No morning game? Goddammit! Sure it made our collective eyes bleed, watching so much football in one day but it was the good kind of blood-letting. I think game-time has been shifted because the sponsors were whining about not getting enough bang for their ad bucks. Who is to blame for this? West-coasters, that’s who. They’d all be wasting their time being fed breakfast in bed by their super model girlfriends/mistresses. They’d be taking their sweet time wrapping themselves into their ermine housecoats, getting into their scale model Lamborghini’s and driving the sixty yards over to their sunken living rooms with the eight separate tv monitors suspended from the ceiling. Makes me sick! [faces West, shakes fist]
TO THE GAMES!
TB/ATL:
If you like your games with plenty o’points, the Vegas has put the over/under at an NFL season-high 57 and a half. Wr’s Evans and Green are in the starting blocks-the finish line is 150 yards receiving away. First to get there wins.
Pitt/Cincy:
The Bengali’s are a lofty 4-1 but haven’t beat the Steelers in their last six. Money meets mouth today.
LAC/CLE:
The Brownies are a lofty 2-3 and seem to be turning a corner. A league-leading 15 takeaways tends to give that up-and-down offense a few more opportunities per game that aren’t being urinated away. Browns rooks are responsible for winning 4 of 5 Rookie of the Week awards so far.
SEA/OAK:
See petty rant above.
CHI/MIA:
Dem Bears have won 3 straight after losing the season opener. They shouldn’t have much trouble here. The giveaway to me is that the Bears point differential is +46 already while the Fins are at -18.
ARI/MIN:
The Cards re-made their lousy O-line in the offseason and one of the pieces was the signing of former Giant guard Justin Pugh to a 5/45 mil contract. (you know where this is headed) Raiding one of the league’s worst O-lines for ‘talent’ has resulted in Pugh being rated by PFF as the 59th-best at his spot and the Cards are judged as having the lousiest line in the NFL. Say a prayer for David Johnson.
INDY/NYJ:
The Baby Horses are all kinds of lousy and are now missing at least 5 separate ‘impact’ (for them) starters. Jets win.
CAR/WAS:
The Cats are one point dogs despite Crowder and Thompson being ruled out. Te Olsen is back from injury but don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. Apparently the Carolina braintrust is concerned about the quality of the field and Greg will be on a limited snap count.
BUF/HOU:
One of these squadoos will reach .500 at game’s end. [yawns]
Hope you were doing your finger-warming exercises…
FIND NJOKU. Dicks.
He only has one.
bears/fins stream just had a scientology channel commercial followed perfectly by a commercial featuring skip bayless
It all makes sense now.
Yay Boyd. I’m coming for ya, Litre.
at least it is on on ya.
The jets look somewhat competent here. Let’s see how they screw that up.
Okay, Darnold did a good thing.
I may actually call the post game show today and suggest they just move the team to LA.
Spanos would love to sublet his space.
Oh man! ‘Illinois can’t afford another governor being sent to jail’. Best campaign ad tag line ever!
There’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark out, and we’re wearing sunglasses. New campaign slogan
Dingleberry takes a delay of game with 16 seconds to play. After a spike play.
Big arm!
If you can’t manage the clock, the clock will manage you
Joe Camel-Tiger?
Wake up Kitty, it’s time to start the day and….
OW MY ARM IS GONE!!!!!!!!
“OH HAI THERE”
“OH MY GOD WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR EYES”
Nictitating Membranes.
Yes, I’m a Vet med nerd.
I’d heard of that sort of thing, but never seen it in action. Neat as hell.
Cats are weird.
KITTEH!
Can’t the snow game start already?
LT was at the Thursday game you missed it
Well, that was an enjoyable half hour of football it took an hour and a half to watch!
Damn near had a Safety Dance in Landover, MD.
OOOOOK!
Is it too much to ask to target AB a few times goddammit?
why is Cincy not using their timeouts? Fucking idiots
Possession was in question until he got it to himself. In the endzone.
The TD might stand.
Oh, I thought it had been ruled TD on the field.
Still not out of weed, eh?
Hehehehehehe….nope.
Unwanted physical contact on Jameis? Say it ain’t so!!!
