Your Monday Night Football Doubleheader Open Thread

Man, I very much enjoyed the games I watched yesterday. You say, ‘derp’ and I say, ‘how does a team overcome the derp’ or ‘how does a team take advantage of the derp?”. Derp is an intrinsic part of the game and I love it. Except Ereck Flowers-oriented derp-that’s a bridge too fucking far. That’s like making fun of a developmentally-challenged team trainer being given the chance to play with the starters in a high school game.

Another Observation: Hippo brought it up in one of the threads yesterday (I think) and it bears repeating to all you silly fantasy folks out there. #workthatwaiverwire Seriously, look for guys that are getting increasing amounts of touches as the season progresses-they’re working their way into the starting lineup/earning their position coach’s trust. Your wr on a potent O has a nagging hammy? Grab his backup. Them injuries tend to linger and the ball is going to end up in that guy’s hands at some point. A rook rb starts getting put into 3rd down passing packages? Grab him before someone else does. I’ll shut up now. TO THE GAMES!

Jetskis/Lions:

Don’t ask me how or why but I watched two (2!) Lions preseason games. Don’t send thoughts or prayers, just send more booze. Anywaggle, maybe Patricia The Stripper was goofing around with personnel groupings but wowza!, that D was positioned badly and seemed surprised at very obvious things that an O would run. I’ve said it recently-I’ll say it again:Stafford is going to have some awesome numbers if he can stay upright. His rookie counterpart-the object of much cautious optimism in the New York area-won’t have the stats to compare but if he gets his reads right, he’ll end up with the W.

Rammers/Raiders:

Khalil Mack embarrassed not just the Packers last night but also the Raiders. That’s one hell of a hill to climb right out of the gate Sisyphus, er, I mean, Jon. USA Today ranked qb Goff as the twenty-first best in the league just behind Derek Carr. How? What? C’mon now!

Go out there and make some friends in the comments.

 

 

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jjfozz

And please, don’t think i’m a misogynist, but this thing isn’t gonna suck itself

Redshirt

That better be a Tootsie Pop in your pants!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I do not like this.

jjfozz

THIS FEMALE ANNOUNCER, I CALL HER MRS. FOZZ, BECAUSE SHE’S TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL AND IRRITATING THE SHIT OUT OF ME

Senor Weaselo

Not a PI on Claibourne!

King Hippo

the Jest are gonna open with a road win. This is NAWT a drill.

litre_cola

Wow the Lions suck balls. Was Matt Patricia an extra in Over the Top?

The Maestro

They’re almost as bad as the LioUns.

jjfozz

Good evening, you buncha filthy animals. The woman who is calling this game has the most annoying voice in the fucking world. Why isn’t she on the field, wearing a short skirt and cheering?

Redshirt

You wanted the world woke. Don’t come crying to me about it!

jjfozz

Most of the people I meet who tell me they are “woke” deserve to be beaten to death with a horseshoe

The Maestro

I have no idea how ESPN expects me to take anyone who goes by the name “Booger” seriously.

Spur
Spur

You listened to a Trey Wingo

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Redshirt

BLEERGH is a Barry Sanders fan.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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The Maestro

Question: does anyone here hate themselves enough that they happened to have eaten at Burger King lately?

Spoiler
(And if so, can you tell me if the Bacon King is any good?)

ballsofsteelandfury

Sorry, I have healthy self esteem.

King Hippo

/all of us give Balls the stinkeye

Senor Weaselo

1. Yes
2. I just get the regular double burger.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ve eaten at Burger King 3 different times, at 3 different locations and been sick immediately after each time. I don’t fuck with that shit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If that were the Patriots on offense the refs would have said they didn’t see the challenge flag get thrown before the snap.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

ALL THE COMMERCIALS!

Redshirt

HOU/NE Replay Official: “What does that red flag mean?”

The Maestro

Boy oh boy. Don’t ever debate politics with your father. It never, ever ends well.

Pass the bourble, please.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Back in about 1990 I convinced my father that his voting Republican didn’t make any sense since he wasn’t a millionaire. My dad has voted Dem ever since and has REALLY hated the Republicans with the heat of a supernova since W stole the election. It’s one of the proudest accomplishments of my life.

