Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.
Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!
Falcons vs. Eagles:
You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together? Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.
*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.
Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.
Compelling FGkkake
Despite not having visited this site since NFL finished in February, I’m still logged in. That is cool as fuck.
I think it’s going to take me a week or two to get back into the DFO/NFL mindset.
Bang your head against the nearest wall 3 times and you should be good to go.
and a mighty penance ye shall make
Step 1: take off pants
Step 3: drunkenness
The Imperial Pajamas has gotten me much drunker than I thought it would.
“Ryan has been repaired”
/5 yards over receiver’s head
Just suddenly remembered Necessary Roughness exists
They’re going to bury the Kaepernick Nike commercial in the 4th quarter 2 minute warning break aren’t they?
If you’re going to the fridge, can you bring me back another beer? Thanks.
Shit…this reminds me…I need to call my mother…her birthday is coming up.
NBC and NFL…and Matt Ryan taking a slide…
matty ice ain’t dreamboat, guys
I actually liked the longest yard remake (and truth be told the original wasn’t nearly as good as some people say it was)
I will not sit here and let someone say something positive about post-Happy Gilmore Adam Sandler even if I probably agree
dude, i’m just saying, you start bad mouthing little nicky, we’re gonna have a problem.
I’m not sure when sandler really really went to shit, but most of his 2000 to 2007 stuff was good.
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
Every single thing about your comment is functionally wrong on a level that is beyond our ability to understand wrongness. Entire new fields of study need to be developed by our best and brightest…people that should be developing new energy sources and medicines are now lost in just trying to describe to others how utterly wrong your comment was so that future generations can learn from…and hopefully never allow your comment to be independently developed.
You are the patience zero of wrongness…so wrong it threatens the survival of the human race.
/sorry I just really hate Adam Sandler and I loved the original movie.
Adam Sandler is THE GODDAMNED WORST
I drank heavily enough that I have no fucking idea what this gif is or why I felt the need to share it.
I am going into this blind…I may have posted this already…we just don’t know…we have to pull the trigger and just dance with the devil.
Moose knows what I am talking about…
My computer trying to load all the pics and gifs:
My laptop is from 2011 so it’s hell on me lol
If I reload the page it will split the comments into multiple pages, which sometimes might help.
Barely related:
I always Mistook Robert Ulrich for burt reynolds when I saw him in something when he was young
Robert Urich was the discount television Burt Reynolds
ROCKY BALBOA DOESN’T EXIST HE’S A FUCKING CHARACTER WHY DOES PHILLY CELEBRATE HIM??!?!?
head injuries from their youth?
oppressed white ppl is the real tragedy of the 21st century ,, smh especially at the hands of fake Negroes
Smokin Joe Frazier shrugs
Spoiler alert for every single college and NFL game you watch this season, but if they are in shotgun with the RB offset to the trips side it’s an RPO.
Hey guys. Not unlike this game and Melanie’s gag reflex, I was delayed.
That father son car commercial, just let the kid die. Darwinism is a thing.
Stupid fucking Dad should make his kid sit behind the passenger seat so that shit’s not an issue. Bad parenting.
3-3, hellva hockey game
So why is Ajayi not playing?
Because you touch yourself
because i drafted him.
All right one more JULIODRIVE and I gotta go shopping.
Now the Green Zone and the Red Zone are both 20 yards! We are at the nexus of the universe.
Put ’em together and you get the Brown Zone, which I believe is adjacent to the nearby Catholic church in your neighborhood.
so. much. bleerrrgh
I’d let Ertz be a decoy, too. Even when his man dies mid-play. Just SMRT.
In other interesting developments in late capitalism:
All the F-150s on my road just suddenly caught fire
This being the company led by a literal fucking Nazi during WWII.
It’s awesome to see amoral corporations cynically calculating which moral position that will sell them the most shit.
they seriously just want to be talked about, or I guess I should say #trending
Baby Goose in Space.
GAWD
Some weak PI right there
So glad the regular season is here…this is it…huh…when does basketball start?
So I’ve heard the yellow line is UNOFFICIAL, but I believe the Green Zone supersedes the Constitution and the North Atlantic Treaty.
But how much of the ball has to cross the goal line to count as a touch down?
Are we share that’s not Kevin Hart wearing Tiny Darren’s uni?
I sure hope Scotchanut’s first glimpse of real boobs was more exciting than this.
Poor Scotty.
to reiterate.
Oh man. This gonna piss off some NFL fans.
Burt Reynolds was always a pretty handsome dude.
A PULSE
“What is something Tony Dungy didn’t find upon opening the closet door, Alex?”
Oh that’s good.
counterpoint, last years Superb Owl was liking having to cheer for Hitler or Stalin.
I mean, Stalin at least had some personality and ATE MEAT for Christ’s sake.
I’m streaming this which puts me like a minute behind Live. It’s rough.
It’s gonna be great when the whole country is subject to Bears-Packers in three days lol
Aaron Rodgers can’t wait for the bears to really take it from the packers.
I mean, doesn’t he usually come out on top?
Seeing Mack break punkass Rodgers in two will be great.
Mack being murderous is pretty much the only upside to watching the Bears this year.
Leonard Cohen will be a total PPR monster, touching all our perfect bodies with his mind…
when THE PROPHECY comes to fruition.
/or at least starts
Did Al just say “Sproles back to RECEPT it”?
Welp, it’s been an hour and I’m bored with football already.
“Same.” – Matt Ryan, Nick Foles
when do catchers and pitchers report?
Hockey starts next month.
Just let my kid take over the TV to play video games.
[kid starts playing Madden, Falcons v Eagles]
I’m not letting him play Madden! You think I want to get shot?
The true derp begins now
NOW??
Is this new Spider-man game coming to PC?
Hashtag Master Race
“Exactly!”
– Don T.
/The other Don T.