Your “I’ve Seen Stranger Things” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Much like a Krauthammer into an empty pool, let’s dive straight in. TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Broncos:

Boy oh boy. I wonder how everybody’s fave 2nd year phenom qb will do going into the confines of Denver for the first time. This should be a real test for him, right? Well, Johnny Football-Come-Lately’s, I’ll have you know that a certain Mr. Mahomes started a meaningless (KC had already clinched a playoff spot) game in week 17 last year in Denver and ended up winning 27-24 with a bunch of second-teamers. Oof! That sure ain’t bode well for tonight. After all, this kid is averaging 4.333333333 TDs per game and looks a wee bit unstoppable. Factor in that in the last five games vs. Denver, Andy Reid and company (led by Alex Smith) have averaged 30 points vs. dem Broncs.

The question is begged-how can the Broncs possibly pull this monkey out of the cage? Mahomes hasn’t seen the man coverage that Denver plays so perhaps there’ll be an adjustment phase. Chubbs and chicken-chaser Miller must force pressure from the edges so that Mahomes forces passes. But he’s already shown he can throw the short drop pass. Okay, now what? Perhaps rook rb’s Freeman and Lindsay slow down the pace of the game. Maybe the No Housefly Zone gets a pic or two or three. There’s always the possibility that qb Keenum racks up more yards than his counterpart. Just this year I’ve seen stranger things happen. See how I tied that all together in one big beautiful bow?

Get to doing the finger exercises.

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King Hippo

slippery little KHunt

Gratliff

According to facebook, I shared the Always Sunny Chase Utley scene 8 years ago today (probably the third or fourth time at that point), and I’m not about to let an anniversary that important go unnoticed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gU4w9FaSZ5M

WCS

“Aw shit, there’s stickers. My God.”

Gratliff

An all-time line to be sure

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

True story: back in the Uproxx days I submitted that letter as a comment to Joel McHale and he said I seemed “normal”.

Spanky Datass

Kelsey Grammer sighting DRINK!

jjfozz

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The Maestro

God, do I ever miss that man.

We’ll always have Paris…

Horatio Cornblower

Just logging in here for 9 minutes until Better Call Saul comes on.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Damn, I’m fixing to be 6 episodes behind after tonight. Finally figuring out how to use the DVR has made me lazy.

Horatio Cornblower

No spoilers, but I don’t think Jimmy’s gonna make an honest living.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, at least not till he’s running the Omaha Cinnabon…

jjfozz

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jjfozz

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Spanky Datass

Nanu nanu!

Spanky Datass

Also, this pic belongs in ‘Quotables’.

jjfozz

Good evening my chubby little troglodytes

LemonJello

HEY! Who you…oh, right.

Hi, Fozz!

WCS

Ahoy-hoy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In spanish that translates as “ahoy-today”.

King Hippo

Quick hitters make sense. Sanders just needs not fall down.

Senor Weaselo

Evening friends.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Never thought I’d live long enough to see Snoop Dogg turn into the Max Headroom of the 21st Century, selling boner pills.

Redshirt
King Hippo

Impressive defensing!

King Hippo

I am…not gonna get the SandersPOINTS. At least I bet $80 on the Chefs.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Totally unfamiliar with the story. Is Venom a good guy or a bad guy?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Venom’s a parasite/symbiote who I think basically turns a goodish guy into a bad guy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, kind of a Walter White/Jesse Pinkman relationship…

Redshirt

I think in the comics he’s all over the map. Starts heel, but then goes anti-hero but anti-Spider-Man.

hippofant

Venom has usually been a bad guy. It was an alien symbiote that bonded with Peter Parker and started amplifying his worst impulses. Peter got rid of it, but it bonded to Eddie Brock, a competitor of Peter’s who hated Spider-man. That Venom was Spider-man’s arch-nemesis for many years.

Since then, the symbiote’s backstory has been explored in more detail. The symbiotes are now a species of honorable, good aliens, and the Venom-symbiote’s behaviour is explained by its being injured through traveling through space and bonding with psychotic humans. It’s been recast as more of an anti-hero now, depending on who it’s bonded with.

Not sure where the movies are pulling their Venom interpretation from though.

Horatio Cornblower

“Not sure where the movies are pulling their Venom interpretation from….”

