I’m in Florida this week visiting a friend. And aside from the reason I’m here, which is the aforementioned friend, which admittedly has been very nice and a lot fun…
Well, that part aside…
Simply stated, Florida is a shithole.
I DROVE 12 HOURS FOR THIS????
Full disclosure, I hadn’t been in the State of Florida since New Year’s Day, 1994. That was for a bowl game in Tampa between my NC State Wolfpack and the Michigan Wolverines. And they beat the living hell out of us that day. So maybe I’m a little biased?
But I digress…
Now when I left North Carolina very early last Sunday morning to begin my drive down here, it was 28 degrees. No shit. I was freezing my wrinkled white ass off. It’s not supposed to be that cold this soon in North Carolina. That’s January and February type stuff.
So I thought… anything is better than this. Can’t wait to get to some warmth and sunshine.
When I arrived here in the late afternoon/early evening last Sunday and stepped out of Dave to head into the hotel to check in, I was sweating my ass off before I even got to the front desk.
Some of you will recall that I don’t mind heat, but I hate humidity. And I don’t mind perspiring if there’s a reason for it. Sports/exercise, yard work, general exertion (yes that in fact IS a euphemism), etc. But if I can’t walk the 50 yards from Dave to the front desk without breaking out in a sweat? That’s bullshit.
I waited all summer for the humidity in North Carolina to break. Then what did I do? I drove 12 hours just to get right back into it. I might be mentally challenged. The jury is still out. Well, they’re trying to convince the last guy. It’s currently 11-1 in favor.
But the reasons for the trip are valid. My friend and I are having a very nice time, even if we are giggling like teenagers most of the time. Tonight we’re going to an outdoor blues festival. It should be fun and I’m looking forward to it.
That being said, I’m going to maybe wear a bandana and bring an extra towel to mop up my copious sweat.
Hmmmm….that’s an appetizing thought, huh?
–
Sports To Make You Sweat 2Nite
NHL
- Kings @ Blackhawks – 8:30pmEST – TV: NHLN
NBA
- Raptors @ Celtics – 7:00pmEST – TV: ESPN
- Bulls @ Bucks – 9:30pmEST – TV: ESPN
NCAA Hoops
- Binghamton @ Northwestern – 7:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
- Hofstra @ Maryland – 7:00pmEST – TV: B1GN
- Georgetown @ Loyola Marymount – 7:00pmEST – TV: CBSSN
- Long Beach St. @ (17)Mississippi State – 9:00pmEST – TV: SECN
- Little Rock @ (6)Nevada – 11:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
NCAA Footy
- Boise State @ New Mexico (+20.5, +925) – 9:00pmEST – TV: CBSSN (don’t touch this one either way ATS, but Lobo’s ML might have value for $50, but probably not)
- Memphis @ SMU (+9, +350) – 9:00pmEST – TV: ESPN2 (I’m putting a Benjamin on SMU +9 at home; and might put another down on the ML +350, haven’t decided)
But if you follow my betting advice, you’re dumber than I am.
–
Tonight’s Theme
One thing Florida does have is beaches. So it’s not all terrible. So in honor of that, I’m going back to one of my old standbys.
It’s Beaches and Bikinis tonight part….ummmm….well shit, I don’t remember how many times I’ve done this one. Pretty much every time I’ve gone to the beach in NC, or every time I’ve visited California. That’s a lot I guess. Hmmmmm….I’m not in the mood to do math tonight.
So let’s just round down and call it….
Beaches and Bikinis Part VII (I think that might actually be correct, but I’m ballparking here).
Enjoy….
Oooof. That’s almost enough to make it actually worth the heat and humidity.
Almost.
–
I’ve Gotta Run Now
No, like seriously. They’ve REALLY got alligators here!!!! I’ve kept my shoes on the whole time just in case I gotta outrun one.
So far it hasn’t happened, but I’m staying ready. Those bastards are sneaky.
OK, maybe “sneaky” is the wrong word. But they’re bold and will eat you if you let ’em. Fuck that.
tWBS is ready to run at a moment’s notice, no shit.
(also that guy above would make a nice full set of luggage and at least two pairs of shoes)
They got bears too!!!!!
Awwww, but look how cute they are. Let’s go pet ’em and see if…
OWWWWW…MY TIBIA!!!!!!
–
OK folks, that’s all I got this week.
If I don’t get eaten by some sort of wildlife before I leave Florida, I’ll see ya next week.
