Your “O Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.

Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!

Falcons vs. Eagles:

You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together?  Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.

*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.

Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.

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fleshwound_NPG

Compelling FGkkake

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Despite not having visited this site since NFL finished in February, I’m still logged in. That is cool as fuck.
I think it’s going to take me a week or two to get back into the DFO/NFL mindset.

Mr. Ayo

Bang your head against the nearest wall 3 times and you should be good to go.

King Hippo

and a mighty penance ye shall make

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Step 1: take off pants
Step 3: drunkenness

...

The Imperial Pajamas has gotten me much drunker than I thought it would.

Gratliff

“Ryan has been repaired”
/5 yards over receiver’s head

Gratliff

Just suddenly remembered Necessary Roughness exists
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Sharkbait

They’re going to bury the Kaepernick Nike commercial in the 4th quarter 2 minute warning break aren’t they?

The Maestro

If you’re going to the fridge, can you bring me back another beer? Thanks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Shit…this reminds me…I need to call my mother…her birthday is coming up.

JustStopDude

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NBC and NFL…and Matt Ryan taking a slide…

fleshwound_NPG

matty ice ain’t dreamboat, guys

Brocky

I actually liked the longest yard remake (and truth be told the original wasn’t nearly as good as some people say it was)

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Gratliff

I will not sit here and let someone say something positive about post-Happy Gilmore Adam Sandler even if I probably agree

Brocky

dude, i’m just saying, you start bad mouthing little nicky, we’re gonna have a problem.

I’m not sure when sandler really really went to shit, but most of his 2000 to 2007 stuff was good.

JustStopDude

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!

Every single thing about your comment is functionally wrong on a level that is beyond our ability to understand wrongness. Entire new fields of study need to be developed by our best and brightest…people that should be developing new energy sources and medicines are now lost in just trying to describe to others how utterly wrong your comment was so that future generations can learn from…and hopefully never allow your comment to be independently developed.

You are the patience zero of wrongness…so wrong it threatens the survival of the human race.

/sorry I just really hate Adam Sandler and I loved the original movie.

King Hippo

Adam Sandler is THE GODDAMNED WORST

JustStopDude

I drank heavily enough that I have no fucking idea what this gif is or why I felt the need to share it.

I am going into this blind…I may have posted this already…we just don’t know…we have to pull the trigger and just dance with the devil.

Moose knows what I am talking about…
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herodotus450

My computer trying to load all the pics and gifs:
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My laptop is from 2011 so it’s hell on me lol

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

If I reload the page it will split the comments into multiple pages, which sometimes might help.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Barely related:

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I always Mistook Robert Ulrich for burt reynolds when I saw him in something when he was young

Brick Meathook

Robert Urich was the discount television Burt Reynolds

...

ROCKY BALBOA DOESN’T EXIST HE’S A FUCKING CHARACTER WHY DOES PHILLY CELEBRATE HIM??!?!?

Spur

head injuries from their youth?

King Hippo

oppressed white ppl is the real tragedy of the 21st century ,, smh especially at the hands of fake Negroes

clint greasewood

Smokin Joe Frazier shrugs

Claymaker

Spoiler alert for every single college and NFL game you watch this season, but if they are in shotgun with the RB offset to the trips side it’s an RPO.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey guys. Not unlike this game and Melanie’s gag reflex, I was delayed.

Sharkbait

That father son car commercial, just let the kid die. Darwinism is a thing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stupid fucking Dad should make his kid sit behind the passenger seat so that shit’s not an issue. Bad parenting.

fleshwound_NPG

3-3, hellva hockey game

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

So why is Ajayi not playing?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Because you touch yourself

Brocky

because i drafted him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right one more JULIODRIVE and I gotta go shopping.

Gratliff

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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Claymaker

Now the Green Zone and the Red Zone are both 20 yards! We are at the nexus of the universe.

The Maestro

Put ’em together and you get the Brown Zone, which I believe is adjacent to the nearby Catholic church in your neighborhood.

fleshwound_NPG

so. much. bleerrrgh

King Hippo

I’d let Ertz be a decoy, too. Even when his man dies mid-play. Just SMRT.

The Maestro

In other interesting developments in late capitalism:

Gratliff

All the F-150s on my road just suddenly caught fire

King Hippo

This being the company led by a literal fucking Nazi during WWII.

...

It’s awesome to see amoral corporations cynically calculating which moral position that will sell them the most shit.

King Hippo

they seriously just want to be talked about, or I guess I should say #trending

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Baby Goose in Space.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

GAWD

Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Some weak PI right there

JustStopDude

So glad the regular season is here…this is it…huh…when does basketball start?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Claymaker

So I’ve heard the yellow line is UNOFFICIAL, but I believe the Green Zone supersedes the Constitution and the North Atlantic Treaty.

herodotus450

But how much of the ball has to cross the goal line to count as a touch down?

Spur

Are we share that’s not Kevin Hart wearing Tiny Darren’s uni?

Wakezilla

I sure hope Scotchanut’s first glimpse of real boobs was more exciting than this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Poor Scotty.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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to reiterate.

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Oh man. This gonna piss off some NFL fans.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

Burt Reynolds was always a pretty handsome dude.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

A PULSE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

“What is something Tony Dungy didn’t find upon opening the closet door, Alex?”

Sharkbait

Oh that’s good.

Spur

counterpoint, last years Superb Owl was liking having to cheer for Hitler or Stalin.

King Hippo

I mean, Stalin at least had some personality and ATE MEAT for Christ’s sake.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I’m streaming this which puts me like a minute behind Live. It’s rough.

...

It’s gonna be great when the whole country is subject to Bears-Packers in three days lol

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Aaron Rodgers can’t wait for the bears to really take it from the packers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I mean, doesn’t he usually come out on top?

Spur

Seeing Mack break punkass Rodgers in two will be great.

...

Mack being murderous is pretty much the only upside to watching the Bears this year.

King Hippo

Leonard Cohen will be a total PPR monster, touching all our perfect bodies with his mind…

King Hippo

when THE PROPHECY comes to fruition.

/or at least starts

Claymaker

Did Al just say “Sproles back to RECEPT it”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welp, it’s been an hour and I’m bored with football already.

Gratliff

“Same.” – Matt Ryan, Nick Foles

Spur

when do catchers and pitchers report?

Sharkbait

Hockey starts next month.

Horatio Cornblower

Just let my kid take over the TV to play video games.

herodotus450

[kid starts playing Madden, Falcons v Eagles]

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not letting him play Madden! You think I want to get shot?

Gratliff

The true derp begins now

Sharkbait

NOW??

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Is this new Spider-man game coming to PC?
Hashtag Master Race

herodotus450

“Exactly!”
– Don T.
/The other Don T.

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