Boy, did we ever laugh some laughs back there! Nevertheless, it’s onwards and sidewayswards for us grizzled veterans of the commenting game. There’s always so much more work to do when you’re employed in the Merriment Division of the innanet. TO THE GAMES!
LAR/DEN:
Cooks and Kupp are ready to fly around the field after overcoming last week’s head ouchers. So yeah, your sneaky pickup of Josh Reynolds was a waste of time, Scotch. The Hurley Gurley Man should have himself a day vs. a Broncs team that gave up an insanecake 323 yards on the ground last week against the Jets. Truth be told, I didn’t believe that and had to look it up myself. And yes, if numbers still describe what they’ve been describing up to now, that set of figures is dead on. WOW! There is a forecast of the non-cocaine white stuff though…
JAX/DAL:
I have a bit of stomach pain but I’m sure it’ll go away soon. The Jags have signed Ereck Flowers . Nope, it’s not going away-actually, I’m also having trouble gulping in air between my insane fits of laughter as well. Hoo boy, that was a good one! Even though Jalen Ramsey is a game-timer the pathetic passing game of the Cowboys shouldn’t cause much trouble. I don’t know, maybe Rico Gathers can step up and make a difference. [starts laughing again] Seriously, I kill me.
BAL/TEN:
Keep an eye out for retread Breshad Perriman-he’s back in business with the Ravens. Much like a bad cold, he never really goes away. Demonstrably incompetent Derrick Henry sloughed his way to 56 yards last week! As the coaching staff pointed out, ‘Technically, microscopic improvement is still improvement’.
Keep your hands on your balls, everybody!
I love Chicago, poll on local TV, ‘are you still sold on Trubisky as a leader?’.
Best fans ever!
It’s unreal. When he’s playing well, you’re attacked for criticizing him at all. When he’s playing poorly, you’re attacked for pointing out what he does well.
what’s up with the Jags?
this being Even Week, I just have no idea
Jaguras!
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I miss Trevor Siemian and his world’s largest collection of hentai.
If he keeps kicking like this, Spring is going to be an easy time for this Cairo.
Sadat’s a good one
Rico is a big boy. I wonder if he played basketball?
It’s possible, but we’ll never find out for sure. Announcers are never very forthcoming with that kind of information.
“Well he’s big and black, Joe. Better to assume basketball than porn.”
“Father please take this Kupp from me…” – prayer of a Denver cornerback
I dig Bikkie’s presser blazer
I don’t dig that the airport bar is showing the post Bears presser instead of live footie
They killed Kupp!
you bastards!!
This kinda a meh slate of 4PM games
A veritable Flacco of late afternoon scheduling.
You will watch the Cowboys play and like it.
shit. Cupp is out….
Don’t worry there’s one left but the girls have to share it
Ewwww
Oh that was the one that broke Zymm. Not the Darren Sharper, the Penn State, or the OJ jokes, but the poop joke!
It’s right around the corner from dick jokes!
I just remember watching the first five seconds of that, thinking ‘ I know where this is going’ , shutting it off and feeling super smart, lol
I watched it twice, and then watched one guy one jar. Don’t recommend.
That’s the broken glass in the asshole one, right?
You’re my spirit animal, sir
Ahmad Breshad Perriman X
Conservatives: “These anthem protests are unconscionable and need to stop.”
Also, Conservatives:
Agreed! Stop abortion! By providing free and easily accessible birth control for all!
Nice warm-up pants, kooky
Didn’t know the Cowbois were playing the Jags this week.
Oh shit, they actually are!
Apparently Nathan Peterman is using his love for Jesus as his excuse for being bad at football. Bold strategy, cotton.
based on the David Cross routine, I used “Jesus Made Me Fumble” one year in FF
The Tebow Method I presume?
To be fair, Jesus would have been a TERRIBLE football player.
Just awful hands
Garret Bolles holds pretty much every pass play
not Bolles that time, PROGRESS!
Apparently the awful Orange team uniforms earlier belonged to the Bears, but I was in too much of a hurry to make jokez that all my references to the suplex were Donks-centric and so I’m the only one who got them. I’m okay with it.