Love ya’s.
(and they never heard from tWBS again)
–
” I hate humidity”
You’re crazy. Humidity is the best as it takes a lot less work to ensure your skin isn’t as dry and wrinkley as that alligator walking across the street gif.
Mrs. Claus was HOT in the 70s.
Back when Mrs. Claus was an intern
Handkini? Birdkini?
Torgo thinks you’re giving The Master advice.
That’s a deep cut.
Score one for the farmer’s wife
More like score one for that farmer
https://www.navytimes.com/news/your-navy/2018/11/15/a-jekyll-and-hyde-portrait-emerges-of-the-seal-accused-of-murdering-an-islamic-state-prisoner/
I will never understand how the people that got us into Iraq and Afghanistan have not been hung from light posts.
We will never get out of this mess. So many fucking wasted lives.
Sweet Jesus fuck this is what Ken Shamrock looks like these days
You sure that isn’t steroid and meth addled George Brett?
He was always a guy that looked like he would be great in a fight…and usually it utterly sucked.
I love the people that rant about how good UFC used to be before weight classes and whatnot.
I suspect they never actually watched those fights because they usually fucking sucked.
Btw, scrolling down to the comments on sexy Friday can be a challenge in public
A wonut, wownut, or waffle-donut is a hybrid food made from a combination of the cooking techniques and inputs of a waffle and a doughnut . A mixture of the waffle batter and the doughnut dough are first poured into a waffle iron , then deep fried and finally decorated, with toppings similar to doughnuts.
Terribly not sorry.
Randomly tune in to some indie wrestling and this is what’s currently airing:
Turns out hte banana is also a flask
There’s always money in the banana flask
I was thinking about getting the WWE streaming service. Not for WWE shit…not even for the WCW library…but for the Smokey Mountain Wrestling library.
Jim Cornette at his crazy best. Fucking podunk independent, stupid wrestling. God I love SMW wrestling. Its all the stupidity of ECW, without the brutal chair shots.
God the heat that New Jack and Mustafa would get.
With that good audio quality like I’m still watching it on public access via antenna like when I was 14
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF4YL_Kqg5M
gooddddddddddddamn
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
I can’t embed the damn thing either. But JESUS!
Related to BFC:
My brother lives in San Francisco, and sent me a photo of him, along with many others, wearing painter’s masks to breathe. I asked him when he moved to Shanghai, and why he didn’t tell me about it.
Your brother is related to me!? We’re family!
/bourbles
WOOOOO! Playin’ The Feud in the Ice Cowboys barn tonight!
Evening. Less than 12 hours of being in Sacramento and I can feel it in my throat, lungs, and eyes. I don’t know how people are dealing with this.
Related, if anyone needs a lift from LAX tonight, lmk
I’m surprised the smoke is going to the west. If anything it should be flowing to the east with the weather patterns.
It’s a hellscape
I imagine. That’s what happens when you combine a near-desert like climate and Global Warming.
What? I can be a Conservative and believe in Global Warming. I’m not stupid; I can see the facts. I’m not saying we should swap out the cars for horses and go back to the 19th Century, but we can at least work for the future. If anything we need to invest in clean air so we can be the global leader in it for the good of the world. Also for profit. Like it said, I’m a Conservative.
Damn right. Now just convince a dozen or so GOP senators and we can do something about it.
And now the latest installment of Redshirt’s Adventures at Work:
Professional Email Forwarder: “This stuff is now old and useless. Can you please take it out of good inventory?”
Me: “No problem. My Replacement can label it as “Bad Shit”? Its no rush since we won’t use it, so as long as its done by…”
Professional Email Forwarder: “HE DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO DO IT! HE’S BUSY WITH HIS NEW JOB! WHY DON’T YOU DO IT?!”
Me: “Okay, you went to 11 rather fast. I don’t do it because its not my responsibility. Its his now. I did it when I was in his role before I was promoted.”
Professional Email Forwarder: “Well, I don’t understand why its done this way.”
Me: “Of course not. You’ve been here 6 months. But with the 5 years in my previous role and the 7 total years here, plus seeing my predecessor and the two before them, and seeing the process work flawlessly, I think I know what I’m talking about.”
(ten minutes later)
Me: Hey, My Replacement. You don’t have a problem labeling the “Bad Shit”, right?”
My Replacement: “No problem. I’ll do it next week!”
