No morning game? Goddammit! Sure it made our collective eyes bleed, watching so much football in one day but it was the good kind of blood-letting. I think game-time has been shifted because the sponsors were whining about not getting enough bang for their ad bucks. Who is to blame for this? West-coasters, that’s who. They’d all be wasting their time being fed breakfast in bed by their super model girlfriends/mistresses. They’d be taking their sweet time wrapping themselves into their ermine housecoats, getting into their scale model Lamborghini’s and driving the sixty yards over to their sunken living rooms with the eight separate tv monitors suspended from the ceiling. Makes me sick! [faces West, shakes fist]
TO THE GAMES!
TB/ATL:
If you like your games with plenty o’points, the Vegas has put the over/under at an NFL season-high 57 and a half. Wr’s Evans and Green are in the starting blocks-the finish line is 150 yards receiving away. First to get there wins.
Pitt/Cincy:
The Bengali’s are a lofty 4-1 but haven’t beat the Steelers in their last six. Money meets mouth today.
LAC/CLE:
The Brownies are a lofty 2-3 and seem to be turning a corner. A league-leading 15 takeaways tends to give that up-and-down offense a few more opportunities per game that aren’t being urinated away. Browns rooks are responsible for winning 4 of 5 Rookie of the Week awards so far.
SEA/OAK:
See petty rant above.
CHI/MIA:
Dem Bears have won 3 straight after losing the season opener. They shouldn’t have much trouble here. The giveaway to me is that the Bears point differential is +46 already while the Fins are at -18.
ARI/MIN:
The Cards re-made their lousy O-line in the offseason and one of the pieces was the signing of former Giant guard Justin Pugh to a 5/45 mil contract. (you know where this is headed) Raiding one of the league’s worst O-lines for ‘talent’ has resulted in Pugh being rated by PFF as the 59th-best at his spot and the Cards are judged as having the lousiest line in the NFL. Say a prayer for David Johnson.
INDY/NYJ:
The Baby Horses are all kinds of lousy and are now missing at least 5 separate ‘impact’ (for them) starters. Jets win.
CAR/WAS:
The Cats are one point dogs despite Crowder and Thompson being ruled out. Te Olsen is back from injury but don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. Apparently the Carolina braintrust is concerned about the quality of the field and Greg will be on a limited snap count.
BUF/HOU:
One of these squadoos will reach .500 at game’s end. [yawns]
Hope you were doing your finger-warming exercises…
No, I said BROWNS do something hilarious, not Chargers.
The hilarious thing for those not watching is that Melivin Gordon couldn’t handle a Rivers pass (and caused an interception) because it came in too hot.
Time for a game-ending Brockception…
PETERMAN IS BACK!
Boyd Crowder can play some WR, though. AND NO, Fouts, they should nae hurry up, Cincy need to leave fuckall time FOAR The Ben to respond.
LOLphins nice coverage
Boyd, Boyd, Boyd!!!!!
Yes, yes, I liked Justified too.
Beatie needed to catch that
Hodor’s arm is gonna fall off by mid-November if he has to keep throwing 800 passes a game.
Dude, those are some dead-alien lizard eyes she has when she smiles.
Oh, sure, she does it and it’s nothing but giggles, but *I* do it and all of a sudden I’m having a conversation with the subway police.
Jared’s always looking for new tips and tricks.
@KrangTNelson
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[time travel back to 1890 and immediately punt baby hitler out a window]
GERMAN LADY: oh my god, baby hitler!
ME (punting another baby out the window): who?
Oakland’s gotta fall to #33 in power rankings right now, right?
Wow, if he had caught that, it would have been a spectacular BikkieINT
Maybe throw to Hopkins, you idiots?
This early version of Voltron sucks.
I wholeheartedly endorse this message
I think it’s A J McCarron time in Oakland. Not because he’d be an improvement, just because there is little point in getting Carr murdered behind this offensive line that just gave up six sacks (so far) to a Seattle defense that only had 10 so far this whole season.
bJ Novak would be better
I guess I should stop complaining. AB has had an off day, but Boyd has exceeded. It evens out. Now if Houston would kick a fucking FG I wouldn’t be so pissed off.
/might be high
OOK! OOK!
There it is!!!!
that’s gonna be such a tough catch, why would you obvs interfere like that?
Hey Browns…what the fuck was that?
Spread formation and then an idiot shovel pass?
HODOR! is really ass.
LeeCeption!
i think there’s been 9 turnovers in fat humps/jests
Only nine (smothered in gravy, of course)? Where’s the waiter. I demand more unlimited turnovers!
