We’ve already identified all the hardcore fellas that made it thru yesterday relatively unscathed. Here we go again. Also, there’s always a wee bit of fallout after dem games is played. Here be some.
The Amari Cooper Sweepstakes were won by the Cowboys! You can drop Michael Gallup now.
Bortles still has his job. [Kessler lies in wait…]
Marshawn has been sent to the I.R. so he can think about the things he’s done.
Dirk Anderson will start again for the Bills because there are no options in Buffalo.
Patrick Mahomes is a god and we will tire of him soon.
TO THE GAME!
Stupid Giants/Falcons:
No, yer bitter! The birds are 2-4 and still thinking about rescuing their season despite their Chiefs-like defense. The Jizziants are 1-oblivion. They’re shuffling their alphabet soup of an offensive line so that it now spells “fingers crossed” instead of “look out Eli”. Speaking of the younger Manning lad, he’s the one most responsible for an eventual Kyle Lauletta sighting. Sooo… GO KYLE! There’s a battle brewing between Ito Smith and Tevin Coleman in the Atlanta backfield. Ya see, the former is in the last year of his rook deal and indications are that management is going to let him go. The logic being that if he returns someday the love was real. If he doesn’t return to the Falcons uni, it was never meant to be. This is called ‘managing by using advice on inspirational posters in a 13 year old girls bedroom’. Hey, Mr. Moore! Funny seeing you here.
Get at it folks.
Game over
The only winning move is not to play?
I wonder if the Cowboys could get the Giants’ 1st pick for Amari Cooper?
The remake of ‘Miller’s Crossing’ looks like shit.
Booger’s got a great seat.
In the back of the bus, natch.
Booger Parks?
Australian Toonces?
Having a koala drive you around seems like the 14th-most dangerous thing you could do in Australia.
They had two more deaths; it’s up to 13th.
Drop Dead Fred!
Booger does know he is at a football game right?
Booger isn’t sure if he’s in the Milky Way Galaxy.
he’s aware what the street value of this mountain is, though!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWkT0g3FrOk
eeeets a nice not to kick from zee second base?
I got kicked going for second base once.
He must have thought that was a smart pill he ate; turns out it was just goat turd.
Um…I’m sure there’s a story behind the horns on the bed.
Welcome to Mercedes-Benz Stadium, which of course is German for “Robot Anus”.
It’s good to see Megatron’s Butthole is fully operational now.
Jason Witten’s analysis has ruined more childhoods than Rae Carruth.
Should’ve swallowed it then…
/That’s an egg, right?
Well, it’s looking for an egg.
Rae can’t even ruin one. SMDH.
No shit. He’s killed fewer fetuses than last year’s prom court.
Cirque du Soleil has changed, man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuCcJfiIzbc&ab_channel=SoKawaiiDesuSenpai
Howdy.
I found Waldo!
Snyder should change the name to the Vultures. It works in the fight song, and would entertain me. Those are my only two criteria for possible new names
Plus, the Proud Boys already refer to Snyder’s ilk as “vultures” so, synergy!
Well they’d have to go with (((Vultures))) to complete synergy
Both of you grab a beer and take the rest of the night off.
So many logo options :
Is where one where a vulture is stealing a wallet?
Or perhaps a drunk unemployed vulture?
Indian Vulture seems obvious to placate the base.
There is the hooded vulture and the white headed vulture, considering most of their fanbase maybe they should combine them to form the white hooded vulture.
watch NYG win this challenge, and it be ATL ball on the 10
That’s a fumble, but I wouldn’t overrule the call because the guy who caused it is apparently named “Jackrabbit Jones”
Wasn’t he in “Song of the South”?
one of the happy field workers!
I bet this game will be more interesting if I open up one of my unlabeled Sour Opals
Gotta love beer with champagne corks!
I’ve never heard of that from Firestone Walker.
Satan-Witch and Rapey Cousin?
Angry Little Shits works for me.
Pence and Mother
Nice.
Hansel & Gretel?
Handsel and Gretel, judging by that positioning.
