Your Monday Night Football Doubleheader Open Thread

Man, I very much enjoyed the games I watched yesterday. You say, ‘derp’ and I say, ‘how does a team overcome the derp’ or ‘how does a team take advantage of the derp?”. Derp is an intrinsic part of the game and I love it. Except Ereck Flowers-oriented derp-that’s a bridge too fucking far. That’s like making fun of a developmentally-challenged team trainer being given the chance to play with the starters in a high school game.

Another Observation: Hippo brought it up in one of the threads yesterday (I think) and it bears repeating to all you silly fantasy folks out there. #workthatwaiverwire Seriously, look for guys that are getting increasing amounts of touches as the season progresses-they’re working their way into the starting lineup/earning their position coach’s trust. Your wr on a potent O has a nagging hammy? Grab his backup. Them injuries tend to linger and the ball is going to end up in that guy’s hands at some point. A rook rb starts getting put into 3rd down passing packages? Grab him before someone else does. I’ll shut up now. TO THE GAMES!

Jetskis/Lions:

Don’t ask me how or why but I watched two (2!) Lions preseason games. Don’t send thoughts or prayers, just send more booze. Anywaggle, maybe Patricia The Stripper was goofing around with personnel groupings but wowza!, that D was positioned badly and seemed surprised at very obvious things that an O would run. I’ve said it recently-I’ll say it again:Stafford is going to have some awesome numbers if he can stay upright. His rookie counterpart-the object of much cautious optimism in the New York area-won’t have the stats to compare but if he gets his reads right, he’ll end up with the W.

Rammers/Raiders:

Khalil Mack embarrassed not just the Packers last night but also the Raiders. That’s one hell of a hill to climb right out of the gate Sisyphus, er, I mean, Jon. USA Today ranked qb Goff as the twenty-first best in the league just behind Derek Carr. How? What? C’mon now!

Go out there and make some friends in the comments.

 

 

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Sharkbait

This is bad.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah.

Senor Weaselo

TWO picks by Lee? Where are we, Bizarro… wait, still no picks for Adams, never mind.

LemonJello

Somebody tell the Jets D that they’re going to use up their season’s quota of INTs in this one game.

Gratliff

Thoughts and prayers

King Hippo

Like a fat, outdoors-y Josh McDaniels, THIS GUY

Claymaker

Apropos of nothing, I just got off the phone with my dad who was cleaning out our basement and found an old VHS copy of Reggie’s Prayer, the 1996 Reggie White self-produced Christian film where he coaches a high school team and fights evil drug dealer The Big Show (The Giant at the time.)

Stick around for janitor Mike Holmgren and his mentally handicapped assistant janitor son Brett Favre who give Reggie the secret winning play they worked up. “Play CAAAAAAn have two naaaaames, ya knooooow.”

Claymaker
Petronel

And Rosey Grier and Willie Roaf, apparently.

Claymaker

Also featuring Pat Morita and M.C. Hammer!

Spur

Jets fan celebrate by telling the Lions fans “Show us your tits!”

Mr. Ayo

This is a Peterman-esque showing

The Maestro

THE DETRISTOCRATS!

Petronel

Looks like this dumpster fire might go on for a bit…

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Redshirt

Holy shit!

litre_cola

Oh my will he get the Peterman?

King Hippo

not in a half, but I’d still be impressed

Spanky Datass

.53 Fantasy Points Of Fury?

The Maestro

Wonder if the training staff slipped Stafford some of the Flint water in order to give him some mutant healing powers.

LemonJello

The Jets know that any extra points scored tonight don’t carry over to next week, right?

Can we consider Stafford the new Romo, he has good #s on paper, but it still underwhelming.

Spur

There will only be ONE ROMO.

That smile good light up a 4th Quarter collapse.

Petronel

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King Hippo

plus is now ded

King Hippo

somewhere in some office tomorrow, some asshole will claim to have started BloodSugarFitzMagic and the Jest D/ST.

Redshirt

Even Fireman Ed doesn’t know how to react to the Jets being scarily good.

Spur

Hurry this up. I want to watch the Raiders shit show.

Claymaker

I used to joke about this but I’m coming around to the idea that sometime in the next decade QBs are going to be two-hand-touch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There will be two leagues: one where CTE is guaranteed and you can only play if you’re wearing an American or Confederate flag, and a flag football league where Robert Edwards knee is the championship trophy.

King Hippo

/screams into void for 8+ hours

Senor Weaselo

Who are these guys, because they are sure as hell not the New York Jets.

Petronel

Yep, he DID have room!

Spur

– Sasha Grey

So this is what it feels like to have faced the Jets offense 2011-2017.

King Hippo

hey, Our Lord didn’t die from the shock after all!

Redshirt

So to reinterate:
Barely touching a facemask with your pinkie – Personal Foul
Sacking a QB and falling on him due to momentum and gravity – Personal Foul
Hitting a QB front and back and breaking multiple ribs – A-OK!

Spur

Stafford isn’t Ford Tough?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe Ford Pinto Tough (although he supposedly has started 1 hundred some-of games).

Gratliff

Raw is honoring the mankind-taker hell in a cell match. Clearly the better choice.

LemonJello

Who’s Detroit’s back-up? I think Fat Stafford, he ded.

litre_cola

Casselvania!

