Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Boy, did we ever laugh some laughs back there! Nevertheless, it’s onwards and sidewayswards for us grizzled veterans of the commenting game. There’s always so much more work to do when you’re employed in the Merriment Division of the innanet. TO THE GAMES!

LAR/DEN:

Cooks and Kupp are ready to fly around the field after overcoming last week’s head ouchers. So yeah, your sneaky pickup of Josh Reynolds was a waste of time, Scotch. The Hurley Gurley Man should have himself a day vs. a Broncs team that gave up an insanecake 323 yards on the ground last week against the Jets. Truth be told, I didn’t believe that and had to look it up myself. And yes, if numbers still describe what they’ve been describing up to now, that set of figures is dead on. WOW! There is a forecast of the non-cocaine white stuff though…

JAX/DAL:

I have a bit of stomach pain but I’m sure it’ll go away soon. The Jags have signed Ereck Flowers . Nope, it’s not going away-actually, I’m also having trouble gulping in air between my insane fits of laughter as well. Hoo boy, that was a good one! Even though Jalen Ramsey is a game-timer the pathetic passing game of the Cowboys shouldn’t cause much trouble. I don’t know, maybe Rico Gathers can step up and make a difference. [starts laughing again] Seriously, I kill me.

BAL/TEN:

Keep an eye out for retread Breshad Perriman-he’s back in business with the Ravens. Much like a bad cold, he never really goes away. Demonstrably incompetent Derrick Henry sloughed his way to 56 yards last week! As the coaching staff pointed out, ‘Technically, microscopic improvement is still improvement’.

Keep your hands on your balls, everybody!

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Doktor Zymm

I love Chicago, poll on local TV, ‘are you still sold on Trubisky as a leader?’.

Best fans ever!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s unreal. When he’s playing well, you’re attacked for criticizing him at all. When he’s playing poorly, you’re attacked for pointing out what he does well.

Spur

what’s up with the Jags?

King Hippo

this being Even Week, I just have no idea

Jaguras!
comment image?cid=3640f6095bc3b168566e464e4d6f27c7

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I miss Trevor Siemian and his world’s largest collection of hentai.

herodotus450

If he keeps kicking like this, Spring is going to be an easy time for this Cairo.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sadat’s a good one

Spur

Rico is a big boy. I wonder if he played basketball?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s possible, but we’ll never find out for sure. Announcers are never very forthcoming with that kind of information.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Well he’s big and black, Joe. Better to assume basketball than porn.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Father please take this Kupp from me…” – prayer of a Denver cornerback

Doktor Zymm

I dig Bikkie’s presser blazer

Doktor Zymm

I don’t dig that the airport bar is showing the post Bears presser instead of live footie

Spur

They killed Kupp!

King Hippo

you bastards!!

This kinda a meh slate of 4PM games

A veritable Flacco of late afternoon scheduling.

Spur

You will watch the Cowboys play and like it.

rockingdog

shit. Cupp is out….

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Don’t worry there’s one left but the girls have to share it

Doktor Zymm

Ewwww

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh that was the one that broke Zymm. Not the Darren Sharper, the Penn State, or the OJ jokes, but the poop joke!

It’s right around the corner from dick jokes!

Doktor Zymm

I just remember watching the first five seconds of that, thinking ‘ I know where this is going’ , shutting it off and feeling super smart, lol

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I watched it twice, and then watched one guy one jar. Don’t recommend.

Gratliff

That’s the broken glass in the asshole one, right?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You’re my spirit animal, sir

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ahmad Breshad Perriman X

Gratliff

Conservatives: “These anthem protests are unconscionable and need to stop.”
Also, Conservatives:comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Agreed! Stop abortion! By providing free and easily accessible birth control for all!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Nice warm-up pants, kooky

herodotus450

Didn’t know the Cowbois were playing the Jags this week.

herodotus450

Oh shit, they actually are!

Gratliff

Apparently Nathan Peterman is using his love for Jesus as his excuse for being bad at football. Bold strategy, cotton.

King Hippo

based on the David Cross routine, I used “Jesus Made Me Fumble” one year in FF

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

The Tebow Method I presume?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be fair, Jesus would have been a TERRIBLE football player.

Gratliff

Just awful hands

King Hippo

Garret Bolles holds pretty much every pass play

King Hippo

not Bolles that time, PROGRESS!

Gratliff

Apparently the awful Orange team uniforms earlier belonged to the Bears, but I was in too much of a hurry to make jokez that all my references to the suplex were Donks-centric and so I’m the only one who got them. I’m okay with it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I saw the bodyslam gif earlier and thought it was the Texans.