King Hippo

for my mom’s 50th birthday, I got her the NC voter registration change paperwork (and helped her file it)

Redshirt

I got my dad a Voter Information Pamphlet one year. Going through it, we realized we would be canceling out each others votes on almost everything.

(I went Dem against Jean “Cowards cut and run, Marines never do” Schmidt)

litre_cola

Some stuff going on in Ontario right now?……….

Wakezilla

Ohhhhh yeah

The Maestro

All this “notwithstanding” clause horseshit with DoFo and the Tories has my knickers in a right twist, I tells ya.

Wakezilla

Yup. Mine watches fox news and I’m pretty, pretty, pretty left. So it definitely goes swimmingly well

Spur
Spur

I see my prediction Rodgers would milk his injury and the Bears would crap the bed came true.

I bet the League told the Bears at halftime to stop being mean.

Let’s see the Vikings take turns sacking him this weekend.

King Hippo

ever the contrarian, you. Don’t you have some pre-season D League to slurp over?? 😀

Spur
Spur

October 1st. Go Sours Go

This is going to be a rough year for the silver and black.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This chick’s voice is grating. She’s the Joe Buck of female announcers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Beth Mowins? Yeah, she did the Raiders preseason games. At first I thought everyone was just being sexist, but no, she’s terrible.

litre_cola

This is the proper taek.

Senor Weaselo

Senor’s Reaper oil on baked potato: Not dead yet!

King Hippo

the starch makes for a time delay mechanism?

Senor Weaselo

The starch means the olive oil permeates into the whole thing!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Whats a better name?

HaHa Clinton-Dix or Jim Bob Cooter?

King Hippo

Cooter is HoF good

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As always, Cooter for the win

Redshirt

Billy Joe Hobert and Billy Joe Tolliver.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Barkevius Mingo is up there

Petronel

As is D’Brickashaw (Ferguson).

King Hippo

yes to both

Spur
Spur

Folks

Redshirt

Oh, dear God. Its on both sides! Why are you making the Down-Distance info the most important thing on the screen?!

Claymaker
Claymaker

Unrelated to this game, but was Rodgers’ post-game interview discussed here last night? Dude was hopped up on goofballs on national TV.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That was hysterical. They shot him up good at halftime.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Booooooooooo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I need to have him host Request Line next summer when the theme is “drugs”.

King Hippo

I didn’t see it, but if he was able to make complete sentences, then I am quite impressed by his poise and tolerance.

Claymaker
Claymaker

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Holy Shit. He has no idea what is going on

King Hippo

perhaps he would like to partner in my Sports Opium Den idea?

Spur
Spur

I swear he said Bare back rivalry on 1st listen.

Did they get jim irsay to helicopter in the good stuff?

King Hippo

Irsay wishes he had what A.A. Ron got. He got it ALL!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is wonderful to me that ESPN offers a Spanish language broadcast.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t believe I missed Darnold throwing a pick 6 on his first NFL pass.

King Hippo

I was putting away laundry. LAUNDRY!!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

10 years of Matthew Stafford???

ballsofsteelandfury

@Shogun, if you want to annoy someone, annoy Low Commander. He’s the one that edited your comment. TWBS is no longer involved in that stuff and had nothing to do with this.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ohhh…no…don’t do that.

Redshirt

Shogun, whatever you did to annoy someone, I can say with 99.2% certainty that someone said something worse in the past month that sent people into a righteous conniption.

(innocent whistling)

Redshirt

I hope that yellow glowing border on the Down-Distance Marker is just for the Jets. With my ADD, I find my eyes darting to it every three seconds.

ballsofsteelandfury

I see the fine USC QB tradition lives on.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Nods

Mark Sanchez

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Matt Leinart

litre_cola

Matt Barkley

Redshirt

Hey! Carson Palmer was great before the knee, pretty good before the elbow, and then back to pretty good when he got to Arizona.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

John David Booty!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Todd Marinovich!

Claymaker
Claymaker

For a fleeting moment Nathan Peterman smiles as isn’t the worst statistical quarterback in the history of the NFL.

King Hippo

/moment over

Redshirt

Somewhere Dr. David Klingler is thanking the Lord.

