Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.
Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!
Falcons vs. Eagles:
You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together? Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.
*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.
Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.
WOOO CHALLENGE!!!
huzzah!
NAWT worth 3 yards
Let’s make something with milk.
The great thing about her is she has unbelievably shitty taste in men.
But she digs the nose candy.
Parties, cooks, has bad taste in men, bewbs, and wealthy.
So you’re saying she’s perfect.
She could cook a pig’s ass and make it look erotic.
NAWT a catch!!!
Here we go…
NAWT A CATCH
huh, a well-designed play??
Seriously though, was the bright yellow line not enough of a visual cue for some people?
“Here’s how far they need to go to get a first down. Also, here’s everything between where they are and that line. But in a different color!”
NFL soon to be sponsored by Skittles
Make it a different color for 3rd down like you do for 4th down if you really care that much!
https://giant.gfycat.com/MediumPartialDesertpupfish.webm
“Thunder’s just a noise, boys, lightning does the work.” – Dan Quinn’s iPod Shuffle
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS? (and maybe girls but prolly not)
Ha every single pass to anyone but Julio Jones been incomplete?
h
ttp://i.imgur.com/icvOBSl.gif
I think you’re good if you wanna embed that.
(phrasing)
It’s imgur…. which sucks because it goes away.
Chuck Norris. Alive
RIP, Turd Ferguson.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEghu90QJH4
Hehe…it’s a funny name.
Where not just pizza, we are not Papa Johns.
Pizza Hut.
Pizza Hut: Solving Racism Since 2018
Good, ATL starts another soul-crushing drive that much closer to the goal line they’ll never cross
they’ll kick this time. And miss.
BOOOOOOOOO
“FOLES SUCKS! TRADE HIS ASS NOW!”
— Angelo Cataldi
Alright, there’s a gif version of this somewhere, but I can seem to find it, here ya go seamus:
You bastardo!!!!
Also, thank you.
Go for it. It’s not like the Falcons can score from the 8 anyway.
The green zone thing is super fucking dumb
Extremely
i hated having to look for that yellow line.
– Parcells
http://viralitystar.com/25-movie-stars-amazing-athletes/3/
Dan Quinn looks like the kind of guy who will let you fuck his wife but only if you wear a mask, he gets to sit in the room with you, and gets to upload the video to Pornhub.
yeah “looks like”
It’s Tiny Darren!
The Cornblower-Draft curse is in full effect: Freeman three times from the 6, 4 yards.
Gonna be a great FF year for White Power Outage.
Dan Quinn is the kind of guy who shills a sketch testosterone supplement called Maxx Performer to guys with FUPAs whose wives won’t fuck them even if they could get turgid.
Elton John Status: Alive, apparently
he was rocking the Watford match (comeback win v. Spurs) last Sunday
He’s also a huge Toronto Maple Leafs fan, according to Mike Myers’ autobiography. Apparently that’s what marrying Canadian dudes does to ya.
I’d say he’s still standing.
https://youtu.be/ZHwVBirqD2s
Bengals radio used “Green Zone” first. Of course they used it in 2002 because they kept starting their drives inside their own 20.
Way to not telegraph your play by keeping your best WR on the sideline there, Dan.
I guess this is why one never bets on the Falcons, regardless of matchup indicators
They’re the living embodiment of “yeah, that bet seems like a trap”
I did not actually make it, despite the strong feels. Only bet so far is $50 on Tomsulas ML
Atlanta Sports, everybody!
yeah, not a great play
THE SAFETY GODS DEMAND AN OFFERING!
There will be no hometown super bowl I’m sorry
I don’t think it would be fair for them to use this Green Zone thing for Chiefs games because Andy Reid might think it’s vegetables or salad or some other kind of poison and avoid it.
Dammit, if hadn’t tipped that, it coulda been picked.
Yup, divisional round
Brett Favre thought it’s called the Penn Zone and, well… check your phones.
Holy shit I’m literally lol’ing at this
That reminds me: my annual membership to the World Wildlife Fund is due.
Why would the Offensive Coordinator be on the sidelines? You won’t be able to see the plays develop and see if your strategy is working.
Fuck you it’s easy to run!
-Pete Carroll
Mo-town Philly back again…
Wtf? the Green zone. Is Ricky Williams back?
Mark my words, when this graphics bullshit is done, the player with the ball will have a circle around his feet like in Madden. Because they think (and might be right in doing so) that people are actually that stupid.
And they wonder why people stay and home and watch games on TV.
Sure glad I got the Philly D, lol.
Did you not watch the Super Bowl?
I was drunk. Duh.
Green Zone, because….?
Because you’re colorblind for yellow?
GREEN ZONE, BAYBEE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!