All other issues aside, ARI has no chance because they can’t keep their defense off the field. So they end up falling apart in the second half, the lead grows, and the offense becomes predictable. This has been the case every game so far — SF is just so shitty that ARI beat them.
So what do they do this week? Three pass plays and out to open the game. And even before the half, it’s near-impossible for them to win time of possession today.
I am going to listen to the post game show again just to hear the hosts defend the coaching staff…again.
Gropiest tackle i’ve seen in a while, grabbed him by the man-pussy
Lookit Atlanta out there doing the damn thing. Bucs have swan dived off the fucking cliff.
puntwieler finally strikes
Brock Lobster has a 105.6 career rating against the Bears
fml
YAY BROCKCEPTION! ON CUE!
JuJuDown.
Oh wait…noap, down at the 1.
goddamnit Bungles
JuJu doing it for his new JuJubee
Is that the photo scene at RTD’s in-laws?
Rami Malek looks a lot like a truly coked-out Freddie Mercury in that Queen movie… and real life.
these obscure references, who are ye, pre-9/11 Dennis Miller?
Obscure? You need to keep up, man.
NEVAR!!!!
Mason Crosby last week was covering Ravi Shanklors greatest hits baaaabe
Perfect paranoid in Mr. Robot.
When I found out it was him playing it, I was concerned Malek wouldn’t be a convincing Freddie. Then I realized they were just making a weird-looking motherfucker play another weird-looking motherfucker, and it made more sense.
I’m sure you are a handsome man, but I have absolutely no room to call someone else a weird looking motherfucker.
The Ben like to spread his love around HARF!!
AP running like he’s being chased with a switch today.
once again i glance over at fat humps/jests and there’s yet another turnover
17 in the first half!
Infinite Humpin!
Porn gif.
“The cherry ones are really good.”
-A. Reid
Brock Osweiler getting the LOLfins to look competent is either “why they play the game” or further proof this is the darkest timeline.
Prolly shoulda hydrated a little with the beer last night.
Is Dalton throwing the ball too good for his receivers?
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
WHY does Beatie only have 5 carries??
Trying to keep the number of his …….. hits low.
DOINK! makes an appearance at FedExField.
My apologies, it was the goddess SHAN’KHLOR.
Gano got me 24 last week, -1 today
I loved his work with Insane Clown Posse.
I’m super amused by the Detroit fan who hates the Bears and is loudly cheering that fumble, despite having JoHo on his fantasy team
oh, #ThePauls
Bunchess of Funchess!
Whom I sent to waivers this week.
tWBS is bad at FF’ing.
And AB’s attitude today means I won’t get anything there. Jeebus.
Terrell Pryor (Sr) suddenly able to score touchdowns?! The fuck is with this reality?
LOLphins are going to spend another week in first.
gear.
The fuck is Carolina doing? They’re risking fucking up the East’s strict 1 win per week limit.
Being consistently inconsistent. As they do.
Who replaced the Cardinals D with competent players?
Fucking Browns…
I have fans of every single NFC North team within 10 feet of me
What did you do to end up in the Cook County Jail?
BISCUITCANNON
She’s pregnant now.
[waits patiently for the gravy cannon to follow up]
-A. Reid
Needs to keep mouth open.
One week too late, but think I am finally convinced to bench Johnson for a 3rd WR
Thirsty.
Oh, come on Greg, you couldn’t just say “Colt 45” for us, once?!
How many combined turnovers in the Jest/Humps match so far? 12?
have it on in the background and every other time I glance at it there’s a fumble/int/dumbshit play
All games at bar on commercial except for raislders game, furiously refreshing media
Announcers keep talking about how Rosen is a sure thing star. Dude — if there is any TEAM element to the NFL, Rosen will be lucky to not get the Mike Glennon treatment.
This is the single most positive act towards public health that has ever occurred in Alabama.
Someone should send that store a note that’s from Michelle Obama, thanking them for their commitment to fighting childhood obesity, The resulting vapor lock should prevent a lot of stupidity for the rest of the month.
also LOLBrokeback QB. Tebowian “clock” in his headspace.