Your “London’s Calling!” (at regular EST, smh) Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

No morning game? Goddammit! Sure it made our collective eyes bleed, watching so much football in one day but it was the good kind of blood-letting. I think game-time has been shifted because the sponsors were whining about not getting enough bang for their ad bucks. Who is to blame for this? West-coasters, that’s who. They’d all be wasting their time being fed breakfast in bed by their super model girlfriends/mistresses. They’d be taking their sweet time wrapping themselves into their ermine housecoats, getting into their scale model Lamborghini’s and driving the sixty yards over to their sunken living rooms with the eight separate tv monitors suspended from the ceiling. Makes me sick! [faces West, shakes fist]

TO THE GAMES!

TB/ATL:

If you like your games with plenty o’points, the Vegas has put the over/under at an NFL season-high 57 and a half. Wr’s Evans and Green are in the starting blocks-the finish line is 150 yards receiving away. First to get there wins.

Pitt/Cincy:

The Bengali’s are a lofty 4-1 but haven’t beat the Steelers in their last six. Money meets mouth today.

LAC/CLE:

The Brownies are a lofty 2-3 and seem to be turning a corner. A league-leading 15 takeaways tends to give that up-and-down offense a few more opportunities per game that aren’t being urinated away. Browns rooks are responsible for winning 4 of 5 Rookie of the Week awards so far.

SEA/OAK:

See petty rant above.

CHI/MIA:

Dem Bears have won 3 straight after losing the season opener. They shouldn’t have much trouble here. The giveaway to me is that the Bears point differential is +46 already while the Fins are at -18.

ARI/MIN:

The Cards re-made their lousy O-line in the offseason and one of the pieces was the signing of former Giant guard Justin Pugh to a 5/45 mil contract. (you know where this is headed) Raiding one of the league’s worst O-lines for ‘talent’ has resulted in Pugh being rated by PFF as the 59th-best at his spot and the Cards are judged as having the lousiest line in the NFL. Say a prayer for David Johnson.

INDY/NYJ:

The Baby Horses are all kinds of lousy and are now missing at least 5 separate ‘impact’ (for them) starters. Jets win.

CAR/WAS:

The Cats are one point dogs despite Crowder and Thompson being ruled out. Te Olsen is back from injury but don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. Apparently the Carolina braintrust is concerned about the quality of the field and Greg will be on a limited snap count.

BUF/HOU:

One of these squadoos will reach .500 at game’s end. [yawns]

Hope you were doing your finger-warming exercises…

 

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King Hippo

FIND NJOKU. Dicks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He only has one.

fleshwound_NPG

bears/fins stream just had a scientology channel commercial followed perfectly by a commercial featuring skip bayless

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It all makes sense now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay Boyd. I’m coming for ya, Litre.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

at least it is on on ya.

entropy

The jets look somewhat competent here. Let’s see how they screw that up.

blaxabbath

I may actually call the post game show today and suggest they just move the team to LA.

Mr. Ayo

Spanos would love to sublet his space.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Oh man! ‘Illinois can’t afford another governor being sent to jail’. Best campaign ad tag line ever!

Gatoraids

There’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark out, and we’re wearing sunglasses. New campaign slogan

King Hippo

Dingleberry takes a delay of game with 16 seconds to play. After a spike play.

blaxabbath

Big arm!

Doktor Zymm

If you can’t manage the clock, the clock will manage you

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wake up Kitty, it’s time to start the day and….

OW MY ARM IS GONE!!!!!!!!

Petronel

“OH HAI THERE”

“OH MY GOD WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR EYES”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nictitating Membranes.

Yes, I’m a Vet med nerd.

Petronel

I’d heard of that sort of thing, but never seen it in action. Neat as hell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cats are weird.

Mr. Ayo

KITTEH!

King Hippo

Can’t the snow game start already?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

LT was at the Thursday game you missed it

Doktor Zymm

Well, that was an enjoyable half hour of football it took an hour and a half to watch!

LemonJello

Damn near had a Safety Dance in Landover, MD.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OOOOOK!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is it too much to ask to target AB a few times goddammit?

King Hippo

why is Cincy not using their timeouts? Fucking idiots

theeWeeBabySeamus

Possession was in question until he got it to himself. In the endzone.
The TD might stand.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, I thought it had been ruled TD on the field.

Mr. Ayo

Still not out of weed, eh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehe….nope.

King Hippo

Unwanted physical contact on Jameis? Say it ain’t so!!!

blaxabbath

All other issues aside, ARI has no chance because they can’t keep their defense off the field. So they end up falling apart in the second half, the lead grows, and the offense becomes predictable. This has been the case every game so far — SF is just so shitty that ARI beat them.