Redshirt

I watched the Serena Williams blowup. While I cannot comment on the sexism accusation as I don’t watch tennis and its wrong to make a judgment without having all the facts (I’ll get you all for making me a better person), I can make some simpleton observations:

– BLEERGH has been branching out to other sports so the God of Broken Dreams is definitely in play here. No question.
– Her coach did admit to making a signal, which is against the agreed upon rules. The warning seemed valid.
– She was losing at the time, so that and feeling like being jobbed got to her. You can either use it as fuel or have a warp-core breach (she chose the latter).
– Getting a signal from a coach doesn’t make you a cheater or a bad mother. She seemed to have skipped some levels.
– I’m not sure how much lead-way a ref can give a player but Serena did seems to be stepping over the line. The point penalty was warranted, and maybe the game penalty, but my dumbass knowledge of tennis knows losing a game is one hell of a hit. She must’ve said the magic word to get it.
– All credit to her for realizing that she was taking away from Naomi Osaka’s lifetime dream coming true. She did outplay one of the greatest. She deserves to be cheered not booed of the court.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The coaching warning was like a completely bullshit ticky tack foul in a basketball game. Doesn’t mean a thing unless you let it get in your head, which it did to Serena, big-time.

Redshirt

Does a warning go into the books, records or as a fine or is it like when a baseball umpire warns both benches when a batter gets beaned?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Darnold has only a single highlight in his whole career.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I Just asked my brother in law when the first pick was going to happen. He guessed 2nd throw.

Senor Weaselo

I was watching Jeopardy, what’d I miss?

litre_cola

What is a derp to start a career Alex?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Darnold’s first throw, first pick six

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The roof collapsed! Probably a lot of deaths, we’ll know more after this commercial break.

Redshirt

I told them not to play in the Pontiac Dome. WHY DIDN’T THEY LISTEN?!?!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I feel so bad for Jets fans, except they’re generally terrible people so fuck en.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Somebody check on Senor. Make sure the pilot is still lit in his oven or sommet.

Senor Weaselo

No, but we did just set off the smoke detector with a grill pan.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay foar kitchen fires!!!!!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

litre_cola

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH breath AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAh We want Vinny!

Redshirt

And we’re off!

Shogun Marcus

I’m just here so I don’t get banned. Bye.

litre_cola

Great comment.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Manhattan: In hand
Chowder: On the stove
Fan Duel lineup: In

HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS?

litre_cola

Sick but getting stoned in my hotel room so I have that going for me

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hope the raiders lose by 74.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Do I have to drank tonight?
OK, fine. If I must….

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Shogun Marcus

excellent comment.

Brocky

Welcome to another edition of “good idea, bad idea”

Yesterdays games reminded me how I really wish the ESPN fantasy app had touchdown notifications, not just score updates.

I seriously caught myself thinking that I could duplicate the league in yahoo, and just keep track of my my own players every week.

Or does espn have those updates and i just did not notice them?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’ve already got 147+ pts this week. Don’t expect any of us to feel sorry for you.
I, on the other hand, am about to go 1-0 with the lowest winning pt total in the history of EVAR.
(sorry Sharkbait)

Shogun Marcus

Your comment is wonderful.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I will take three shots (in rapid succession) of things I hate from my liquor cabinet if the Raiders win tonight. We’re talking chocolat-kokonut* vodka and shit like that.

*misspelled because the flavors are entirely derived from petroleum distillates.

Shogun Marcus

Great comment.

litre_cola

Those 2 in the banner pic are, very attractive to me.

Shogun Marcus

Excellent.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Shogun Marcus

Such delight.

ballsofsteelandfury

I left work early for this.

I expect to be fully disappointed.

Shogun Marcus

Your comment makes me smile.

litre_cola

Ugggh, head cold, but at least I am travelling for work so I have peace and FOOTBAWWW in my room.

Shogun Marcus

So sorry you hurt, but you make amazing comments.

Petronel

Matron Saint rockin the high-necked, fitted LBD and stilettos. Good girl.

/although my feet hurt a little in sympathy

Shogun Marcus

Indeed, but good job pointing that out.

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