Spur

Detroit’s backup is to burn the last remaining structures for the insurance.

Petronel

Stafford ded-ish?

King Hippo

eeeeets a collarbone!

LemonJello

THIS JETS TEAM, I CALL THE EIGHTH AIR FORCE BECAUSE THEY ARE DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN THEIR PATH.

Viva La Tabula Raza

SInce I don’t give a shit about either team, this match has actually been pretty entertaining thus far

Senor Weaselo

Pick-sixes for all!

King Hippo

maybe Superb Owl Jest?? What happened to Our Lord? Maybe he die of the shock.

The Maestro

I’m still not used to the Jets being on the positive side of a pick-six.

Gratliff

Season over, back to being mad at the Red Wings for not winning a Stanley cup every year

Petronel

Oh, that was just de-lovely.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, great news evahbodeh!!!!

One of my rebuilt teeth (in my overall rebuilt face, after the “over the handlebars face meets pavement occurrence” of a few years back)… well, it just shattered. Hey, that feels good!!!!

On the bright side….

Who has two thumbs and will be getting some Oxycodone this week?

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litre_cola

Is it Hippo?

Senor Weaselo

It can be two things!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Flying is even less fun when one isn’t drinking

LemonJello

Just keep the wings level there, Chuck Yeager.

Gratliff

Who’s the guy doing the morning zoo wacky guy radio voice?

LemonJello

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herodotus450
JustStopDude

The premier of Monday Night Football…straight down hill since then…

ballsofsteelandfury

1989?

The Maestro

Hmmm. That Capital One lass could almost maybe convince me to put myself further in debt. MAYBE.

Sharkbait

I’m coming for you tWBS!

ballsofsteelandfury

Phrasing

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe….right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

If he keeps completing to Tate, I’ll keep enough cushion foar pushin’.
Phrasing.

LemonJello

They imported those Lions cheerleaders from Canadia, no?

The Maestro

I thought I heard some far-off screech from due south of me about “DAMN IMMIGRANTS STEALING JOBS” just now. Weird. May have just been the wind.

ballsofsteelandfury

Canadian contingent: is it true that Canadian strippers are the best? I’ve heard that rumour but never been able to confirm.

The Maestro

Out of principle, I don’t go to strip clubs, because the ones close to me are fucking terrifying. (Of all the people on this site, King Hippo may actually understand the best of anyone just how much of a horror show the town of Hull, Quebec is.)

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m intrigued. Terrifying in what way? Do they all seem straight out of Trailer Park Boys?

The Maestro

Yes, and also the hairy, sweaty Lebanese guys lusting over the (clearly underage) girls walking to the dive bars across the street will also cut you if they think you’ve even looked at them the wrong way. Add in language barriers and a general working-class chip on the whole place’s collective shoulder and hooooooo boy I am glad I don’t frequent those spots anymore.

(Although I will admit that being able to buy a quart of Colt 45 for $4 at the corner store run by the old blind Chinese couple is a pretty cool thing to do when you’re 15 and trying to be cool.)

litre_cola

Montreal strippers are considered the best in the country. Vancouver second.

Gratliff

Why does ESPN’s broadcast have graphics from 2001?

Spur

Those ESPN sets aren’t cheap. They have to resuse where they can.

WCS

TIME FOR SAUL

litre_cola
LemonJello

Who still has both thumbs, and “gets” to drive to ECU tomorrow to get one of their spawn out of the path of a hurricane?

If you guessed Lady LemonJello, well, no. “It’s-A ME!”

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litre_cola

Tell Orangejello to buckle down and just rub some dirt on it.

LemonJello

OrangeJello is at Happy Appy, LimeJello is at ECU.

I did consider bribing OrangeJello to head east to get her brother, saving me the Rage Inducing Experience known as I-95 South, but in the end the good Lady LemonJello vetoed that plan.

King Hippo

mine driving herself, thank fuck. That’s my gold star for driving that car down from Denver a few weeks ago!

Senor Weaselo
Spur

Darnold has a PHAT ASS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Darnold is cursed, never should have insulted the football gods by wearing Ryan Fitzpatrick’s number.

The Maestro

Peter Gabriel > Phil Collins.

NO ONE DENIES THIS

Spur
Spur

What is happening on my TV?

theeWeeBabySeamus

My first guess?

Porn.

Spur

it did look a bit like Blacked.com

litre_cola

No, that is on my laptop.

litre_cola

What the fuck is this on my teevee?

Petronel

Goddamnit, they said “Genesis halftime show” and I was so hopeful.

After all, this game is a…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmH1xQ2Pf4

And according to Mr. Nel, both teams are

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALxFwkNIHd0

(Dunno why those aren’t working.)

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the text after the link. For some reason, that causes a problem. Check it out:

Goddamnit, they said “Genesis halftime show” and I was so hopeful.

After all, this game is a…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmH1xQ2Pf4

ballsofsteelandfury

And according to Mr. Nel, both teams are

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALxFwkNIHd0

Petronel

Thanks, Balls (not a phrase I’ve said before, I think) – I thought that might have something to do with it – now I know for the future.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m sure Mr. Nel would appreciate that phrase at some point…

King Hippo

YouTube links only work with NO TEXT after them. No clue why that is.

Petronel

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