Your “London’s Calling!” (at regular EST, smh) Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

No morning game? Goddammit! Sure it made our collective eyes bleed, watching so much football in one day but it was the good kind of blood-letting. I think game-time has been shifted because the sponsors were whining about not getting enough bang for their ad bucks. Who is to blame for this? West-coasters, that’s who. They’d all be wasting their time being fed breakfast in bed by their super model girlfriends/mistresses. They’d be taking their sweet time wrapping themselves into their ermine housecoats, getting into their scale model Lamborghini’s and driving the sixty yards over to their sunken living rooms with the eight separate tv monitors suspended from the ceiling. Makes me sick! [faces West, shakes fist]

TO THE GAMES!

TB/ATL:

If you like your games with plenty o’points, the Vegas has put the over/under at an NFL season-high 57 and a half. Wr’s Evans and Green are in the starting blocks-the finish line is 150 yards receiving away. First to get there wins.

Pitt/Cincy:

The Bengali’s are a lofty 4-1 but haven’t beat the Steelers in their last six. Money meets mouth today.

LAC/CLE:

The Brownies are a lofty 2-3 and seem to be turning a corner. A league-leading 15 takeaways tends to give that up-and-down offense a few more opportunities per game that aren’t being urinated away. Browns rooks are responsible for winning 4 of 5 Rookie of the Week awards so far.

SEA/OAK:

See petty rant above.

CHI/MIA:

Dem Bears have won 3 straight after losing the season opener. They shouldn’t have much trouble here. The giveaway to me is that the Bears point differential is +46 already while the Fins are at -18.

ARI/MIN:

The Cards re-made their lousy O-line in the offseason and one of the pieces was the signing of former Giant guard Justin Pugh to a 5/45 mil contract. (you know where this is headed) Raiding one of the league’s worst O-lines for ‘talent’ has resulted in Pugh being rated by PFF as the 59th-best at his spot and the Cards are judged as having the lousiest line in the NFL. Say a prayer for David Johnson.

INDY/NYJ:

The Baby Horses are all kinds of lousy and are now missing at least 5 separate ‘impact’ (for them) starters. Jets win.

CAR/WAS:

The Cats are one point dogs despite Crowder and Thompson being ruled out. Te Olsen is back from injury but don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. Apparently the Carolina braintrust is concerned about the quality of the field and Greg will be on a limited snap count.

BUF/HOU:

One of these squadoos will reach .500 at game’s end. [yawns]

Hope you were doing your finger-warming exercises…

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, I said BROWNS do something hilarious, not Chargers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The hilarious thing for those not watching is that Melivin Gordon couldn’t handle a Rivers pass (and caused an interception) because it came in too hot.

fleshwound_NPG

Time for a game-ending Brockception…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

PETERMAN IS BACK!

King Hippo

Boyd Crowder can play some WR, though. AND NO, Fouts, they should nae hurry up, Cincy need to leave fuckall time FOAR The Ben to respond.

fleshwound_NPG

LOLphins nice coverage

theeWeeBabySeamus

Boyd, Boyd, Boyd!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, yes, I liked Justified too.

King Hippo

Beatie needed to catch that

entropy

Hodor’s arm is gonna fall off by mid-November if he has to keep throwing 800 passes a game.

Unsurprised

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entropy

Dude, those are some dead-alien lizard eyes she has when she smiles.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, sure, she does it and it’s nothing but giggles, but *I* do it and all of a sudden I’m having a conversation with the subway police.

Unsurprised

Jared’s always looking for new tips and tricks.

Horatio Cornblower

@KrangTNelson
Following Following @KrangTNelson
More
[time travel back to 1890 and immediately punt baby hitler out a window]

GERMAN LADY: oh my god, baby hitler!
ME (punting another baby out the window): who?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oakland’s gotta fall to #33 in power rankings right now, right?

Doktor Zymm

Wow, if he had caught that, it would have been a spectacular BikkieINT

King Hippo

Maybe throw to Hopkins, you idiots?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

This early version of Voltron sucks.

Doktor Zymm

I wholeheartedly endorse this message

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it’s A J McCarron time in Oakland. Not because he’d be an improvement, just because there is little point in getting Carr murdered behind this offensive line that just gave up six sacks (so far) to a Seattle defense that only had 10 so far this whole season.

Gatoraids

bJ Novak would be better

theeWeeBabySeamus

I guess I should stop complaining. AB has had an off day, but Boyd has exceeded. It evens out. Now if Houston would kick a fucking FG I wouldn’t be so pissed off.

/might be high

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

OOK! OOK!

theeWeeBabySeamus

There it is!!!!

King Hippo

that’s gonna be such a tough catch, why would you obvs interfere like that?

JustStopDude

Hey Browns…what the fuck was that?

Spread formation and then an idiot shovel pass?

King Hippo

HODOR! is really ass.

entropy

LeeCeption!

fleshwound_NPG

i think there’s been 9 turnovers in fat humps/jests

Unsurprised

Only nine (smothered in gravy, of course)? Where’s the waiter. I demand more unlimited turnovers!
— Fat Humps

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t much like the Stillers today.

