Your Monday Night Football Doubleheader Open Thread

Man, I very much enjoyed the games I watched yesterday. You say, ‘derp’ and I say, ‘how does a team overcome the derp’ or ‘how does a team take advantage of the derp?”. Derp is an intrinsic part of the game and I love it. Except Ereck Flowers-oriented derp-that’s a bridge too fucking far. That’s like making fun of a developmentally-challenged team trainer being given the chance to play with the starters in a high school game.

Another Observation: Hippo brought it up in one of the threads yesterday (I think) and it bears repeating to all you silly fantasy folks out there. #workthatwaiverwire Seriously, look for guys that are getting increasing amounts of touches as the season progresses-they’re working their way into the starting lineup/earning their position coach’s trust. Your wr on a potent O has a nagging hammy? Grab his backup. Them injuries tend to linger and the ball is going to end up in that guy’s hands at some point. A rook rb starts getting put into 3rd down passing packages? Grab him before someone else does. I’ll shut up now. TO THE GAMES!

Jetskis/Lions:

Don’t ask me how or why but I watched two (2!) Lions preseason games. Don’t send thoughts or prayers, just send more booze. Anywaggle, maybe Patricia The Stripper was goofing around with personnel groupings but wowza!, that D was positioned badly and seemed surprised at very obvious things that an O would run. I’ve said it recently-I’ll say it again:Stafford is going to have some awesome numbers if he can stay upright. His rookie counterpart-the object of much cautious optimism in the New York area-won’t have the stats to compare but if he gets his reads right, he’ll end up with the W.

Rammers/Raiders:

Khalil Mack embarrassed not just the Packers last night but also the Raiders. That’s one hell of a hill to climb right out of the gate Sisyphus, er, I mean, Jon. USA Today ranked qb Goff as the twenty-first best in the league just behind Derek Carr. How? What? C’mon now!

Go out there and make some friends in the comments.

 

 

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Senor Weaselo

Okay, we’re truly in the darkest timeline, Adams has a pick.

So this is what it was like to face Mark Sanchez.

King Hippo

No, I think he preferred to take his prom dates from behind.

Sharkbait

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Spanky Datass

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John Difool

His mole is the Lego guy, his hairstyle is cross between Nathan Fillion and Cameron Diaz with a Ben Stiller spritzer

John Difool

Dolph McCown should totally be in the Rocky IV remake….if they dare remake it

Spanky Datass

“Call for Mr. McCown, Mr. Josh McCown? Yes, Mr. McCown the year 1991 called and want’s it’s hairstyle back.”

Spur

Odds Fireman Ed gets in a fight in the parking lot? Even?

Spanky Datass

“Hold my beer …” — Lions fan

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Sharkbait

He is a fucking cro-mag.

King Hippo

I’m sticking with Touch of Downs. Just modify that Grateful Dead song a bit.

Claymaker

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Claymaker

Shit, the second image won’t appear.

It’s the unfrozen caveman lawyer.

Edit: Got it

Spur

your zone coverage frighten and confuse me.

Doktor Zymm

So, I checked the score when I got home and didn’t exactly feel the need to rush and watch the end of what is apparently a Jets blowout? Wat?

King Hippo

after the pick 6 on his first throw, Darnold on a 48-10 run.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I stepped out for a second to…

Wait.

The Jets are leading 48-17.

What timeline is this?

JustStopDude

The darkest…

Sharkbait

The darkest of the dark.

LemonJello

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JustStopDude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DQUrg0Yhu4

Because fuck this game…I am going to learn about the dangers of moonshine…

LemonJello
Claymaker

Normally you only go blind if you try drinking the methanol that comes over before the ethanol.

JustStopDude

Its a fanscinating watch. The dude gets saved because they pump him with more alcohol.

Chemistry is fucking crazy. This is why I stick to beer…and crank.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s nuts, right?

JustStopDude

Can both teams just agree to take knees…or something…

Senor Weaselo

“I’d rather not.” -Aaron Rodgers

Claymaker

Has anyone made a Kerryon “My Wayward” Johnson joke yet?

Sharkbait

I did in my living room. But I dont think that counts.

