JV NFL Thread – Where Has All Teh Good Matches Gone?

Fuck everything, another shitass International Break is upon us.  And is JV NFL breaking out the good vintage bottles to ease our suffering?  Fuck and No.  Your platter of turds follows:

Florida at Vanderbilt (Noon, ESPN)

Some peoples would have you believe that the Gators have turned the corner and are now legitimately good.  Those peoples will be noticeably quiet after said Gators lose to Vandy.  Yes, this is a thing I bet on.

Iowa at Indiana (Noon, ESPN2)

Bet you didn’t expect these sides to be 4-1 and 4-2, respectively.  Still, watching this fixture will give your eyes a sad.  But pickins is slim.

Oklahoma State at Kansas State (Noon, ESPNU)

The Battle of Who’s MOAR Disappoint and/or Loser Becomes the Side Most Likely to Almost Lose to Kansas.

Georgia at LSU (3:30, CBS)

The first of today’s two real games (both at same time, of course), featuring a good Georgia side on the road against an angry Bayou Bengal side.  If’n this was at night, I’d favour LSU outright.  Still think they beat a 7.5 point spread at home, but UGA pulls it out late.

Washington at Oregon (3:30, ABC/ESPN2)

Not sure I believe either of these team’s deserves to be ranked as highly as they are, but still quite watchable and interesting a matchup.  Should be a night game, fuckos.

West By God Virginia at Iowa State (7:00, FS1)

I put money on Fuckers du Cousins (+7 at +120) to make this interesting.  The late slate is fucking garbage.

Wisconsin at Michigan (7:30, ABC)

Two boring as fuck teams that sportscasters love to jism over.  Michigan will likely murder Bucky Badger.

Colorado at USC (10:30, FS1)

Not a strong tweaker slate, even.  But the Buffs are unbeaten and a 7-point dog going into Watts.  Mildly interesting, I’d say.  At least there will be Song Girls.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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JustStopDude

Tomorrow I will attempt to hit up Zaause Schaus. It is a historic dutch village setup, sort of like a European Colonial Williamsburg.

I think I will be able to sample Dutch tradition booze, get some wooden shoes made, and sample even more cheese.

scotchnaut

This tune got me close to a warm naked body a few times. Yeah, I was a manipulative shithead in my early 20’s…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HMAVU1k7kg

scotchnaut

I mean-we can’t be completely alike. That’s just spooky!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well….that sucks.

Imma go to the dump now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Blankenship is an old and revered Mexican name. Right?

Also, he looks like the 4th Hanson brother.

These things go thru my mind every time I watch UGa

litre_cola

You watching from a Puerto Rican Burger King?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit UGa. If you’re gonna fake the FG, which I respect trying, at least call a better fucking play than that.

Jeebus fuck.

litre_cola

Hahaha Jorja, good work.

Spur

LSU fan with a Lakers jersey….yep…GO Bulldogs!

litre_cola

Probably Shaq.

Spur

no, it was LeBron

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gon’ be holding a natty champs trophy in about three months.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I was joking. Too one dimensional to get past ‘Bama, Clemson, or ND.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But if they had Ryan Finley, they’d be dangerous.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I get one almost every night.

Oh wait, sorry…. You meant….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy fuck…that’s awesome.

scotchnaut

As long as we’re Squeezing…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI0y1AMGQ_M

litre_cola

Hai! Just finished work and was cruising teh footbaw, in CFL news the Bombers are beating the Inbreds 31-0 at halftime.

litre_cola

No, I didn’t bet today, was at work.

Unsurprised

FUCK

Catch you later.

scotchnaut

According to The Squeeze and Hippo, dark meat is…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ2cEc_TCH8

scotchnaut

True Fact:

This song is a first cousin to The Cure’s ‘Love Cats’.

ballsofsteelandfury

I love Mexican soccer coverage… hot chicks in tight outfits showing off their curves all over.

Unsurprised

That reminds me, all this weather talk and no Yanet Garcia.

ballsofsteelandfury

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Those shoes do not look comfortable. 2/10, doesn’t want to see any bunyons.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll help her out…

litre_cola

You and the toes, THIS GUY BALLS, I CALL HIM REX CUZ HE LOVES FEET AND ASSES.

Unsurprised

But the dark meat’s where all the flavor is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really want to make a joke about eating dark meat.
But I shouldn’t.

ballsofsteelandfury

Too bad you don’t eat it anymore…

theeWeeBabySeamus

It kinda got too expensive.

scotchnaut

I think you already did. Shame on you.

ballsofsteelandfury

Rotisserie chicken is the fucking best.

Unsurprised

I should go to Costco.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, that mofo hit a 53 yarder.
Still a stupid choice to kick here, but at least Hippo’s most favourite play is upcoming.
(onside kick Hippo…get over there)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never mind. Buncha pussy asses.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

9/10, would suck on her nipples for good luck

scotchnaut

I’ve scrolled back to this gif far more times than I’m willing to admit.