Unsurprised

Maybe Bane will show up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe…I would DVR that shit.

King Hippo

FG is best outcome, I want the Striped Pylons to need a touched down.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Kinda want bikkie to choke just to make my surroundings more amusing

Gatoraids

Brock 2 pt successful
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Unsurprised

GAH!

King Hippo

DECLINE IT MOE-RONS!!

Doktor Zymm

There are roughly 3 things I miss about Chicago, and watching football in a bar is one of them

King Hippo

FUCK THIS WEEK WITH A RUSTY, HUNTA-AIDS COVERED DILDO

Horatio Cornblower

My first round FF choice of Antonio Brown just continues to pay off handsomely.

King Hippo

DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Yes?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Harfy harf is really beginning to piss me off.

Horatio Cornblower

Are you a drunk co-ed?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re half right.
You figure out which half.

Unsurprised

Tits or GTFO

King Hippo

Seamuses Gawne Wild

Doktor Zymm

Dos!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay Browns, do something hilarious please.

King Hippo

Like achieve some Njoku garbage time points? Nah, they never do that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, nailed it.

King Hippo

Hippo appreciate

rockingdog

so glad im chillin with hanson and red zone channel….
Buckle up ladies and gents!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit, Scotchy was faster.

Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuuuck

King Hippo

The Prophecy is merely testing your faith

rockingdog

same

Petronel

Best COD ad ever. (First one below, but there’s another one as well.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DehVx9mF8TQ

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

It ended with all the players spontaneously combusting?

LemonJello

While calling each other’s mother a whore.

Doktor Zymm

Ash on delivery?

Petronel
entropy

Jermaine Kearse really is having a hell of a day.

theeWeeBabySeamus

In spite of usually rooting for the Stillers as my second team, I’d like to see someone cheap shot Ryan Switzer.
Little fucker has it coming to him.

Gatoraids

Paging Dr vontaze

Horatio Cornblower

“Frank Reich just raved about the energy in that building every day….”

You know who else had a Reich and did a lot of energetic raving?

Unsurprised

Bill Clinton

Horatio Cornblower

Nicely done.

Unsurprised

Robert Reich was the last good cabinet secretary.

Unsurprised

Of course, he slowed down considerably after the bypass surgery.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Trubisky making decisions like a U*NC grad.

LemonJello

Drunkenly?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And/or forcing things like he’s a GOP-appointed supreme court justice

Horatio Cornblower

Without any class?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Has Khalil Mack had a strip sack yet today?

fleshwound_NPG

ankle issues have slowed him somewhat, and the fins are double/triple-teaming him

LemonJello

Somewhere, Sasha Grey shifts uncomfortably on her sofa.

Unsurprised

“Hey. Where’d the cushions go?”

Horatio Cornblower

I’m going to Fenway tonight so I’ve been running around loading up on winter survival gear, (Question: can we start fires in the bleachers when it gets really cold, or is the only dumpster fire allowed in Fenway the Sox bullpen?), in order to survive sitting still for 4 hours in 40 degree weather.

Anyway, whilst driving here and there, I noticed that, for some reason, my local sports radio, EEI, has made some kind of deal where they broadcast every goddamn Raiders game. And for some reason Brent “Nosferatu” Musberger is doing all the games. it would be drive-off-the-road horrific if the Raiders weren’t as bad as they are, but they lose every game and Brent sounds increasingly likely to throw himself off of a tall building before they ever get to Vegas.

Which is a mixed blessing, because he’s just transform into a cloud of bats and fly to his ancestral home in the Carpathian mountains.

Unsurprised

Can you? Yes.

Are you allowed to? Who cares.

Unsurprised

If you will it, Dude, it is no dream (to set Fenway on fire).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like the narrative that the Brown defense has turned a corner ignores the reality that they gave up 45 points to the Oakland Raiders.

LemonJello

Well, it’s a dead end street that they turned on to, but technically, they did turn a corner…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Well, four corners are pretty much a circle, so…

fleshwound_NPG

The Bears have 2-3 illegal formations per game

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“?”

-ICE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s complicated to go beyond the T

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Right to the A.

Unsurprised

Lobsters can’t die of old age. They just grow too large to feed themselves and die of starvation.

Or so I’ve been told.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Curiously, starvation is how most elephants die, too.

Unsurprised

I assumed it was at the Trump Boys’ hands

Unsurprised

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Doktor Zymm

HAHAHAHA PEOPLE NEAR ME ARE TALKING ABOUT DONOVAN MCNABB!!!

Unsurprised

Glowingly, I’m sure.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, the fire from the cross does cast a nice glow…

fleshwound_NPG

The best of the Coen Brothers is Tarik

Horatio Cornblower

/asks kid to help him like this comment

Unsurprised

They seem to understand it fine when it comes to reposting racist image macros.

King Hippo

The Bills are just pure voodoo at this point. I wonder what ML odds you could have gotten on them down 10-nil at the half?