The Maestro

I’m awake! I have no idea what’s going on! So it’s basically like literally every single other moment in my life.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This made me giggle.

LemonJello

There’s been a coup, and Tom Brady has been elected Lord High Executioner of the Belichick League of Independent States.

Can someone remind me why Dallas has all these national games?

The steady stream of hookers & blow sent to NFL HQ by Ol’DubbleJ?

It could be worse; here in TX we get every single game.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So I can wear my Moose Johnston mask when I go to the bar!

King Hippo

we touch ourselves at night

King Hippo

Donks’ run D is such a sad, sad thing

Gratliff

Wow. The Clots are fucking 1-5. Gonna be so many massive coronaries this season.

LemonJello

More than usual in the land of gravy and well…more gravy?

The Maestro

The Crisco sammich!

King Hippo

someone tell DAK! he no have to dribble smh

Gratliff

Dak Prescott: Respecter of flags AND travelling rules.

entropy

It was a hell of an overthrow, but was it truly elite?

rockingdog

afternoon funny:
comment image

LemonJello

Crabtree is still in the League? Who knew?

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s early yet, but it appears that Ass-Jaguars boarded the charter to Dallas.

LemonJello

Seems they shot their wad beating the P*triots and no one told them it wasn’t in the Superb Owl.

King Hippo

you sure showed Two of the Good Ones, Manny! -4 points!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Bears seem to be getting into the Raiders’ tanking spirit with their BE SHITTY OUT OF PITY philosophy.

rockingdog

oh god!

LemonJello

“I can’t understand a single word this mick is saying! YEEEHAAAWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”
– Ol’DubbleJ

Is it just me or does it seem as though the majority of teams this season are Jekyll or Hyde teams?

King Hippo

vastly so

theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet the Bearistocrats wish they’d listened to my playcall now.

King Hippo

bad penno if he’s down at the 1 after review

King Hippo

he WAS touched on the way down (I think)

Gratliff

Pleased to announce the bears are still bad

Doktor Zymm

But no tie!

Doktor Zymm

Aw

LemonJello

Oooohhh, now I get my USDA approved serving of wintergreen ice-milk! IS FLACCO ELITE?

Doktor Zymm

THiS BEARS GAME I CALL IT A FATHER’S DAY GIFT BECAUSE IT’S PROBABLY A TIE

Tannyhill

I’m beginning to think the Ol’ Rog is a sleeper agent sent by the NBA to undermine the NFL.

Spur

What wouldn’t Roger do for a dollar?

King Hippo

Take a knee, LOLfins

entropy

Oh, for fuck’s sake, Chicago.

King Hippo

WE WANT A DRAW! WE WANT A DRAW!!!

King Hippo

Even RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! is boning me this week.

Col. Duke LaCross

This game has been stupid.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo, before you have a heart attack, bet on the Pats. Always bet the narrative.

King Hippo

NOPE. Already have $50 on Chefs ML. Andy has broken through with Mahomes-y. Fuck it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ok, just don’t have a coronary when the Pats get all the calls.

LemonJello

“THAT’S NAWT TREW, OWAH TEAHM IS JUST FACKIN BETTAH THAN YOUAH TEAM. NO ONE DENIES THIS!”

Dolphins look like they just had a bad encounter with Japanese fishermen.

King Hippo

HAI Lordship!! Your weird team is weird.

King Hippo

As I told you Bearistocrats! – The Prophecy was just testing you.

also, LOLfins!!

rockingdog

alright RAMMMM ITTTT…
comment image

King Hippo

THEY REMOVED ALL GLORIOUS PRE-GAME SNOW BOO

Doktor Zymm

Visiting Chicago is so much better than living here. Since no one wants to buy my condo, I should just hold on to it and visit on football weekends

ballsofsteelandfury

The more things change, the more they stay the same. The Bengals won’t beat the Steelers in a “statement” game until Marvin leaves.

King Hippo

BULLSHIT. YOU FUCKERS GOT P*TS LEVEL TREATMENT FROM THE SHIELD TODAY. CINCY BEAT YINZ FAIR AND SQUARE.

Doktor Zymm

Who did Pitt bribe? The Chefs game was the same with the exception that they overcame the shitty officiating

King Hippo

Western PA came through for Herr Fuhrer??

ballsofsteelandfury

Just because you bet on the wrong team. You should know better than to bet against the narrative.

Why do you think I don’t watch anymore?

King Hippo

It is still our Commentist duty to STAY AND FIGHT and call this shit out, not cut and run.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve got better things to do. There were a shitload of hot chicks with nice asses at the gym today. That’s a MUCH better way to spend a Sunday morning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go on….

LemonJello

All right, Jaguras, don’t fuck this up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyXhe32dw5s

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