So what do they do this week? Three pass plays and out to open the game. And even before the half, it’s near-impossible for them to win time of possession today.

I am going to listen to the post game show again just to hear the hosts defend the coaching staff…again.

Doktor Zymm

Gropiest tackle i’ve seen in a while, grabbed him by the man-pussy

Gratliff

Lookit Atlanta out there doing the damn thing. Bucs have swan dived off the fucking cliff.

Gatoraids

puntwieler finally strikes

fleshwound_NPG

Brock Lobster has a 105.6 career rating against the Bears

fml

fleshwound_NPG

YAY BROCKCEPTION! ON CUE!

theeWeeBabySeamus

JuJuDown.

Oh wait…noap, down at the 1.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

goddamnit Bungles

Mr. Ayo

JuJu doing it for his new JuJubee

blaxabbath

Is that the photo scene at RTD’s in-laws?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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entropy

Rami Malek looks a lot like a truly coked-out Freddie Mercury in that Queen movie… and real life.

King Hippo

these obscure references, who are ye, pre-9/11 Dennis Miller?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Obscure? You need to keep up, man.

King Hippo

NEVAR!!!!

Gatoraids

Mason Crosby last week was covering Ravi Shanklors greatest hits baaaabe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Perfect paranoid in Mr. Robot.

Gratliff

When I found out it was him playing it, I was concerned Malek wouldn’t be a convincing Freddie. Then I realized they were just making a weird-looking motherfucker play another weird-looking motherfucker, and it made more sense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m sure you are a handsome man, but I have absolutely no room to call someone else a weird looking motherfucker.

King Hippo

The Ben like to spread his love around HARF!!

LemonJello

AP running like he’s being chased with a switch today.

fleshwound_NPG

once again i glance over at fat humps/jests and there’s yet another turnover

entropy

17 in the first half!

King Hippo

Infinite Humpin!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Porn gif.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“The cherry ones are really good.”

-A. Reid

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brock Osweiler getting the LOLfins to look competent is either “why they play the game” or further proof this is the darkest timeline.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Prolly shoulda hydrated a little with the beer last night.

Redshirt

Is Dalton throwing the ball too good for his receivers?

King Hippo

WHY does Beatie only have 5 carries??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Trying to keep the number of his …….. hits low.

LemonJello

DOINK! makes an appearance at FedExField.

My apologies, it was the goddess SHAN’KHLOR.

King Hippo

Gano got me 24 last week, -1 today

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

I’m super amused by the Detroit fan who hates the Bears and is loudly cheering that fumble, despite having JoHo on his fantasy team

King Hippo

oh, #ThePauls

LemonJello

Bunchess of Funchess!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whom I sent to waivers this week.

tWBS is bad at FF’ing.

And AB’s attitude today means I won’t get anything there. Jeebus.

entropy

Terrell Pryor (Sr) suddenly able to score touchdowns?! The fuck is with this reality?

Mr. Ayo

LOLphins are going to spend another week in first.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

gear.

Gratliff

The fuck is Carolina doing? They’re risking fucking up the East’s strict 1 win per week limit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Being consistently inconsistent. As they do.

Doktor Zymm

Who replaced the Cardinals D with competent players?

JustStopDude

Fucking Browns…

Doktor Zymm

I have fans of every single NFC North team within 10 feet of me

LemonJello

What did you do to end up in the Cook County Jail?

fleshwound_NPG

BISCUITCANNON

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s pregnant now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Needs to keep mouth open.

King Hippo

One week too late, but think I am finally convinced to bench Johnson for a 3rd WR

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Thirsty.

entropy

Oh, come on Greg, you couldn’t just say “Colt 45” for us, once?!

King Hippo

How many combined turnovers in the Jest/Humps match so far? 12?

fleshwound_NPG

have it on in the background and every other time I glance at it there’s a fumble/int/dumbshit play

Gatoraids

All games at bar on commercial except for raislders game, furiously refreshing media

blaxabbath

Announcers keep talking about how Rosen is a sure thing star. Dude — if there is any TEAM element to the NFL, Rosen will be lucky to not get the Mike Glennon treatment.

Unsurprised

This is the single most positive act towards public health that has ever occurred in Alabama.
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entropy

Someone should send that store a note that’s from Michelle Obama, thanking them for their commitment to fighting childhood obesity, The resulting vapor lock should prevent a lot of stupidity for the rest of the month.

King Hippo

also LOLBrokeback QB. Tebowian “clock” in his headspace.