

ballsofsteelandfury

Is this 3rd place game going to end in a TWBS?

scotchnaut

“Oof! Now that’s a fucking save!”

-Mariano Rivera

bk109

Close, but no Cigar.. thankfully.. I want to see all the bad jokes about losing to Brussels again!

ballsofsteelandfury

Brexit joke? Brexit joke!

King Hippo

Everton playing a friendly in an Austrian cow pasture (cost to watch, 4 Brexit Bucks), 6-nil to the good in 18th minute.

we’re gonna win the fookin’ League!!

bk109

*Ron Howard Voice*
They won’t. They’ll face relegation and bring back BigFatSam.
Edit: King Hippo lunging to stab my throat with a Wakizashi in 3…2… *GURGLE*

King Hippo

we’uns 12th or lower on Boxing Day…youse better sleep with one eye open 😀

bk109

Mate – I’ve got 4 kids, 3 dogs and a wife that brings her gaming laptop in bed, so it’s soooooo cute that you believe that I get any sleep whatsoever (just a quick coma-ish period every couple of days for me,lol)

litre_cola

Who will finish higher teh Mighty Fulham or the Toffees?????

scotchnaut

This cottage cheese/cucumber-forward diet is doing wonders for my waistline but straining the limits of our waste disposal infrastructure.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Look at Mr. Fancy over here with his “indoor plumbing”.

scotchnaut

“I really like Lou Kakoo!”

-fan new to the game

rockingdog

found a funny:

Me: *on walkie talkie* toblerone to toblertwo, come in toblertwo

Wife: *from the couch* I’m not fucking doing that

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wife: *from the couch* I’m not fucking doing that

What is “a scene that has never taken place in the Bernie Fine household”?

LemonJello

How did we not have Quotables for the Lesser Footy Big Time Tournament?

ballsofsteelandfury

Blax doesn’t like soccer…

LemonJello

Didn’t stop me from watching…

litre_cola

The open threads have been fantastic.

scotchnaut

Great mix of the learned, the newbies and World War 2 fanboys.

bk109

OY! There were some WW1 and Napoleonic war fanbois too, damn it!

scotchnaut

You guys are so gotdamned sensitive!

King Hippo

ahem…Lesser Footy!

what kind of Mexican are yeeeewwww ,, smh

scotchnaut

Blax doesn’t like soccer

I’ll take, “Racist Generalizations at an Mobile, Alabama TV Station” for $600, Alex.

scotchnaut

You know what they say, “give a running back 449 touches in one year and watch him slowly fall apart later on.”

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000940260/article/demarco-murray-announces-retirement-after-7-seasons?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

King Hippo

Murray? NOT present! 🙁

King Hippo

everyone could use some crystal meth, or at very least, bath salts

herodotus450

Looks like my decision to not even bother watching this game once I saw it was 1-0 is paying off.

scotchnaut

Gareth Northrevolvingdoor seems a tad confused. Are the pre-game watercress sandwiches not sitting well?

LemonJello

England going all Neville Chamberlain it seems…

litre_cola

It took 14 months but I just vomited from the smell of my offsprings feces. It was a good run but now i have to give him a bath as he has coffee puke on his leg. Life comes at you fast little man.

herodotus450

If they just made goals in soccer worth 2 points, it would be a lot more popular over here.

scotchnaut

With that nose you’d think Kane should be able to knife through any defense.

scotchnaut

Have you heard of Shirley Gnome? I just did. Stay with this one and you’ll hear the phrase “We fucked that pillow”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myXjyhJLCqg

scotchnaut

“The higher the thread count, the smoother the sheets.”

herodotus450

So I see Big Sheet has gotten to you too…

scotchnaut

This is what I’m reduced to know that I’m under their spell…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk

herodotus450

Is that General Franco at 1:50?

Spur

i haven’t seen a less spirited group of English and Belgium men on field together since the Third Battle of Ypres

Spur

The NFL should a loser game. NFC and AFC title game losers play the week before the Superb Owl. The players still get an extra playoff check.

Plus the gambling profits would be nuts. All the bets made before the season or playoffs starts on picking the top three teams or how much you would win if you got them in order. That’s easily an extra billion dollars in NFL Gambling dollars.

King Hippo

I’d watch it!

bk109

And the loser must contractually start and play Tebow for at least half of the next season (game-time). This way you guarantee they’ll play for their lives!

Spur

Morning Folks.

herodotus450

If a tie is like kissing your sister (very English btw) what does that make a third place consolation game?

King Hippo

a tongue up ‘er bum?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Doing “the stranger” while you’ve got the girl you fancy on speakerphone?

clint greasewood

ITS COMING HOME
ITS COMING HOME
ITS COMING
4th IS COMING HOME

LemonJello

Surprising. Belgium not known for being on the offensive.

herodotus450

“That’s what you think…”
-The Congo

King Hippo

WOO!!!!!!

litre_cola

I knew something wasnt right about the galaxy today. If it were 14 years ago I would have had to serve the cheeto in charge in Turnberry Scotland. Also windbag is using a cart. CARTS ARE NOT ALLOWED YOU FUCKING FUCK.

King Hippo

Big Rom and Fuckface Harry are playing!

ballsofsteelandfury

I really like Sammy’s style.

LemonJello

LET’S DO THIS, WAFFLES!
comment image

King Hippo

The National Anthem of Belgium: “Fuck Your Pancakes”

bk109

And I’m here, because the alternative is to be a chaperone to a kids’ birthday thing and I’m nowhere near crazy enough to do that voluntarily (plus wifey drew the short straw)

bk109

It’s a “Shush kids, daddy/mommy needs 15 minutes of silence in the car OR I AM LOCKING THE DOORS AND DRIVING INTO THE LIFFEY” thing,lol

LemonJello

/looks around clubhouse
“Jebus, how long have you all been sitting here waiting? And who’s gonna clean this mess up?”

MOOD GORNING DELLOW FEGENERATES!

bk109

Well, most of us – King Hippo is building an effigy of BigFatSam to set on fire and catapult it AT BigFatSam.

LemonJello

Where’s he going to find that much horseshit at this time of day?

bk109

Craigslist,pro’bly. Some of life’s mysteries, like where does KH procure those massive amounts of horseshit are best left unanswered

King Hippo

Farmers Only chat, yo!

litre_cola

Hi I am here for the preseason Reading v Fulham live blog. Go the Cottagers.

scotchnaut

I’m a fan of the Reading Thomas Pynchon’s myself. Believe me, it hasn’t been easy.

King Hippo

I thought about betting Mighty Whitey just now. But didn’t.

scotchnaut

Some excellent points but not nearly enough “Ach’s” for my liking.

herodotus450

Is this the 1975 version of this article? Or maybe the 1976, or 77, or 78, or 79, or 80, or 81, or 82, or 83, or 84, or 85, or 86, or 87, or 88, or 89, or 90, or 91, or 92, or 93, or 94, or 95, or 96, or 97, or 98, or 99, or 2000, or 2001, or 2002, or 2003, or 2004, or 2005, or 2006, or 2007, or 2008, or 2009, or 2010, or 2011, or 2012, or 2013, or 2014, or 2015, or 2016, or 2017, or 2018 version?