— Fat Humps
I don’t much like the Stillers today.
Maybe Bane will show up.
Hehehehe…I would DVR that shit.
FG is best outcome, I want the Striped Pylons to need a touched down.
Best player on shitty team?
/might be a tie between Jerry Hughes and Saquon.
Kinda want bikkie to choke just to make my surroundings more amusing
Brock 2 pt successful
GAH!
DECLINE IT MOE-RONS!!
There are roughly 3 things I miss about Chicago, and watching football in a bar is one of them
FUCK THIS WEEK WITH A RUSTY, HUNTA-AIDS COVERED DILDO
My first round FF choice of Antonio Brown just continues to pay off handsomely.
DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!
Yes?
&w=1150
Harfy harf is really beginning to piss me off.
Are you a drunk co-ed?
You’re half right.
You figure out which half.
Tits or GTFO
Seamuses Gawne Wild
Dos!
Okay Browns, do something hilarious please.
Like achieve some Njoku garbage time points? Nah, they never do that.
Wow, nailed it.
Hippo appreciate
so glad im chillin with hanson and red zone channel….
Buckle up ladies and gents!!!
That girl band rocks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHozn0YXAeE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHozn0YXAeE
Goddammit, Scotchy was faster.
Fuuuuuuck
The Prophecy is merely testing your faith
same
Best COD ad ever. (First one below, but there’s another one as well.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DehVx9mF8TQ
It ended with all the players spontaneously combusting?
While calling each other’s mother a whore.
Ash on delivery?
Also this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehRnlwhjgMs
Jermaine Kearse really is having a hell of a day.
In spite of usually rooting for the Stillers as my second team, I’d like to see someone cheap shot Ryan Switzer.
Little fucker has it coming to him.
Paging Dr vontaze
“Frank Reich just raved about the energy in that building every day….”
You know who else had a Reich and did a lot of energetic raving?
Rumour has it that his fave hobby is collecting long knives.
Bill Clinton
Nicely done.
Robert Reich was the last good cabinet secretary.
Of course, he slowed down considerably after the bypass surgery.
Peterman is neither a penis or a man. Discuss.
Trubisky making decisions like a U*NC grad.
Drunkenly?
And/or forcing things like he’s a GOP-appointed supreme court justice
Without any class?
Has Khalil Mack had a strip sack yet today?
ankle issues have slowed him somewhat, and the fins are double/triple-teaming him
Somewhere, Sasha Grey shifts uncomfortably on her sofa.
“Hey. Where’d the cushions go?”
I’m going to Fenway tonight so I’ve been running around loading up on winter survival gear, (Question: can we start fires in the bleachers when it gets really cold, or is the only dumpster fire allowed in Fenway the Sox bullpen?), in order to survive sitting still for 4 hours in 40 degree weather.
Anyway, whilst driving here and there, I noticed that, for some reason, my local sports radio, EEI, has made some kind of deal where they broadcast every goddamn Raiders game. And for some reason Brent “Nosferatu” Musberger is doing all the games. it would be drive-off-the-road horrific if the Raiders weren’t as bad as they are, but they lose every game and Brent sounds increasingly likely to throw himself off of a tall building before they ever get to Vegas.
Which is a mixed blessing, because he’s just transform into a cloud of bats and fly to his ancestral home in the Carpathian mountains.
Can you? Yes.
Are you allowed to? Who cares.
If you will it, Dude, it is no dream (to set Fenway on fire).
I like the narrative that the Brown defense has turned a corner ignores the reality that they gave up 45 points to the Oakland Raiders.
Well, it’s a dead end street that they turned on to, but technically, they did turn a corner…
Well, four corners are pretty much a circle, so…
The Bears have 2-3 illegal formations per game
“?”
-ICE
It’s complicated to go beyond the T
Right to the A.
Lobsters can’t die of old age. They just grow too large to feed themselves and die of starvation.
Or so I’ve been told.
Curiously, starvation is how most elephants die, too.
I assumed it was at the Trump Boys’ hands
Despite their reputation, sloths are rarely late to work.
HAHAHAHA PEOPLE NEAR ME ARE TALKING ABOUT DONOVAN MCNABB!!!
Glowingly, I’m sure.
Well, the fire from the cross does cast a nice glow…
The best of the Coen Brothers is Tarik
Commercials showing old people understanding the latest technology are the most unrealistic by far.
/asks kid to help him like this comment
They seem to understand it fine when it comes to reposting racist image macros.
The Bills are just pure voodoo at this point. I wonder what ML odds you could have gotten on them down 10-nil at the half?