Les Miles is about to become Kansas’ head coach. Guess the grass is tasty in Lawrence.
*plucks Kansas grass*
chewchewchew
*Pitooey!*
“GIT OFF MY LAWN!!!!1!” — 65 year-old Leslie Edwin Miles
“Moo”?
Never forget.
Yeah, I jumped too.
Get some pretzels too, ok?
The unmistakable look of a guy who just came in his pants.
We may disagree on several things, Moose. But at least we are united behind the fact that Carla Gugino is flawless hot.
That reminds me: There’s a conference one of our major system vendors is holding this February in St. Petersburg. My current plan is spending February in the asshole of ice and misery that is Michigan. I feel like I should manipulate my position to get some of that sweet, sweet
warmthprofessional development. The problem is that I’ve already proclaimed loudly how much bullshit the local conferences are so the odds of it being taken seriously about needing to attend the national one are practically nil.DOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT!
That’s a damn nice jacket.
I think they are just roommates.
Plain Old Fashioned is the best donut.
“Donut” is superior spelling to “doughnut.”
No, but yes.
Perhaps.
What’s a wonut?
Well, most of them anyway
Reminds me of 1968, when that one guy had a pretty lousy Tet Offensive holiday.
The fireworks were great tho.
Happy fucking Friday bastards and bastardettes.
Whenever you see old B&W movies from the 20s and 30s that are shot at crazy-big amusement park rides they were all shot at the old Venice Pier that burned down decades ago. Huge wooden slides, revolving drums, big indoor swimming polls with dives; they knew how to make stuff back then.
This footage has me convinced that Hank Azaria is a time traveler.
OK, that cracked me up, I would have never made the connection.
My parents lived in the Keys for about 5 years in the 90s. I went and visited once. Meh.
Yeah, I went to Key West for a conference. I didn’t find there to be anything remotely memorable about the place.
Get?
I went to Miami once. Not quite my scene.
I watched Miami Vice a couple of times. Same.
Also did metric shittonne of coke in the middle 80s, which maybe came through Miscami.
Bare tits and thongs on South Beach aren’t your scene? Bruv, my sympathies.
I had heard only the German tourist go free-tit and even though it is against the city ordinances they let them do it because tourists leave money.
*this could be old and/or inaccurate information.
b. Breast: A portion of the human female mammary gland (commonly referred to as the
female breast) including the nipple and the areola (the darker colored area of the breast
surrounding the nipple) and an outside area of such gland wherein such outside area is
(i) reasonably compact and contiguous to the areola and (ii) contains at least the nipple
and the areola and 1/4 of the outside surface area of such gland.
c. Buttocks: (For a short general description see the last sentence of this subsection.)
The area at the rear of the human body (sometimes referred to as the glutaeus
maximus) which lies between two imaginary straight lines running parallel to the ground
when a person is standing, the first or top such line being 1/2 inch below the top of the
vertical cleavage of the nates (i.e., the prominence formed by the muscles running from
the back of the hip to the back of the leg) and the second or bottom such line being 1/2
inch above the lowest point of the curvature of the fleshy protuberance (sometimes
referred to as the gluteal fold), and between two imaginary straight lines, one on each
side of the body (the “outside lines”), which outside lines are perpendicular to the
ground and to the horizontal lines described above and which perpendicular outside
lines pass through the outermost point(s) at which each nate meets the outer side of
each leg. Notwithstanding the above, Buttocks shall not include the leg, the hamstring
muscle below the gluteal fold, the tensor fasciae lathe muscle or any of the
above-described portion of the human body that is between either (i) the left inside
perpendicular line and the left outside perpendicular line or (ii) the right inside
perpendicular line and the right outside perpendicular line. For the purpose of the
previous sentence the left inside perpendicular line shall be an imaginary straight line on
the left side of the anus (i) that is perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines
described above and (ii) that is 1/3 of the distance from the anus to the left outside line,
and the right inside perpendicular line shall be an imaginary straight line on the right
side of the anus (i) that is perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines
described above and (ii) that is 1/3 of the distance from the anus to the right outside line. (The above description can generally be described as covering 1/3 of the buttocks
centered over the cleavage for the length of the cleavage.)
Make sure you know where your anus is.
http://www.naco.org/sites/default/files/documents/ae009.pdf
The last time I was there, a group of four Italian broads was letting them tots out along with some Asiatic ones. Hell, even my ‘merican special lady was doing it. No one is writing tickets so if you’ve accepted your fate as a creepy man, you owe it to yourself to ogle. If you don’t, why did so many die face down in the Vietnamese mud?