Actually, I think it commemorates the Taylor Swift ass-grabbing scandal.
I bet it’d be epic if you opened two!
At the same time? Hmmm…..I like where you’re going with this
If they are unlabeled, how can you be sure it’s not Lemon Pledge?
Smells so pretty.
The Falcons have a guy named Ortiz? Shit, that caravan got here QUICK.
Fiona Apple – a bad, bad girl yet again
Did she release another album with a title longer than the Gettysburg Address?
“When the something….” just shut the fuck up and writhe around in filth you anorexic hussy.
Jesus, and here I thought my wedding vows were original…
SHUT UP WITTEN YOU FUCKING YES MAN!
Like Witten is ever not going to like a pass to a TE on the goal line.
Saquon is no match for SEC speed – Paul Finebaum
“SEC speed? How do I score some?”
-T. Marinovich
“It glows up you face”? What is it made from, radium?
Radium makes great face slicker.
Is it ok to enjoy the Van Damme Tostitos commercial? Because I kind of enjoy it.
You’re getting Van Dammed!
Do you enjoy it enough to purchase Tostitos when you would not otherwise?
I did not. The commercial would have no effect on what unhealthy foods I stuff in my piehole.
Then enjoy away and continue not buying in to Big Chip!
Big Chip probably drives a Fiero.
I sentence you to three David Hasselhoff music videos.
Do you think Pey-Pey gave Eli some tips about “medicine” that Eli’s “wife” could “take” that would prolong Eli’s career?
No, he just told the nanny to put it in his juice box.
no way, Eli is scared of needles
Not a fan of pills, either. Unless they’re chewable.
Did you guys know Peyton and Eli are brothers?? Their father is Archie and they are all qb’s!
I hope Lil Yachty meets the same fate as the Mary Celeste.
how did you include the link in the text?
The link is on the bar that pops up when you post a comment.
Her pizza is mediocre at best.
Drinking one of these, courtesy of BFC and the good folks at UPS, who, from the looks of the package, delivered the box from LA to CT by kicking it.
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The beer is fucking delicious.
I’m sure it’s great, but based on the color, did you mix it with Sunny D?
it wud b garish 2 use the purple stuff
It’s a lot darker in real life; I think this photographer must have back-lit it.
That’s also Sammy Sosa’s excuse.
yellow?
More of a taup. Taupe?
Fuck it, beige.
so, the only defensing unit all season to shut down Saquon is…fucking Atlanta??
Eli tipped them off.
I have nae unmuted the teevee box at halftime once all season. Just listened to the dryer tumble.
Helloooooo LADIES.
Come for the gold chain; cum for the paneling.
Is Lil Yacthy like a modern day ? and the Mysterians?
Except I need 96 beers to listen to him.
I don’t think Witten knows what to do with his hands on camera.
When the cover tune for the auto commercial is worlds better than the autotune schlock ESPN trotted out for the kids.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt4Xx3vX3Lg
“He’s like Lil Wayne but he’s a boat!”
My son just had to show me on the innerwebs that Lil Yachty is an actual thing and that ESPN wasn’t just punking us.
I mean, Jesus fuck that was terrible.
Lil Yachty’s not the midget from Fantasy Island?
You beautiful flower.
Yea I muted the game. gonna do some reading….
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/10/29/mahmoud-ahmadinejad-vs-mike-francesa
Oh good. Autotune.
The only good Autotune songs are:
1) “Believe” by Cher
2) “I’m On A Boat” By Lonely Island and T-Pain
And those are only good because
1) Cheese factor
2) Humor/cursing
Also, I am
1) Old
2) White
SO. MUCH. POTATO.
Christ, we’ll never get rid of the Irish now.
Do I get two handshakes if I’m a senior and a veteran?
Also, Happy 1/2 Hour?!? Cheap bastard.
Yeah, but you ain’t gonna remember either of ’em.
The whisky list at this place must be fan-fucking-tastic!
It’s a fantasy; you can fuck this potato if you like.
*Let it cool down first, eeediot.
you overshot the “good” number by 2
Yeah but what about almost every song ever made after 2005, since they all use Autotune (probably)?