I saw the bodyslam gif earlier and thought it was the Texans.
I’m awake! I have no idea what’s going on! So it’s basically like literally every single other moment in my life.
This made me giggle.
There’s been a coup, and Tom Brady has been elected Lord High Executioner of the Belichick League of Independent States.
Can someone remind me why Dallas has all these national games?
The steady stream of hookers & blow sent to NFL HQ by Ol’DubbleJ?
It could be worse; here in TX we get every single game.
So I can wear my Moose Johnston mask when I go to the bar!
we touch ourselves at night
Donks’ run D is such a sad, sad thing
Wow. The Clots are fucking 1-5. Gonna be so many massive coronaries this season.
More than usual in the land of gravy and well…more gravy?
The Crisco sammich!
someone tell DAK! he no have to dribble smh
Dak Prescott: Respecter of flags AND travelling rules.
It was a hell of an overthrow, but was it truly elite?
afternoon funny:
Crabtree is still in the League? Who knew?
It’s early yet, but it appears that Ass-Jaguars boarded the charter to Dallas.
Seems they shot their wad beating the P*triots and no one told them it wasn’t in the Superb Owl.
you sure showed Two of the Good Ones, Manny! -4 points!!
The Bears seem to be getting into the Raiders’ tanking spirit with their BE SHITTY OUT OF PITY philosophy.
https://twitter.com/dallascowboys/status/1051567353710952448
oh god!
“I can’t understand a single word this mick is saying! YEEEHAAAWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”
– Ol’DubbleJ
Is it just me or does it seem as though the majority of teams this season are Jekyll or Hyde teams?
vastly so
I bet the Bearistocrats wish they’d listened to my playcall now.
Sanders is kinda stupid.
bad penno if he’s down at the 1 after review
he WAS touched on the way down (I think)
Pleased to announce the bears are still bad
But no tie!
Aw
Oooohhh, now I get my USDA approved serving of wintergreen ice-milk! IS FLACCO ELITE?
THiS BEARS GAME I CALL IT A FATHER’S DAY GIFT BECAUSE IT’S PROBABLY A TIE
Tannyhill
I’m beginning to think the Ol’ Rog is a sleeper agent sent by the NBA to undermine the NFL.
What wouldn’t Roger do for a dollar?
Take a knee, LOLfins
Oh, for fuck’s sake, Chicago.
WE WANT A DRAW! WE WANT A DRAW!!!
Even RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! is boning me this week.
This game has been stupid.
Hippo, before you have a heart attack, bet on the Pats. Always bet the narrative.
NOPE. Already have $50 on Chefs ML. Andy has broken through with Mahomes-y. Fuck it.
Ok, just don’t have a coronary when the Pats get all the calls.
“THAT’S NAWT TREW, OWAH TEAHM IS JUST FACKIN BETTAH THAN YOUAH TEAM. NO ONE DENIES THIS!”
Dolphins look like they just had a bad encounter with Japanese fishermen.
HAI Lordship!! Your weird team is weird.
As I told you Bearistocrats! – The Prophecy was just testing you.
also, LOLfins!!
alright RAMMMM ITTTT…
THEY REMOVED ALL GLORIOUS PRE-GAME SNOW BOO
Visiting Chicago is so much better than living here. Since no one wants to buy my condo, I should just hold on to it and visit on football weekends
The more things change, the more they stay the same. The Bengals won’t beat the Steelers in a “statement” game until Marvin leaves.
BULLSHIT. YOU FUCKERS GOT P*TS LEVEL TREATMENT FROM THE SHIELD TODAY. CINCY BEAT YINZ FAIR AND SQUARE.
Who did Pitt bribe? The Chefs game was the same with the exception that they overcame the shitty officiating
Western PA came through for Herr Fuhrer??
Just because you bet on the wrong team. You should know better than to bet against the narrative.
Why do you think I don’t watch anymore?
It is still our Commentist duty to STAY AND FIGHT and call this shit out, not cut and run.
I’ve got better things to do. There were a shitload of hot chicks with nice asses at the gym today. That’s a MUCH better way to spend a Sunday morning.
Go on….
All right, Jaguras, don’t fuck this up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyXhe32dw5s