The above ordinance basically says it’s okay if you are not getting paid for it without proper licensing.
This is untrue. Prime young lady titties are on display.
> See other comments
It was true at one time. You also need an update:
http://empirenews.net/state-of-florida-passes-law-which-makes-nudity-legal-at-all-public-beaches/
I’ve been to Florida a couple of times with work. Florida reminds me a lot of California where the cities are filled with crazy and/or rich people and the surrounding area is filled with crazy and/or poor people. Like a crazy stark divide.
I was doing a job down there and Disney contacted me. They wanted an interview for a job as an engineer to basically be on call 24/7 for PLC and drive work. I figured fuck it…check it out. Its kind of every kid’s dream to be a roller coaster designer/mechanic.
Holy shit Disney is crazy. Like I would have to cover up all my tats (I was expecting that), but also no facial hair and the hair on your head has to match a certain style. On top of this, the guest can never see you eat or even talk. You have to travel through tunnels and shit. With my role, if I was caught being viewed by customers, I would face potential punishment.
And I didn’t really have a problem with this because at the end of the day, its honestly for the kids. Disney is trying to create this fake reality where the kids are basically almost in a movie. They don’t need to see the asshole engineer cussing or the Mickey guy with the head off, smoking a cigarette.
That is until they made their offer and I just started laughing…oh lord did I laugh. I don’t remember exactly what the offer was, but it was significantly less than my base pay without travel or overtime.
Oh and I am getting drunk. I don’t care that I am still sick. I am getting drunk and smoking a couple of cigs.
And I am rewatching on youtube UMBC being Virginia in the NCAA torney…
I can think of far worse ways to spend your time than watching youtube videos of adorable Retrievers.
So essentially a Morlock?
Oh my God this is perfect.
When I met Zymm, she was breaking down the salary issues with working for a pro sports team. I’m sure Disney is the same way in that they want/get people who’ll take a cut to “be a part of the magic.”
Which makes the fact that these NFL teams aren’t getting real talent working their operations even more frustrating, as it relates to the on-field product.
5 team Lesser Footy Parlay!!
City (-385) @ West Ham
Everton (-222) vs Cardiff City
Manure (-238) vs Crystal Palace
Liverpool (-192) @ Watford
Leicester City (+153) @ Brighton
$3 gets me $26.95
Where’d I FUCK UP, commentariat?
As always, Everton.
Cardiff and Neil Warnock can die in a horrible sheep disaster.
A) You can’t outrun an alligator, not if it feels like catching you.
B) I haven’t been in Florida since 1981, when I went to school in Orlando. It was a hick town surrounded by scrubland, with redneck bars and strip joints everywhere (including one that was shaped like two pink domes with nipples on top). The airport terminal was a single small brick building. Orlando would be massively developed shortly thereafter. Wait, I was in Florida again briefly in 1984, in Miami, which was the strangest place I’ve ever been. We sat at a red light in an urban intersection with high-rise condos for what seemed like an hour. It was high-noon under a tropical sun and everything was bleached and I was blinded; there was not a another soul in sight. Until I realized that at each corner there was standing an extremely old person who had just blended into the scenery. I mean like a hundred years old old. Then we went to a still shitty South Beach and saw all the decrepit Art Deco motels from Scarface that would be all restored shortly thereafter. Wait, I drove through the panhandle on a cross-country trip in 1999 and spent the night in Tallahassee, but I don’t remember much.
C) There was a third point but I don’t remember it.
Ah yes, my third point. Go to a strip club in Florida and at least half the strippers are Canadian.
Coke, eh?
http://www.miamibeach411.com/news/scarface
You were there at the “right time”!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba_EFdkRy8c
Well I run through the kitchen looked in the paper
Said, “Oh God almighty, Mama, there it says a gator,” come on, come on
Every other day I got a gator on my lawn
Well you dropped your groceries in the kitchen sink
Went to work and made the bathroom stink, come on, come on
Every other day I got a gator on my lawn
Get with it Mike!
Well I jumped out of bed run across the street
Asked my neighbor said, “where’s my meat?
I had a red raw steak can’t find it anywhere”
He looked at me and said, “what the hell do I care? ” come on
Every other day I got a gator on my lawn