Yeah, after Semisonic broke up, music basically ended.
Hey they didn’t break up they just moved to Oklahoma City.
Los Dodgers is the team to root for right?
Si.
Team Meteor all the way!
smh whdat are they Dodging exactly?!?
Trolleys. Because it’s still 1908 and The Bowery is dangerous.
Civil war draft
Oh god yes. Boston fans with a WS win and 108 regular season wins would create a cloud of smug harsh enough to wipe out the East Coast.
Which wouldn’t b so bad, except I live there.
I’m in the city. I’ll suffocate
What can Machado expect from the Boston fans?
Racisim.
suzy kolber!!!!! were not worthy!!!
I think one of the funniest things I ever saw on KSK was when Suzy had a baby and the tag line was “The Family Is Registered At The Local Subaru Dealership”
IT’S-A ME with IT’S-A THREE!
Hey, it’s a That’s My Raiders alum!
mama mia!!
Is there anything greasy wops can’t do?
(excepting third grade completion natch)
Welp, the young millenial on our team got his ears pinned back today. And he insisted he was right. And even though the boss raised his voice, the kid just didn’t get it. Cripes.
So the kid mentions it to me today, looking for some to commiserate with. “You were told what to do, so that means you have to do it.”
Blank stare and shrug of shoulders.
In a way, I feel bad for the kid because I’ve had a ton of bosses that make stupid decisions and you are forced to follow them. It would be great to tell the boss he or she is wrong, but that’s always career suicide.
The kid will probably have to learn the hard way.
IT’S RAINING FLAGS
Cigarettes?
Oh, FLAGS.
If you want to hear what a cunt would sound like if it could talk, stay tuned for the Machado interview.
Braided and Hispanic?
Those are usually cheaper.
GO SAWX!
I am just gonna pretend you said Meteor, and that you found some oxy somewhere.
And that’s what happened when Neil Armstrong accidentally let a slur slip to mission control.
https://youtu.be/ekwnp5L8shM?t=84
Sharkbait in DFO league if you go 0-12-1 that will be amazing. Maestro got in the win column with a win over the fantasy Orioles. That tie is unreal.
That tie is more impressive than going 0-13
Without question.
There was a time (I am OLD and started playing in like 1998 or 99) when most scoring templates* only went to whole numbers, or at most, one decimal place. One had draws aplenty then. But at two decimal places? That’s special, more than a Scorigami, even.
*actually, we were lucky to have a CPA wizard in our league, as our scoring was quite funky and it still had to be scored largely BY HAND for the first several seasons I participated.
I think the Insanity League of Days Past had a tie, which is more improbable than an intelligent thought coming out of those Clowns in Congerss
Lil Yachty sounds like some WASPy asshole who bought studio time
My sons played one of his songs in the car, I had a medium sized aneurysm and shit my pants.
rap that isn’t old school and either remarkably violent or black power-centric can just eat shit and die
Amari Cooper for a 1st round pick is…well, it’s something, that’s what it is.
Now Cowboys losses will give me even *more* joy!
I will greet them with even more apathy!
Witten says you won the trade.
[infinite wanking motion]
Witten says a lot of dumb shit these days.
he’s no Roy Williams
Unfortunately he’s no Amari Cooper anymore, either.
“Coach, are we getting special treats at half time?”
Orange slices
SUCH POCKET AWARENESS!
HE’S SUCH A FUCKING PLUG!
The only pocket awareness Eli has ever displayed is remembering not to leave his slingshot in there before he tosses his pants in the laundry.
Bad MNF is a good night to wash one’s sheets. Gives one a side job, plus good time to wash away the weekend alcoholic flop sweat.
I sweat like a hooker in church when I pass out.
even when it’s cold. I don’t recall doing this when young, but then again, so much of the digestive and endocrine systems have changed radically. It’s nigh a metmorphosis
Again, Odell is a fucking dick. Plain and simple. If you shaved his head, he’s still a dick. Pay him money he’s still a dick. Stop sucking his dick, you dicks.
Other than that?