Right out of Tom Hardy’s ass, so look for an anti-hero that broods and mumbles his way into your heart.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Peak Tom Hardy was the bit part he played in “Layer Cake.”

King Hippo

Garrett Bolles is absolute ass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who do you think KC is going to lose to in their first playoff game this year? I’m predicting they will finish first in the AFC and then have to take on the 4 seed Patriots at home.

Redshirt

It’ll be Bengals-Chiefs. I don’t know whose gonna lose, but its going to be one of those years.

Senor Weaselo

Implosion?

The Maestro

Meteor.

theeWeeBabySeamus

3-3

I’m already so excited I can’t stand it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Tie game after 10 minutes of OT?

King Hippo

all the kicking of placements!

The Maestro

There was a quick camera pan to the audience there and I saw a guy with a Royals neck tattoo sitting there in the stands; I am absolutely CERTAIN this man has killed before.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That book/movie “In Cold Blood”? Yeah, it took place in Kansas.

Redshirt

For all those that want to start carving Mahommes HOF bust, just remember that in 2015 even Andy Dalton was being called a MVP contender.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Derek Carr was in the conversation in 2016.

The Maestro

Matt Ryan somehow won it in 2017.

JustStopDude

Somehow…during the course of this game…the officials are going to fuck the Browns…

Viva La Tabula Raza

So shall it be written, so shall it be done.

Redshirt

“Upon further review, we rule they cheated in Week 1. Touchdown, Steelers!”

King Hippo

I haven’t seen a KHunt abused like that since…

Horatio Cornblower

I hit the banner with that last year.

Can’t remember how I finished it though.

JustStopDude

I haven’t seen Andy Reid this aggressive outside of a buffet.

Brick Meathook

OH BOY FOOTBALL
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang. Balls like bell clappers.

King Hippo

Damn it, who learned that walrus maths?

JustStopDude

Three fucking games…and the kid is called a super star by ESPN.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I hope all this Mahomes hype doesn’t lead to his stepping on his dick tonight.

The Maestro

This would be in typical Andy Reidian fashion, however.

Redshirt

It ain’t the playoffs yet.

The Maestro

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The Maestro

(And ladies. And those who identify as neither.)

JustStopDude

Running with a lot of success…

“Hold my beer as I call three pass plays”

-Denver’s idiot head coach.

hippofant

It’s only the Chiefs. I’m sure 3 points will be enough.

Redshirt

“They still got Matt Cassel at QB, right?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

@Hippo and @Moose and everyone else: please note that this is the ONE time I will be rooting for Denver.

King Hippo

We thank you for your temporary, begrudging support. Every little bit helps.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This made me giggle.
I can envision RTD in a Raiders Jersey watching this game and totally pissed off no matter which way it goes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re pretty much right except for the Raiders jersey.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess we are stuck with listening to Autotune singing for eternity. Man I hate that shit.

herodotus450
theeWeeBabySeamus

I actually dated (very briefly) a girl like this…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHSZQUpDYfk

JustStopDude

Showtime is a fucking idiot. Always go for the baseball contract over football.

herodotus450

[Sees football game on TV]
Well, at least it’s Thursday.
[Checks calendar]
And at least I didn’t rape anyone last year.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fuck that stupid attempted rapist dipshit for (among many other things) giving blackout drunkenness a bad name.

King Hippo

that is teh real crime ppl forget that 😀

Redshirt

We all know he blacked out and doesn’t remember it. He just doesn’t want to admit it!

C’mon! The statute of limitations is past and its a misdemeanor (if local talk radio is right). Just withdrawal your candidacy and promote alcohol awareness to frats. That way you can save your name that your beloved kids have. And the Supreme Court remains legitimate.

Drop you beloved beer and grow some [g]uts!

Redshirt

Seriously, that douchebag is ruining the concept of “actus non facit reum nisi mens sit rea” for the rest of us!

Redshirt

Oh good. Broncos are wearing their blues. I like these blues with their new jersey combo. I like the orange ones, but not in the new format. Accent colors rarely go well as the main color.

Either go back to the retro design with the D on the helmets or stay with blue.

King Hippo

it’s navy, team colours are navy and mango

Alternate home navy is the 55 Chubb jersey I have asked the kids to get me for Kwanzaa.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Mmmm, this plucky little cabernet has a fruity nose, chocolaty finish, and will pair well with the lighter meats, such as spam, bologna, and hot dogs.