King Hippo

yes, but it didn’t land. You received first Like!

Spur

RAMMIT

Kupp better score 6 TDs.

LemonJello

Would you settle for 2 Scores, 1 Kupp?

Sharkbait

Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

King Hippo

I would accept this outcome. I need ALL the Baby Buster and/or Gurley Man points. Goddamned Crowell.

John Difool

Matt Patricia, more like Fat Patrician, amirite?

JustStopDude

Can we flex schedule this 4th quarter to the bottom of the Marianas Trench?

Redshirt

Well the Browns did flirt with scrappy competence yesterday. The suckiness has to go somewhere.

The Maestro

Man, why the fuck is Stafford still in this game?

LemonJello

His GrubHub delivery hasn’t shown up yet.

Gatoraids

More his new job as grub hub delivery man

Sharkbait

I have him in a DFS lineup. I need him throwing the ball*!!!

*To LIO(U)NS receivers only!

Spur

Calm down folks we all know the the Jets crash on 9/11. Let them have their fun today.

Senor Weaselo

The New Yorker in me says “Too soon,” but the Commentist in me says “BANNER”

JustStopDude

Its halal…I’ll allow it…

Senor Weaselo

True story: On this one intersection, about a half-mile from my house, there are three halal carts. Plus another one a block away. And a gyro cart another two blocks away. It’s hilarious.

SonOfSpam

Atta boy.

JustStopDude

Well…I’m feeling better about the Browns tie…
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The Belichick coaching tree has caused more misery than the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

litre_cola

I for one think that Joey Harrington would have been better today

JustStopDude

I like how Fireman Ed is so hated by New Yorkers that he has to go to Detroit to do his shtick now…

Claymaker

Man, that is a sad collection of jerseys. I saw a Louis Delmas jersey on what I assume was Louis Delmas’s mom.

Sharkbait

Wow, you might want to lay off of them. This is a brutal beating

–Ray Rice

Redshirt

Dear God, imagine the smug level of the Jets fans after this game.

Petronel

Matty Patty, (Former) Flying Tomato, rethinking some recent life choices.

Senor Weaselo

So, I’m assuming the Jets will get shut out in the home opener by Miami?

The Maestro

Good God. Now I want the Jets to score 50.

LemonJello

Like, 50 exactly? I guess the only thing they haven’t done is get a safety tonight.

King Hippo

well, I am right fucked in my money league now. Unless Baby Buster and Gurley Man just go the fuck off.

Did the Lions pick the Over?

Redshirt

This has to be the weirdest Week 1 ever.

litre_cola

Jesus jumping Christ this is a beating.

JustStopDude

How many times is this going to fucking happen before the rest of the NFL catches on…

NEVER trade with the Pats.

NEVER take an assistant coach from the Pats as your head coach.

You will always get fucked.

Gratliff

Feel free to snatch up their free agents though. Not sure why it worked out that way

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think it might be part of Belichick’s overall plan of evil..

Senor Weaselo

“He’s always writing things down…”
“Why the fuck did I agree to this garbage?”

Sharkbait

“Should have stayed in New England”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Spanky Datass

Oh my …

theeWeeBabySeamus

Young Matt Stafford….
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Sharkbait

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Spur

Patty-cakes has no idea what’s going on out there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I believe I proclaimed the Lions total ass in my Bears preview (or at least the comments) so hopefully this level of play holds at least two more games this season.

litre_cola

Throw the ball to Jones you fat fuck.

LemonJello

Just go to a continuous running clock and get this baby seal clubbing over.

Spur

This is how people get hurt. Just end the game.

Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo: “Shit, they replaced the Jets with New England.”

King Hippo

Todd Bowles is fighting back a smile.

LemonJello

How can you tell?

King Hippo

was a terrifying Grinch-like quivering

Viva La Tabula Raza

Christ, still another quarter plus remaining .

The Maestro

Christ, we still have 20 more minutes to play in this thing.

JustStopDude

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Gratliff

3 quarters through the Monday night game and the North is a two team race

Senor Weaselo

Unless Rodgers is out for eternity, in which case it’s a one-team race.