Spur

Why is Pitt dressed like San Jose State?

scotchnaut

Brady Tkachuck was the 4th overall pick for the Sens. Check out his reaction when his teammate says that the first person he calls after a game is his girlfriend. Go to 3:30.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srCjEjd37xU

scotchnaut

or 25 seconds

ballsofsteelandfury

Awesome.

JustStopDude

Evening folks. Or I guess afternoon…whatever fucking time it is in the states.

I went to Amsterdam this morning. I checked out an art museum, a cheese museum, and a pipe museum.

Amsterdam reminds me a lot of the Jersey shore. A shit ton of people, from all over the place, with tight shirts, spiked hair, and chains, all acting like idiots in public.

For the love of god, will never understand how people don’t realize that doing selfies in the middle of a busy street is NOT a good idea. I think I witnessed at least 10 idiots getting clipped by cars or cyclists.

JustStopDude

Also…the fucking internet here blows ass. Its slow as fuck. I can’t even watch ESPN highlights.

Unsurprised

But at least you have fewer ads and more privacy …

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cheese Museum.

No wonder weed has to be legal there.

JustStopDude

Every single coffee shop had a table outside with a bunch of loud, annoying American college students acting very obnoxiously high.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

I think I witnessed at least 10 idiots getting clipped by cars or cyclists.

Sounds like quality entertainment.

ballsofsteelandfury

I bet the museum shop at the Cheese Museum is pretty awesome though!

JustStopDude

Its basically a cheese shop with a shitload of free samples. So this short old guy, in I shit you not, wooden shoes, starts talking to me. I ended up getting like three triangles of cheese. They are supposed to go to family, but I doubt it will make it to them.

I got pesto goat mix. It literally got a green, blue, and red side depending on the ingredients. Like the red side has tomatoes, the blue…has more pesto and pine nuts. I forget about the blue middle. I then have a Sikkepit Goat Cheese. Very hard. Very salty, with specific crystal structure so it sort of pops in your mouth. The last is a very soft Gouda beer cheese, which I swear to god, tastes like you are eating creamy stout.

I would love to show pics of this stuff, but I can barely stay on the internet. Uploading pics are impossible.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Spur

try not to get your finger stuck in a dike.

litre_cola

Have you gone to Brouwerij ‘t IJ yet?

Senor Weaselo

“Puck don’t lie” doesn’t happen to the Ice Giants apparently. 2-1 Ice CFL ‘Dacteuds on the McDavid power play.

scotchnaut

Gators putting this game to bed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The recycling center is a sad stop on Saturday morning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I gotta go do that meself. Of course around here we just call it “The Dump”.

Buncha fancy fuckin’ Californians with their “Recycling Centers” and their Rock n Roll music.

scotchnaut

“Whatever. The recycling center is where I find all the best riffs!”

-Kid Rock

scotchnaut

Vandy freshman kickers grow up so fast…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t think Shurmur is very good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, yes. I had forgotten that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who is the best Pat? Pat Riley?

scotchnaut

That assdick that was promo’ed to the Sens first line? He’s got an assist already. According to my math, I’m the assdick now.

[sits down in his usual spot on the assdick beanbag chair, sighs]

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t like this rule about fair catch of kickoffs going to the 25.
Just saying.

scotchnaut

Sens up 3 pucks to 0 pucks. Wooo!

scotchnaut

No balls in hockey. I’ve never seen a single coach ever go for it on 4th and 1.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“THREE pucks? And here I am sitting around like a sucker with only one!” – Oberon

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo just yelled some profanity I think.
I’ll take ML bets on that -1250

scotchnaut

“Wait until you see what we have in store for you!”

-Time

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, this UF/Vandy game has gotten totes boring.

I want to see ’em fight again.

scotchnaut

According to the crowd shot I just saw, Pat Shurmur is married to 1982-ish Sean Penn.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe

scotchnaut

You must have seen her.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I did, yes. LMFAO

Spur

Gophers aren’t backing down.

scotchnaut

“So cute. They think they’re badgers!”

Brick Meathook

I’m at a major event of my secret society today. Brick is getting promted up to DOUBLE-SECRET level. Shit, I’m even wearing my tuxedo for only the second time ever and I don’t even remember the first. Next time will be my own funeral probably, or The Oscars.

Secret society or the world’s most elaborate sales pitch for insurance and annuities? WHO’S TO SAY?

scotchnaut

“Just buy my book after the show Mr. Fancy Pants, okay?”

-Anthony Robbins, host

Wakezilla

Edit: Yeah, that didn’t read how it sounded in my head and therefore wasn’t funny.

Will there be punch and pie at your funeral?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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scotchnaut

An option on the short side of the field. wtf am I watching?