LemonJello

OOOooohhhhhh, look at Mr. Fancy-Pants over here. You probably use only the finest Solo cups to drink out of too?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Little white Styrofoam coffee cups bring out the bouquet more than the plastic solo cups.

Redshirt

Besides Bart Starr, was there any other good QBs that wore #15? It seems like a rare number.

King Hippo

Paging all TebowTARDS!!!1111

King Hippo

/that’s ok we noe ur just prejudiced against Christians smh

...

Mahomes is on pace for 69 TDs

blaxabbath

Nice.

Wakezilla

Pfft. At his peak, Rex Grossman was on pace for 69 STDs a season

...

Yes I’m angry about baseball, why do you ask?

Redshirt

On the bright side, you got your whole October to look at the leaves change. Per Seth Meyers and Matt Damon its Gods way of apologizing.

deviantBastard

And drink pumpkin ales, if one is into that sort of thing.

Redshirt

By the way, I don’t know who invented Pumpkin Egg Nog, but I will hunt you down and make you pay for ruining a perfectly good egg nog.

King Hippo

I didn’t even know that was a thing, but gross.

Pumpkin bread is good. That is ALL.

King Hippo

A beautiful backdrop to agonize over lineups and waiver wire decisions.

...

I actually have some significant travel bookes for October on the grounds this Cubs team would step into a rake so I’m set.

Unsurprised

Sweater Weather
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Baby Vamp, how you tease me so.

King Hippo

We are glad you’re not under arrest, and if any consolation, you miss Los Doyers tomorrow (brutal travel for Dirt Donks) and the first real round. Could be worse.

/wishes it was worse

...

I’m resigned to defeat actually. The Cubs organization has been deeply contemptible so they don’t really deserve to win.

Wakezilla

That just means you don’t have to watch 4 hours of boring playoffs baseball.

...

False. I will hate watch.

King Hippo

One of those leagues where folk don’t really trade much? Having that QB dilemma will put one straight in the loony bin.

King Hippo

that IS kinda fun. I guess Gigantes fan fatalism just overwhelmed “No Outdoors Road Breesus” factor, which I can dig.

Redshirt

I’m sure he’ll break several NFL records tonight. He’s due.

Redshirt

Oh, this episode of Doctor Who is on. Its a nice visual lesson how good people could’ve went and voted for someone like Trump.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midnight_(Doctor_Who)

Redshirt

From TV Tropes: “The Doctor, stuck in a bus with a race of stupid apes who abandon morality and reason in favor of their own selfish desires for survival… oh. That’s us.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve decided that humanity isn’t going to make it (and we’ve basically be trapped on this planet even if we did), and am going to dedicate myself to helping program our successors in order to make sure that intelligent life actually survives in this universe.

Redshirt

I think once we destroy the world, lower life forms will survive near the bottom of the ocean. Once the Earth heals itself, that life form will have a chance to evolve and have its chance.

theeWeeBabySeamus

just hold on for one more decade. The AI and memory capacity isn’t quite there yet. But….

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Redshirt
King Hippo

After watching Earl Thomas yesterday, one can see why he’s itching to get back ,, imo godbless. #lunchpale

hippofant

IIRC, he has to play a certain number of games to be considered to have played this season so he can hit free agency next season. I thought it was 4 though, not 8.

King Hippo

No. What they’s about?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m 20 books in Discworld, so no, not yet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My opponent needs 13.17 fantasy points from Mahomes to beat me. To add even the slightest bit of suspense please put your prediction of when he gets there in the comments. I’m taking 13:18 in the second quarter.

King Hippo

You can always hope for Von and Chubb to murder-kill him first. They always could.

blaxabbath

Mahomes returns the opening kick to the haus.

Wakezilla

He’s going to finish with 12 points.

You’re going to win

King Hippo

Some of us really need some He-Mannuel Sanders slot magic. And to get our Chubb on.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Someone had a post about Nick Lowe the other night that I came late to and no doubt my response was not seen by human eyes, so repeating: Saw Nick Lowe backed by Los Straitjackets with Jimmie Vaughan opening last Wednesday at Antone’s in Austin. Great show. Straitjackets are fucking awesome…

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