Your “O Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.

Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!

Falcons vs. Eagles:

You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together?  Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.

*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.

Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.

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Smithchez

Can someone give me a reason to root for either team here? The Giants are gonna be garbage, so there’s no point in rooting for their division rivals, what with them being from Philadelphia.

Horatio Cornblower

eh, what else ya gonna do?

...

The NFC East is the greatest concentration of evil in all of sports so Atlanta.

Horatio Cornblower

The AFC East has its NFC counterpart beat on concentrated evil with just one team

Smithchez

Counterpoint. The Patriots.

WCS

I loved one statement from a Cowboy fan in WYTS:

“Jerry Jones isn’t even the most evil owner in the division.”

Gratliff

It’s the divisional round all over again

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Meanwhile, in Ukraine….

Senor Weaselo

Kari Byron is my third-favorite nerd culture redhead! (Behind Karen Gillan and Felicia Day.)

Spur

stiff arm that eagle ass!

King Hippo

hey, the play they telegraphed!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Happy football! Already one flag and one totally should have been a flag! Hail Bleergh!

Gratliff

I am irrationally happy right now

LemonJello

BLEERGH wasting no time at all this season…

fleshwound_NPG

oops

WCS

BLEERGH isn’t waiting.

Spur

Happy New Year!

Sharkbait

False start to the season. Well done.

The Maestro

FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD! HAIL BLEERGH!

JustStopDude

JSD….Bytheville Beautician and Auto Mechanics Institute of Arkansas.

Gratliff

FRAAAAAAAAAAAG

LemonJello

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...

MOAR FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD

King Hippo

HAIL BLEERGH

Gatoraids

Moar shields for the Shield throne

Smithchez

That is one ugly bunch, even for an O-Line

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Claymaker

Put a foot out of bounds and grab the ball!!!

fleshwound_NPG

so very, very close to a mega-derp

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ALL THE YARDS FOR JULIO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

WE SURVIVED THE OFF SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spur

Wait, no Carrie Underwood?

clint greasewood

Boltman will bring his revenge to every NFL opener until football is returned to San Diego.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dan Quinn thinks any man who doesn’t know how to change a tire isn’t much of a man.

Smithchez

It’s oddly comforting how guaranteed an early broadcast audio fuckup is during a sporting event for which there has been months of preparation.

King Hippo

I would stand, hand over heart like always, but with shirt saying FUCK YOU FACE Trump, this a free country.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
makeitsnowondem

Holy hell, did they spend the offseason miniaturizing Tiny Darren?

The Maestro

Goddamn I love me some chromatic walkdowns to end off barbershop tunes. Fucking yes.

Senor Weaselo

Oh, we gon’ alter some chords, chuh chuh.

Gratliff

Laughing like an idiot at “evacuated the lower bowl”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

I stayed seated during the anthem. Am I an asshole?

Brocky

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Redshirt

I’m gonna need a minute or two before I can kneel.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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or BEST

theeWeeBabySeamus

Technically, aren’t they now Men II Geriatrics?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, Bel Biv DeVoe has still got it!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Smithchez

I have no idea what Dan Quinn’s politics are whatsoever, but he absolutely looks like someone you would see in the background of an AP photo holding a tiki torch and wearing a “Molon Labe!” shirt.

Redshirt

Boyz II Men are still pretty good.

Sharkbait

Doug Peterson looks like he was finishing

Horatio Cornblower

“YOU CALL THIS THREE PART HARMONY!!! I’M BURNING ALL MY BOYZ 2 MEN SWAG TOMORROW!!!”
-Some MAGA chud

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No, no, give it to me!” – Brad Childress, misunderstanding

Gratliff

Boyz II Men was the last good boy band

Redshirt

That’s cameraman’s kneeling! He’s disrespectin’ the troops!

Spur

Did 1 of the Boyz die?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

How fucking funny would it be if Matt ryan Kneeled right now?

Brocky

cut immediately to colin kaepernick commercial

Brocky

Fuck you Green bay, this is not your 100th season. your jv years don’t count.

The bears are the REAL founding members of the league.

FUCK YOU

Redshirt

I just checked that too. How can you be an Independent Pro Football Team?

Brocky

You don’t.

Green bay just loves to argue that its historical significance is more important than any other team’s in the league.

seriously, if it happened in Green bay, Packers fans think it’s important.

King Hippo

I mean, if one could, could DFO not have one?